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Why do so many choose to remain members of denominations they no longer agree with? This has always puzzled me, but in discussions with others who’ve made (often radical) changes in their membership, I’ve come to realize there are reasons, some of which I’ve highlighted below. As individual Christians, we need to be better prepared to help those in transition.

“I’ve always been a (whatever), so was my daddy, and so was his daddy before him. My grandad was a preacher. I don’t agree with all of it, but so what? Why should I change?”

A lot of people remain within their family’s denomination because that’s what they’re used to, and people are creatures of habit by default. However, it’s worth remembering that remaining or becoming a member of a denomination should be left to the individual. No one should feel pressure to remain in a denomination they don’t totally agree with, but sadly, many do.

More importantly, no one should feel as though they have to remain in a church where they can’t use their spiritual gifts. For example, one with the gift of healing probably would stagnate in a cessationist denomination, while one called to be a lay Eucharistic minister wouldn’t be able to fulfill their calling in a denomination that does not celebrate the Eucharist. Most families from healthy church backgrounds will come to accept such changes in time.

“I no longer agree with my church, but my family would disown me if I changed”

In some traditions, the church and the family structure are so intertwined that to leave the church means to also leave one’s family  While not commonplace, sometimes to leave one denomination, considered to be a part of one’s ethnic identity, for another is seen as abandoning one’s people. Anyone in this situation should seek the advice of a clergy member and be willing to have a heart-to-heart discussion with their family.

Will there be hurt feelings and misunderstandings? No doubt, nobody likes drastic changes. However, you’re only delaying the inevitable without taking that important step. The help of a support group made of people who have exited the group may provide necessary clarity. 

“When you get burned as often as I was, you get suspicious of other religious groups. I won’t go through that again”

Many are afraid to find a new church home because of bad experiences. The prospect of getting involved in another church brings about fears of being hurt again. Spiritual abuse in & of itself is difficult to recover from, especially when verbal, emotional, physical or sexual abuse is involved.

In this case, you may want to seek out churches different from the one you were hurt by and consider speaking to the clergy and other leadership before becoming too involved. If anything, your prior experiences may help you spot potential trouble. One thing you should never be afraid of is setting boundaries to avoid an involvement level outside your comfort zone.

Making a break from a toxic or unfulfilling church situation can be difficult, but you’ll be in a better place by taking this step.

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The following is a guest blog from Anna Burnett, and is used with her permission. She shared it in light of spiritual abuse on International Women’s Day, which was March 8.

What does being a woman mean?
For years I was told that it meant to be silent and submissive.
I was told that it was womanly to not ask questions and to obey men without any doubt.
My personality at its core was squashed.
I was told that in order to be in ministry that I couldn’t be so strong willed and passionate. ‘Ministry’ for women meant being a ‘pastor’s wife.’ I could never truly obtain a ministry position in the church because I was to be under men’s ‘God given authority.’
My ADHD self had been bold and intense my whole life. I felt every emotion strongly. I wanted to stand up for others. I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to do more than simply live the ordinary life.
But I was always shut down.
It wasn’t God’s will for me to be this way…
I needed to be quiet and not be so controversial.
Stop wearing leggings and working out in front of boys.
Stop asking questions.
Stop being so loud.
Stop being so happy.
Stop being so transparent.
Stop being so strong willed.
Stop being…you.
Step into our cookie cutter and you can be a godly woman. You can be quiet and submissive. You can be ‘pastor’s wife material.’
I didn’t fit. I didn’t want to fit. I was miserable.
Who was I?! I knew I certainly wasn’t this cookie cut ‘godly woman’ they wanted me to be.
Jesus, who am I? Why did you give me my personality if it is meant to be squelched? Why am I meant to hide myself behind long skirts and wonder every moment if my shoulders were showing too much?
He took me and showed me…
I made you.
I made you curious… because you were never meant to be stuck in someone else’s cookie cutter. You were meant to ask questions and to form opinions.
I made you loud… so that you can stand up for others and for what is right.
I made you happy… so that you can help those that weep.
I made you transparent… so that others will know they aren’t alone in their struggles.
I made you strong willed… so that you will stand firm in what is right.
I was always exactly who I was supposed to be. The body of Christ cannot all be the same. “The body we’re talking about is Christ’s body of chosen people. Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body. But as a chopped-off finger or cut-off toe we wouldn’t amount to much, would we? So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ’s body, let’s just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren’t.” Romans 12:4-6.
Thank you, Jesus, for showing me.

Happy International Women’s Day. Be bold and strong. This was hard to post, but it felt right today. I am becoming more bold in speaking out about things that have happened in my life and if it can help one person, it is worth it. The effects of spiritual abuse are very real and there shouldn’t be shame in talking about it.❤️

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After Matthew Olds came home in the evening, we finally had the opportunity to discuss the events of the last thirty-six hours. We discussed not only Douglas Stauffer’s harassment, haughtiness, and twisting of words and circumstances, but Matt showed me Pastor Andrew Ray’s messages to him from earlier in the afternoon. Everything changed.

On top of the intense stress and frustration from Stauffer that I struggled to manage, compounded further by not being allowed to speak, I finally came to a breaking point seeing my pastor’s pain, coupled with the cuts of his betrayal. Because I was still instructed not to speak, and I was attempting to follow my church’s supposed biblical stance on submission, Matt responded to Pastor with his own opinions and emotions after an exhausting day.

**Names marked with an asterisk (*) have been changed for the privacy of individuals and their families**

Matt (June 4 at 7:52pm): It makes it harder to see when individuals are trying to make things right on social media when you’ve unfriended them.

But since you have had your entire family unfriend my wife, its only fair that you treat me the same. I know that she hurt a lot of people, but you sir have evened the score. Great job. I have so many thoughts that I want to say right now, but it would just be turned around to say that I am complaining, so I will say this, i am praying for the church and that with the Lords help reconciliation will occur… In time. 

 

Matt (June 4 at 9:18pm): As far as seeking my pastors advise on whether to break off relationships with those that have left, i vividly remember asking you whether they were being disciplined, and you said no, but that every story has at least two sides. I have done my best not to hear either story, and they have not tried to tell me their story. They have spoken well of the church. Many of them still say that they love you all. If you saw the writing you never communicated it, even when the door was wide opened for it.

We never meant to hurt you or your family.

 

Matt (June 4): I cannot speak for my wife and she cannot speak to you on fb as you have defriended (disassociated) yourselves from her, but i am so sorry that we have caused your family and our church family harm.

[No further response from Pastor Andrew Ray through Messenger]

In this series I share my thoughts and opinions concerning these ministers and the events which led to my departure. Click here to continue reading: “Blindsided: Crystal Olds’ First Facebook Apology Post” or click on the link below.

For a list of the complete series, click here.

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Teach your church that any form of abuse is NEVER acceptable to God no matter who does it or how important the abuser is. – Diane Langberg, PhD on Twitter, March 7, 2020

I have been writing about sexual abuse in the United Pentecostal Church for awhile now and I am overwhelmed at the number of cases. There is an incredible number of women, men and children who have been sexually abused and I don’t know that I will ever be able to cover all of the stories- it is a daunting task and one which I’ve found to be quite draining. There are cases which hit the news, as well as an innumerable number that never did because they were not reported to police and therefore never prosecuted. There’s still more to write regarding all the unreported cases of child sexual abuse at Calvary Gospel Church in Madison, Wisconsin. There’s still more to write regarding reported and unreported cases of child sexual abuse at Landmark Tabernacle in Denver, Colorado. Both of these churches allegedly have cases spanning many years and both involve pastors that some would consider to be legacy names.

Back in August 2019 I wrote, “The United Pentecostal Church makes it quite clear in their yearly Manuals that if a person is guilty of committing immoral conduct regarding sexual matters, that they are not eligible to be licensed. If such happens while they hold license with them, their license is to be revoked and never reinstated. In addition, such people are not supposed to be ministering in any of their churches, whether or not they hold license. Yet despite what appears to be very clear directives, one discovers that for years there have been men holding license who have been immoral, as well as people preaching in their churches who have been immoral.”

(Some statements in this article are what have been alleged by others. The allegations all appear to be involving adults and not children. There have been no convictions or criminal arrests as the situations mentioned here appear to not have been reported to the police, or not reported while the statute of limitations was open, and to my knowledge, the alleged perpetrator has not admitted guilt. I have withheld sharing the man’s name at this point, until at least one victim comes forward publicly and names him. This is Part 33 of an ongoing series.)

And now since 2019, there have been murmurings as well as cryptic messages left on Facebook (see some of these below) that show there has been serious trouble brewing in the Western District of the United Pentecostal Church. Apparently, one of their licensed ministers, who is a pastor that married into a family whose name is a legacy in the organization, has been accused of multiple instances of sexually related charges. From the messages circulating on Facebook, people are tired of not seeing justice- they know that the UPCI is well aware of the charges and yet this man is permitted to retain his license and still delivers sermons. There are allegations of cover-ups by legacy family members, lying, deception and more.

When your husband had been proven guilty of sexual assault and sexual harassment, and has been unfaithful to you numerous times, has been forced to resign from his church by his organization for conduct unbecoming a minister and sexual misconduct, and you insist on staying at the church in a position of perceived authority so that you can continue to lie, cover-up and deceive the congregation, because you are desperate to protect your family name, the truth about your husbands resignation, and your paycheck.- February 12, 2020 Amber’s public Facebook post

When it comes to scandal in the church, which sadly does happen, it’s amazing the extent folks will do to cover things up. The real victims are maligned, God and His name is misused to claim spiritual authority. People that know better will change alliances to protect the guilty and the guilty will make themselves the victim. Watching it happen in real time is a learning experience. Legacies will crumble when it becomes about man/woman than it does God and people. – March 2, 2020 Randy’s public Facebook post

Yes sir and the sad part of all of it is that the people that are covering KNOW they hurting people. The ones who cry submission to authority are the very ones refusing to submit to THIER authority. Amazing that sometime district boards give deadlines for people to correct the lies, but even the district boards are defied. And the amazing thing is that instead of people gossiping and assuming pick up the phone and call the Western District board. How hard is that? Are they scared of truth? Aren’t you glad there a God that knows all and is the ultimate record keeper? – March 2, 2020 Daniel’s public Facebook comment in reply to Randy

There are some in the office because of their family name, they should not be in the position they are in. They misuse the authority they have been given and make the kingdom lose its appeal and taste. Though God will defend himself, it still angers me when there is such blatant lies and scandal. The scars and hurt that will be left will be there for years. I have seen many times churches having to shut down so that a renewal and time of healing can take place. – March 2, 2020 Robert’s public Facebook comment in reply to Randy

It is alleged that this minister from California was told to resign from the church (he is listed as pastor of more than one) by the Western District officials, who, after a trial in 2019, found him guilty of several sexually related charges. Yet as of the 2020 UPCI Directory, which was printed in January, as well as the UPCI online church locator in March, he is shown as a licensed ordained minister with his name listed as the pastor, though he is no longer mentioned as a District Presbyter, a position which was held for years.

If the information is accurate, I find this to be totally unacceptable due to the clearly stated rules in the UPCI Manual regarding ministers and sexual immorality. Let’s take a look at what it states. Under Article VII, Section 9 it says, “For the purpose of ministerial membership in the United Pentecostal Church International or for ministering in a United Pentecostal Church International church, immoral conduct shall be defined as adultery, fornication, homosexuality, incest, and/or any other sexual acts determined by the District Board to be perverted or immoral (Matthew 5:32; Matthew 19:9; I Corinthians 6:9; Romans 1:24-28). 2. Any minister affiliated with our organization proven guilty of adultery or fornication, or committing any other immoral offense, shall forfeit his or her papers immediately. Immoral offense shall include sexual molestation of minors.”

It appears that one of the greatest temptations facing the ministry is sex. How does sexual purity relate to God’s requirements? Sexual immorality is clearly excluded by the requirements of ‘blameless, good report, good behaviour, just, holy, and husband of one wife.’ Again, a sexual sin is an obvious disqualification in light of all the Scriptures. – David Bernard, January-March 1988 Forward (an exclusive magazine for UPCI licensed ministers)

Unfortunately, this isn’t the only case in the UPCI where a minister has retained, or later received, license after immoral conduct. Is this man permitted to retain his license because he married into a well-known ‘name’ in the organization? Should ministers be treated with kid gloves because of their pedigree or how much money the church may contribute? Rather, shouldn’t those with a legacy be expected to be held to a high standard, considering how organizations tend to place these people on a pedestal and parade them around as examples to be followed? What does this legacy even mean when people discover abuses or cover-ups? Would it not be best to openly and properly handle any legacy case, considering that much more harm is caused to any legacy by not doing so, because at some point the truth will be discovered and made known? And what does this say to other former ministers whose licenses were properly revoked due to immorality?

Just as the church has authority to examine and approve ministerial candidates, so it has authority to remove someone from a ministerial position if he no longer meets God’s requirements. Actually the person disqualifies himself by his actions, and the church simply recognizes this fact. – David Bernard, January-March 1988 Forward

It wasn’t too difficult to determine the name of this pastor and it appears there are many within the United Pentecostal Church who know, including licensed ministers and their spouses, some of whom have spoken up about what is happening. There is no way in which this news didn’t go all the way up the chain of command in the organization. General Superintendent David Bernard, it appears that you may need to intervene and do what is right and in accordance with your Manual, and strip this individual of their license, not allowing the legacy family he married into sway you in your decision. People ARE watching.

August 6, 2020 Note: Now that it has been publicly posted by one of the alleged victims, I can share that this article is about John Shivers, who is married to one of the daughters of the late Kenneth Haney. See Part 2 & Part 3.

August 24, 2022 edit: Today the Stockton Record released an article about John Shivers. You must have a digital subscription to read it. See https://www.recordnet.com/story/news/2022/08/24/pastor-john-shivers-accused-sexual-assault-preaching-stockton-centro-vida-pentecostal-church/5695797001/

You will find a complete list of articles in this series by clicking here.

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Sitting in church yesterday, I had one of those aha moments. You know one of those moments when another piece of the puzzle snaps in place. The preacher was talking about roots. How when he was a kid he tried to chop down a fig tree. He chopped it all the way down to the ground, but didn’t destroy the roots.

Now he might’ve been going in a completely different direction than me. But by then, me and God were having our own conversation. I have wondered, questioned, discussed with others why after all we’ve been through, with all the abuse, with all the confusion and false doctrine, why are we still able to hang on? Why have we been able to move on?

Now, don’t get me wrong. We still have a bad day sometimes, or something will trigger an emotion in us. But over all we are healing, we are able to minister to others. We are finding our place in Life. When I see people, friends, loved ones still caught up in the condemnation, shame, lies that they were told for so long, it hurts my heart. I want to fix it for them, but sadly, all I can do is support them and encourage them.

I think yesterday, I found the answer to that question for my life. Noting we aren’t all just alike, what works for me might not be for you. But I was just like that fig tree that was chopped to the ground. I spent 20 plus years oppressed, depressed, feeling hopeless in the situation. But, somehow in the midst of that I had roots. Not roots in the United Pentecostal Church, not roots in standards, or with a congregation or preacher. But, with God. See, he did come to me when I was searching, and I have a relationship with him, not man. I could’ve gone anywhere and lived for him. Sadly, I ended up at a UPCI church.

Thankfully my roots are grounded in him. In his grace, his mercy, his sacrifice, not in my works. And not in the opinion of man. Because of that I am able to stand. I am able to hold on. I’ve been able to see new life springing forth. If you feel chopped down, cut off, abandoned, dig a little deeper, brush away the debris of hurt, and hopelessness. Maybe you too can find that root coming up. And you can start fresh and new. If you have lost all, and have nothing left, just hang on to the root. And see how beautiful your brand new life can be.

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