Category: Churches | Page 30 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

Blindsided: Crystal Olds’ First Facebook Apology Post

Already emotional from the stress of Douglas Stauffer’s messages not being allowed to explain or defend myself, my heart broke when Matthew Olds showed me the messages from Pastor Andrew Ray on Monday evening. I still firmly believed Stauffer’s actions were wrong, his messages manipulative and deceitful, and that he needed to be held accountable for his actions, but I never meant the heartache it caused my pastor’s family or the teens in our church, especially not the pastor’s daughter, Mary*. I truly believed Stauffer was behind several of the people leaving, and I could not understand how my post blew out of proportion to hurting my entire church. That evening, I wrote a public apology for Facebook and took down my first post. I also created a Facebook Messenger group with Doug Stauffer, Andrew Ray, Matt Olds, and myself, to apologize again and let them know a public apology was online.

My friend’s responses were encouraging and helpful as my head went around in circles trying to figure out the whirlwind around me. In response to a comment on my public apology, Walter Gibson* commented within the ongoing discussion and I sent him a private message about the current situation, giving very little detail. Our conversation was peaceful, cordial and friendly, just as interactions between our families had always been at church. Walter Gibson’s* commenting, however, is important to note because Pastor Andrew Ray will bring this up in a later meeting to say Walter Gibson* is probably the first person that Matthew Olds should apologize to before continuing on to the other men of the church and inquiring as to whom he should apologize to next.

As will be shown in the next set of messages, Stauffer again twisted my words to say that the public apology [shown below] placed the blame on Pastor Ray and made me the victim. As a result, near the end of the comments, my husband requested that people refrain from commenting further and the post had to be replaced once again.

**Names marked with an asterisk (*) have been changed for the privacy of individuals and their families**

Crystal Olds (Jun 4- PM) I have taken down my previous post because Pastor informed us that people were hurt by it because it re-opened wounds. That was never my intent and I truly apologize for that. You guys are our church family and it was never meant to take sides between who was right and who was wrong between those who left, and those who are still here. In fact, anyone that we have fellowshipped with and are close to that have left, have done their best to uplift the members of Antioch and to try not to say anything negative about the church, despite any hurt that they may have endured as well.

Will Hess: Your original post was encouraging unity and uplifting fallen brethren, correct? I don’t know how anyone would be offended by that…

Will Hess (Replying to Will Hess): Maybe what people are feeling is conviction so are rejecting that conviction and instead choosing to be offended.

Commenter #1 Wow that makes me really sad. I would hate to think I could not speak my mind in a loving way without someone being offended. You’re prob going to get scolded for this post too. ☹
Commenter #2 (Replying to Commenter# 1): Some leaders cannot take anyone voicing their opinions when it differs from theirs.

Walter Gibson* (Antioch Baptist Church Member): Read carefully. It is not his opinion that was voiced but others. Pleas make sure all context is considered in this situation.
Commenter #2 (Replying to Walter Gibson*): I stand by what I wrote and could say a whole lot more but won’t do so here.
Walter Gibson* (Replying to Commenter# 1): I understand and respect that. I could also do the same…

Crystal Olds (Replying to Walter Gibson*): Walter Gibson*was there a men’s meeting?
Walter Gibson* (Replying to Crystal Olds): No. Nothing of the sorts. I just wanted to make sure context was being considered. The best thing is probably all involved (self included) stepping back and taking a chill pill. I think this is the whole point of 1 Corinthians 3 this week. Put aside differences and just move forward.

Crystal Olds (Replying to Walter Gibson*): [Walter Gibson*] Thank you, and completely agreed on all points… I want to supply context, but I fear it would only make matters worse in the process of trying to make things right. I mentioned Pastor because he did bring to our attention how my initial post hurt others in the church and I’m glad that he did so we can try to make that right. For context, my initial post was NOT about pastor.
Commenter #3 (Replying to Commenter #2): It seems people today are easily offended by any and everything.
Commenter #2 (Replying to Commenter #1): There was nothing bad about Crystal’s original post.

Crystal Olds (Replying to Commenter #2): This was just updating a minute ago (your comment was about ten minutes ago), but my husband is asking that all people please stop commenting. His comment is at the bottom.

Miranda Crawford* :You have a precious heart, Crystal.

Commenter #5: People need to toughen up and move on with their lives. Here we are supposedly warriors for Christ… but words hurt.

Crystal Olds: For the sake of context, as I just said in another comment, I want to supply context but I fear it would only make matters worse in the process of trying to make things right. I mentioned Pastor because he did bring to our attention how my initial post…

Jeremy Crawford* (Replying to Crystal Olds): Oh, by the way, it wasn’t you that opened up the old wounds… was it?

Matt Olds: I only have a moment while I am on break, [to inform] that my wife will also be taking this down per her Authority’s request (that is to say, her hubby). She has to get the kiddos fed and in bed and that takes a lot of attention at their ages. Please refrain from responding on it as others are being hurt. I am sorry that all sides are hurting. It is not the Pastor that has said anything. He has been good and gracious. My aim and prayer is still that of reconciliation.

In this series I share my thoughts and opinions concerning these ministers and the events which led to my departure. Click here to continue reading: “Blindsided: Douglas Stauffer Twists Crystal Olds’ Public Apology” or click on the link below.

For a list of the complete series, click here.

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Blindsided: Continuation of Messages Between Matthew Olds and Pastor Andrew Ray

After Matthew Olds came home in the evening, we finally had the opportunity to discuss the events of the last thirty-six hours. We discussed not only Douglas Stauffer’s harassment, haughtiness, and twisting of words and circumstances, but Matt showed me Pastor Andrew Ray’s messages to him from earlier in the afternoon. Everything changed.

On top of the intense stress and frustration from Stauffer that I struggled to manage, compounded further by not being allowed to speak, I finally came to a breaking point seeing my pastor’s pain, coupled with the cuts of his betrayal. Because I was still instructed not to speak, and I was attempting to follow my church’s supposed biblical stance on submission, Matt responded to Pastor with his own opinions and emotions after an exhausting day.

**Names marked with an asterisk (*) have been changed for the privacy of individuals and their families**

Matt (June 4 at 7:52pm): It makes it harder to see when individuals are trying to make things right on social media when you’ve unfriended them.

But since you have had your entire family unfriend my wife, its only fair that you treat me the same. I know that she hurt a lot of people, but you sir have evened the score. Great job. I have so many thoughts that I want to say right now, but it would just be turned around to say that I am complaining, so I will say this, i am praying for the church and that with the Lords help reconciliation will occur… In time.

Matt (June 4 at 9:18pm): As far as seeking my pastors advise on whether to break off relationships with those that have left, i vividly remember asking you whether they were being disciplined, and you said no, but that every story has at least two sides. I have done my best not to hear either story, and they have not tried to tell me their story. They have spoken well of the church. Many of them still say that they love you all. If you saw the writing you never communicated it, even when the door was wide opened for it.

We never meant to hurt you or your family.

Matt (June 4): I cannot speak for my wife and she cannot speak to you on fb as you have defriended (disassociated) yourselves from her, but i am so sorry that we have caused your family and our church family harm.

[No further response from Pastor Andrew Ray through Messenger]

In this series I share my thoughts and opinions concerning these ministers and the events which led to my departure. Click here to continue reading: “Blindsided: Crystal Olds’ First Facebook Apology Post” or click on the link below.

For a list of the complete series, click here.

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When Legacy And Sexual Abuse Collide in the United Pentecostal Church

Teach your church that any form of abuse is NEVER acceptable to God no matter who does it or how important the abuser is. – Diane Langberg, PhD on Twitter, March 7, 2020

I have been writing about sexual abuse in the United Pentecostal Church for awhile now and I am overwhelmed at the number of cases. There is an incredible number of women, men and children who have been sexually abused and I don’t know that I will ever be able to cover all of the stories- it is a daunting task and one which I’ve found to be quite draining. There are cases which hit the news, as well as an innumerable number that never did because they were not reported to police and therefore never prosecuted. There’s still more to write regarding all the unreported cases of child sexual abuse at Calvary Gospel Church in Madison, Wisconsin. There’s still more to write regarding reported and unreported cases of child sexual abuse at Landmark Tabernacle in Denver, Colorado. Both of these churches allegedly have cases spanning many years and both involve pastors that some would consider to be legacy names.

Back in August 2019 I wrote, “The United Pentecostal Church makes it quite clear in their yearly Manuals that if a person is guilty of committing immoral conduct regarding sexual matters, that they are not eligible to be licensed. If such happens while they hold license with them, their license is to be revoked and never reinstated. In addition, such people are not supposed to be ministering in any of their churches, whether or not they hold license. Yet despite what appears to be very clear directives, one discovers that for years there have been men holding license who have been immoral, as well as people preaching in their churches who have been immoral.”

(Some statements in this article are what have been alleged by others. The allegations all appear to be involving adults and not children. There have been no convictions or criminal arrests as the situations mentioned here appear to not have been reported to the police, or not reported while the statute of limitations was open, and to my knowledge, the alleged perpetrator has not admitted guilt. I have withheld sharing the man’s name at this point, until at least one victim comes forward publicly and names him. This is Part 33 of an ongoing series.)

And now since 2019, there have been murmurings as well as cryptic messages left on Facebook (see some of these below) that show there has been serious trouble brewing in the Western District of the United Pentecostal Church. Apparently, one of their licensed ministers, who is a pastor that married into a family whose name is a legacy in the organization, has been accused of multiple instances of sexually related charges. From the messages circulating on Facebook, people are tired of not seeing justice- they know that the UPCI is well aware of the charges and yet this man is permitted to retain his license and still delivers sermons. There are allegations of cover-ups by legacy family members, lying, deception and more.

When your husband had been proven guilty of sexual assault and sexual harassment, and has been unfaithful to you numerous times, has been forced to resign from his church by his organization for conduct unbecoming a minister and sexual misconduct, and you insist on staying at the church in a position of perceived authority so that you can continue to lie, cover-up and deceive the congregation, because you are desperate to protect your family name, the truth about your husbands resignation, and your paycheck.- February 12, 2020 Amber’s public Facebook post

When it comes to scandal in the church, which sadly does happen, it’s amazing the extent folks will do to cover things up. The real victims are maligned, God and His name is misused to claim spiritual authority. People that know better will change alliances to protect the guilty and the guilty will make themselves the victim. Watching it happen in real time is a learning experience. Legacies will crumble when it becomes about man/woman than it does God and people. – March 2, 2020 Randy’s public Facebook post

Yes sir and the sad part of all of it is that the people that are covering KNOW they hurting people. The ones who cry submission to authority are the very ones refusing to submit to THIER authority. Amazing that sometime district boards give deadlines for people to correct the lies, but even the district boards are defied. And the amazing thing is that instead of people gossiping and assuming pick up the phone and call the Western District board. How hard is that? Are they scared of truth? Aren’t you glad there a God that knows all and is the ultimate record keeper? – March 2, 2020 Daniel’s public Facebook comment in reply to Randy

There are some in the office because of their family name, they should not be in the position they are in. They misuse the authority they have been given and make the kingdom lose its appeal and taste. Though God will defend himself, it still angers me when there is such blatant lies and scandal. The scars and hurt that will be left will be there for years. I have seen many times churches having to shut down so that a renewal and time of healing can take place. – March 2, 2020 Robert’s public Facebook comment in reply to Randy

It is alleged that this minister from California was told to resign from the church (he is listed as pastor of more than one) by the Western District officials, who, after a trial in 2019, found him guilty of several sexually related charges. Yet as of the 2020 UPCI Directory, which was printed in January, as well as the UPCI online church locator in March, he is shown as a licensed ordained minister with his name listed as the pastor, though he is no longer mentioned as a District Presbyter, a position which was held for years.

If the information is accurate, I find this to be totally unacceptable due to the clearly stated rules in the UPCI Manual regarding ministers and sexual immorality. Let’s take a look at what it states. Under Article VII, Section 9 it says, “For the purpose of ministerial membership in the United Pentecostal Church International or for ministering in a United Pentecostal Church International church, immoral conduct shall be defined as adultery, fornication, homosexuality, incest, and/or any other sexual acts determined by the District Board to be perverted or immoral (Matthew 5:32; Matthew 19:9; I Corinthians 6:9; Romans 1:24-28). 2. Any minister affiliated with our organization proven guilty of adultery or fornication, or committing any other immoral offense, shall forfeit his or her papers immediately. Immoral offense shall include sexual molestation of minors.”

It appears that one of the greatest temptations facing the ministry is sex. How does sexual purity relate to God’s requirements? Sexual immorality is clearly excluded by the requirements of ‘blameless, good report, good behaviour, just, holy, and husband of one wife.’ Again, a sexual sin is an obvious disqualification in light of all the Scriptures. – David Bernard, January-March 1988 Forward (an exclusive magazine for UPCI licensed ministers)

Unfortunately, this isn’t the only case in the UPCI where a minister has retained, or later received, license after immoral conduct. Is this man permitted to retain his license because he married into a well-known ‘name’ in the organization? Should ministers be treated with kid gloves because of their pedigree or how much money the church may contribute? Rather, shouldn’t those with a legacy be expected to be held to a high standard, considering how organizations tend to place these people on a pedestal and parade them around as examples to be followed? What does this legacy even mean when people discover abuses or cover-ups? Would it not be best to openly and properly handle any legacy case, considering that much more harm is caused to any legacy by not doing so, because at some point the truth will be discovered and made known? And what does this say to other former ministers whose licenses were properly revoked due to immorality?

Just as the church has authority to examine and approve ministerial candidates, so it has authority to remove someone from a ministerial position if he no longer meets God’s requirements. Actually the person disqualifies himself by his actions, and the church simply recognizes this fact. – David Bernard, January-March 1988 Forward

It wasn’t too difficult to determine the name of this pastor and it appears there are many within the United Pentecostal Church who know, including licensed ministers and their spouses, some of whom have spoken up about what is happening. There is no way in which this news didn’t go all the way up the chain of command in the organization. General Superintendent David Bernard, it appears that you may need to intervene and do what is right and in accordance with your Manual, and strip this individual of their license, not allowing the legacy family he married into sway you in your decision. People ARE watching.

August 6, 2020 Note: Now that it has been publicly posted by one of the alleged victims, I can share that this article is about John Shivers, who is married to one of the daughters of the late Kenneth Haney. See Part 2 & Part 3.

August 24, 2022 edit: Today the Stockton Record released an article about John Shivers. You must have a digital subscription to read it. See https://www.recordnet.com/story/news/2022/08/24/pastor-john-shivers-accused-sexual-assault-preaching-stockton-centro-vida-pentecostal-church/5695797001/

You will find a complete list of articles in this series by clicking here.

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Hanging on by the roots

Sitting in church yesterday, I had one of those aha moments. You know one of those moments when another piece of the puzzle snaps in place. The preacher was talking about roots. How when he was a kid he tried to chop down a fig tree. He chopped it all the way down to the ground, but didn’t destroy the roots.

Now he might’ve been going in a completely different direction than me. But by then, me and God were having our own conversation. I have wondered, questioned, discussed with others why after all we’ve been through, with all the abuse, with all the confusion and false doctrine, why are we still able to hang on? Why have we been able to move on?

Now, don’t get me wrong. We still have a bad day sometimes, or something will trigger an emotion in us. But over all we are healing, we are able to minister to others. We are finding our place in Life. When I see people, friends, loved ones still caught up in the condemnation, shame, lies that they were told for so long, it hurts my heart. I want to fix it for them, but sadly, all I can do is support them and encourage them.

I think yesterday, I found the answer to that question for my life. Noting we aren’t all just alike, what works for me might not be for you. But I was just like that fig tree that was chopped to the ground. I spent 20 plus years oppressed, depressed, feeling hopeless in the situation. But, somehow in the midst of that I had roots. Not roots in the United Pentecostal Church, not roots in standards, or with a congregation or preacher. But, with God. See, he did come to me when I was searching, and I have a relationship with him, not man. I could’ve gone anywhere and lived for him. Sadly, I ended up at a UPCI church.

Thankfully my roots are grounded in him. In his grace, his mercy, his sacrifice, not in my works. And not in the opinion of man. Because of that I am able to stand. I am able to hold on. I’ve been able to see new life springing forth. If you feel chopped down, cut off, abandoned, dig a little deeper, brush away the debris of hurt, and hopelessness. Maybe you too can find that root coming up. And you can start fresh and new. If you have lost all, and have nothing left, just hang on to the root. And see how beautiful your brand new life can be.

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Blindsided: Afternoon Phone Calls with Pastor Andrew Ray and Douglas Stauffer

Following the message on Sunday morning and my post Sunday night, Douglas Stauffer’s voicemail, as well as his multiple demeaning and demanding messages from Sunday until Tuesday, Matt was finally off from work in the late afternoon/evening, and was able to call Pastor Andrew Ray on the phone, followed by Douglas Stauffer. This is a copy of Matthew Olds’ personal description of these phone calls, a document we listed in a file sent to several men of the church (witnesses of the last meeting) following our letter of resignation from membership at Antioch Baptist Church:

“These messages began shortly after the voicemail left on my phone (transcribed below). Pay attention to the times of these emails not allowing for any time to actually pray and respond to the current situation. In particular, [Doug Stauffer’s] third email the first night, a mere fifteen minutes after the first, he said, “And since you have seen my messages and have not done as I have asked in hiding this post until you have responded scripturally by meeting, this would seem to indicate that you feel justified….it is likely that your tirade is an attention seeking ploy….” Any attempts over the next few days to follow [Stauffer’s] requests for apologies were met with that nothing was acceptable, everything was supposedly an attack on the pastor, and Stauffer threatening that he would take things public.

During this time [Monday afternoon], I spoke with Pastor over the phone addressing the issue of whether we should be at church tonight as messages from Stauffer read as though we were being churched until the meeting with him could happen. Pastor said that he would rather that we be at any and all services, but to meet with Stauffer as soon as possible. I then called Stauffer and asked him about being churched, and he didn’t understand what I was talking about, but rather began complaining about my lack of responding to messages while I was at work. My job was very busy that day and I had a lot to do. As he continued to speak on my lack of responses, I had to repeat NUMEROUS [times] that I was at work and was unable to respond without stealing time from my boss. It would be unpleasing to the Lord. During the course of my day, what few responses I had mentioned about my work situation and that I would respond at the end of the day. Stauffer then spoke that he was not attempting to enact church discipline, but rather was saying it out of “Christian decency.” In which case, I mentioned that there is a difference between “MUST” and “should”/ ”needs to.” One speaks of decency. One speaks of church discipline. He then said that he still wanted to meet with me when we got there. We were unable to attend that night as my wife and I had a lot to process through and discuss.”

In this series I share my thoughts and opinions concerning these ministers and the events which led to my departure. Click here to continue reading: “Blindsided: Continuation of Messages between Matthew Olds and Pastor Andrew Ray” or click on the link below.

For a list of the complete series, click here.

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