Blindsided Series Full Listing

From January 30, 2020 through August 2, 2021, Crystal wrote a series of blogs titled Blindsided, where she shared about her experiences at the Antioch Baptist Church in Knoxville, Tennessee. Andrew Ray was, and still is, the pastor and Douglas Stauffer was his assistant. Since her time at Antioch Baptist Church, Doug Stauffer moved to Florida and became the pastor of Faith Independent Baptist Church in Niceville, Florida.

A total of 60 articles were posted. The series was never completed and no posts were deleted. Crystal had all intentions of completing the series and additional posts were planned, which is why you will see four titles without a link.

Blindsided Series

Part One: Red Flags and Rose-Colored Glasses

Part Two: Calloused Carnality and Hidden Harassment
(Sunday, June 3, 2018- Tuesday, June 5, 2018)

Part Three: Navigating the Masks of Deceit
(Wednesday, June 6, 2018- Sunday, June 17, 2018)

Part Four: Discerning a Diotrephes: Douglas Stauffer

Part Five: When Closet Skeletons Speak

Part Seven: Rising Up from the Ashes

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Narnia is evil. Because scripture. | What one Christian fundamentalist preacher said about C.S. Lewis

Editorial Note: The following is reprinted with permission from Eleanor Skelton’s blog. It was originally published on March 16, 2016. 

So last summer, I read this book that one of my friends let me borrow called Cameras in Narnia: How the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe Came to Life.

The author gives an inside perspective since he was on set for almost the entire filming process, and I enjoy reading about how movies are made.

I learned that work on the movie started in 2002, and the director used pre-visualization to plan shoots, especially scenes like battle sequences. The White Witch’s ice castle was constructed of Styrofoam, and the wardrobe was specifically carved for the set.

Andrew Adamson, the director, said that learning filmmaking in New Zealand is nearly impossible. They don’t really have degree plans for it. He left in 1991 to pursue filmmaking as a career, but most of the outdoor scenes in the world of Narnia were filmed in his homeland.

While I was reading, I remembered an article written by fundamentalist Christians that I read years ago, condemning the movie’s release.

The film came out in theaters in December 2005, but I didn’t see it until the next spring because my dad was not interested in fantasy and my mom was concerned that the adaptation wouldn’t be faithful to the book.

One of my dad’s older sisters called us and asked my mom if she’d heard of this new series called Narnia because she was worried about my siblings and I reading it. My mom told her that the books were in print back when she was a child, but a new movie had just released.

My aunt mailed us a Southwest Radio Bible Church article called “The Chronicles of Narnia: Christian Entertainment or Indoctrination in Evil?” The piece was published in the January 2006 issue of The Prophetic Observer. 

I also had friends in my fundamentalist church’s youth group around the same time who weren’t allowed to read Narnia.

It’s such a hilarious example of extreme Christian fundamentalism and awful logic that I’m going to break it down into sections and provide commentary. Here’s the full text if you want to read it all at once.

So first off, Dr. Larry Spargimino gives us an info dump on the film’s background.

I think he’s assuming that his audience will be automatically suspicious because Disney is producing the film. Then he starts using other phrases that would make them more concerned: “Many Lewis supporters claim that Aslan is a Christ figure, a deliverer, who sets the captives free.” 

I think we’re supposed to assume that androgynous = automatically evil because he assumes his audience believes in complementarianism and traditional gender roles. Spargimino doesn’t seem to understand that androgyny can be a biological thing.

However, he never actually explains what he’s getting at here. He just moves on and gives another info dump, this time from Lewis’ biography.

Yup, Dr. Larry just cited Wikipedia.

Apparently he doesn’t understand that’s not an acceptable source for your college papers. His other citations so far have all been conservative Christian news websites like World magazine or World Net Daily and then Focus on the Family’s Radio Theater website. WorldNetDaily is known for misinformation and propaganda, according to the Ad Fontes Media Bias ratings.

I’m pretty sure this means Dr. Larry’s only research for this article was a Google search.

I’m guessing that we’re supposed to think Lewis wouldn’t have been friends with Tolkien if he had been a Real Christian™. Dr. Larry doesn’t seem to think Lewis was actually a Christian because he says “he claims to have been converted by the evidence for Christianity.”

Then Dr. Larry says that Lewis wrote a book about demons. We aren’t told why he wrote about demons, just that he wrote about them. Then the article jumps to explaining why incubi are evil. Spargimino gives us another random definition and expects us to form our own conclusions, with little context.

Nevermind that incubi were one of the White Witch’s henchmen. Nevermind that they killed Aslan. Nope, the whole book is bad because incubi are in it.

Here’s where incubi are mentioned in the text:

“A great crowd of people were standing all round the Stone Table and though the moon was shining many of them carried torches which burned with evil-looking red flames and black smoke. But such people! Ogres with monstrous teeth, and wolves, and bull-headed men; spirits of evil trees and poisonous plants; and other creatures whom I won’t describe because if I did the grownups would probably not let you read this book – Cruels and Hags and Incubuses, Wraiths, Horrors, Efreets, Sprites, Orknies, Wooses, and Ettins. In fact here were all those who were on the Witch’s side and whom the Wolf had summoned at her command. And right in the middle, standing by the Table, was the Witch herself.” — The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe, Chapter 14

In context, the incubi make sense. Out of context, the definition given would probably horrify most parents reading this article.

So when Dr. Larry asks if Christians need this kind of “Christian” allegory, his audience is already mentally answering with a resounding no.

Once again, Dr. Larry is citing disreputable sources. Geocities was a free Yahoo webhosting service that shut down in 2009. Geocities was known for being kind of awful.

Now the audience is supposed to be upset that Lewis is explaining truth with mythological characters because “we wonder if the blurring of reality and fantasy is really the way to go.” Why? Because Scripture!

Since fundamentalists believe nothing is missing in Scripture, which according to their theology is supposed to fulfill every human need, then their answer to Spargimino’s question is no.

Therefore, Narnia is not something our children need to read. Furthermore, they could be harmed by reading these books or watching this movie. Therefore, we will not allow our children to read these books.

This is how fundamentalist logic works. It’s sad and it’s incredibly limiting.

The same reasoning used in this article was used to keep us from reading Harry Potter or any other entertainment that Christian fundamentalists think is against the Bible or potentially sinful.

It’s fear tactics.

Dr. Larry Spargimino never actually comes out and explains that this is why Narnia is evil, he just hints and plants doubts in the minds of an already indoctrinated audience. They’ll end up convincing themselves that it’s something to avoid.

If this guy was writing a paper for a college English course, he’d get marked off for not explaining what his quotes and sources mean, for not clarifying what he’s actually trying to say. But since he’s a fundamentalist radio preacher, he can get away with it.

When you encounter conservative Christians bemoaning the release of a new book or movie as the new worst thing ever, look for this type of thinking. It’s very common.

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Unfundamentalist Thoughts: What do Christians mean when they say ‘our joy is not based on this world’?

Editorial Note: The following is reprinted with permission from Eleanor Skelton’s blog. It was originally published on May 18, 2019. 

It only takes a few words to send me back. Certain phrases just set me off.

It can be something simple, so common that most average Christians wouldn’t even notice it. But those words meant something else in the fundamentalist cult I grew up in.

I go to a not-crazy church now because it’s helped me heal and find peace. Last week, I slipped into the service on my lunch break. I work two jobs and Sunday mornings are a time I get to stop and breathe.

The worship pastor was talking between the songs and he said something like “our joy is not based on the things of this world.”

My stomach dropped.

This is probably not what he meant, but this is what I felt. You’re not allowed to enjoy your life. Don’t be happy with the work you’re doing. You shouldn’t be proud of the awards you’ve won for journalism. The only thing that matters is heaven. 

He didn’t say any of those things. If I asked him if he meant that, he probably would have looked at me bewildered.

This is all about context.

A catchphrase that means one thing in fundamentalist and even most evangelical churches doesn’t mean the same thing to mainstream, non-extremist Christian denominations.

Those who have been through spiritual abuse, especially growing up, are not going to hear what you are actually trying to say. I’ve had many conversations with my pastors about this, and they’ve been very understanding about translating for me. I’ll ask them, so this thing you said, did you mean this or something else? If you didn’t mean the legalistic interpretation I’m used to, what did you mean?

Some Bible verses were weaponized and used against me for my whole life. I have to work to reorient myself to their actual meaning. It’s a process of rewiring the connections in my brain, trying to find new associations.

I thought about that phrase again.

I’ve been going to yoga since not long after I was kicked out of my parents’ house. Yoga teachers usually ask you to take your mind off everything you feel like you have to do and just be, just for an hour. Just exist.

They tell you that your worth is not based on what you do, and it’s okay to just breathe. Their wording is different, so it doesn’t usually have a religious connotation for me.

I kept asking myself what a reasonable, healthy person would mean if they said our joy isn’t based on this world. They probably mean that your successes and failures at work or school don’t determine your worth as a person. That you’re more than your productivity. That life is made up of both tragedy and triumph and while it’s okay and necessary to grieve and feel all those emotions, you can reach out to hope beyond the exhaustion.

It would mean encouraging mindfulness, trying to lower stress.

Basically, the idea is don’t let temporary circumstances hinder you or define you. But that’s not what I first thought.

I still don’t like the phrase.

By definition, it plays into the evangelical “not being of this world but of another world” dynamic which brings up a host of other issues because of how it’s often interpreted, but it doesn’t have to mean what I was told as a child—that you couldn’t be an active part of your own life, that you couldn’t be present, you had to dissociate from your thoughts and feelings in your own mind because you were evil from birth, that enjoying ordinary experiences was a sin.

It’s been absolutely essential for me to parse out phrases like this to break free of the chains in my mind and find a deeper healing.

Maybe it will help someone else who is raw and healing too.

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The journey continues: How I’m healing from spiritual abuse

Editorial Note: The following is reprinted with permission from Eleanor Skelton’s blog. It was originally published on April 20, 2018. 

So for those of you who’ve been around me a while know that I came out of a fundamentalist Christian background, and I’ve been working on weeding those things out of my life for several years.

Those old thought patterns were rooted in some people’s unhealthy desires to control other humans, planting fear where freedom belongs.

You also probably know that my journey back into doing church in a healthy way has been sort of like a long backpacking trip—sometimes the terrain was rough and there was a lot of asking myself things like, what do I think is a healthy way to be a person of faith, can I even do church ever again or is this just too painful, and can I trust anyone who identifies as Christian to be who they say they are and to not use faith as a tool to hurt me.

My friends remember me asking “is this normal?” often—sometimes I’m still asking.

I needed to talk to other people during this deconstruction process so that I could finally find the healing I’d been seeking all along.

Many of you were part of that journey.

The thing that drew me back to my childhood church was that they actually believe in community. Their home groups meet to discuss a few chapters of the Bible (not one of those rote, fill-in-the-blank studies that sometimes feel more like indoctrination than growth) and share a meal together, which felt more like what I’ve heard the early church must have been like than anything I’ve ever seen before.

I loved this church’s emphasis on discipleship, which to them means building genuine relationships where you can be authentic even when life is messy and where you don’t have to pretend or worry that you’re not saying the right thing to make sure everyone knows you’re one of the “real Christians.”

Open-ended questions are welcomed here, questions like “so what does this mean for us practically, if we’re actually living out what Jesus said” or just saying “sometimes I have trouble believing that God is good and trusting him since I’ve lived through so much betrayal.”

There are no bizarre, specific rules like how many inches below your collarbone is your neckline allowed to be if you happen to be female.

This is not what most evangelical churches are like, based on my limited but varied experience, living in four different places during my childhood and attending numerous churches of various denominations growing up and with college friends.

So last week, I was in a video that my church made about our discipleship group, and it actually turned out pretty well despite my awkwardness and I wanted to share this with my dear friends who have walked this path with me — some who don’t live here locally.

Maybe one of my biggest hopes (yes I’m aware that it’s overly idealistic) is that American Christianity will become more like this.

It’s been almost six years now since I moved out of my parents’ house, and almost three years since my cats and I moved cross country back to Texas.

I know this was a long post, but thank you for reading and sticking around while I live out my story.


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Still learning to love myself: Through eating disorder recovery

Editorial Note: The following is reprinted with permission from Eleanor Skelton’s blog. It was originally published on March 26, 2022. 

Content note: discussion of eating disorders

One year ago, I’d just started a new job, and the first paycheck wouldn’t come for a whole month. 

I experienced food insecurity and unstable housing both in college and afterwards. The fear of not making it was so loud in my mind, and a little thought said: “Just don’t eat until you get paid.”

In that moment, I thought it made sense. As if I only deserve food if I do enough—if I work hard enough, if I earn enough money to justify allowing myself to eat. 

I now realize this isn’t normal. 

Last year, I was diagnosed with atypical anorexia or OSFED, which is just as serious as regular anorexia, but describes an eating disorder that is difficult to categorize according to diagnostic criteria. 

Because I’m autistic, it’s hard to remember that I have a body that has needs, so I get busy with work or school and sometimes I honestly forget to eat. But other times it’s been intentional. 

I hadn’t been eating enough food on a regular basis for nearly a decade. After a few weeks of trying to live on coffee and little else, I could barely climb stairs. Nerve pain shot down my neck into my arms while driving to work. 

I realized if I didn’t stop, if I didn’t get help, it would eventually kill me. 

Some of you have known me back when I was stuck in other self-sabotaging patterns like self-harm and unhealthy relationships. Eating disorders are quieter, harder to notice. 

Almost nobody sees if you miss a meal.  

Learning how to eat again wasn’t easy. It’s hard to find words for how difficult the first few months were—the stomach pain, bloating and falling asleep from exhaustion after meals because my body was struggling to process food. 

My nutritionist, therapists and care team keep telling me that I deserve food even if nothing else is going right—even if I make mistakes. They tell me that my body still needs fuel consistently to do what I need. 

Most of my friends know that I grew up in high-control communities (read: fundamentalist, Quiverfull, isolationist homeschooling) which left me feeling that I had no choice about what happened in my life and pushed me to wholly identify with a specific religious ideal—to be a living martyr. 

And you had to hate your body. The more you hated yourself, your own flesh, the more spiritual you were. 

Those born female were under intense pressure to be hypermodest, but also don’t commit the sin of gluttony. Enjoying anything too much—even food—was idolatry because what if you started to like it more than God. Dress like a 90s denim toned-down version of your pioneer farmer great-grandmother. Be just attractive enough to court and marry to repopulate the earth by birthing good little mini-Christians, but don’t be too pretty or someone else might sin just by noticing you. 

I was told my flesh was a sin. They told me to “buffet my body” like the Apostle Paul. If only I could suffer enough, hurt enough, finally punish myself enough, maybe I’d become more perfect. 

This was the sanctification I was taught. Starving myself seemed holy. 

Now I know this is a deeply unhealthy form of Christianity, but this is what I experienced. All these years later, I’m still learning what Love should be. 

I’m still learning that I don’t have to seek out painful experiences to become more perfect. I’m unlearning all the ways that I made myself feel less worthy.

And here, I have to give credit to several supportive friends and mentors who always gently remind me of my value. If not for all of you, I would not have survived.

Yes, my recovery comes from the determination I am finding to wake up every day and choose to eat… and live. But I am so grateful for those who remind me when I forget. 

“Coming apart at the seams
And no one around me knows
Who I am, what I’m on
Who I’ve hurt and where they’ve gone
I know that I’ve done some wrong
But I’m trying to make it right…
I know that I love you 
but I’m still learning to love myself.”

– “Still Learning,” Halsey 

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