Crystal Old’s Email to Pastor Andrew Ray about Douglas Stauffer’s Harassment and Character

Despite everything that happened over the last few weeks, and despite that we had already determined our days at Antioch Baptist Church were numbered, we still loved our church and we still cared for the people who went there. We desired to see it prosper and we wanted to see it grow, but I firmly believed that Douglas Stauffer was leading it towards its destruction, and I felt that Pastor Andrew Ray was likely blinded by their close-knit work relationship and friendship.

Just two days later, on Wednesday morning, June 20, 2018, after months of not being allowed to give my opinion about Douglas Stauffer’s first comments from back in January, to Stauffer’s harassment and accusations after I finally spoke up, followed by his public apology and then message to Miranda Crawford* revealing the heart behind his apology, I could no longer keep my mouth shut. Big surprise, right?

Back in Pennsylvania, I had been under a mentor and her husband, and though my mentor was my best friend and like a mother to me, her husband ended up being spiritually and psychologically abusive, leaving me with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) for years to come. Matthew Olds was one of the many people instrumental in getting me away from that toxic environment, and because of our experiences, Matt and I recognized traits in Douglas Stauffer that showed up as danger signs in our minds. Even if our pastor never believed me and never saw it, I needed to know that I at least attempted to warn our pastor about a man that we felt had several narcissistic traits.

Below is the email I wrote to our pastor, based solely on my opinions and recollections at the time, but not intended for public display. I reached out to Pastor Ray– my husband knowledgeable, for the record- as a concerned and hurting church member, who hoped for the slightest possibility that her pastor could see the same dangers she saw in this man who found his way under the pastor. There was a part of me that needed to speak, because even if we did not stay at Antioch Baptist Church after our youngest was done nursing, I needed to know that I had done everything I could to warn Pastor Ray about Douglas Stauffer. Though every conclusion contained in this email was entirely my opinion at the time, I still hold to the same opinions today based on the information provided in this series, and in the posts to come. Douglas Stauffer even supported these fears by later attempting to use this email as part of a threat to keep me silent.

Email, “More Questions”, from Crystal Olds to Pastor Andrew Ray
Wednesday, June 20, 2018 at 9:16am. 

Thank you for your kind words a few days ago via text. I know these last couple weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind, and I’m sorry for any harm that it caused you and your family. As I look back though, and consider everything that was said in church, online, and in meetings, I can’t get away from a few questions that I need to ask. The stupid Facebook post near the beginning of this thing was never meant to attack you or your character, and it was never meant as a question about how you responded personally to everything that happened last fall. It was meant as a question of the stance taken that it was okay to destroy people behind the pulpit, and that a church rupture was a good thing. That it was one of the best things that could have happened at our church. My question is about Stauffer’s attitude behind it, how *he* handled this situation, and about how things will be handled in the future. My question is if this is how you believe a man standing behind the pulpit and representing our church should act, and if you support how he handles the situations with the members of our church family.   

I want to ask [you] to listen to the voicemail that he left my husband [attached to email], and I want to ask you to look at the messages that he sent through private messenger in a group message with me and my husband [also attached to email]. I feel like he attacked me, attempted to manipulate and control me through fear, and attempted to assert authority that he did not have. After Matt had requested that I not respond, and that he would look at it tomorrow because of how late it was, Stauffer continued to attempt to manipulate me and attempted to instill fear in what he could do or would do.  He also twisted what I put up as an apology (approved by Matt, as everything has been), and then used guile to try to say that Matt couldn’t see the comments that others were saying.  

In the messages on Monday, he attempted to say that we MUST meet before attending any services, and when that [was] questioned, he asked if it would be out of line for you to respond in such a way to such an “egregious act.” He then went around my husband to message me and further manipulate. When that was brought to light, he asked if Matt’s opinion is the only one that matters.  

In the meeting on Tuesday night, when we said that he didn’t have the authority to do something, he said, “I can do whatever I want!” That is man who desires power. He said himself that he starts off meetings with a heavy hand and that they tend to work out better that way. He said that he was planning on coming down on someone soon and that he didn’t want them to to have the heads up, and that that was what was behind his “ill-advised” comment behind the pulpit. Feel free to listen to the recording.  

In his own way, he sort of apologized for what he said in his messages to me, but then went back to say that he was defending the pastor. He further defended his statements by saying that he was defending you. I feel he believes he has absolute power to do whatever he wants as long as he is “defending the pastor” in his eyes. He said that you approached him and said, “You had better deal with it, or I will.”  

He posted an apology online, but then he also said that he had to give some-what of an apology because of the only thing online was the misperception of a Facebook post. That is not a real apology.  

You said that he spent “HOURS” with everyone that left. If this is the case, it is very likely that he turned them away even more. I feel that he could have been the nail in the coffin for anyone that he spoke with. Is this really what you desire in this church in terms of reconciliation? Is this what our church desires in terms of leadership or a man preaching behind the pulpit?  

He assumes that he has absolute power. He has told Matt that he does not want the responsibility of being a pastor, but then turned around and said that he can do whatever he wants. Furthermore, he is deceitful and full of guile. The meeting with you and Matt over the missions trip, then how many times his story changed about WHO he was speaking of behind the pulpit, how he twisted your words to say that we could not attend, and that you had told him to take care of it, only further shows that he will twist the truth and tear people apart to get what he wants and desires. 

This is much longer than I intended, but it needs to be said. I’ve been here before. No, I shouldn’t have put up that post, but putting up a simple question to a message should not have resulted in his actions. It did, however, reveal that festering sore (Stauffer, to be clear that it’s not you) that we’ve wondered about for a long time. I’ve dealt with men that are spiritually abusive, power-hungry, and only desire to have the pre-eminence. Just look at your office that is no longer your office, but his studio where he posts a stock photo online of for the equipment.  

You don’t have to believe it. You don’t have to see it. What I suspect you don’t see is the impact of his negativity, criticism, manipulation, and control on our church, or the impact that will likely continue and grow until it is destroyed. We have a great church and I think we can agree that we want it to continue to grow spiritually. This is a dangerous man because he doesn’t care about who he takes down along the way, and he is doing in the name of protecting you. In such, he destroys your character from the inside out. 

 Crystal 

Looking back on my last message, I’m afraid it came out harsher than I wanted as a whole. I love our church and I want to see it grow. You’ve been a great pastor and there for me through so much. This has been our home for four years now. But I’ve seen this before. I know what this looks like. This isn’t meant as attack on you, but other than being hurt immensely these last few weeks, I’m concerned about what he has done with others and what he will do in the future. It isn’t about you other than that I’m afraid of what will happen with the ministry here as long as he continues to make it about himself and how he looks. Antioch is supposed to be about preaching truth, but also love and brotherly kindness. If I didn’t care, I’d be gone. And maybe that’s what everyone would prefer by now, but I care about our church. I care about what happens to it.In this series I share my thoughts and opinions concerning these ministers and the events which led to my departure. Click here to continue reading: “Blindsided: Pastor Andrew Ray’s Message on ‘Biblical Forgiveness’” or click on the link below.

For a list of the complete series, click here.

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