Author: Sailor | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

Podcasts: An Avenue to Share My Story

As I am now working part-time and transitioning toward retirement, I had a recent conversation withe my parents. My dad suggested I take my previous training in radio-TV communication and use it to enter the podcast arena.

I originally had a YouTube channel from 2011 to 2013. I posted nearly 300 short videos only to take them down after some of my topics, which were highly political in nature, drew attention from government entities and I had to shut down the channel. Earlier this year I revived my channel and am taking a more measured approach. My podcasts are more personal in nature and less political; I also realized I am able to share my story of how I came out of an abusive church.

Here are some recent links to my YouTube videos, which are also on Rumble for those who follow that service.

Why I’m a Former Minister

Cumpulsory Tithing

Military Outreach

Harassing People in God’s Name on Military Bases (Available on YouTube only)

Modesty/Dress Codes for Men

This new venture has been very interesting. I have been able to speak to other content creators, some of whom also are survivors of spiritual abuse. Networking like this is a good avenue to share and help each other heal, which is a good thing.

I know this is a short blog entry, but the podcasts should be helpful for anyone who visits.

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Finding a Church Home

As my work schedule has changed to enable more time off and affording opportunity to find a new house of worship, I find it to be quite a challenge. What issues have I faced in this quest? Allow me to begin.

One reference in finding a new church home can be found in this Reddit post. It is one of countless articles one can find on the topic. Some challenges I found include:

TITHING
Several churches I visited preach a good bit on compulsory tithing as part of membership in the church, even to the point where they incorporate the prosperity gospel message – the whole pressed down, first fruits, and being cursed if people don’t tithe – that didn’t sit well with me. I still get memories of preachers who live well at the expense of the congregation.

DOCTRINAL DIFFERENCES
Each of the different churches I visited to this point have differing doctrinal viewpoints. My core beliefs, rooted in Oneness teachings, remained solid (Oneness of God, Jesus’ Name baptism, infilling of the Holy Ghost) yet at the same time I knew better than to enter into a debate at any congregation I visited. My goal was to seek fellowship and realized I was a guest in someone else’s house. If that meant agreeing to disagree, that was okay with me. I also noticed a political variation among congregations, including some churches’ stand on defending Israel, even if the government of that country committed wrongs. If God held Israel accountable in the Bible for its sins, then in my opinion it isn’t considered antisemitic to question the actions of the Israeli government.

FEELINGS OF BEING WELCOME VS. TOLERATED
One of my major struggles throughout my lifetime is seeking an environment where I am truly welcome as opposed to being tolerated for as long as I am deemed useful. Previous churches I visited seemed to be a good experience until I realized my views were different from the congregation I visited. My concern was that at some point my welcome would wear out and I would need to seek fellowship elsewhere. In my quest, I visited four different congregations; three were non-denominational and one was UPCI.

One of the non-denominational churches seemed to be more welcoming to me, and I made several visits; I visited the UPCI church in Bartlesville this past Wednesday after visiting my daughter. I visited that particular congregation in 2005 when I was on leave with my children’s mother while still in the Navy, so I thought this would be a good stop on my way home. I was in for a rude surprise. While I held to core beliefs common to those in attendance, I had a strong sense things were off. First, I noticed they had gone more off the rails when it came to tithing, basically embracing the prosperity gospel more than when I was active in the UPCI. The visiting preacher (the pastor was out of town) devoted part of his sermon to uplifiting a prominent UPCI evangelist whose stories were proven to be grossly exaggerated, yet still is given credence. As the service ended, I felt really conflicted. I had to ask myself, and most importantly God, why did I visit a church affiliated with the same organization I was given the boot over a decade earlier? Maybe my being there was to show me how far the United Pentecostal Church as an organization has fallen and the visit was for my education.

RESULTS OF MY VISITS
Finding a new place to worship and have fellowship won’t be an easy process. I could very easily find myself being like unto what Jesus Himself shared.

Matthew 8:20 – And Jesus saith unto him, The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head.

If God who walked among us in the flesh had no permanent place, then I am in good company.

Finding New Avenues for My Voice

This will be a short blog entry. It’s been a very busy time with a multitude of events in my own life. My son graduated from high school and community college, and is now on his own; my daughter is now in high school and will soon turn 16. Hard to believe my children have grown up so fast.

2025 started in tragedy for me, as I dealt with the death of my girlfriend of over eight years here in Oklahoma. This major event, along with the transition to part-time work as I draw nearer to retirement, has caused me to make major changes and even seek new avenues to find my voice.

One such avenue arrived in late 2024 when Phil Davis (no relation to the founder of CFCMI) shared with me a new website made for survivors of our former church. I was invited to read through the website and was very pleased. What stood out to me was more than the extensive work put into the site. I saw that my contributions over the years were included, which to me was a sign of great respect. I even contribute comments and articles there as time permits.

Another avenue to make my voice heard was suggested by my dad given my prior background in studying broadcast journalism in college. I recently launched podcasts on my YouTube channel, and short videos across my social media accounts. While my efforts cover a variety of topics, I have briefly shared how I was forced to make the uncomfortable choice to walk away from a ministry where I was active for 16 years, and held license for 12. I chose to preserve my integrity over any offer of a future position.

As always, I thank God for the opportunity to share my journey as I seek to find my voice and purpose in helping others.

Forsaking Family for Ministry

I recently received word a man I knew from my former church passed away after battling a long illness for years. While the details of his illness are not known, the part that stands out to me is whether or not the individual made peace with his family as well as with his Maker.

I attended and worshiped at the same church with him for over 16 years. We sat in the same lectures from the pulpit about how we were to place our “calling” above all other relationships, including those with our loved ones. Some of us had intimate relationships with a significant other (I had a girlfriend when I joined the church, and still maintain my involvement ended our relationship). One of the Scriptures used to teach us the priority of our ministerial calling was found in Matthew.

Matthew 19:29 (KJV) – And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name’s sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life.

We were told for the longest time that if we spent more of our vacation/leave time with our families instead of the church, we were wrong. Some of my friends in the church admitted they completely ruined their relationships with parents and siblings all in the name of obedience to the church and its teachings. I was fortunate not to have done this, but nonetheless my own family relations were strained.

My friend who passed recently was one of those whose devotion to what he felt was God’s calling – remaining single, forsaking family, and devoting every waking moment to the ministry – took a serious toll on him over the years. As his health deteriorated, the one question unanswered is this: did he reconsider some of his decisions and make amends with loved ones who weren’t part of the church? I pray he did, but will never know.

Some of the men who still attend are in similar straits. Their only family is in the church; their natural family relationships are strained almost beyond repair. A couple of them are left with no option as they have no surviving family members left. That is just as bad, as they have no one to turn to outside the church.

I still believe Jesus wants us to place Him first, but not completely sever family ties in doing so. How can destroying a relationship with one’s parents fulfill this Scripture?

Exodus 20:12 (KJV) – Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.

Answer: It doesn’t.

Surviving a Monster

My appearances on the blogs have been sporadic since moving to Oklahoma in late 2020. My focus has been with my son and daughter, who live over the state line in Kansas with their mom. When not at work or spending time with my kids, I am enjoying my days with my girlfriend.

My girlfriend and I watched an episode of Monster in My Family. The episode was about John Wayne Gacy, the infamous serial killer who was convicted of murdering 32 men and teen males. During an interview with a man who escaped Gacy, the survivor said something that triggered me and made me realize the parallels between Gacy and the former pastor of the abusive church I attended for over 16 years.

The survivor escaped an attempt by Gacy to handcuff him and managed to place the cuffs on the killer; Gacy told him in a laughing manner that he “was testing him.” This made me upset.

The founder of the church I attended was known to test people to see if they would be potential male partners. He tried to approach me but I turned him away. Still, the memory remained and after watching this show, I couldn’t help but notice similarities between my former pastor and the most infamous serial killer in US history.

Both men put on a good front. They were seen as upstanding, charitable people who gave the appearance of helping others in their community. Both were closet homosexuals who lived double lives. Both deceived many people by their actions. The one main difference was Gacy killed his victims. The pastor didn’t, but left lasting scars his victims lived with for a lifetime.

The families of both men reacted differently. Gacy’s sister, who was interviewed for the program, was deeply saddened and devastated when she realized what a monster her brother was. To my knowledge, the family of the founding pastor never attempted to mend bridges or reach out to his victims. They instead tried to keep everything quiet. They insisted he was a mighty man of God, so when I read the court records (transcripts are no longer available online due to the host website being shut down) I was deeply hurt. I was lied to and deceived as well as having been approached.

My girlfriend and I spoke for a while about the comparisons. I am grateful my former pastor didn’t try to go down the path John Wayne Gacy did, but watching the program and looking at those similarities confirmed he was a monster like the killer. Like the survivor in the interview, I too was glad to be able to escape.