Category: forgive | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

When Forgiveness Becomes Dangerous (And Morally Wrong)

Forgiveness, Mercy and Grace are the cornerstones of the Christian message. However, forgiveness becomes dangerous when gross, moral sin has taken place and forgiveness is used as a weapon for silencing victims and a cloak to coverup suspicion, unwanted attention and accountability.

This is my first step of exposing such dangerous practices, dangerous forgiveness and coverup, and I hope this gains traction, attention and spreads like wild fire.

We are seeing an onslaught of sexual impurity in churches around the globe. We in America see it daily in the news. In my anecdotal studies I have found that nearly 30%+ of sexual abuse/assault involving a minor comes from Christian leaders with authority over that minor, or in Christian homes with fundamental, authoritarian beliefs. As someone who claims the Christian Faith, this is something I don’t take lightly or with joy.

Jesus Christ was quick to forgive. To show mercy, and grace, and inspire change in his followers. As Christians, we also believe that change cannot take place without the grace and power of the Holy Spirit. To point, Christ is quoted in Matthew 6:14 as saying, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly father will also forgive you.”

This is a beautiful quote and is seen again with the Samaritan woman at Jacob’s well in John 4, and the adulteress in John 8. But even in these encounters, Jesus never silenced a victim or whitewashed over sin. The Samaritan woman was commanded to Worship and follow Christ and the adulteress was told to sin no more. We are commanded to forgive, and we should be fast and free to forgive, But…

When Forgiveness Becomes Dangerous

In recent news, the hall of fame family of the United Pentecostal Church, International, the Ensey family has been shaken. The son, Jonathan R. Ensey was recently sentenced to eight to twelve years in a federal penitentiary for sexual misconduct with a minor in his church.

The crux of the story, in all it’s gruesome twists, is that the father, Pastor of Living Way Church in Conroe, Texas, Randy Ensey covered up the story. The parents of the victim alerted Randy Ensey to the inappropriate behavior and he did nothing. It wasn’t until the parents, and bless them for having the courage, took it to the police that things unfolded from there.

In the news story linked here, you’ll read, as you do in almost all of these cases, how the congregation of the Living Way Church packed the courtroom in defense of this man.

I’ve seen this type of behavior, multiple times, first hand. And in the past 30 days, this type of dangerous forgiveness has sprung up in another Pentecostal church. My old home town church. Abundant Life Pentecostal Church.

Abundant Life Pentecostal Church, located in McMinnville, Oregon has a long history of cover ups. During my 15 years there I saw the pastors ‘pray’ over child abuse instead of reporting it authorities. I’ve been made aware of the private school supervisor checking the under garments of under-age girls attending school to make sure they were ‘approved’.

While that was second hand information, I sat through years of their required ‘Family Class’ as my child was in the same school. In that class they taught at what ages your female child could wear certain kinds of underwear and they took that very seriously.

I’ve seen the leadership secret in a man through the back doors and have him sit in the ‘upper room’, above the baptistry, who had a restraining order against him for domestic abuse, while his victim sat in the congregation, just to make sure he was in church.

The then pastor, William “Bill” Davies and his son (now the pastor) Matthew Davies were found guilty of violating child labor laws by using church youth in their commercial landscaping business without pay and were ordered by the Bureau of Labor and Industries to pay restitution.

When William Davies demonstrably defamed the man responsible for reporting their acts during a church service, a service in which he demanded the entire congregation to turn off their phones and to not record what he was about to say, they were sued for defamation and paid an undisclosed amount to settle. All thanks to a few brave souls who saw the red-flag of the pastoral demands and recorded the service.

During this trial and to this day, members of the congregation blamed ‘Satan’ for attacking their man of God and still defend his innocence in all cases, just as we saw in the Ensey case and many more like it. And now, this forgiveness becomes dangerous again.

A Predator in the Classroom

About 30 days ago I found out that a young man who had been suspected, charged, and convicted of sexually assaulting his young sister (circa 2013-2015) is now an appointed (by the Davies) Sunday School Teacher at Abundant Life Pentecostal Church, in McMinnville, Oregon, for the 9-12 year old class, called the Amplified Class. You can see the churches website here: www.alpcministries.org. (2023 Edit: That website is no longer in operation, so an archived link is given. The new link is https://alpc.church.)

This young man was 15-16 at the time the abuse started and the sister was 7. By public accounts, the abuse spanned about two years until the young man was finally arrested, tried and then sent away. The victim, and her family, still attend Abundant Life Pentecostal.

I can’t speak to all the details and dates as I don’t want anything quoted to be found untrue. What is true, is that this young man was forgiven, and welcomed back in to the church with open arms upon his release.

His victim is now a silenced member of the church. He was given a fancy church wedding while she is told to keep things to herself and forgive. And he is now a Sunday School teacher, overseeing children the same age that his victim was.

Forgiveness Or Moral Failure?

Is this forgiveness, or a stumbling block? Is this tempting the Lord, thy God, or restoration?

The reason I am not naming the young man is because in this instance, the moral failure is on the now pastor of Abundant Life Pentecostal Church, Matthew Davies and the churches ‘board of elders’. Should the young man distance himself from such a thing? Absolutely. And if he was to harm another child, he should be held accountable.

Yet and more-so, in these fundamental church systems such as Oneness Pentecostalism, and in the United Pentecostal Church, they have such a delusional view of forgiveness that they would believe it safe to put a young man who molested a little girl, in a classroom of little girls, the age of his previous victim, so long as he obeys them.

And should another child be hurt, I believe the moral failure, and legal ramifications, should fall on the leadership of the church for making this bad of a decision, every bit as much as on the young man, should he recidivate.

There is a deep rooted command in Christian faith to forgive, but not to tempt. To restore, but not to make a room for evil. Equal to forgiveness is the command to not put a stumbling block before your brother. For me now, being knowledgeable of this circumstance, as much as I forgive the previous trespass, I cannot ignore the potential for harm and be silent.

If any harm comes to another child, I equally feel I would be morally responsible should I not speak out. Furthermore, this was the classroom that my 9 year old daughter was attending. How dare they, the leadership of that church, put my own daughter at great risk to satisfy their twisted ideals?

They truly believe if you shout enough, speak in tongues enough, and attend enough, you are ‘Ok’. Did that save Jonathan Ensey and his victim? It did not, and I’ll not sit idly by watching and waiting for another news story to pop up.

Men and Brethren, What Should We Do?

I do not want to be seen as inciting hate mail, hate speech, defamation, or any other inappropriate behavior. If any feel so inclined to contact this church and demand answers or tell them how terrible of a choice this is, you are free to do so. I will personally be publishing more information as I cannot sit idly by while children are put in harms way but I can only share factual information.

My family no longer attends this church, I pulled that plug after they wantonly endangered my daughter. But there are dozens, potentially hundreds of other children, both members of the church and bused in ‘bus kids’ in the Sunday school at risk.

I also feel inclined to say that it is possible that this young man’s record is expunged. He may have been tried as a child and not as an adult and thus, legally, there is no law being violated. And if that is the case, I would forgive, but never trust him again. No way should he be attending the same church as his victim.

There is tremendous boundaries of trust, responsibility, wisdom and discernment being recklessly abandoned for the sake of their precious doctrines even if not legal boundaries.

I want to ask the pastor, Matthew Davies, “What would you do if it was your daughter?” and other members of the McMinnville, OR community should be asking him the same thing.

Abundant Life Pentecostal Church
1145 SW Wallace Road
McMinnville, OR 97128
503-472-1585

Pastor Matthew Davies
matt@alpcministries.org

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In Sickness and in Hell 1 – Unforgiveness? – Video Blog

This vlog marks the first in a new series of vlogs! I am discussing common ideas that are being shared by unhealthy groups when it comes to sickness. In this one I am exploring the idea that God might be punishing someone with sickness because they have unforgiveness in their life.

Coping with the Cults – Part #1 – Separation

Since leaving a cult, I have delved into studying, writing, reading, talking and coping with the very real, sometimes hidden, but obvious affects cults and their teachings have on lives. Most certainly the very word ‘cult’ conjures up the worst horrors to hit the news headlines, like Jonestown, or Waco, TX, but the majority of cults are far less obvious, and insidiously covert, and right next door.

The most common question I am asked, the top concern and hurt I see through my YouTube channel, this blog, interviews and online groups, is ‘How do I cope with the pain of all those I loved who now reject me, simply because I no longer go to church there?’

This series on Coping with the Cults will be focused on addressing the real and emotional outcomes that are a result of being a member of, or being affected by someone who is in a cult. But before we move on, I want to address the word cult and what I mean when I say it.

What is a cult?

1. The word itself has a few different social meanings. We have heard the phrase ‘cult following’ around a brand, a product, even a movie. Even Netflix has a section called Cult Sci-Fi & Fantasy. That is to say, these movies have a large fan base. Products like Apple can be referred to as the Apple Cult.

In this sense of the word, cult simply means something that is loved and/or adored by others.

2. The second most common definition of cult is a religion. Christianity, from its very beginning was considered to be a cult by Judaism and the Romans who occupied Jerusalem at the time of Jesus. That is to say, a religious cult is a religious movement or organization that differs dramatically from the social normative of religion in the time and environment the group was formed in.

Christianity of its time was considered to be a cult.

3. Today’s most common understanding of the word cult, and what I mean when I say it, is a religious organization that exhibits the following major characteristics at the very foundation of the belief structure:

Exclusive – They are the only ones ‘with the truth,’ and often use phrases such as ‘coming into the truth’, or ‘leaving the truth.’ You must be in their organization and share exactly their beliefs in order to gain salvation, and leaving the organization is often hard, painful and doing so labels you as apostate.
Secretive – These groups will internally teach doctrines, beliefs and practices that they do not share publicly, knowing that the knowledge would create ridicule and scare away new converts before indoctrination and take away the shock of the beliefs. They may also have sacred texts or writings that only upper echelon member are privy too.
Authoritarian – The biggest and most insidious aspect to religious organizations known as cults is their practice of gathering around a single, often charismatic human leader who through indoctrination, brain washing and often outright demands, requires absolute and unwavering loyalty and obedience by his/her followers. This is often displayed by members becoming aggravated and potentially violent towards any who oppose the leaders teachings.

This third example is the type of church I attended for fifteen years and what I, and the majority of the world that studies cults, would define as a cult.

A young man from the very same church I left asked the pastor there if he could marry a young lady in the church. Because this young man had been asking questions about the doctrines of the church, the pastor told him no. He was told;

“Until I feel your unwavering loyalty, I will not give you one of my girls.”

This is a cult. One in which your privileges in life are at the permission of the leader. An organization that makes you believe that you must cut off family, friends and other associations in order to be in right standing with them. A belief system that makes you guard what you tell people about it, is most definitely a cult.

What happens when you leave a cult? Separation

Disfellowshipped, cast aside as chaff, purged wickedness. Separation.

If you decide of your own volition to leave a cult, you are one of the few. And if you are told you had to leave the church, the result is the same. As a matter of fact, this is so important to some religious organizations that follow this definition of a cult, they have entire web pages dedicated to teaching their followers how to cope with Disfellowshipping their own children.

The Jehovah’s Witness organization is one such group that fits this mold and puts a lot of effort, like the Mormon faith, into teaching their followers the art of separating from those who no longer believe ‘the faith,’ or as little as ‘break the rules’.

This article, entitled God’s Love – How to treat disfellowshipped people?, goes on to declare that strict avoidance and abandonment of a disfellowshipped person is necessary to prove ones loyalty to God, even if it is your children.

In this article, Why Disfellowshipping Is a Loving Provision, they try to show how Julian dealt with the Church declaring his son an outlaw, disfellowshipped and to be shunned. His Son.

“What Jehovah expects of us is reasonable and is a protection for us. For example, we all want to live among peaceful, decent, and honest people, and that is what we experience among our spiritual brothers and sisters. Why are they this way? Because they dedicated themselves to Jehovah and promised to live by what he says in the Bible.

How stark a contrast these teachings are to the power of love given to us by Christ.

John 8:7 So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.
John 8:10 When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?
John 8:11 She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.

What a different story! The example from the Jehovah’s Witness web page, and my old Oneness Apostolic Pentecostal cult said, ‘get right, perfect yourself, cleanse the sin, and then we will accept you!’ But Jesus said, “I’ve already accepted you in your sin, and I do not judge or condemn you, let that be the reason you cleanse yourself from sin.”

But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. – Romans 5:8, KJV

How to cope with separation?

This is for most, the hardest and most crucial moment in escaping from a cult, and retaining their faith in a loving God. It would be all too easy to say, ‘Why would God allow something like this to happen?’ and abandon faith. To let the pendulum swing to the other extreme.

We’ve probably all heard someone say, and maybe the preacher, ‘Would God allow us to have growth and revival if HE wasn’t in what we are doing?’ as if that proved the validity of their systems. To that I would ask, why is the Muslim faith the fastest growing religious organization on the planet? Is God in it?

In the book, The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse, it ends with something I wasn’t expecting when I first read it, fresh after leaving the cult. The authors, David Johnson and Jeff VanVonderen, said leaving a spiritually abusive system was like leaving a physically abusive relationship, or leaving a drug addiction. It would take recovery.

Recovery? I shuddered. I left it, what did I have to recover from?

Bitterness for sure. To have the sudden realization that those whom you called friend, and even loved ones, turned from you simply because you decided to no longer attend a church. Not that you left God, became a robber and a murderer, or blasphemed God, you just left that address, or building. Can friendship be that cheap? Their responses will be, ‘You’re the one who left.’

Fear daily. What if they were right? What if the curses of God are about to crash down on me? Did I make a mistake? Will they ever talk to me again? I don’t have any friends now. What will my family say about me?

Anger at the system. Anger at those who follow the system. Mostly, angry at yourself for being so gullible and stupid. How could I have been so weak and stupid to let them control me like that?

When I read this I nearly broke out in tears. It was true. I was really angry, and I could easily take it out on others, but I was really angry with myself. That I would allow another human being with no gun to my head to control me so utterly. I felt like my manhood was ripped away. Really small, you know?

And then they said, this is how a drug addict feels. That small pill, the little bottle. The tiny droplet, or small pile of white powder. It had absolute control over them. And they felt stupid.

In the book Toxic Faith by Stephen Arterburn and Jack Felton, they describe spiritual abuse like physical abuse, in that humanity tends to cling to the abuse if it is all they have known, because the unknown somehow seems more painful.

What a vicious cycle it is, and I believe God alone has judgement for the propagators of this hate.

The only way to Cope with the Cults, and the separation that follows, is to get help!

Consider this list of the top five steps you must take after a marital separation and see how it applies to Coping with the Cults.

Recognize that it’s OK to have different feelings
Give yourself a break
Don’t go through this alone
Take care of yourself emotionally and physically
Avoid power struggles and arguments with your ex-church fellowship

#5 originally read, “Avoid power struggles and arguments with your spouse or former spouse.”

This is poignant because when you buy in to a cult, you are marrying the system. You are not just someone who attends, but you are a member. You have committed to being one with the organization; you are, in all intents and purposes, betrothed. And separation from that is painful and has long term tremors.

You can, and you will recover! You will find support, and new friends, a fresh start, the life God intended you to live. It may take months, and in some cases, there are those who have been out for years that still face the struggle.

But God has better plans for you! You can Cope with the Cult that dogs you in the shadows of your mind, because God is not the author of confusion. Life was never intended to be a closet society on the fringe edge of normality.

You did escape, and you can escape, and you will recover, if you realize you were NOT STUPID, you are human. You are OK to have different feelings. You will not be hard on yourself for the past, and you most certainly will not do this alone. You will take care of yourself, free from the judgementalism of your past, and you, not in the spirit of separation, but in the spirit of love and recovery, will not endanger yourself by becoming embroiled in arguments and power struggles with those who would condemn you.

Remember the words of Christ as you go on in victory, Coping with the Cults.

Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.

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Freedom from Abuse

One of the most common ways in which people are psychologically traumatized whilst in a cult or religious high control group, is the extreme pressure to “forgive” people who have abused them. I use the word “forgive” in quotes, because the concept often goes way beyond the Biblical mandate. Anyone who has read the Bible knows that we are commanded to forgive those who hurt us, which can lead to freedom from bitterness, inner darkness and turmoil.

However, there can only be true reconciliation between two parties when the one who has hurt or offended the other person realizes what he/she has done and apologizes. Why is it that some people seem incapable of taking this step? In all probability, they are Narcissists; which means that they believe themselves to be the center of the universe. They have real trouble understanding how their behaviour impacts others. In fact, their consciences don’t function in the same way as other people; simply speaking – they lack empathy.

Imagine a situation in which a woman is married to an abusive husband. Or, a man is shackled to a woman who psychologically or even physically abuses him. They are both members of a religious congregation. Week after week, they hear sermons about forgiveness and self-sacrifice. The person who has a fully functioning conscience takes these concepts on board, and tries to implement them into their life. However, the Narcissist does nothing of the sort. Instead; he/she sees an opportunity to emotionally manipulate his/her spouse even further. After beating his wife black and blue once again, he comes back with flowers and a “repentant” attitude, demanding forgiveness. These abusers can quote Scripture like Satan did to Jesus in the desert, twisting it to their own benefit.

If the person who is the victim manages to share with a friend or the leader of his/her congregation about the abuse they are suffering, they are often bombarded with the same kind of rhetoric. Rather than being told: “You need to get out! How can I help you do that safely?” many victims are encouraged to stay, pray and remain in extremely harmful situations.

A concrete example of this kind of toxic advice is found in one of the Jehovah’s Witnesses’ Watchtower magazines, from February 15, 2012:

“Consider the case of Selma. When she began to study the Bible with Jehovah’s Witnesses, her husband, Steve, was not pleased. He admits, “I became angry, jealous, possessive, and insecure.” Selma observes: “Even before I got the truth, living with Steve was like walking on eggshells. He was hot-tempered. When I started studying the Bible, this characteristic intensified.” What helped?

Selma recalls a lesson she learned from the Witness who studied with her. “On one particular day,” says Selma, “I didn’t want to have a Bible study. The night before, Steve had hit me as I had tried to prove a point, and I was feeling sad and sorry for myself. After I told the sister what had happened and how I felt, she asked me to read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. As I did, I began to reason, ‘Steve never does any of these loving things for me.’ But the sister made me think differently by asking, ‘How many of those acts of love do you show toward your husband?’ My answer was, ‘None, for he is so difficult to live with.’ The sister softly said, ‘Selma, who is trying to be a Christian here? You or Steve?’ Realizing that I needed to adjust my thinking, I prayed to Jehovah to help me be more loving toward Steve. Slowly, things started to change.” After 17 years, Steve accepted the truth.”

Poor Selma had to endure 17 more years of excruciating abuse, before her husband became a fully indoctrinated cult member!!!

Once you start to get to know survivors of cults and spiritual abuse, you will notice that cases of domestic violence are extremely common. Spousal abuse, corporal punishment, child sexual abuse; it’s everywhere. Why is it allowed to carry on and proliferate? Because instead of being empowered to stand up to and break free from their abusers, victims are actively encouraged to remain in a state of passivity and servitude, at great danger to themselves, their children and others, such as elderly relatives.

Many vulnerable people in these groups are shielded from proper protection, due to these kinds of attitudes. They are not told that that they can forgive their abusers and protect themselves at the same time. Forgiving someone does not mean putting yourself in danger. It means letting go of hatred and bitterness and moving towards a brighter future.

https://faithafterdeception.wordpress.com/

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A Time To Heal – A Time To Build Up

Part Two of Two Part Series

“To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven:
‭‭…..“A time to kill, And a time to heal; A time to break down, And a time to build up;”
‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3:1,3‬ ‭NKJV‬

This is my story of healing my heart and soul and rebuilding my mind and emotions….

For me recovering from spiritual abuse was very personal and private. I knew I needed healing and I needed to repair my relationship with God, which was my first priority. The problem was I didn’t know how to begin. So I started working on developing my relationship with God through conversations with God. To me this was more than just prayer like I had done in the past, this was actual conversation and telling Him about everything that I feared, my anxieties, my anger and I didn’t hold back anything. Then I would spend time in reflection, trying to hear his voice, sitting quietly outside on my deck looking at my gardens and letting his nature calm my soul and emotions, then I turned to scriptures and just began reading and meditating on his word. I felt like I was in that place where God was telling me to “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10) .

I also read books: False Holiness Standards, Healing Spiritual Abuse, The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse, and a few more but I can’t remember their titles. I surfed the internet reading all I could find on the subject and joining support groups. I was not going to a church and had not attended a service in over six months so the guilt was very high. Was it guilt from not attending service or was it the guilt and anxiety because I was enjoying not going?

My daughter and I had tried a couple other United Pentecostal churches but there was nothing there but dried up bones and that was six months ago. I knew I was not going back to the UPC. Been there, done that. But I was still trapped in their legalism of dress and hair, simply because that’s all I knew and the only clothes I had. It had been 32 years that I had been in the UPC. I no longer needed to dress this way but I didn’t know how to take that first step to change and that seemed to be the hardest step to take. Although my daughter wasn’t having any trouble giving up standards and she seemed genuinely happy as she searched for a church. She kept saying, Mom, all I want us to be are normal Christians.

Normal was good I thought, problem was I didn’t know what normal was. I did receive a few emails from my former church friends, asking why I left and I should come back and repent and not backslide and blah, blah, blah. I didn’t respond and I unfriended them because I didn’t need the distraction. It wasn’t like I was friendless; I had a lot of good friends at work, just nobody I could talk to about why I left my church and religion.

One of the first things I did was purchase a new Bible, a NKJV, and began to study it with an open heart and mind. I wanted my quest in God’s word pure and fresh so I could see His grace. It was like the word came alive to me and the first scripture I read was: “I am the LORD, that is My name; And My glory I will not give to another, Nor My praise to carved images. Behold, the former things have come to pass, And new things I declare; Before they spring forth I tell you of them.” (‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭42:8-9‬ ‭NKJV‬‬) This gave me a lot of hope that I was still in His will by leaving and searching for truth.

My daughter found a friend, Anita, from Youth Camp online and she explained that we were looking for a church that was “normal” and Anita invited us to visit Crosspoint Church, which was where she went after leaving the UPC. So on Palm Sunday we went and sat in the back row by the door, just in case things got hairy. But from the first beat of the music I could feel the strong spirit of God in a good and loving way; not in a frenzied emotional way. My daughter and I cried all through the service.

When we got in the car to leave, I remember my daughter saying. “Mom did you notice how happy and friendly everybody was?” I told her yes, but it could be a fluke because nobody I knew was that happy about their salvation. Although I saw how Anita was and she was very happy. So we decided to visit again the next Sunday on Easter and bring my granddaughters. The next Sunday was a repeat of the Sunday before and we decided to give it a try and see if this could be our church.

The Sunday following Easter, the church had a ministry fair and I signed up for a ministry called Thyme In A Garden and I registered for a summer ladies bible study to be held in a home close to me. Now I was really putting myself out there because I didn’t know anybody except the associate pastor and his wife and that was only because I grew up with them and my daughters friend Anita.

I’m very thankful for Dave and Ronda because of their wise council to me and the help and love they showed to me during this time. They also had made the same journey I was making. I remember one Wednesday night prayer meeting they both came and prayed for me. None of that grabbing my arms and spitting in my face or yelling in my ears type of praying. They simply put their hands on my shoulders and asked for God to lead and guide me down the right pathway.

After service I asked Ronda how did she overcome the dress code of the UPC? She just smiled and told me I would know when it was time to let go of the past and she assured me when I got rid of the trappings of dress and released the vestiges of legalism, then there would be nothing between God and me except for grace. She said his word would come alive to me like never before because I could no longer hide behind a facade of self righteousness.

A few weeks later I went to my first meeting to Thyme in the Garden and I was a nervous wreck about going into a place I didn’t know. But in I walked and said Hi, I’m Cindy. I was greeted so warmly and friendly by all the ladies and they accepted me right in and I’m still going 6 years later. I met the best group of Christian women that day and they prayed for me after I told them I just left the UPC.

Being a former pastors wife, you know a thing or two about people and of course the shunning and shaming you get when you leave a church. But my biggest shock came from one friend from UPC, we’d been friends for 30 years and I had visited many times since my divorce. She was emailing me at work and I was answering her and I told her that I was going to a new church. She asked me where and I told her and I guess she looked it up online and literally became a wild woman telling me I was backslid if I could go someplace that didn’t teach standards and now I was going to be a reprobate.

Then she finished by telling me we could no longer be friends because we have nothing in common anymore. I couldn’t believe it just five minutes prior to telling her where I was going to church we were chatting away. Now we had nothing in common? I knew I was going to lose friends but I never imagined her. We haven’t spoken since that day and she, along with her family, unfriended me on Facebook. The pain of it still hurts at times but God has given me more friends than I can count now. During this time, I continued to search scripture for reassurance and God never fails:

Do not remember the former things, Nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness And rivers in the desert. (Isaiah‬ ‭43:18-19‬ ‭NKJV)‬‬

I held on to his promises because I was in uncharted waters.

I again showed up at the home where the summer woman’s Bible study was being done and again God put me in touch with Steve and Helen, former UPC Pastor and wife, who left the organization years ago. God knew exactly who to put me in touch with. I don’t know how many times I’ve called upon them to calm my fears and doubts.

“Who will rise up for me against the evildoers? Who will stand up for me against the workers of iniquity? Unless the LORD had been my help, My soul would soon have settled in silence. If I say, “My foot slips,” Your mercy, O LORD, will hold me up. In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭94:16-19‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Steve and Helen prayed for me and with me, gave me scriptures to read and taught me about healing and forgiveness. I told them I wanted to start over as a brand new Christian and they even signed up to take a new Christian Bible study with me.

I started feeling more at peace every time I went to church and finally I felt the freedom to get rid of the old clothes and buy new. My daughter and I had fun shopping and there wasn’t a dress or skirt purchased. My daughter was getting ready to graduate from Beauty School, so I was her model to demonstrate a hair cut. I donated 24 inches of hair to Locks of Love and felt so light and free. I was her model for color demo and she made me a beautiful blonde. I hadn’t felt pretty since my wedding day until that day. I sat and looked in the mirror and cried.

I took the church’s Welcome to the Family class, which is a four week course that explained the history of the church, their beliefs, their staff and what was expected from a new member. Again I had to brace myself against the anxiety, but my daughter took it with me so I wasn’t totally alone. During the first class we found out the church came out of the United Pentecostal Church about 30 years ago and my pastor was also former UPC and that explained a lot of the teaching. It wasn’t legalism at all, it was grace and mercy. It was Christ and him crucified. It was no big “I”s and little “U”s. But it was salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. It was humility and servitude and living within your means. There are no thrones on the platform, the ministers sit with the congregation. They teach commitment, connection and contribution. Everybody dresses casual so all that come feels comfortable. They were answering all my questions one by one. It was amazing and wonderful all at once. I finally felt at home, that I was in a safe place and I had a place where people cared and prayed and loved each other.

My final confirmation that I was in the right place for me came in September at our ladies retreat. My pastors wife wanted all of us to go outside and enjoy nature alone with God and our Bibles. I remember sitting at a small table looking over the lake and asking God one more time, is this the place you want me to be? He replied with his word: “You whom I have taken from the ends of the earth, And called from its farthest regions, And said to you, ‘You are My servant, I have chosen you and have not cast you away: Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ “Behold, all those who were incensed against you Shall be ashamed and disgraced; They shall be as nothing, And those who strive with you shall perish. You shall seek them and not find them— Those who contended with you. Those who war against you Shall be as nothing, As a nonexistent thing. For I, the LORD your God, will hold your right hand, Saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you.’” (‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭41:9-13‬ ‭NKJV‬‬) With tears streaming down, I lifted up my hands and praised him for always being with me and leading me out of darkness into his marvelous light.

That was six years ago and do I still have anxiety from the past? Yes I do and I still have fear from time to time. And yes I suffered with nightmares for several months, but I put my trust in God and he never failed me.

Last year I was reconnected to a dear friend from the church we had pastored and we’d been apart 18 years, but our friendship is closer now than ever before. She has been delivered from legalism and spiritual abuse.

A few months ago I was able to call my ex-husband and forgive him for everything and he started crying and saying he was sorry for what he did. We talked for over an hour about our children and grandchildren.

My daughter met a really nice man and they were married two years ago. She has 3 girls and he has 2 girls, so now I’ve been blessed with 5 beautiful granddaughters.

Has it all been a bed of roses? No it’s not, life is still life. I lost my father and step mother within two days of each other through cancer and pneumonia in October 2011. My mother has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease and is in stage 5-6 of the 7 stages. I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease in 2011 and had to retire in 2016. And I lost a dear uncle to cancer last year (2016). But through all the trouble and tribulations, God has always been there with a comforting word and prayers, visits and ministering from my church friends helped us get through those tough times. There’s been good news, too. My aunt and cousin have accepted the Lord into their hearts and attend church with me. I helped a dear friend escape from my previous church and she is healing and attending Crosspoint, along with her grown children, who were also spiritually abused and hurt. My dear mama has also accepted the Lord.

Yes, when you’ve been in an abusive church for any length of time, things are killed in your heart and soul and things are broken down in your mind and emotions. Eventually you become spiritually crippled and emotionally damaged.

But the Lord gives us a time to heal and a time to build back up. It does take time and patience and a renewed walk with Jesus and the right church and people. And a whole lot of trust in God. It wasn’t easy and it has taken me six years to get this far, but with God all things are possible.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation, that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation. ‭‭II Corinthians‬ ‭5:17-19‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

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