Category: Baptist

**Names marked with an asterisk (*) have been changed for the privacy of individuals and their families**

That Wednesday evening, June 13, 2018, my husband, Matthew Olds, and I finally heeded a friend’s counsel to take a break, for the sake of our own family, as well as our church family. Though we had initially considered visiting another church a few days prior on Sunday night, we shifted our plans to Wednesday because of the financial meeting planned with Seth Razler*. On Wednesday night, we visited at a sweet, Independent Fundamental Baptist Church in our area, and though we later realized that it was not the church home for our family, the strong Christians there and the safe, endearing environment they created, were an absolute haven for us as we quietly tended to our family’s wounds left by the leadership of Antioch Baptist Church.

Why did we not leave Antioch Baptist Church in June or July? Because we still saw Pastor Andrew Ray as the pastor that loved and cared for our family. Not only did we not see him for who- we now believe- he had become, but we feared re-creating the tension of the nursing situation at another church. A breather, however, was exactly what we needed to make it through the next several months.

Come the following Sunday morning, back at Antioch Baptist Church, I ran into Mary*, the pastor’s oldest daughter, and I apologized for how my initial Facebook post affected her.  I assured her that upon writing that post, I was unaware of the previous situations that had occurred, including the ones that she had been through, and that I never intended for her to get hurt.

The next morning, Monday June 18, 2018, I messaged Pastor Ray to inform him that I had apologized to Mary*, and I further wanted to clear the air about my lack of responding to his friend request to me on Facebook that he retracted after a week. I feared that not responding right away would appear to be out of spite or anger, and though my greatest desire was to keep from hurting my pastor even further, I simply was not ready to open back up to anyone and risk being hurt that deeply again.

His response, as always was reassuring and encouraging, just as he had been through the whole situation, with the exception of his private Facebook messages to Matt. But I even understood and justified his reaction through the private messages because his family was hurting, and what man would not lash out upon perceiving a threat to his family? Despite his family’s anguish, after meeting with Matt a mere two days after Douglas Stauffer’s carnal message, I had lifted my head from facing the ground in embarrassment and shame, only to meet my pastor’s usual compassionate eyes and hear him say that he loved us and loved our family. I believe I merely gave a thankful smile because I was still too overwhelmed emotionally to speak. Despite the agony written across his face and the depth of pain which I felt I had inflicted on him and his family the last several days, I thought I recognized the face of my pastor, the one that knew our past struggles and fears, knew us for who we were, and was attempting to give us a chance to make things right as brothers and sisters in Christ. I had no idea that he had just crushed my husband, removed us from all ministries, and made my husband his cheer-leader from the sidelines, while Douglas Stauffer roamed free.

Fast-forward two weeks later, right after informing Pastor Ray that I had apologized to Mary*, his text messages presented the same calm and reassuring attitude towards us that he also presented in person. We assumed, despite his previous comments about the “writing on the wall,” that we were all working toward reconciliation. We assumed he was genuine and the same pastor we had known for the last four years. But once again, we assumed incorrectly. We had no idea that he would later accuse us of trying to destroy our church, something he deemed to be “his life’s work.”

Text Messages Between Pastor Andrew Ray and Crystal Olds (Matthew Olds included in group text)

Crystal Olds (June 18, 2018 at 8:49am): Pastor, I saw your friend request on Facebook a week ago, and I saw it come off over the last day or so. I just need time and space at this point. I want things to be okay again, and I was trying to converse as if things were calm and normal yesterday, but these last two weeks have been filled with triggers and I need space to work through them. I’m spiraling (c-PTSD) and I need time to sort through the emotions and everything that happened.

Crystal Olds (June 18, 2018 at 8:49am): [Continued]  I meant to catch you last night and while you probably already know, I did apologize to Mary* yesterday afternoon. She’s growing into a sweet young woman.

Pastor Andrew Ray (June 18, 2018 at 10:23am): Thank you for writing sister! Mary* did tell me and I appreciate both your apology and your sentiments toward Mary*. As for the friend request, I just withdrew it so that it was not in your face. I figure, if or when you are ready, you can send one to me. 

Pastor Andrew Ray (June 18, 2018 at 10:23am): [Continued] On a separate note, but just to be above board, I will be tightening my settings in the next day or so, because I need to keep the Post Tribbers and works salvation attacks at bay as long as possible. I did not want you to think those changes had anything to do with you. Today  I am going to try to snuff out post or mid trib “friends.” Believe it or not, people taking a stand on the pretrip rapture have had some of the these guys show up at their front door to debate and argue with them. Just wanted you to be aware.

Thank you again for talking to Mary*. I hope you have a great day.

Crystal Olds (June 18, 2018 at 10:23 AM): I had no idea that that was going on. People have lost their minds. I really hope that no one tries that with you guys, and thank you for the heads up. I would have wondered.… so thank you for that. We are praying you all have a good week and Lord willing, see you all Wednesday

Pastor Andrew Ray (June 18, 2018): Sounds good. Thank you sister!

Crystal Olds (July 1, 2018 at 10:50pm): Thank you Pastor. Meeting tonight really helped. That said… The “amen” question is a perfect example of what I was trying to ask with the example you gave of Teletubies. At this point, Matt isn’t against a woman saying amen, but I’m afraid it could come across as disrespectful or that I don’t care, now knowing for sure where you stand. I never want you to think that I just don’t care and I never want to be in your face about something you disagree with. Just needed to get that out there.… And thank you for another point on my side of the board for “I told you so” with Matt (just kidding).… It’s been a messed up month, but I’m thankful you’re our pastor.

Pastor Andrew Ray (July 2, 2018 at 9:45pm): Sorry to take so long to respond. I’m glad I could be of some help to you. Thank you for your kind words.

Crystal Olds (July 3, 2018 at 11:26pm): No problem and thank you. Good night pastor. Lord willing see you all tomorrow night 

Pastor Andrew Ray (July 2, 2018): Liked “No problem and thank you. Good night pastor. Lord willing see you all tomorrow night”

Pastor Andrew Ray (Sep 18, 2018 at 9:45pm): <3
[Crystal Olds accidentally sent heart emoji while looking at previous messages with Ray following her departure from Antioch Baptist Church]

In this series I share my thoughts and opinions concerning these ministers and the events which led to my departure. Click here to continue reading: “Blindsided: Crystal Olds’ Email to Pastor Andrew Ray about Douglas Stauffer’s Harassment and Character” or click on the link below.

For a list of the complete series, click here.

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**Names marked with an asterisk (*) have been changed for the privacy of individuals and their families**

Miranda Crawford* and I had been communicating through Facebook messenger, beginning with her reaching out to attempt to comfort and encourage us through the chaos. On Tuesday, June 12, 2018, the day after Douglas Stauffer’s “Bit of a Confession,” Miranda* sent me Stauffer’s own explanation of his apology. Douglas Stauffer did acknowledge that his recent statements had nothing to do with the Crawfords*, but he once again apologized for how his “ill-advised” actions could have affected them, and said that some form of an apology was necessary because the only thing public was a “mis-perception” of the truth that started with his “ill-advised” comments. Once again, we feel that Stauffer said exactly what he meant at a time when he believed his true actions and motives would not be revealed.

Jeremy Crawford*: I just wanted you to know that I don’t have any hard feelings toward you and though I am trying to overcome some bitterness… I have been praying for you and for Antioch.

Douglas Stauffer: Jeremy* I understand that things spiraled out of control rather quickly and much of it took place when I was traveling so I did not see enough of it firsthand. I do stand behind pastor Ray because I know what it is like to feel attacked and you want to fix things in a hurry. Honestly, he too wonders how differently he could have handled things, but don’t we all? Don’t I even today with all that has recently transpired?

Douglas Stauffer (continued): People have no idea what it is like to stand in a pulpit with every word scrutinized and everyone wondering the motives- good or bad- behind every single statement.

Having said all that, all the things of recent had absolutely NOTHING to do with you or your family. I don’t want to give details because it seems that those sometimes just add fuel to the simmering coals that reignite the fire that seems to be somewhat quenched for now. Regardless, I do apologize to you and your family if my comments based on my internal thoughts caused me to speak ill-advisedly and caused you any further hurt. 

Douglas Stauffer (continued): Please pass along my sincerest apologies to your family and thank you for reaching out to me. I feared putting anything out there publicly because it sometimes just opens more old wounds; creates more questions and talk, yet somewhat of an explanation/apology was in store because the only thing out there was mis-perception that started with my ill-advised statements.

Douglas Stauffer (continued): We ALL wish things did not turn out the way they did and want nothing but good/great things for your family. Although the bridges may be burned here, God wants to use each of us in our own ways. Even two of the greatest Christians had sharp contentions at times but God was ultimately glorified. That is my hope for all concerned. 

Acts 15:39 And the contention was so sharp between them, that they departed asunder one from the other: and so Barnabas took Mark, and sailed unto Cyprus; 40 And Paul chose Silas, and departed, being recommended by the brethren unto the grace of God.

Miranda Crawford*: He somewhat apologized. Jeremy* was responding (privately) to the post he put out on FB

In this series I share my thoughts and opinions concerning these ministers and the events which led to my departure. Click here to continue reading: “Blindsided: The Illusion of Pastor Andrew Ray” or click on the link below.

For a list of the complete series, click here.

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“Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.” 1 Corinthians 13:1

On Monday, June 11, 2018, the day after the meetings with Pastor Andrew Ray and Seth Razler* and approximately a week after Douglas Stauffer’s message on carnality, Stauffer messaged my husband, Matthew Olds, and asked him if the apology below was sufficient. We assumed it was a facade, considering his harassment and attitude toward us the week before, but we figured any pressure on Pastor Andrew Ray could have forced Stauffer’s hand. At least, finally, the man who preached against apologizing was actually making a public remark, and maybe, just maybe, it meant that the chaos at our church would begin to calm down. Just maybe it meant we could all begin to move forward.

Doug Stauffer’s Facebook Post (Monday, June 11, 2018):  “A Bit of a Confession!”

”Preachers are sometimes guilty of saying ill-advised things from the pulpit. Guilty! The preacher can have the best of intentions but one fleeting thought that turns into a sentence or two can prove disastrous for the preacher, harm the hearers, and create long-lasting repercussions in the lives of countless others. Social media and instant access to sermons outside the church walls compounds the problem because things are heard and misconstrued especially when those words lack the necessary context.

The problem is that the preachers are human; those in the pew are human and both are expected by God to act and react in a superhuman capacity. I wish I was talking about somebody else, but I am not. I want to apologize to any that I have ever offended with ill-advised words in or out of the pulpit. It has happened in the past and will happen in the future. My prayer is to rise above the level of simply walking, talking, and thinking like a man; it must be possible if God rebukes those who “walk as men.” 1 Corinthians 3:3 For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and WALK AS MEN?’ Doug” [LINK: https://www.facebook.com/douglasstauffer1611/posts/1974808689217742]

Now, did we truly believe Douglas Stauffer was honestly apologetic for his actions, considering he apologized for “saying ill-advised things” once again? Not a chance, but to voice our opinions at the time would have been fruitless and my husband and I just wanted to get this behind us.  According to Merriam-Webster, “ill-advised” means “resulting from or showing a lack of wise and sufficient counsel or deliberation.” We believed Stauffer’s public confession to be a facade considering he had already clarified his true opinion in the voicemail he left us the night of his carnal message:

“I still meet and talk to those people that left. Um, but I think it was the worst thing in the world that those that are complainers and gripers and destructive in the church left, and I’m upset about it? I’m not. I think it was good for the church. I think that, um, division and divisiveness, um, you know, there’s no place for it in the church.“

By calling his actions “ill-advised,” Stauffer merely admitted that his actions were unwise, but never that he was truly in the wrong.

On the other hand, could Stauffer truly have been a victim of being a preacher “expected to act in a superhuman capacity”? In Stauffer’s January message, after proclaiming that the complainers left during the mass exodus, Stauffer said jokingly, “Sorry guys. I had to say it. It just came to mind. You gotta- you know- you gotta be gracious with the preacher. Every now and then we say things we shouldn’t say.  No matter how truthful it is.” To make matters worse, in his Sunday school message only a week later, Stauffer followed up his statements by the exodus to a “circumcision,” and that “the flesh has been cut off.”

We attempted to hold on to the smallest amount of comfort in the thought that, just maybe, this meant Pastor Andrew Ray was finally starting to see Stauffer for who we felt he truly was. Of course, Stauffer placed himself in the light of the victim, once again, as he continued to do in the months to come, but how could we have outright said, “No, your apology is not really an apology” or “No, it is not sufficient”? We accepted the situation for what it was and merely hoped to continue to move forward toward peace and reconciliation in our church.

**Names marked with an asterisk (*) have been changed for the privacy of individuals and their families**

In this series I share my thoughts and opinions concerning these ministers and the events which led to my departure. Click here to continue reading: “Blindsided: Straight from the Horse’s Mouth” or click on the link below.

For a list of the complete series, click here.

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**Names marked with an asterisk (*) have been changed for the privacy of individuals and their families**

“I hesitate to tell you this after the meeting with Pastor [Andrew] Ray, but Brother Seth Razler* brought up about your breastfeeding again,” my husband informed me apprehensively. “He said that even though the NFL football players have the freedom and right to kneel during the national anthem, Colin Kaepernick and the other football players are giving our nation and our military the [middle] finger. He said that every time you nurse in the church service, you are essentially giving our church the finger, as well.”

Seth Razler*, a benevolent military man with strong Christian values, had taken on the project of using his financial expertise to teach young couples and soon-to-be-newlyweds about becoming financially independent and establishing financial stability through retirement. Approximately once a week, he met with my husband, Matthew Olds, to discuss charts, diagrams, and courses of action while his wife and I talked and entertained my children. After watching Razler* serve faithfully at Antioch Baptist Church for years, including sitting in on several of his Sunday school classes while accompanying young visitors from Matt’s work, I had developed a reasonable level of respect for Seth Razler’s well-rounded depth of knowledge and his compassion toward his young students. Additionally, as a military brat raised in a predominately military church, I understood first-hand the sacrifices of a military family.  However, just an hour after our Sunday meeting with Pastor Andrew Ray, Seth Razler* was the next one to deal out more outlandish and misogynistic blows as we struggled to get our heads above water, all because he was not comfortable with my nursing publicly in the church service. It begs the question, “Why did my family drastically shift from consistently nursing in a private room with our first child, to then nursing publicly, yet discreetly, even in a church service for the other two children? Our decision was not a matter of preference, but rather, one of life and death.

Contemplating the Unthinkable

After my first round of severe postpartum mood disorders in 2014 – including severe depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)- coupled with a child who nursed for forty-five minutes out of every hour because of an undiagnosed lip-tie and tongue-tie that still left him underweight, I could not handle the idea of being isolated away for every breastfeeding session outside of our home again. Unfortunately, throughout my second pregnancy starting at only ten months after the birth of our first, my husband and I had countless “heated discussions” about the “modesty” of breastfeeding in public because even the idea of repeating that isolation left me in an almost continuous state of panic attacks, emotional breakdowns, and severely intrusive suicidal thoughts. Matt and I finally reached a level of agreement on the subject, but after broaching the idea to a few moms I felt comfortable with from the church’s inner circle, the moms told me that breastfeeding in the service could distract the pastor or song leader, draw the men’s eyes and minds to my chest, and thus lead them to impure thoughts. Several of them also informed me that a man had previously stated he would leave the church if anyone nursed in the service. Supposedly, this man proclaimed his decision sometime after the previous pastor publicly chewed a woman out for nursing on the front pew.

Breastfeeding in a Baptist World

Upon trying to work through the situation with the same moms at the church, I discovered that their solutions had significant difficulties and downfalls that I could not justify, no matter how desperately I wanted to appease them. Their suggestions ranged from pumping (extremely painful), to formula feeding every church service (significantly disrupts supply and demand), to having a list of women to rotate out babysitting me in the mother’s room (talk about embarrassing?).  Because none of those were viable options, the pastor’s wife, Lula Ray, told me that if I nursed in the service, I had to be extremely discreet, to the point that no one knew I was nursing. We attempted to use a Lillebaby carrier– a baby carrier which even comes with a head cover!- in the far back section of the church, and we attempted to use the two-shirt method, but nothing was sufficient except being isolated away in the mother’s room downstairs. One of the inner circle mothers who sat behind me in the back section “noticed I was adjusting my shirt” and approached me in the nursery to find out if I was, in fact, breastfeeding in the sanctuary. Another mom, Emily Gibson*, approached me after nursing in the baby side of the nursery and accused me of “exposing myself to the men of the church.” After our full-blown argument in the nursery and messages exchanged by our husbands, we kept our distance until she and I peacefully resolved our disagreement a few months later by apologizing and coming to an understanding of each other’s perspective. Within a week or two of that initial confrontation with Emily*, however, my own pastor, Pastor Andrew Ray, preached a message on nakedness and being “covered.” To say the least, we learned early on that it was pointless to attempt to work with anyone on acceptable alternatives or sufficient methods of modesty within the service.

Here We Go Again

When we found out we were pregnant with our third child about a year and half after our second, I anguished over telling anyone our wonderful news, but a sickness that nearly killed my husband bound me between a rock and a hard place of enjoying our perfect little growing secret, or reaching out for necessary support and prayers. Having felt berated, socially ostracized, and even potentially preached at from behind the pulpit while modestly breastfeeding my second child in the service, I fully anticipated tempers to soar once again. I dreaded straining, if not entirely destroying, relationships with fellow church members again, and I stressed for months about the likelihood of people approaching me again about breastfeeding. I had countless sleepless nights, agonizing over the weight that would soon be on my husband once again, and trying to figure out how to not dread going to church for my third’s child first year as I had with my second child’s entire breastfeeding journey. Nine months after the birth of our third child, however, with no outright complaints and only unexpected support from several families in the church, Seth Razler* caught us off guard as we no longer anticipated repeated confrontations from other church members.

Fingers and Finances

Razler* informed Matt during one of their Sunday financial meetings that when visitors came, they could mistakenly assume that Antioch Baptist Church was not the type of church they were expecting to visit. He proclaimed that my breastfeeding may be a turn-off to visitors who may then question if Antioch was more of a non-denominational church. In response, Matt referenced our survey trip to Africa where he realized that if God truly expected women to isolate themselves away to another room while breastfeeding, then it had to be a universal truth, but it simply was not. Men and women could not reasonably apply this rule to mothers in third-world countries where space and safety is severely lacking. When Matt brought this up to Razler*, Razler* responded that it was a “cultural issue,” and that we were in America. When Matt brought up Joel chapter two, and verse sixteen, a verse that showed that God would gather everyone together in the end times, including women that were breastfeeding, Razler* again stated that it was a “cultural issue.”

As an example, Razler* told Matt that though Kaepernick and the other athletics had the right to kneel for the national anthem to protect treatment of African Americans, the football players were giving our military and our nation the middle finger. Razler* stated, that in the same manner, I was essentially giving our church the middle finger every time I nursed. He proceeded to tell Matt that it was “a leadership issue” (in our home/marriage), and that he needed to “man-up” and say, “Woman, this is what you are going to do” (go down to the mother’s room). Razler* even went a step further to say that Matt was enabling my depression, that my claims of suicidal thoughts were all for attention, and that the “leadership issue” would hinder our church from sending us out as missionaries!

“The Men of the Church”

I lost all respect for Seth Razler* that day, but my opinion would have made no difference at our church because I was a woman, “the weaker vessel.” Surely, this is not the case in twenty-first century America, right? Bear in mind that our church constitution replaced the scriptural office of deacons with all “the men of the church,” supposedly to make all the men equal in stature. In the yearly business meetings, the men would meet following the morning service, pass the information on to their wives at home in the afternoon, and if the wives had any questions or objections, their husbands would present their wives’ inquiries or discrepancies in the church-wide business meeting following the evening service before everyone voted. According to Pastor Ray before we joined, these men’s meetings only occurred during the yearly business meetings for establishing budget, and offices including head usher, but in practice, these meetings occurred much more regularly throughout the year. One of those meetings occurred in the fall of 2017 when the Crawfords* were ripped apart and lied about before all of the men, while the information was never actually brought before the entire church. Let us not forget that these “men’s meetings” would also include private meetings with various parts of the inner circle. Seth Razler* was not just a respected military man and in-depth Sunday school teacher, but a man with the typical renown of a deacon. Unfortunately for me, even our pastor had no qualms about underhandedly attempted to coerce me back into the mother’s room.

In this series I share my thoughts and opinions concerning these ministers and the events which led to my departure. Click here to continue reading: “Blindsided: Douglas Stauffer’s Public Apology” or click on the link below.

For a list of the complete series, click here.

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In the end, Pastor Andrew Ray continued to defend his own actions and Douglas Stauffer’s actions from the previous fall until the present, all the while attempting to control the transfer of information within all parties involved. By the time Pastor Ray attempted to tell us what happened in 2017, I was fed-up with Pastor Ray and Stauffer’s circles of berating us for not knowing information, giving us bits of pieces of information to hold over our heads, attempting to scare or shame us into silence, and then demanding to know any information we received while telling us we should not know anything. I exclaimed to pastor that he and Stauffer were demanding, controlling, and giving information about what happened all at the same time, and that “WE DO NOT WANT TO KNOW!”

**Names marked with an asterisk (*) have been changed for the privacy of individuals and their families**

 Where the Rubber Meets the Road

Despite Pastor Ray and Stauffer repetitively asserting that Matt and I made judgments off little to no information, both missed the key element: Stauffer made statements behind the pulpit on three separate occasions in front of an audience of people with purposefully limited information. The last audience, during Bible Conference, was even in front of a group with visitors expected from over thirty different churches! Interestingly enough, it was Pastor Ray and Douglas Stauffer who gave us information before we even had a chance to hear the specific details from several of the other families.

Information about the Martins*

Douglas Stauffer told us in the Tuesday evening meeting about the large sum of money that he lent to the Martins* in their time of need, and well as about Dennis Martin’s* laziness on the job. He willingly shared his own valor while neglecting to say that the Martins* had paid his money back in full and then some. He also neglected to share how he hung over Dennis Martin’s* shoulders while he worked, berating him for hours.

During the Sunday meeting, Pastor Ray informed us, without names, about the Martin’s* oldest son coming over to the pastor’s house, but we felt, based on the information provided by the Martin* family, that Pastor Ray left out vital information about his delay in informing the missing teenager’s parents of his current location. Pastor Ray also neglected to include details of the blatant lies he told the teenage son, which we feel was a means of turning him against his parents. One of the many surprising factors from last fall was discovering that Pastor Ray and his wife, Lula, had encouraged several teenagers, including the Martin’s* oldest son to go into or stay in courtships against their parent’s wishes. But these men were upfront and honest about that too, right?

Information about the Crawfords*

Pastor Ray also informed us of a particular “charismatic teenage girl that was texting”- the Crawford’s* oldest daughter, Meghan Crawford*- that he claimed was particularly destructive in the teen group and in the pastor’s family. Despite never stating her name, Meghan* was one of only a few extroverts in the entire church, and especially the youth group, making it obvious who he was referring to. Pastor neglected to state that the Crawford’s* were the family at the center of the church service in October 2017 that he dedicated to people talking badly about the pastor’s family! Pastor also never admitted that Meghan Crawford’s* greatest “mistake” was a comment in passing to the other teen girls, an innocent, playful analysis about a sweet Christian young lady in her twenties “rocking the cradle” by entering into a courtship with the pastor’s seventeen-year-old son.

Without mentioning names, Pastor provided the context of an unnamed father- Jeremy Crawford*- who marched his oldest son, Emmett* into the pastor’s office and MADE him apologize to the pastor’s daughter Mary*. Pastor neglected to say that Emmett* had merely confided in a friend that he was “withdrawing his heart” away from Mary* for a time because he had seen changes in her, a wise and mature statement beyond his years. Strangely enough, Pastor Ray referenced this statement in the meeting during the church service when he said that people were calling his daughter “ungodly.”

To go a step further, Pastor failed to divulge that he sent the Crawford’s* a disgraceful letter, removing them from the institute they had traveled over 600 miles to join, and threatening to send a letter to the local Bible college that Meghan Crawford* attended,  should their family act in any way that Antioch disagreed with. According to Pastor Ray, we “[were not] supposed to know” about that letter. At least those members who left the church almost a year before were able to humbly accept any blame appropriate with their actions.

Private Information about a Teen in a Mental Health Crisis

Finally, Pastor Ray told us about a teenager who was on the verge of suicide that had to be talked down because of everything that had happened last fall. As someone who has struggled with intrusive suicidal thoughts for years, I understood the depth and complexities of those moments, and longed to find a way to show compassion to whoever the teenager was. I wanted to let them know that they were not alone. On the other hand, I could not escape the nagging reminders that this was not only a breach of confidentiality between a pastor and a church member, but that Pastor Andrew Ray, and his wife Lula, were fully aware of my own severe postpartum anxiety and depression and could not have cared less. They knew that being secluded in the mother’s room for breastfeeding exacerbated my symptoms, including the panic attacks and intrusive suicidal thoughts, but they STILL attempted to send several of our friends to shame me out of nursing outside of the mother’s room, even with the massive cover, because they could not legally say anything themselves. There was even a point in the Sunday meeting where I asked if Pastor or Lula had directly gone to individuals in order to ask/send them to talk with me about breastfeeding, and Pastor said that he could not comment.

Further unbeknownst to me on the same Sunday as this meeting with Pastor Ray, another church member we trusted approached Matt once again about my nursing in the service, comparing it to giving everyone in the church “the finger,” among other accusations. Learning of the content of this interaction was yet another blow that finally led to my determination to leave Antioch Baptist Church.

In this series I share my thoughts and opinions concerning these ministers and the events which led to my departure. Click here to continue reading: “Blindsided: One Finger Salute” or click on the link below.

For a list of the complete series, click here.

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