After we left Antioch Baptist Church, a small church just north of Knoxville cared for my family’s wounds for almost half a year. Their tenderness helped to bandage our raw, open sores, while their willingness to listen soothed the burning and pounding that seemed to continue incessantly. They showed us grace and gave us space to breathe, while offering their arms and homes as places of safety from the storms. Even though we ended up never joining at that church, we are ever-grateful for their compassion, acceptance, and love during some of the hardest months of our lives.
Of all the struggles I dealt with personally in the months to follow, however, I could never accept that the document we sent to the two or three witnesses was sufficient, because on top of my own inner turmoil and the damage to our marriage, I saw the depth of pain in my children’s eyes as they played with less wonder and innocence in their hearts. While I could never go back and change what my children had to endure, I could warn others, in hopes that even one person would eventually hear and listen, thus preventing themselves or their families from suffering the same fate. The emotions in this post were raw, ranging from anger to inconsolable pain, but I needed to speak my truth- my story- not just for my sake, but for those after me.
Crystal Old’s Facebook Post on November 8, 2018
“**What Really Happened- Part One: Aug 2015 and Onward**
Who knew that feeding my child essential nourishment while getting spiritually fed meant we didn’t hold up the standards of leading vs submission, that my husband needed to “man up” and send me to an isolated room that only exasperated my postpartum depression and anxiety. Who knew my own pastor’s family would approach our friends asking them to attempt to shame me into that isolation knowing full-well the impact it had on my mental state. Who knew that it would be deemed a hindrance to our church sending us out as missionaries.
Who knew you could write an 800 page book on rightly dividing Scripture when I’m considered a “Bible corrector” because I believe God PROMISED to PRESERVE his word “from this generation forever.” Guess what: that includes the Greek and the Hebrew.
Did you know that pants make the shape of the letter “A,” “just like authority”? I know of a few other words that start with A too, but that doesn’t change what the Bible really says. The word “modesty” in 1 Tim is the same root word as the requirement for a bishop to be “of good behaviour.”
Did you know that being an introvert was the only acceptable thing as a woman? Too bad God made me an extrovert so it was taken as being unsubmissive. Or is there another reason my own pastor’s wife decided to spread lies that I run my home and whatever I say goes….. Is that needing to feel superior or simply envy?
Did you know it’s okay for someone in the inner circle to tear down 40 godly men and women (look into the REAL stories, not the lies we were fed) behind the pulpit MULTIPLE TIMES and even in a meeting with over 30 visiting churches, but we were the ones accused of trying to destroy our church by saying it was wrong. Went about it the wrong way? Sure. But so was the harassment to follow. And no. Once again, the ends do NOT justify the means. Aggression is still harassment.
We had an issue with ONE MAN and the way he PUBLICALLY destroyed people without remorse, but our pastor said the writing was on the wall with our criticism and negativity. No. That was called thinking for ourselves. Individual soul liberty. We loved our church and had no intention of leaving anytime soon. We didn’t realize how much deeper the problem went before June….and it wasn’t until then that we found out what truly happened a year ago.
Our children miss their teachers and friends, but we will not allow our children’s spiritual lives be destroyed and hindered like many others were that you will answer for someday. Risk my child being completely humiliated in a men’s meeting because they confided interest in marrying someone? Nah.
Risk my child being the dedicated whipping post of an entire church service without the pastor ever talking with the parents first, but rather based off of the gossip of the TEENAGERS? Then turning around almost a year later justifying that it “helped to get ahead of the situation,” but the pastor still has to question if it was right or wrong? Not a chance.
Risk my child being told they can go against their parents and COURT someone else? Smh. And it didn’t even happen just the one time.Call me bitter. I don’t care anymore. Call it transference. If it’s transferance of past abuse, maybe look into why it was triggered: the harassment and attempts at controlling me and my family into silence. We are to conform to the Bible, not to man. You picked the wrong person. I believe in exposing the truth and have no problem doing so when I have no doubt that others will continue to be hurt as you continue to bite and devour.
In this series I share my thoughts and opinions concerning these ministers and the events which led to my departure. Click here to continue reading: “Blindsided: ‘What Really Happened- Part Two” or click on the link below.
For a list of the complete series, click here.
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