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Looking For A Church Part 2

Continued from Part 1.

The pastor gave me a copy of their basic statement of belief earlier this week. I love what I’ve been reading. I love what I’ve been seeing as I watch these people interact with each other and others, too. They have a good report in the community. They don’t argue, complain, or settle into clicks when they get together–their focus is outward, not selfish, it seems. They show genuine care for each other.

Their beliefs (the written info I got) include statements about the worth of each person and the respect due to all, lots about God’s love and grace… even a few things I didn’t know ANYONE agreed with me on. When I asked about membership, I wasn’t told what to do, I was asked what I wanted to do. They accepted me even though I didn’t join and even when I told them I disagreed. No arguing, no debating, no telling me I’m wrong or trying to prove themselves right, just open study and discussion and seeking common ground. I could stay in a place like this…

Experiences Can Be Real, But….

Here is some food for thought to consider. If Paul taught in 1 Corinthians 14 that people would think believers were mad if they heard a bunch of speaking in tongues in a gathering, what would he say about the laughter and being slain that are seen in some churches? Speaking in tongues is biblical. What about these other ‘manifestations?’

When we go to the Bible we do not find these things there. Neither is taught, nor do we see evidence of either in the stories found in the Bible. This should be very telling.

What is accomplished when people laugh out of control, especially during preaching or teaching? It certainly is not edifying. In addition, Paul taught that the spirit of the prophet is subject to the prophet. This means that as believers, we are in control of what we do and allow.

The passages used to support laughter and being slain are taken out of context and never show anything remotely similar to what goes on in churches today that teach and support these things. But because they happen in a church setting, many blindly accept it as being from God. In addition, some in ministry threaten people who would speak against such ‘moves.’ (For example, think Hinn and Hanegraaff.)

Experiences can be real, but real experiences don’t necessarily translate to being something God ordained.

Looking For A Church Part 1

I’m running the emotional gamut on this, it seems. I want to be a part of a church again. But what church, and where? If I’m out of town, no church would be referred to as a “trash can.” But I’d certainly be happier attending in town.

I really do like the church I’ve been going to. And I really disagree on a few points. But they aren’t heaven/hell issues. Not to me, at least.

Odd that I would drive up to 60 miles one way to find a church, and end up seriously considering joining the one less than ten blocks from my home.

Hopefully I’ll get a response to my e-mails tomorrow, though we did talk some tonight. Then, too, hopefully the pastor will remember to loan me their version of the manual that he offered. We’ll see. I’ve gone from excited to ready to just go find someplace else to hopeful to excited again today… excited tonight not because I might have found a “home” but because I realized and was able to put a difficult concept into the right words tonight, and for the first time in a long time was able to explain something while also reaching a depth of praise that I love.

I think at least for those few minutes I found my wings, the balance I thought I’d lost in the last few years of struggle. And flew.

The Gift of Grace

Been reading a book that explained grace in less than 306 pages.

So in Christ God did for man what neither he, no one else, nor anything else could do for him. That is the very essence of grace… grace means that God gives us what we need, not what we deserve.
Originally the Greek word rendered “grace” meant to make a gift, then to forgive a debt, then to forgive a wrong, and finally to forgive sin. So basically grace is a gift, as expressed in Romans 3:24. Literally, “Being declared righteous as a gift by his grace through the full redemption, the one in Christ Jesus.”
Note that salvation is not “out of yourselves” or “out of works” as the source. It is “of God the gift”. It is by grace made possible in the individual through his faith. Good works are the fruit, not the root, of salvation.

I’ve never heard it explained that way. Grace is a gift. We can’t earn a gift. A person doesn’t beg for a gift. A person can’t ask for a gift and it still be a true gift. A real gift- at least to me- is undeserved, unexpected, unmerited, and completely free (it doesn’t come with strings attached- such as ‘do this and you’ll get it,’ ‘do that and you can keep it’).

Also a gift, by it’s very nature of being a gift, cannot be something we earned. (If we earned it, it’s a wage. We earned our wage- Rom 6:23. Don’t like the wages. The gift is much better!)

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But wait… we shouldn’t stray too far that way, or we’ll get an “anything goes” attitude! No, not if we’re sincere. If I get a gift from someone, what should I do with it? I’d be ungrateful if I flung any gift away, but if it’s something I need, I know I need it, and I refuse to use it, then how much more so!! Yet the giver doesn’t take that gift back. He doesn’t come, knock on the door, and say “Pardon me, I noticed you haven’t used my wonderful gift. Give it back so I can give it to someone more appreciative!” He might not give me more gifts, but he certainly won’t take away the gift I’ve been given.

Sure, we could toss a gift aside. We could refuse it. But if we love the giver, we’ll value and treasure the gift, and the gift will mean that much more. And in loving the giver, we’ll want to give back what small tokens we can.

And to me that’s freedom. We can follow rules because we have to in order to earn something unobtainable, or we can rest assured knowing we’ll be given what we need, responding freely, in love, to the One who gave so much to us. Each might look the same outwardly, but one is done from fear, while the other is done through faith, from a cheerful, willing heart, the overflow of an abundance of the Giver’s love.

Who Understands Us?

It’s tough on the outsider who has a loved one in an unhealthy church and has never been exposed to anything similar. They are not going to relate to much, if anything. Some of what they see or hear may seem absurd to them, that anyone could believe or do such things.

For the one on the outside, it’s important to not minimize anything you hear. You should educate yourself as to the beliefs and practices of the group. For instance, if your brother shared with you that he was concerned about his salvation because he disobeyed the pastor, should you burst out laughing, ridicule or make light of it….chances are he will think more than once before opening up to you again. There will be times where, being on the outside and not having a better understanding, that you need to take extra care in how you respond to a situation. Two articles which should give you some insight are We Are Spiritual Abuse Survivors and Help! My Family Member or Close Friend is Trapped in a High-Controlling Church or Cult.

It is also tough on the former or current member who is struggling with teachings. Besides the fact that many unhealthy churches do not encourage vocalizing questions pertaining to their teachings, there’s not a lot of Christians who can relate or understand what they may be encountering or going through. Try explaining to a woman attending a Methodist church, that you are concerned that as a woman, you may no longer be saved because you cut your hair. See how little she can relate. Sharing additional things, like your family may have lost protection because of it, will be mind boggling to her.

There are so many different issues, besides the teachings, that one exposed to an unhealthy church may have to grapple with, that many simply do not understand. Just where do you go when no one around you has any concept of what you’re going through? How can your other friends be of much help when they haven’t a clue about what you’re trying to discuss?

Despite all of that, there are certain people who can relate, besides former members of the same group. Though it may sound unbelievable at first, if you will take the time to learn why it is true, it can help immensely. A former member of an unhealthy church would find they have many things in common with former Moonies, Krishnas, guru followers, UFO groups, Jehovah’s Witnesses and more. While the teachings of each group are quite different, there are particular practices found in abusive and unhealthy groups that allow former members to relate to and understand each other. Yes, even though the groups they came out of are as different as night and day on the surface.

Had I not seen this first hand in the 1990s, several years after leaving the United Pentecostal Church, I probably wouldn’t have believed it for some time. It was a real eye opener for me. Take the time to educate yourself about spiritual abuse and what is involved. It will be helpful in your healing. We feel so strongly about it that for years we have given away used and new copies of books on the subject.