After hearing Douglas Stauffer’s carnal message that morning, I grabbed my son and stormed-out of the auditorium- silently, of course- and went downstairs to the church kitchen to inform my husband of the malicious words Stauffer used behind the pulpit. How can a man that is supposedly a Christian have no remorse for such seething words against those godly people? Several of them were still my friends and their hurt was more than evident every time we spoke. Why did our pastor not stop Doug Stauffer, no matter how close he is to him in the ministry? I was too angry to return upstairs for the rest of message, so we gathered up our other children from the nursery and went home for the afternoon. I messaged the Williams’ [name changed for privacy] about the occurrence because they were considering visiting at Bible Conference that year, and they needed to be warned to stay away for the sake of their family.
All afternoon, furious that a supposed man of God would use the pulpit in such a vindictive way for the THIRD time, with over thirty visiting churches, I concocted several ideas for telling Stauffer off, all shot down. It was not like I had the man on a pedestal, considering how he had been entirely deceitful at our expense just two years before when we were about to go on a missions trip, but I did not realize that it was possible to respect him less as a Christian and as a human being. I developed numerous drafts for Facebook posts, all of which my husband shot down because they were unkind. He was right, though I felt that they were appropriate.
We quietly returned to the evening service to hear Evangelist Ken McDonald preach (great preacher) and left shortly after the service concluded. By the time we got home, I finally had a post toned-down enough that my husband would approve of because I could not stay silent any longer. This had gone on for too long and I could no longer stand by as my friends were torn apart without remorse. My original Facebook post is provided below. I have also included certain comments below because after a friend, Will Hess, a pastor and creator of The Church Split, commented about Matthew 18, I asked Will for clarification on the subject of the chapter. Doug Stauffer and Pastor Andrew Ray repeatedly took this questioning out of context to attempt to accuse me of hypocrisy. They manipulated the truth to falsely portray that I accused Doug Stauffer of not going to the people directly while taking the disagreements directly to Facebook. Despite the numerous times Stauffer and Andrew Ray brought this up, I NEVER accused Stauffer of not following Matthew 18, and that is proven below.
Original Facebook Post on Sunday, June 3, 2018
As we finish the first day of Bible conference tonight, my heart is heavy after racing through a million emotions today. What are we doing with those in our church? How are we helping them? How are we encouraging them? How are we treating those who have gone?
If they are babes in Christ, do they not need admonition and exhortation? If they are carnal and “slurping on milk,” do they not still need the same? How about finding out why. Paul said, “Who hath hindered you?” Obviously, something has hindered someone that is carnal. Or maybe they aren’t the ones that are carnal.
If they have left the church because of sin, are we not yet still required the ministry of reconciliation and trying to help to restore them in Christ, rather than bashing them from the pulpit?
A church split is never a good thing. The quantity going down for the quality to go up isn’t entirely accurate. If at all. It’s not a cutting away of the flesh because that isn’t how God works.
Those that leave, for whatever reason, are usually hurting. Those that are left are hurting. And it surely doesn’t help that spiritual altitude of a church. Bitterness usually ensues on one or both sides and it hurts the cause of Christ.
Will Hess’ Comments to Original Facebook Post
Will Hess: Agreed.
1 Cor 3 though makes clear that disunity is due to worldliness. If people leave a church for any other reason than a strong biblical issue (not one of opinion) then they are causing division and refusing to work in unity and as Matt 18 and many other place make clear… If they refuse to repent…they are to be as a “heathen”
Crystal Olds (me): I know of families in times past (not recently) that have left literally for the sake of unity and to end the discord. Isn’t Matthew 18 about if you have an issue with a brother, take it to them, etc. and then if they won’t hear one, then before two or three witnesses, then let them be accursed?
Will Hess: Crystal Olds, yeah exactly. Paul goes on similar lines, but leaving for the sake of unity is actually entirely contradictory to unity. If others are sowing discord, follow Matthew 18, and the Pastor should always support such.
In this series I share my thoughts and opinions concerning these ministers and the events which led to my departure. Click here to continue reading: “Blindsided: Douglas Stauffer’s Voicemail to my Husband” or click on the link below.
For a list of the complete series, click here.
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