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I have difficulty attending many churches. I have trouble in some because of the songs, in many because of the exclusivity, but mainly because of the sermon style. If I go to a church and a leaflet is shoved into my hands, some fill in the blank, follow-along-with-the-pastor handout, I internally groan. Not only are the sermon outlines usually complete fluff:
(Fill in the blank)
Jesus loves ___.
Jesus ___ me.
Jesus wants what’s ___ for me.

Yeah, really. Wow, it’s mind numbing, what can be found on those handouts. I know they’re supposed to be helpful, but they irritate me. I only started realizing why today.

I’ve been confronted with too many logical fallacies in the form of study guides through the years. No room for questions. No room for alternative answers. No time to think. Just false statements and leading questions that make it appear that one of the answers to their multiple choice question must be right, or a fill in the blank that doesn’t feel quite right, but that they give you (force feed you) the answers to as you go through it with them. Not something you can study and fill in on your own, but that you go through, at their pace, together. During their monologue that reinforces how correct they are. They may pose a list of false answers. One of the answers is less false, and they demand that you respond affirmatively to one of them. This is psychological manipulation. It confuses the one who’s supposed to be answering the questions. None of the answers is true, but they say one is, and unless you’re good knowing your own mind and insisting none is correct, you end up confirming their lies… which, once you’ve answered them long enough, leads you to start to believe them. I was always a good student, one who always had the right answers. It’s hard for me to fight the force of their logical fallacies. Especially when they give me a quiz or a fill in the blank or a multiple choice that must be completed:
“Which of the above [our unbiblical assumptions, not facts] is most important? Which is next most important?”
“Which of these (all false statements) is true?”

From the very beginning of my time in the United Pentecostal Church, logical fallacies were used. The pastor gave me an Into His Marvelous Light Bible study, where a few verses were pulled out and used, fill in the blank style. Then he asked questions (directed by the study) which, if answered as people are pressured to answer and according to the 40 verses or so they pull out of context to prove their point. (Forty verses may sound like a lot, but there are over 23,000 verses in the Bible. Forty is less than 0.1%!!!)

Look at the teacher’s instructions: 
“Each participating student should have a copy of the study along with a Bible (preferably the King James Version) and a pen or pencil. As each scripture is read, the student is asked to become involved, sometimes by completing a “fill-in-the-blank” or responding to a question. Additional comments and supplementary scripture references (designated throughout the text by small numerals in parenthesis) are provided on page 14 for further in-depth study at a later time. May we also suggest that all participants take a moment to ask the Lord’s help in understanding his Word, as King David once did when he prayed, “Open thou mine eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of thy law.” May God bless you as we travel together “into His marvelous light.”

So they have each person look at their own Bible, because they will later say, “But it’s right there in your own Bible!” if you disagree with something. And they use fill in the blanks for each of the verses so you have to fill in something that “proves” their point. And then they ask “logical fallacy” questions. All after having you pray that God will show you something new, reinforcing again that what they are about to share with you is special and is true.

In this particular Bible study, this becomes the logical fallacy:
We have found that the Apostles preached the following salvation message: … The life of Christ and His death, burial and resurrection … Repentance toward God and belief in Jesus Christ as Savior … Baptism in water by immersion in Jesus’ Name … Receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost (which was accompanied by the initial evidence of speaking with other tongues.)

For starters “we” haven’t “found” anything. Someone has just told the listener that this is what they believe. It’s not a “we” thing. And then:

DO YOU BELIEVE the Word of God is true and will judge us?
DO YOU BELIEVE Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior?
DO YOU BELIEVE it is necessary to repent by determining to turn from sin and giving your life to God?
DO YOU BELIEVE water baptism in the name of Jesus Christ is the biblical way to be baptized?
DO YOU BELIEVE the baptism of the Holy Ghost is for you today, and when you receive it you will speak in other tongues, just as they did in the Bible?

Many Christians can easily answer yes to the first three. And if you answer yes to the first three, your brain wants to answer yes to the other two. The sequence makes sense, but the questions may not.
DO YOU BELIEVE water baptism in the name of Jesus Christ is the biblical way to be baptized? Well, maybe and maybe not. I told the pastor I’d have to think about this one. He looked surprised and sad. He moved on to the next.
DO YOU BELIEVE the baptism of the Holy Ghost is for you today, and when you receive it you will speak in other tongues, just as they did in the Bible? Now, the study revolves around this. And the Holy Spirit is for all believers, according to the Bible. So… yes? But there is more to the question, and not every believer is in agreement on the answer.

My answer to the last question ended up being “Not today!” I had been sucked far enough in to know they’d pray with me, that things would be expected of me that I wasn’t sure where I stood on. But the question is really another part of the psychological manipulation, of the logical fallacy. In order to answer affirmatively to the first part, you must answer yes to the second part as well. If you don’t, they’ll review with you. … at least unless your response is “Not today!” They might just have to leave you off the hook in that case, for a little while at least, until they regain their composure.

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I had something come up on my Facebook memories again. Oddly enough, it’s been something I’ve dealt with repeatedly through the years: too may times when I’d done something that someone religious disagreed with, their response has been “you’re backslid,” “you hypocrite,” or “how can you call yourself a Christian.” Recently, I’ve realized that it’s even been used on some very famous people. I’m not alone, though the words are isolating to someone who has always believed, always wanted to believe, always dreamed of doing more for God.

I’m going to be very frank, because I know too many Christians who think nothing of saying things like this. Four years ago someone told me “how can you call yourself a Christian and vote for ____?” What is not important. What IS important, and what Christians should realize before they say things like this, is that this attitude and those questions eventually may lead – did lead – me to four years of on and off saying I’m NOT a Christian. I don’t want to be a Christian if being a Christian means I have to believe in some political figure or ideology, wear certain clothes, or say certain things. If I have to follow others’ rules (which always seem to change). People ask if I’m a Christian, and I remember those words, the exclusivity, the refusal to love a neighbor who might think differently than her (because marking me anathema is not very loving) and I just kind of shrug, or laugh and say “not if you ask most Christians.”

Be careful you don’t tell people if they don’t think like you, agree with every point of doctrine and dogma, dress like you, act like you, sound like you, attend the same church as you, that they must also not be a follower of Jesus. Be careful not to label and judge so quickly. Be careful not to be quick to judge, quick to condemn, and far too quick to voice that condemnation all in the name of religion.

Before you label and judge and exclude others, stop and think. Take a breath and consider those words. Because the people who are reading or hearing your statements may not be like you, but that doesn’t make them bad. And you’ll never win them by threatening them, labeling them, marginalizing them, mocking them, or excluding them. And worse, you may actually push them in the opposite direction.

Don’t call me a Christian if you think I have to be like you. You’ve been very clear that I’m not, and I don’t want to be, anyway.

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Down from the house lies the vast open plains, tall grass decorated by dandelions and wild flowers, shadowed only slightly by the soft, fluffy clouds passing overhead. Just off to the side, the ground opens into row upon row of luscious grapes, delicately planted and cared for, stakes gently guiding the vines upwards to be kissed by the morning sun. The harvest will be plenteous this year. But what about the vineyard on the right? The enormous fence is broken down and giant weeds overtake the vines, suffocating them without water or adequate rays of light. Stones scatter themselves amongst the grapes, preventing seeds from crawling up through the dirt and bearing fruit. Where is the husbandman who should be caring for this vineyard? Does he not realize that a vineyard requires daily care, protecting it from thieves who desire to break through and steal? Does he not realize the stones need to be removed and the vines pruned often for the grapes to flourish, a crop to be proud of and to honor the Lord?“They made me the keeper of the vineyards; but my own vineyard have I not kept” (KJV Song of Sol. 1:6). 

What better way to appeal to a husband’s pride than to announce him the keeper, protector, and nourisher of the vineyard? What better way to convince a woman to allow her husband to rule in every facet than to compare her to a luscious vine that needs the encouragement, protection, and pruning of the husbandman? Leave it to Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) churches to change an analogy meant to represent God and the children of Israel to characterize God’s calling on the home, thus ruling and dictating every component of the woman’s life.

Responsibilities of the Husbandman

“Now will I sing to my well-beloved a song of my beloved touching his vineyard. My well-beloved hath a vineyard in a very fruitful hill:
And he fenced it, and gathered out the stones thereof, and planted it with the choicest vine, and built a tower in the midst of it, and also made a winepress therein: and he looked that it should bring forth grapes, and it brought forth wild grapes.
And now, O inhabitants of Jerusalem, and men of Judah, judge, I pray, betwixt me and my vineyard.
What could have been done more to my vineyard, that I have not done in it? Wherefore, when I looked that it should bring forth grapes, brought it forth wild grapes?
And now go to; I will tell you what I will do to my vineyard: I will take away the hedge thereof, and it shall be eaten up; and break down the wall thereof, and it shall be trodden down:
And I will lay it waste: it shall not be pruned, nor digged; but there shall come up briers and thorns: I will also command the clouds that they rain no rain upon it.
For the vineyard of the LORD of hosts is the house of Israel, and the men of Judah his pleasant plant: and he looked for judgment, but behold oppression; for the righteousness, but behold a cry” (Isaiah 5:1-7).

While acknowledging the husbandman’s vineyard is an allegory to the house of Israel and the Lord of hosts, our most recent church believes there are several principles that a married couple can apply based on how the Lord cared for His own vineyard because Psalm 128:3 says, “Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table.” To protect the vineyard from without, the Lord fences His vineyard. In verse five, when the hedge is taken away, the Lord says, “it shall be eaten up…and it shall be trodden down.” From what dangers does a husband need to protect his vineyard? The wife needs to be protected from other men, teaching of false doctrine, and philosophies that can infiltrate the house through the television and social media because “the outside world will consume her and then destroy her”.

The Lord further goes through and removes the hindrances from within, stones that can prevent the roots from taking hold in the soil. What are a few of the potential troubles that may prevent a wife from growing to her fullest potential? Media, entertainment, worries, and bitterness. However, I have yet to find anything remotely similar in the Word of God to the husband removing perceived obstacles within the wife’s life. During one of our last meetings, our pastor cautioned us that while a woman is at home, the devil covertly impresses upon the mind of the wife through the unanticipated influences of the television, and “leads away captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts” (1 Tim 3:6). These maneuvers are then used to sway the husband, because obviously, the woman does not have the ability to discern right from wrong as she is the “weaker vessel”! In order to ensure the wife has the smallest amount of influences to stunt her growth, the husband must “communicate, pray, and uproot daily,” the perfect way to show love to a wife.

As the Lord labors in His vineyard, the man is obligated to plant the choicest seeds lest the vineyard produce minimal fruit because of poor plants. In terms of a husband’s responsibilities, he is to choose the best things to put into his wife, his greatest project in life. Additionally, the Lord builds an enormous tower in the midst in the grounds, likely to have the best viewpoint to guard from danger. How should a man always keep a watchful eye on his wife? Through communication, observation, prayer, and watching for changes of any sort. In the same process, the husbandman builds a wine press, confidently expecting fruit and success from his wife because of the effort he has exerted for her improvement. By erroneously applying the analogy of the vineyard to the husband-wife relationship, the husband takes the place of sovereign, all-knowing leader, examining and scrutinizing adjustments necessary in his spouse, while the is wife compelled to silence and unnatural exposure to her husband’s analysis of fallacies, distorting the balance of companionship within the marriage.

Authority of the Husbandman

“Unto the woman he [God] said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.” (Gen 3:16)

Centuries before Paul penned, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands” (Col 3:18), God established order in the home, instructing Eve, “thy desire shall be  to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee” (Gen 3:16). In most circumstances, the conversation continues into God’s judgment on Adam and Eve, and sin being passed to all men. An IFB pastor, however, recently informed us that Satan chose to tempt Eve, rather than Adam, because she was the “weaker vessel” (1 Pet 3:7). In the same regard, God chose men to lead the home because men are less emotional, usually seeing a distinct line between right and wrong. When complications arise, men develop a tunnel vision towards the straight and narrow, while women hesitate and waver, considering various facets of the situation. Who knew it was wrong to analyze the complex ripple effect on other people and circumstances when making decisions? If this were truly God’s mindset, why would He include Abigail in the Bible, who went against her husband to do what was right with David and his men? Why would he include the midwives in Egypt who risked their own lives protecting the newborn baby boys whom Pharaoh instructed for them to heinously murder (Exo 1:15-22)? God uses women of great faith throughout the Bible, never once expecting women to continually falter because there were created unequal to men.

Unfortunately, one of the greatest fallacies in teaching submission is the overemphasis of men’s superiority, leaving women subservient to men’s desire, whether righteous or wicked, because they are supposedly created inferior to men. In terms of decision-making, wives are expected to go through their husbands except in the areas the men deem their wives capable of making godly decisions without their heads present. Even in churches, pastors establish an environment unreceptive to women speaking directly with male leaders about questions or concerns, forcing them to go through their husbands, including for the sake of volunteering in various ministerial capacities. Although husbands and wives should work in agreement through communication, the Bible never establishes a pattern of the husband micro-managing and “pruning” the wife. The establishment of the wife as “Keeper at Home” allows for a central location of influence and control of the husband over his wife and children.

*Disclaimer* This series, “Why Am I a Baptist?” is NOT an exhaustive list of IFB doctrine and standards. Because of the autonomous nature of IFB churches, this evaluation is of the movement as a whole, rather than a hard-and-fast rule. It may be possible to find healthy IFB churches, but they are few and far between because of various associations known as “camps,” typically surrounding well-known preachers or preference of worship style.

Why Am I a Baptist?
IFB Doctrine: The Baptist Distinctives
IFB Churches: Patriarchy in Church Polity (Part One)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and the Leading Lady (Part Two)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy in Marriage (Part Three)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Keeping at Home (Part Four)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Sexual Obedience (Part Five)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Domestic Abuse (Part Six)
IFB Standards: Rigid Music and Dress Standards (Part One)

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I stood in Goodwill tonight once again amazed at the number of self-help books at the resale store. Books on weight loss and financial freedom, how to live well over 40, how to be your best you now, how to win friends, how to negotiate, how to choose a career, how to change career paths, how to train your dog… self help on everything imaginable. And interspersed among those shelves of books were a number of Christian self help books. No, they aren’t called that. Christian marketing is different. These weren’t “self help.” They were “inspirational.” How to read the Bible, how to get more out of Bible reading, how to pray, what to do when bad things happen, how to process grief, how to find a good church, how to become a better church, how to govern your thoughts, how to be yourself, how to be a better person, how to accept you as you… Books, and books, and books.

Anymore, I briefly scan them, cringe at a few titles and move on to the other books, but one particularly caught my eye. The book was written by a man who had been injured and was in a wheelchair, and it was about what to do or how to think when bad things happen. Nice thoughts, but the first thing I thought was, “There are no easy answers.” I walked around the store for a bit and worked through this. Because really, it’s more than that. There are no easy answers, true. But sometimes it’s not that there are no easy answers. It’s not even that there are no good answers. It’s that sometimes there ARE NO ANSWERS AT ALL. There are things I will NEVER have answers to.

And then I kept thinking about all those books. Books that seemed to give all the answers. There must be a reason they’re sitting on resale shelves collecting dust. I’m sure the solutions they hold must work for some people, but they obviously didn’t work for everyone. Otherwise they wouldn’t be selling for a quarter or a dollar at Goodwill. If they’d worked, either the reader would have kept them or given them to friends who needed the same answers. But those books on resale shelves tell another story too, of people who want answers, who hope they can obtain those answers for $12 or $25. Those books represent disappointments… disappointments in the books and disappointments in ourselves because the books didn’t work. Because, wow, if that author said it worked and others bought it, it must work But it didn’t. And there is a race to the bookstore for the next new idea, the next book, the next answer in 500 pages or less.

We haven’t failed if 5000 self help books haven’t helped us. There are no easy answers, and sometimes there are no answers at all, and sometimes the only thing that needs fixing is the fact that we are so sure we need fixed.

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