**Names marked with an asterisk (*) have been changed for the privacy of individuals and their families**
That Wednesday evening, June 13, 2018, my husband, Matthew Olds, and I finally heeded a friend’s counsel to take a break, for the sake of our own family, as well as our church family. Though we had initially considered visiting another church a few days prior on Sunday night, we shifted our plans to Wednesday because of the financial meeting planned with Seth Razler*. On Wednesday night, we visited at a sweet, Independent Fundamental Baptist Church in our area, and though we later realized that it was not the church home for our family, the strong Christians there and the safe, endearing environment they created, were an absolute haven for us as we quietly tended to our family’s wounds left by the leadership of Antioch Baptist Church.
Why did we not leave Antioch Baptist Church in June or July? Because we still saw Pastor Andrew Ray as the pastor that loved and cared for our family. Not only did we not see him for who- we now believe- he had become, but we feared re-creating the tension of the nursing situation at another church. A breather, however, was exactly what we needed to make it through the next several months.
Come the following Sunday morning, back at Antioch Baptist Church, I ran into Mary*, the pastor’s oldest daughter, and I apologized for how my initial Facebook post affected her. I assured her that upon writing that post, I was unaware of the previous situations that had occurred, including the ones that she had been through, and that I never intended for her to get hurt.
The next morning, Monday June 18, 2018, I messaged Pastor Ray to inform him that I had apologized to Mary*, and I further wanted to clear the air about my lack of responding to his friend request to me on Facebook that he retracted after a week. I feared that not responding right away would appear to be out of spite or anger, and though my greatest desire was to keep from hurting my pastor even further, I simply was not ready to open back up to anyone and risk being hurt that deeply again.
His response, as always was reassuring and encouraging, just as he had been through the whole situation, with the exception of his private Facebook messages to Matt. But I even understood and justified his reaction through the private messages because his family was hurting, and what man would not lash out upon perceiving a threat to his family? Despite his family’s anguish, after meeting with Matt a mere two days after Douglas Stauffer’s carnal message, I had lifted my head from facing the ground in embarrassment and shame, only to meet my pastor’s usual compassionate eyes and hear him say that he loved us and loved our family. I believe I merely gave a thankful smile because I was still too overwhelmed emotionally to speak. Despite the agony written across his face and the depth of pain which I felt I had inflicted on him and his family the last several days, I thought I recognized the face of my pastor, the one that knew our past struggles and fears, knew us for who we were, and was attempting to give us a chance to make things right as brothers and sisters in Christ. I had no idea that he had just crushed my husband, removed us from all ministries, and made my husband his cheer-leader from the sidelines, while Douglas Stauffer roamed free.
Fast-forward two weeks later, right after informing Pastor Ray that I had apologized to Mary*, his text messages presented the same calm and reassuring attitude towards us that he also presented in person. We assumed, despite his previous comments about the “writing on the wall,” that we were all working toward reconciliation. We assumed he was genuine and the same pastor we had known for the last four years. But once again, we assumed incorrectly. We had no idea that he would later accuse us of trying to destroy our church, something he deemed to be “his life’s work.”
Text Messages Between Pastor Andrew Ray and Crystal Olds (Matthew Olds included in group text)
Crystal Olds (June 18, 2018 at 8:49am): Pastor, I saw your friend request on Facebook a week ago, and I saw it come off over the last day or so. I just need time and space at this point. I want things to be okay again, and I was trying to converse as if things were calm and normal yesterday, but these last two weeks have been filled with triggers and I need space to work through them. I’m spiraling (c-PTSD) and I need time to sort through the emotions and everything that happened.
Crystal Olds (June 18, 2018 at 8:49am): [Continued] I meant to catch you last night and while you probably already know, I did apologize to Mary* yesterday afternoon. She’s growing into a sweet young woman.
Pastor Andrew Ray (June 18, 2018 at 10:23am): Thank you for writing sister! Mary* did tell me and I appreciate both your apology and your sentiments toward Mary*. As for the friend request, I just withdrew it so that it was not in your face. I figure, if or when you are ready, you can send one to me.
Pastor Andrew Ray (June 18, 2018 at 10:23am): [Continued] On a separate note, but just to be above board, I will be tightening my settings in the next day or so, because I need to keep the Post Tribbers and works salvation attacks at bay as long as possible. I did not want you to think those changes had anything to do with you. Today I am going to try to snuff out post or mid trib “friends.” Believe it or not, people taking a stand on the pretrip rapture have had some of the these guys show up at their front door to debate and argue with them. Just wanted you to be aware.
Thank you again for talking to Mary*. I hope you have a great day.
Crystal Olds (June 18, 2018 at 10:23 AM): I had no idea that that was going on. People have lost their minds. I really hope that no one tries that with you guys, and thank you for the heads up. I would have wondered.… so thank you for that. We are praying you all have a good week and Lord willing, see you all Wednesday
Pastor Andrew Ray (June 18, 2018): Sounds good. Thank you sister!
Crystal Olds (July 1, 2018 at 10:50pm): Thank you Pastor. Meeting tonight really helped. That said… The “amen” question is a perfect example of what I was trying to ask with the example you gave of Teletubies. At this point, Matt isn’t against a woman saying amen, but I’m afraid it could come across as disrespectful or that I don’t care, now knowing for sure where you stand. I never want you to think that I just don’t care and I never want to be in your face about something you disagree with. Just needed to get that out there.… And thank you for another point on my side of the board for “I told you so” with Matt (just kidding).… It’s been a messed up month, but I’m thankful you’re our pastor.
Pastor Andrew Ray (July 2, 2018 at 9:45pm): Sorry to take so long to respond. I’m glad I could be of some help to you. Thank you for your kind words.
Crystal Olds (July 3, 2018 at 11:26pm): No problem and thank you. Good night pastor. Lord willing see you all tomorrow night
Pastor Andrew Ray (July 2, 2018): Liked “No problem and thank you. Good night pastor. Lord willing see you all tomorrow night”
Pastor Andrew Ray (Sep 18, 2018 at 9:45pm): <3
[Crystal Olds accidentally sent heart emoji while looking at previous messages with Ray following her departure from Antioch Baptist Church]
In this series I share my thoughts and opinions concerning these ministers and the events which led to my departure. Click here to continue reading: “Blindsided: Crystal Olds’ Email to Pastor Andrew Ray about Douglas Stauffer’s Harassment and Character” or click on the link below.
For a list of the complete series, click here.
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