“Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.” 1 Corinthians 13:1
On Monday, June 11, 2018, the day after the meetings with Pastor Andrew Ray and Seth Razler* and approximately a week after Douglas Stauffer’s message on carnality, Stauffer messaged my husband, Matthew Olds, and asked him if the apology below was sufficient. We assumed it was a facade, considering his harassment and attitude toward us the week before, but we figured any pressure on Pastor Andrew Ray could have forced Stauffer’s hand. At least, finally, the man who preached against apologizing was actually making a public remark, and maybe, just maybe, it meant that the chaos at our church would begin to calm down. Just maybe it meant we could all begin to move forward.
Doug Stauffer’s Facebook Post (Monday, June 11, 2018): “A Bit of a Confession!”
”Preachers are sometimes guilty of saying ill-advised things from the pulpit. Guilty! The preacher can have the best of intentions but one fleeting thought that turns into a sentence or two can prove disastrous for the preacher, harm the hearers, and create long-lasting repercussions in the lives of countless others. Social media and instant access to sermons outside the church walls compounds the problem because things are heard and misconstrued especially when those words lack the necessary context.
The problem is that the preachers are human; those in the pew are human and both are expected by God to act and react in a superhuman capacity. I wish I was talking about somebody else, but I am not. I want to apologize to any that I have ever offended with ill-advised words in or out of the pulpit. It has happened in the past and will happen in the future. My prayer is to rise above the level of simply walking, talking, and thinking like a man; it must be possible if God rebukes those who “walk as men.” 1 Corinthians 3:3 For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and WALK AS MEN?’ Doug” [LINK: https://www.facebook.com/douglasstauffer1611/posts/1974808689217742]
Now, did we truly believe Douglas Stauffer was honestly apologetic for his actions, considering he apologized for “saying ill-advised things” once again? Not a chance, but to voice our opinions at the time would have been fruitless and my husband and I just wanted to get this behind us. According to Merriam-Webster, “ill-advised” means “resulting from or showing a lack of wise and sufficient counsel or deliberation.” We believed Stauffer’s public confession to be a facade considering he had already clarified his true opinion in the voicemail he left us the night of his carnal message:
“I still meet and talk to those people that left. Um, but I think it was the worst thing in the world that those that are complainers and gripers and destructive in the church left, and I’m upset about it? I’m not. I think it was good for the church. I think that, um, division and divisiveness, um, you know, there’s no place for it in the church.“
By calling his actions “ill-advised,” Stauffer merely admitted that his actions were unwise, but never that he was truly in the wrong.
On the other hand, could Stauffer truly have been a victim of being a preacher “expected to act in a superhuman capacity”? In Stauffer’s January message, after proclaiming that the complainers left during the mass exodus, Stauffer said jokingly, “Sorry guys. I had to say it. It just came to mind. You gotta- you know- you gotta be gracious with the preacher. Every now and then we say things we shouldn’t say. No matter how truthful it is.” To make matters worse, in his Sunday school message only a week later, Stauffer followed up his statements by the exodus to a “circumcision,” and that “the flesh has been cut off.”
We attempted to hold on to the smallest amount of comfort in the thought that, just maybe, this meant Pastor Andrew Ray was finally starting to see Stauffer for who we felt he truly was. Of course, Stauffer placed himself in the light of the victim, once again, as he continued to do in the months to come, but how could we have outright said, “No, your apology is not really an apology” or “No, it is not sufficient”? We accepted the situation for what it was and merely hoped to continue to move forward toward peace and reconciliation in our church.
**Names marked with an asterisk (*) have been changed for the privacy of individuals and their families**
In this series I share my thoughts and opinions concerning these ministers and the events which led to my departure. Click here to continue reading: “Blindsided: Straight from the Horse’s Mouth” or click on the link below.
For a list of the complete series, click here.
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