Category: faith | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

What about Judas????

Last year during the week before Easter the question kept coming up, “What about Judas?” That, and the “immersive experiences” that include a mirror with “Behold the betrayer!” as though we should identify with Judas.

I’ll change the questions for myself this year. Instead of “What happened to Judas?” let’s ask what happened to the betrayed. Not just to Jesus, but to the disciples. Jesus knew what was coming, but the disciples didn’t. They felt lost, scared, confused, and angry. So much that had been wonderful in their lives was seemingly upended with a single kiss. Judas was their friend, someone they’d spent a lot of time with and cared about, maybe even respected.

Maybe some argued it couldn’t have been Judas. It was dark. It must have been someone else they saw. And maybe this upset others who knew who they saw, even in the dark. Maybe some blamed themselves. They recalled something Judas had said or done… they should have known. They should have warned Jesus. They should have done something. Anything. And then there was Peter. He did something. He drew his sword. But it was too late, and he was rebuked, and then he denied Jesus on top of everything else.

I’m sure the disciples felt to one degree or another that they were betrayers, but not because they identified with Judas. No, if they felt like betrayers, for the most part that was because they’d trusted Judas. Except Peter, who had even more to deal with. They couldn’t see through what was happening. They felt betrayed, and they may well have wrongly blamed themselves for a large part of the betrayal. They were scattered. Sunday didn’t bring them all back together, either. We like to think of resurrection as the final victory, but it would take a week or two or three for all the disciples to realize the story wasn’t finished.

I sat around a table tonight with strangers. There were prayer requests… and so many were for hope. Mine too. Last year this time was filled with so much joy and hope. This year is so different than I thought it would be, and I grieve what should have been and could have been. And yet Sunday’s coming, and even that’s not the end of the story. Just the beginning.

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Outside the Box: Butterfly support group

Editorial Note: The following is reprinted with permission from Eleanor Skelton’s blog. It was originally published on February 29, 2016 as part of a series.

Laura blogs over at Laura’s Light. This post was originally posted on her blog on January 22, 2016.

I feel so lonely. And… I don’t know what to do.

Does a butterfly feel lonely in the cocoon? Or does it have butterfly conversion support group meetings?

I don’t know. But I wish I had them.

I wish I had someone at my beck and call, people who would come whenever I needed them: to say hello or to just sit next to me and be. But it doesn’t work like that. People have their own lives, their own things going on. And they can’t always come. It feels like they can’t more often than not these days.

Or maybe I just don’t know how to ask.

I don’t. I know that. I don’t want to let myself need people, to not be ok.

But if we’re honest, this butterfly has gone through a hell of a lot of shit this year.

And she doesn’t know what to do. And she needs people. She just doesn’t know how to ask.

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Seeking the Living Among the Dead in Our Spiritual Lives

Why do so many choose to remain members of denominations they no longer agree with? This has always puzzled me, but in discussions with others who’ve made (often radical) changes in their membership, I’ve come to realize there are reasons, some of which I’ve highlighted below. As individual Christians, we need to be better prepared to help those in transition.

“I’ve always been a (whatever), so was my daddy, and so was his daddy before him. My grandad was a preacher. I don’t agree with all of it, but so what? Why should I change?”

A lot of people remain within their family’s denomination because that’s what they’re used to, and people are creatures of habit by default. However, it’s worth remembering that remaining or becoming a member of a denomination should be left to the individual. No one should feel pressure to remain in a denomination they don’t totally agree with, but sadly, many do.

More importantly, no one should feel as though they have to remain in a church where they can’t use their spiritual gifts. For example, one with the gift of healing probably would stagnate in a cessationist denomination, while one called to be a lay Eucharistic minister wouldn’t be able to fulfill their calling in a denomination that does not celebrate the Eucharist. Most families from healthy church backgrounds will come to accept such changes in time.

“I no longer agree with my church, but my family would disown me if I changed”

In some traditions, the church and the family structure are so intertwined that to leave the church means to also leave one’s family While not commonplace, sometimes to leave one denomination, considered to be a part of one’s ethnic identity, for another is seen as abandoning one’s people. Anyone in this situation should seek the advice of a clergy member and be willing to have a heart-to-heart discussion with their family.

Will there be hurt feelings and misunderstandings? No doubt, nobody likes drastic changes. However, you’re only delaying the inevitable without taking that important step. The help of a support group made of people who have exited the group may provide necessary clarity.

“When you get burned as often as I was, you get suspicious of other religious groups. I won’t go through that again”

Many are afraid to find a new church home because of bad experiences. The prospect of getting involved in another church brings about fears of being hurt again. Spiritual abuse in & of itself is difficult to recover from, especially when verbal, emotional, physical or sexual abuse is involved.

In this case, you may want to seek out churches different from the one you were hurt by and consider speaking to the clergy and other leadership before becoming too involved. If anything, your prior experiences may help you spot potential trouble. One thing you should never be afraid of is setting boundaries to avoid an involvement level outside your comfort zone.

Making a break from a toxic or unfulfilling church situation can be difficult, but you’ll be in a better place by taking this step.

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What made Jesus mad?

It wasn’t the sinners. No, he ate dinner with them. What we see Jesus fighting against are the religious Pharisees who loved to point fingers at other people’s sin and shortcomings. Legalism. It is essentially the world system telling you that salvation is not a free gift and that you must work for your grace. Grace is a free gift. If it comes with ‘requirements’ is is no longer a gift, but a paycheck. Jesus came to save the world not condemn it. A lot of these issues come from people trying to make the Bible fit their opinions. They refuse to research culture, translations, Hebrew, Greek, etc.. They fall under the influence of the adversary and believe we are not worthy of God’s acceptance unless we perform. God loves you; you have to switch your focus from you and onto what He did (and is) doing for us. By saying a dress, long hair, no jewelry, and no makeup is required to get into Heaven, you have rejected the power of Jesus dying and resurrecting by saying – No God, I think I got this. No thanks, I can save myself. However, it isn’t about us. It is all about HIM and what HE did for us.

It. Is. That. Simple.That is the GOOD NEWS!

Let’s take a look at the scriptures and see what they say.

In Matthew 23:27, Jesus addressed the Pharisees who were being judgmental and holding on to a ‘visual and works-based’ salvation by saying, “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which appear beautiful on the outside, but inside are full of dead men’s bones and every impurity. In the same way, on the outside you seem righteous to people, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.” This statement was radical then and it still is today! What good is it if we visually look ‘set apart’ but we are bitter, prideful, and show no love? That is what Jesus means by a whitewashed tomb! Jesus also declares the Pharisees hypocrites for straining out a gnat but eating a camel (Matt. 23:24). This was a parable about worrying about small things but yet, you are full of hatred and pride – which are BIG issues. We must cleans our hearts. As we do this, we will reflect Christ on the outside by our actions. We are becoming love. It isn’t a checklist, it is a process; one that can take years as we begin to heal the many layers of shame, guilt, and pain that we have endured. We must have faith. Believing in something we cannot….see.

We tend to think of a Pharisee as just a Jewish person who didn’t accept Jesus as the Messiah. Why did they reject Him? Jesus was viewed as radical. His message was a 360 from the Law of Moses (Read the book of Leviticus). Moses taught you must perform a certain way to be clean. Jesus taught that God already sees us as clean and we will have eternal life if we accept Him into our hearts as our Lord and Savior. There are many more accounts recorded in the New Testament where Jesus denounced the religious hypocrites, but I would like to now focus on the gospel. The good news. We cannot follow something we do not….know. The good news is that God already loves us and he loves us with agape love. Agape love is unconditional love. Meaning, there are no conditions in which we can make God love us more or less. He loves us because He is love. Scripture tells us this.

1 John 4:8 “The one who does not love does not know God, because God is love.”

Romans 8:39 tells us that nothing can separate us from love. Nothing. Not your skirt that is above your knees, your short hair, your bitterness, your lies….NOTHING. It is written, “(No) height or depth, or any other created thing will have the power to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord!” Praise God for that because it is impossible to be sinless, but fear not! We are loved by God and we have been bought and paid for.

John 17:23 “I am in them and You are in Me. May they be made completely one, so the world may know You have sent Me and have loved them as You have loved Me.” This right here tells us we are loved the same way Jesus is loved. Hallelujah!

Ephesians 1:7-8 “We have redemption in Him through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace that He lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.” He has redeemed us! We are set free.

1 Corinthians 12:13 “For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body—whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free—and we were all made to drink of one Spirit.” God does not see a sinner when He looks at us. We have been baptized into Christ.

While we have this good news, so many people reject it. It is difficult for the human mind to grasp this concept that we are loved unconditionally by God. Another argument I have heard time and time again is that the God of the Old Testament was mean and full of wrath. Yes, people were killed, but the Bible is not a book of condemnation, it is a book about God’s redemption plan to save mankind after the fall. The only reason people were wiped away was due to their motives to wipe out the line to Jesus Christ. God had to preserve that at all costs because Jesus is the ONLY way to eternal life without pain and suffering.

If God was mad at us, why did he make a promise to Abraham that he would use his seed to bless the world? God made this promise in the very first book of the Bible. He wouldn’t do this if He regretted creating us. He promised Abraham, Issac, and Jacob (Israel) that He would redeem us through their bloodline. We now know that redemption plan was finished with Jesus Christ. The adversary tricked Adam and Eve to eat from the Tree of Good and Evil by making them feel God was hiding something from them. After the fall, they felt shame and guilt. Something God never wanted for us. The reason we felt naked was because of the enemy. Not God. We clothe ourselves to hide shame. If it was Satan who told us we were unclean in the garden, is it not Satan who is inside your head telling you that you are unclean if you don’t perform or wear certain types of attire?

One last thought. Fear in Hebrew does not translate to being scared. To fear God in the original text means to have childlike wonder and awe of God. Fear = awe. How easily we can get tricked into thinking God is angry with us. Satan has done this since the fall. The devil is the father of all lies and he knows no new tricks.

The good news is that the battle has been won. Jesus conquered the grave. We have redemption through Jesus Christ and we are covered by the blood of the lamb. Stop listening to the lies of the enemy. Read the word for yourself, rather than believing everything another human tells you. You can even question me and what I have written here in this article. Actually, I encourage you to. Seek to find the truth! The Holy Spirit will slowly reveal it if you ask for it.

We are no longer slaves. Thank you Jesus for this unconditional, undeserved gift of grace and eternal life.

Let your Kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as is it in Heaven. Until you return, I will praise You and spread this wonderful, life-giving news of how You died for me, and…..the world. I pray that every person who reads this will be filled with a seed of Truth. In Jesus’ name I declare this. Amen.

–GodIsLove

Faith And Questioning: The Caterpillar

There is sometimes a lot of fear in leaving (or in having left) that we will leave God. We may not go to church as often, may not want to read our Bibles or pray or do other things that our former churches told were signs that we were Christians. However, no matter where we are or what questions we’re asking, we’re being honest for asking rather than pretending we don’t. It takes a lot of faith sometimes to doubt or question. And it takes a lot of guts, after what we’ve been taught, to be honest enough to admit we have questions.

Asking questions and suddenly not having definitive answers for all things God-related is scary. “I don’t know” wasn’t an acceptable answer to Bible or theology questions in many of our former churches. But in reality, “I don’t know” may be the honest answer to a lot of things. I don’t know much about God. I don’t know what certain passages mean in the Bible. I don’t know what might happen in the end times or even if there will be an end of time. I don’t know (or don’t care) if there is a hell or what it is like. I don’t know. I don’t know for sure that there is a God or that he is actively involved in the minutia of my life. I don’t know a whole lot of things. And that’s scary. It’s scary for me and it’s scary for others who know me, and it’s scary for others who are in the same boat.

Today I watched a caterpillar form it’s chrysalis. And… this is the unscientific version, but to do so, the caterpillar eats and eats. Then it goes and hangs upside down by it’s hind feet. And then it starts to convulse, to shake and it’s insides start to expand and contract oddly. That caterpillar separates from it’s outer skin and bunches up small inside. It’s skin then splits and everything — antennae, face, everything is separated off and shed away. What is left is an extremely soft, extremely vulnerable inner part hanging from a reed or a wall. Then the new outer part starts to harden and form a chrysalis.

This can’t be easy for the caterpillar. I’m sure it doesn’t feel good. To us it would feel lonely, possibly painful, and very scary. But for the caterpillar to survive and for it to be what it is meant to be, it has to go through this. And I think maybe sometimes we have to go through something similar spiritually — shed old ways, old thoughts, old ideas, and become very vulnerable and lonely for awhile.

The crazy thing is, the poor monarch has to do it all over again to come out of the chrysalis, just a couple weeks later. But the result is beautiful.

Maybe in being taught that we should hold onto the faith we had at one point in our lives we are inadvertently being taught not to grow and become what God himself intends. Maybe holding onto what we thought we had at one particular moment actually prevents us from growing as we should and becoming what God designed us to be.

I’ve heard so much preaching on childlike faith and would think back to my faith at this or that time growing up. I’d pray in those times that I’d get that innocent faith back. But I don’t think that’s what Jesus meant. The one constant about my childhood faith wasn’t that it was perfect or strong or mature. It was that no matter how big or small, it was never hampered by fears that it wasn’t as good as it had been at some there point in my life. And it was growing and changing. As a child, I lived more day to day, not worrying about whether I had enough faith but simply accepting whatever faith I had at the moment. Perhaps childlike faith isn’t childish or childhood faith, but faith that simply is faith, not a ‘faith’ that worries about all it isn’t, but just is what it is.