In the end, Pastor Andrew Ray continued to defend his own actions and Douglas Stauffer’s actions from the previous fall until the present, all the while attempting to control the transfer of information within all parties involved. By the time Pastor Ray attempted to tell us what happened in 2017, I was fed-up with Pastor Ray and Stauffer’s circles of berating us for not knowing information, giving us bits of pieces of information to hold over our heads, attempting to scare or shame us into silence, and then demanding to know any information we received while telling us we should not know anything. I exclaimed to pastor that he and Stauffer were demanding, controlling, and giving information about what happened all at the same time, and that “WE DO NOT WANT TO KNOW!”
**Names marked with an asterisk (*) have been changed for the privacy of individuals and their families**
Where the Rubber Meets the Road
Despite Pastor Ray and Stauffer repetitively asserting that Matt and I made judgments off little to no information, both missed the key element: Stauffer made statements behind the pulpit on three separate occasions in front of an audience of people with purposefully limited information. The last audience, during Bible Conference, was even in front of a group with visitors expected from over thirty different churches! Interestingly enough, it was Pastor Ray and Douglas Stauffer who gave us information before we even had a chance to hear the specific details from several of the other families.
Information about the Martins*
Douglas Stauffer told us in the Tuesday evening meeting about the large sum of money that he lent to the Martins* in their time of need, and well as about Dennis Martin’s* laziness on the job. He willingly shared his own valor while neglecting to say that the Martins* had paid his money back in full and then some. He also neglected to share how he hung over Dennis Martin’s* shoulders while he worked, berating him for hours.
During the Sunday meeting, Pastor Ray informed us, without names, about the Martin’s* oldest son coming over to the pastor’s house, but we felt, based on the information provided by the Martin* family, that Pastor Ray left out vital information about his delay in informing the missing teenager’s parents of his current location. Pastor Ray also neglected to include details of the blatant lies he told the teenage son, which we feel was a means of turning him against his parents. One of the many surprising factors from last fall was discovering that Pastor Ray and his wife, Lula, had encouraged several teenagers, including the Martin’s* oldest son to go into or stay in courtships against their parent’s wishes. But these men were upfront and honest about that too, right?
Information about the Crawfords*
Pastor Ray also informed us of a particular “charismatic teenage girl that was texting”- the Crawford’s* oldest daughter, Meghan Crawford*- that he claimed was particularly destructive in the teen group and in the pastor’s family. Despite never stating her name, Meghan* was one of only a few extroverts in the entire church, and especially the youth group, making it obvious who he was referring to. Pastor neglected to state that the Crawford’s* were the family at the center of the church service in October 2017 that he dedicated to people talking badly about the pastor’s family! Pastor also never admitted that Meghan Crawford’s* greatest “mistake” was a comment in passing to the other teen girls, an innocent, playful analysis about a sweet Christian young lady in her twenties “rocking the cradle” by entering into a courtship with the pastor’s seventeen-year-old son.
Without mentioning names, Pastor provided the context of an unnamed father- Jeremy Crawford*- who marched his oldest son, Emmett* into the pastor’s office and MADE him apologize to the pastor’s daughter Mary*. Pastor neglected to say that Emmett* had merely confided in a friend that he was “withdrawing his heart” away from Mary* for a time because he had seen changes in her, a wise and mature statement beyond his years. Strangely enough, Pastor Ray referenced this statement in the meeting during the church service when he said that people were calling his daughter “ungodly.”
To go a step further, Pastor failed to divulge that he sent the Crawford’s* a disgraceful letter, removing them from the institute they had traveled over 600 miles to join, and threatening to send a letter to the local Bible college that Meghan Crawford* attended, should their family act in any way that Antioch disagreed with. According to Pastor Ray, we “[were not] supposed to know” about that letter. At least those members who left the church almost a year before were able to humbly accept any blame appropriate with their actions.
Private Information about a Teen in a Mental Health Crisis
Finally, Pastor Ray told us about a teenager who was on the verge of suicide that had to be talked down because of everything that had happened last fall. As someone who has struggled with intrusive suicidal thoughts for years, I understood the depth and complexities of those moments, and longed to find a way to show compassion to whoever the teenager was. I wanted to let them know that they were not alone. On the other hand, I could not escape the nagging reminders that this was not only a breach of confidentiality between a pastor and a church member, but that Pastor Andrew Ray, and his wife Lula, were fully aware of my own severe postpartum anxiety and depression and could not have cared less. They knew that being secluded in the mother’s room for breastfeeding exacerbated my symptoms, including the panic attacks and intrusive suicidal thoughts, but they STILL attempted to send several of our friends to shame me out of nursing outside of the mother’s room, even with the massive cover, because they could not legally say anything themselves. There was even a point in the Sunday meeting where I asked if Pastor or Lula had directly gone to individuals in order to ask/send them to talk with me about breastfeeding, and Pastor said that he could not comment.
Further unbeknownst to me on the same Sunday as this meeting with Pastor Ray, another church member we trusted approached Matt once again about my nursing in the service, comparing it to giving everyone in the church “the finger,” among other accusations. Learning of the content of this interaction was yet another blow that finally led to my determination to leave Antioch Baptist Church.
In this series I share my thoughts and opinions concerning these ministers and the events which led to my departure. Click here to continue reading: “Blindsided: One Finger Salute” or click on the link below.
For a list of the complete series, click here.
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