In 2006, Tarana Burke started the “Me Too movement” in order to “highlight the occurrence of sexual harassment, particularly as it targeted women of color.” (Me Too: Sexual Harassment Awareness & Prevention, Maryville Online, 23 Jan. 2020.) Unfortunately, her movement remained stagnant for eleven years until several actresses began to share their own experiences and Alyssa Milano encouraged women to respond back to her tweet with “Me Too” if they had ever been sexually harassed or assaulted. Almost immediately, the movement became a force to be reckoned with. This seemingly simple, two-word hashtag took the world by storm, bringing countless prominent and powerful figures to their knees by publicly exposing the darkest corners of their world. But how does it work? What makes “#MeToo” effective?
According to Burke, “the MeToo movement works on empowerment through empathy, by showing the world just how common sexual harassment is and by telling survivors they are not alone and [are] supported” (Me Too: Sexual Harassment Awareness & Prevention, Maryville Online, 23 Jan. 2020.). No matter what type(s) of abuse one has endured, the courageous act of even one person coming out and saying, “I experienced this, and it is unacceptable,” brings validation to millions of victims who have suffered in silence, and inspires others to finally tell their stories.
During the summer following the mass exodus of 2017, we discovered that many of the precious Christians who left were afraid to speak up, either for fear of “touching God’s anointed,” or because they still feared the residual consequences of speaking up against the leadership even a year after they left. Near the end of my own family’s time there, I too came to understand the pressure and concerns they endured during their last weeks and months at Antioch Baptist Church:
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- Within his first voicemail back in June 2018, Douglas Stauffer conjectured that my Facebook post about his carnal message could “draw complainers to a complainer.” Why would he be afraid of us talking with those who left? What was there to hide?
- Pastor Andrew Ray also expressed his concern in a meeting shortly thereafter that those who left desired to use me as their spokesperson for what they went through. Was there a reason they needed a spokesman?
- Later in the summer, I further learned of Pastor’s Ray’s letter to one of the families threatening to send a letter to their college-age daughter’s educational establishment should they not leave in an adequately peaceable manner!
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If there is anything that I have learned over the years about various types of abuse, it is that the darkness reigns through the power of silence. There are countless stories from the mass exodus that we are not privy to the details on, but it leaves me wondering what other underhanded manipulations occurred at the hands of Pastor Andrew Ray or Douglas Stauffer and were stifled down or hidden through fear. Maybe that could be the reason that Douglas Stauffer stated that he did not want a #MeToo movement, despite the subject at hand being his harassment toward me and my family, not harassment of a sexual nature!
Thanks to Douglas Stauffer and Andrew Ray, I can clearly see why Burke started the #MeToo movement, and why it continues strongly today. I merely spoke up against injustice, and we feel that Pastor Ray and Stauffer then attempted to shame and manipulate us into silence because it would hurt their fragile reputations. Unfortunately for Douglas Stauffer and Andrew Ray, I had already experienced spiritual abuse in the past, and despite the continued pain, I refused to ever be a doormat again. They chose the wrong woman to mess with because I refuse to cower silently in timid submission to men who appear calloused to the consequences of their actions on other people.
Below is the third Facebook post I managed to muster up the courage to share about our experiences at Antioch Baptist Church, just a month after the second one:
Crystal Old’s Facebook Post on December 6, 2018
“Wanna know why people don’t speak up about various forms of harassment? Still wonder why there’s a MeToo Movement? Let me show you…..
**What REALLY Happened- Part 2: June 2018**
This was supposed to be a place of balance and a place of healing. I opened up the scars and the wounds in hopes of moving forward, and despite the many hours of tears, counsel and advice over the course of FIVE YEARS, I heard the words… I don’t know how to talk with you.
I sent an email about the harassment that occurred in June, but what happened? A message on forgiveness that night. He later said he was preaching to himself too. I’ve since learned the Bible says to receive not an accusation against an elder except by two or three witnesses. Now I know why.
My husband was called downstairs into a meeting where the man [Pastor Andrew Ray] told my husband that he thought this mess had fallen into my husband’s lap for him to help me with my past trauma. It was believed to all be transference but I have the proof that tells otherwise. He then said that an email like this can destroy a man’s ministry and attempted to get my husband to agree to deleting it from his email as well. He said to my husband, “Let’s start ripping it up now” and proceeded to attempt to physically rip up the document. When that did not work-awkwardly, I might add- he sent my husband to the office to shred it. It was presented as the ONLY copy remaining, just a day after giving a copy to the man who harassed my family saying, “Brother Olds doesn’t know you have this.”
Two months later, the man who harassed my family to begin with approached us because he knew about the email (had a physical copy) and couldn’t rectify that I went over to say “Hello” And apologize for avoiding him, and wanted to meet because he was afraid of a #MeToo movement. He threatened (but said it was NOT a threat) that if the meeting didn’t go a certain way, he would step down, leave the church, and my accusations of harassment would go up before the church. When my husband asked the man we sent the email to about the harassment to be in the meeting, he said we were trying to destroy our church because I had asked a friend for advice in June. He also tried to control the number of witnesses and tell my husband who he could and could not ask for as witnesses. Oh yes, and he said that shredding the email wasn’t meant too be deceitful.
Why speak up? Because these types of situations happen all of the time and people are told, “This could destroy his ministry.” Well, what about everyone else that is destroyed IN his scope of ministry?
#BreaktheSilence
#MessedWithTheWrongWoman
#NotASheep”
In this series I share my thoughts and opinions concerning these ministers and the events which led to my departure. Click here to continue reading: “Blindsided: Douglas Stauffer’s Private Message to Matthew Olds (December 2018)” or click on the link below.
For a list of the complete series, click here.
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