Blindsided: Skeleton #1: Manipulating the Broken

**Names marked with an asterisk (*) have been changed for the privacy of individuals and their families**

Throughout my breastfeeding journeys, I often wondered how I could possibly survive, but the Lord provided the most intricate life-support system, not only through my closest friends, but through complete strangers as well. My closest friends and those relationships developed through various breastfeeding support groups are what made it possible to endure the intense anxiety and agonizing depths of depression during my postpartum periods. They witnessed the toll the church breastfeeding situation took on me and my family for months at a time as I perpetually justified the wrongs of my church’s inner circle, and knowing I blamed myself, they never gave up.

My friends listened to my frustrations and held me close, while those in breastfeeding support groups encouraged me to assert my rights, even publicly if necessary, by going to the media or by simply allowing them to stage a nurse-in as a cry for justice. Instead, I “suffered myself [and my family] to be defrauded” for the cause of Christ. Countless nights left me tossing and turning without answers despite the hundreds of tear-filled days I wasted away, consumed with researching and attempting to lighten the burden I felt that *I* had placed on my church family and on my husband. My sacrifices, however, were to no avail, because the inner circle was not willing to show true compassion and give back just a little of what they took. I continued to break yet the more, longing for a peaceful resolution, but not once did I assume that my own pastor and pastor’s wife, Andrew and Lula Ray, had been working behind the scenes to intensify my burdens. I rightfully expected my pastor to respect reasonable boundaries, but instead, he attempted to manipulate me through those closest to me, all the while knowing I struggled with suicidal ideation because of postpartum depression and anxiety.

Shielded Arrows From Behind

Shortly after Douglas Stauffer’s carnal message during the 2018 Bible Conference, and within proximity of the time Seth Razler* accused me of giving my church the “middle finger” every time I nursed in the service, several close friends revealed that Pastor Ray and/or Lula Ray had approached them, requesting that they would meet with us, hopefully coercing us back in the isolated mother’s room. Thankfully, each one of those friends embodied character and honesty enough to protect someone that was simply trying to survive. One of those families came and sat with us for support without saying a word about what happened. Another, a peacemaker, unknowingly sent me into a mental spiral when she encouraged me to show “spiritual maturity” by going to the mother’s room, but she continued to invite us to join her family during the church services despite my response and never faltered in supporting me in the months to come. The third family that we were made aware of, the Martins*, further revealed a side of the Rays that we had never seen before the 2018 Bible Conference.

Hierarchy Before Friendship

One would assume that the Rays would have shown the Martins* due respect considering their years of unbreakable friendship, but when Celine Martin* clearly stated that she was not going to approach me about nursing based on her own values, Andrew Ray proceeded to go “over” Mrs. Martin* to convince her husband to “lead” as “head” of the family. As per the status quo at Antioch Baptist Church, the assertive refusal of a woman was not sufficient. Thankfully, Dennis Martin* also refused, leaving no other levels to manipulate, and the Rays hands tied by the law.

Law of Liberty or Liability?

According to Tennessee law, “A mother may breastfeed in any public or private place she is authorized to be” and according to an amendment to that law (TCA 68-58-102), “breastfeeding shall not be considered public indecency or nudity, obscene, or sexual conduct.”

Shortly after my second child was born, I had made the mistake of presenting this last to my Pastor Andrew Ray and Lula Ray out of concern that a future visitor could stage a nurse-in (the equivalent of a sit-in) or that our church could incur legal ramifications. Unbeknown to me, it appears Andrew and Lula determined my act of devotion to be a literal, active threat to Antioch Baptist Church, and likely began to determine ways to work through loopholes in the law.

In this series I share my thoughts and opinions concerning these ministers and the events which led to my departure. Click here to continue reading: “Blindsided: Skeleton #2: The Destruction of a Young Girl” or click on a title below. [Links will be added as new blogs are posted.]

Blindsided Series

Part One: Red Flags and Rose-Colored Glasses

• • Series Introduction
  • Hindsight is 20/20
  • First Warning Signs
  • Circumcising the Critics- Sermon #1
  • Circumcising the Critics- Sermon #2

Part Two: Calloused Carnality and Hidden Harassment
(Sunday, June 3, 2018- Tuesday, June 5, 2018)

• • Douglas Stauffer’s Carnal Message on Carnality- Sermon #3
  • Silent No Longer
  • Douglas Stauffer’s Voicemail to Matthew Olds
  • Personal Response to Douglas Stauffer’s Voicemail
  • Harassment from Douglas Stauffer Begins
  • Private Messages Between Matthew Olds and Pastor Andrew Ray
  • Afternoon Phone Calls with Pastor Andrew Ray and Douglas Stauffer
  • Continuation of Messages between Matthew Olds and Pastor Andrew Ray
  • Crystal Olds’ First Facebook Apology Post
  • Douglas Stauffer Twists Crystal Olds’ Public Apology
  • Douglas Stauffer’s Harassment Crosses Another Line
  • The Olds’ House Divided
  • Face-to-Face with Douglas Stauffer
  • Reduced to Being the Pastor’s Cheerleader

Part Three: Navigating the Masks of Deceit
(Wednesday, June 6, 2018- Sunday, June 17, 2018)

• • Douglas Stauffer’s Twitter Tells All (Part One)
  • Douglas Stauffer’s Twitter Tells All (Part Two)
  • Still Expected to Cheer from the Nursery
  • Our Own Pastor- Friend or Foe?
  • Our Pastor’s True Colors Begin to Show (Part One)
  • Our Pastor’s True Colors Begin to Show (Part Two)
  • One Finger Salute
  • Douglas Stauffer’s Public Apology
  • Straight from the Horse’s Mouth
  • The Illusion of Pastor Andrew Ray
  • Crystal Olds’ Email to Pastor Andrew Ray about Douglas Stauffer’s Harassment and Character
  • Pastor Andrew Ray’s Message on “Biblical Forgiveness”
  • Shredding the Evidence

Part Four: Discerning a Diotrephes: Douglas Stauffer

• • Douglas Stauffer- A Diotrophes at Heart
  • Douglas Stauffer’s Traveling Conceit
  • Douglas Stauffer- Pride He Can Count On
  • Douglas Stauffer’s Pharisaical Comparisons
  • Douglas Stauffer’s Perspective About His Pride
  • A Missionary’s Dream
  • Douglas Stauffer- Clouds Without Rain
  • Planning on a Prayer
  • Crossing I’s and Dotting T’s
  • Medical Mazes (Part One)
  • Medical Mazes (Part Two)
  • Sent to the Wolf, Unaware
  • Douglas Stauffer’s Deceitful Misleading
  • Douglas Stauffer Twists the Truth
  • Matthew Olds’ Email to Pastor Andrew Ray
  • Douglas Stauffer’s Motives Revealed

Part Five: When Closet Skeletons Speak

• • When Closet Skeletons Speak
  • Skeleton #1: Manipulating the Broken
  • Skeleton #2: The Destruction of a Young Girl
  • Skeleton #3: Recordings From a Church Meeting
  • Skeleton #4: A Secret Letter
  • Nail in the Coffin

Part Seven: Rising Up from the Ashes

• • Out of the Fire… With Buckets of Water
  • Our Letter to the Witnesses
  • Finally Speaking Out
  • “What Really Happened (Part One)”
  • “What Really Happened (Part Two)”
  • Douglas Stauffer’s Private Message to Matthew Olds (December 2018)
  • Yet Another Private Message from Douglas Stauffer (December 2018)
  • Douglas Stauffer’s August 2020 Voicemail