Author: Sailor | Page 2 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

Betrayed by Prophecy

It’s been some time since I last shared an experience here. With a crazy work schedule and issues involving my kids, it’s been busy for me of late. Tonight I was in a discussion about prophecies made that were never fulfilled. It brought back some really painful memories.

In 2011, I was invited to a United Pentecostal Church Men’s Conference for the Maryland/DC District in Arnold, Maryland. For a good part of the afternoon I had a good visit with different people from congregations in the area I never met before. We got to hear a couple of men speak. One was drawn out and sounded more like a prosperity gospel preacher (think Robert Tilton or a toned down Kenneth Copeland). His name I don’t remember. The next speaker was a man I now wish would have kept his fool mouth shut.

Doug Klinedinst is a major player in the UPCI. He is active in international evangelism for the organization. After delivering his sermon, Doug called us all to the front of the church where we began to pray and he started to prophesy over people. He looked directly at me and said, “I never met you before but the Lord showed me you have a storm going in your life. Brother, that storm is coming to an end!” In good faith I rejoiced and even spoke in tongues, believing the marital problems I had along with stuff I dealt with at work was going to be resolved.

That ‘prophecy’ was anything but true. In fact, the storm got worse not better. First, in December 2011 I was laid off. I found work a few weeks later but was making less than half what I earned at my previous employer. The marital issues became a royal mess. Finally, in 2013 I was kicked out of the UPCI church I attended in Essex, Maryland. That congregation is still around but is no longer affiliated with the UPCI.

I would later write a lengthy and detailed correspondence to Doug explaining what happened and asked for an apology to own up for his actions. To this day he never answered me.

Do I still believe in spiritual gifts? Yes I do! Am I going to be so quick to file down the altar to be prophesied over? No way!

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Regrets About Not Visiting Family

Recently at work a wave of sadness hit me. It started with reflections of a recent trip to West Virginia to visit my mom and dad; my dad mentioned something about taking a “real” vacation as in going to the Bahamas. I reminded him that with only 15 days vacation per year, I wanted to spend that time with family. That’s considerably less than 30 days leave when I served in the Navy. I split that time with my parents in West Virginia and my kids in Kansas as I presently live in Maryland.

In a way, one could say I am trying to atone for neglecting time with loved ones when I was in an abusive church. The founding pastor was very adamant about devoting time to “the ministry” – he even went so far as to say that if we spent more leave time at home than helping out at the church, something was wrong in our walk with God. He even claimed people backslide when they spent two or more weeks of leave visiting family.

As a faithful member, minister, and elder, I did my best to divide my time between church and family to “stay faithful.” My parents, however, didn’t like the fact I would be at the church over the Christmas and other major holidays, and wished I could have come home instead. This strained my relationship with my mom and dad, and it’s taken the entire time since I left to repair the damage.

For those who may not know, Steven Hassan wrote about this and other forms of controlling behavior by abusive churches. His BITE model (Behavior, Information, Thought, and Emotional Control) illustrated how this was designed to isolate people and make them easier to manipulate.

After learning about how I was led to believe the founder was a mighty man of God only to realize he was a criminal and scoundrel, I was devastated. I devoted so many years of my life and sacrificed even my relationship with my family, and for what? To be lied to? It’s a miracle of God I still believe in Him.

This is why I make more of an effort now to spend time with loved ones. We’re all getting older, and there’s no guarantee another opportunity will arise.

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When Extreme Churches Collide

Many of the blogs shared cover some deep, even painful topics. This one will attempt to share a lighter aspect of the abusive church environment – what happens when two such churches compete on the same turf for new converts.

The church I attended (a UPCI breakaway church) had its main headquarters in Waukegan, Illinois. This was a short drive from the Navy base at Great Lakes, and we even had a serviceman’s center on the North Chicago strip outside one of the main gates. This made it very easy for us to travel to the base and attempt to proselytize the sailors; I was stationed at Great Lakes on several occasions and was very active in the base ministry.

We weren’t the only church competing for members on the base. An IFB megachurch (Independent Fundamental Baptist) from Hammond, Indiana sent men from their Bible college to the base every weekend. Their sales pitch included inviting the sailors for a game of football or basketball depending on the season. Most of the students from the IFB church weren’t in the military, but back then it was fairly easy for civilians to access the base as it was before 9/11.

The fun started whenever we met the IFB guys and typically they would try to invite us to the sporting events. From there, the conversation quickly escalated to a debate over doctrine and whether or not any of us were going to heaven. Sometimes the debate got heated when the subject arose about which one of us was “the true church” and which one was a cult. On some occasions it nearly became a shouting match. This wasn’t really a surprise as the pastors of our respective churches were known to bash one another from the pulpit.

What did I learn from the experiences? Both churches drilled Scriptural knowledge deep in our heads, and admonished us to defend our beliefs no matter what. Both churches also encouraged us to be quick to call out who we thought were false teachers. We were also quick to call someone who disagreed with us a cult. The most significant thing I learned was that despite our doctrinal differences, the manner of indoctrination, abuse, and control was practically identical. Our tactics in outreach were basically the same, only my former church was much closer to the base. Our respective leaders were also steeped in controversy; the IFB pastor at that time had numerous allegations of abuse and control, and our general pastor did as well including prison time.

This is why survivor groups like this are important. Our stories cross denominational and doctrinal lines, and we are often more alike than we wish to think.

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Victim Blaming

Over the weekend, the Catholic Church was rocked with more upsetting news concerning the scandals involving priests molesting children. Pope Francis delivered a homily where he blamed Satan for exposing sin in the church. I rolled my eyes in disbelief as I read the pontiff’s comments.

Looking back on my own experiences and corresponding with others who went through similar ordeals, it doesn’t shock me as much as it might have a decade ago. Too often, church leaders place the blame everywhere BUT on the abuser. When a victim or concerned member voices concern or attempts to report abuse, they are quickly silenced.

How many times have we heard pastors say “touch not God’s anointed” when allegations of abuse surface? How many times are church members excoriated for “spreading gossip” or “negative communication?” I personally was admonished to simply shut up and “focus on the good, pure, and lovely things” on numerous occasions. This attitude of turning a blind eye only worsens the problem.

In another abuse survivors group, an account was shared of how a teenage girl and her family left a large church in Indiana after the senior pastor was caught taking the girl out of state for sex. This pastor even went so far as to blame the girl for leading him into sin, after he groomed and had his way with her for some time. The pastor was rightly sent to prison.

When I was a teenager in the late 1970’s, I read in history class about the great revivals that occurred in the early 20th century. Why don’t we see that now? I believe part of it is here. Until the church takes abuse victims seriously, and purges perverts from the ranks, folks will stay away from houses of worship.

Those who preach the gospel must live the gospel.

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The Sacred Cows of Pentecost Part 2

The previous blog touched on some topics that were considered taboo to discuss in the Pentecostal churches, especially United Pentecostal Church and similar groups. There were other areas where one could say we gagged at a gnat and swallowed a camel.

Television: Psalms tells us not to set wicked things before our eyes. The UPCI was especially hardcore in preaching against the “idiot box” and even required its ministers to sign a statement verifying they didn’t own a television. I do remember a conversation with one UPCI pastor where we touched on television. He admitted to me many of the pastors lied about owning televisions but the district and general board usually did nothing about it.

The conversation with that pastor revealed a double standard that cuts a swath across denominational and doctrinal lines. The leadership will preach hard and fast that certain activities are sinful, like watching television. They expect parishioners to obey the teachings without question. However, the message to the masses wasn’t practiced by those who delivered it. The pastor, in his conversation with me, unwittingly exposed the man behind the curtain.

In the wake of streaming video and other services, the very discussion concerning television is a moot point now. Yet, the double standard is clear and most church members never ask about it.

Gossip: Almost every pastor I listened to preached vehemently against gossip, in particular when questions arose about possible misconduct by an elder or leader. Scriptures such as “evil communication corrupts good manners” and Philippians 4:8 (the go-to passage to silence any questioning or “negative communication”) were used to discourage “gossip” or asking questions.

Just like with television, gossip had its double standard. In one church I attended and even held license, I sat next to the pastor’s wife and daughters. In less than five minutes I was able to learn the dirt on almost everyone! The pastor should have told his own family to stifle their own tongues, but to my knowledge never did. Again, the man behind the curtain was exposed.

There are so many “sacred cows” nobody wanted to touch. but in this forum it’s a golden opportunity to openly and freely have a discussion. The more we discuss these, the more we discover aren’t even scriptural.

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