Submission is a tricky word and it’s connotation seems out of date for many modern women who are very independent and most likely able to provide for themselves very well. They provide so well for themselves they often ask “Why do I need a man, much less submit to one?”
I was this woman…after my husband left me …before that I thought I was a pretty submissive wife. I always supported him in his career and put my wants and needs on hold to see to his needs and make sure he was happy. Which is how the church taught the women to be…submissive, subservient, meek…. My former pastor taught marriage was not a partnership but a 75/25 split because Eve disobeyed in the garden and women needed the strong arm of a man to keep us in order.
I totally disagreed and remember taking my kids, walking out of the service and sitting on the front porch of the church until service was over. My husband stayed to the end and gave me hell all the way home because he was the “king” of the family and I was out of order.
No matter how hard I tried, it never seemed work, he was always grumbling about something and when he became a pastor he took a lot of his frustration out on me. Our marriage was never 50/50 he made all the decisions even though I often disagreed with him or would try to offer other suggestions but he was always right. I suffered through them as did our children for 27 years.
When he left me for someone else I was at first heartbroken because I’d been betrayed after being a good and obedient wife to him and a good mother to our children. I felt like he took all my good years and then threw me away like a dirty sock.
Then I started feeling the freedom for the first time in 27 years. I didn’t want any man to ever tell me what to do again I told myself and of course my new pastor tried to tell me I was to be submissive to him as my spiritual leader since I was now a single woman but I just laughed at him and set out on another quest for truth on submission and what did the Bible really say about it?
First place I looked was the Proverbs 31 woman who had been preached to us as the perfect woman….I wanted to know what made her perfect.
“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants.” This is where the teaching usually stopped because she worked hard to take care of her family and was not interested in a career outside the home. A good submissive wife. At least that’s how I interpreted the verses.
But I continued reading about this amazing woman…
“She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.”
Now this sounds like an independent woman who knows real estate and vineyards and wine making and turns a profit…she understands finances and she makes decisions on her own. She didn’t run to her husband to ask permission or even for his help.
“In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.”
She’s benevolent and charitable and gives to the needy and poor, still not asking her husband.
“When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.”
Her husband is not embarrassed by her success nor is he intimidated by it.
“She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.” Another business venture!
“She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” She’s educated.
“She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Her husband thinks she’s wonderful!
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.” Proverbs 31:10-24, 26-31 NIV
This woman is submissive to her God and she follows His lead by loving and respecting her husband and her family.
So what does submission really mean?? Does it mean respecting her husband and letting him have the confidence that she stands with him so he has no shame when he meets with the other men at the city gates?
Submission? Is It For Today? Part 2
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