Category: questioning | Page 9 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

A Brand New Bible

A new Bible is like a fresh start. There are no markings, nothing is highlighted, you can read it with fresh eyes and study it with a brand new heart.

When I left the United Pentecostal Church, I purchased a brand new Bible in the New King James Version because that is what my new church teaches from and I was starting this spiritual walk all over and I didn’t want anything from the past to hinder me. I already had so many unanswered questions and I wanted to get things right this time.

I was “saved” in 1978 in a United Pentecostal Church and remained snarled and entangled with legalism until I left in 2011. I had read my King James Bible many times and I had scriptures highlighted and many comments from sermons, my prayer time and many, many questions that nobody wanted to give me answers for.

Thus, the brand new Bible.

One question that bothered me the most was always hearing the scripture, “Touch not my anointed, nor do my prophet no harm.” It seemed if I had a disagreement or a simple question, I would receive a shocked look from the pastor and was told I was never to question his teaching because he was anointed and of course the “touch not” was quoted.

Therefore, with new Bible in hand, I went to my first Bible study and the teacher was not offended at all by my question and we researched the answer as a group. It was so refreshing.

This is what we found…

In the Old Testament the children of Israel didn’t want to communicate or be judged by God, they wanted a King. God would choose the prophet that He used to speak to the people and would instruct the prophet who to anoint as King. As you read through the Old Testament some of the Kings were good and some were bad but they were God’s chosen and anointed one and God warned not to harm them or his prophets, I Chronicles 16:20-22.

But things changed in the New Testament. God robed himself in flesh and as Jesus the Christ walked and dwelt among man. The New Testament is all about Jesus being our King of Kings. No longer does God send prophets to anoint new kings because Jesus is the king of kings. There is no need for another. Jesus humbly read the holy scriptures in Nazareth proclaiming who he was, “The Spirit of the LORD is upon Me, Because He has anointed Me To preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives And recovery of sight to the blind, To set at liberty those who are oppressed; To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD.” Then He closed the book, and gave it back to the attendant and sat down. And the eyes of all who were in the synagogue were fixed on Him. And He began to say to them, “Today this Scripture is fulfilled in your hearing.””
‭‭Luke‬ ‭4:18-21‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Jesus came to save the world, a holy sacrifice to be made once and for all sin to be forgiven and covered by his precious blood. Jesus didn’t come as a reigning King, he took the humble form of a servant. Which was confusing to the religious world at that time and is still confusing to some even now to be humble servants for him. Jesus taught love and not hate. He taught meekness and patience and mercy and grace. He did not judge anyone, but forgave their sins, he did not scare or condemn but love and through his humble spirit He showed a loving side of God that forgives our sin and hides it under the blood. Through Jesus, when we accept him as our Lord and Savior with a humble spirit, we receive grace and mercy instead of condemnation. We receive love instead of hate, we receive a Heavenly Father who adopts us into the body of Christ, we are no longer outcasts in a strange land but believers of the good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

That’s what your brand new Bible can do for you…
A fresh start and a new walk with the Lord Jesus Christ who tells a whole different story than what we are used to.

May He richly bless you in your new adventure.

Questioning Teachings: Is There Any Biblical Precedence?

In unhealthy churches, people are often told things and given no biblical support to back them up. For instance, I recall being told by a United Pentecostal Church pastor about either having non-confessed sin in my life or a lack of faith as to the reason I hadn’t spoken in tongues while ‘tarrying’ during a visit to his church for a special service. He shared nothing from the Bible to support his claims.

Let’s lay aside the basic question of speaking in tongues and instead simply examine whether the Bible gives support to things many of us have seen or heard taught. The same could be applied to other church practices and teachings.

Do we read where Peter or Paul, or anyone else, admonishing people that they didn’t speak in tongues because they had non-confessed sin in their life or anything else which gets stated in Pentecostal/Apostolic churches? Do we see people ‘tarrying’ for God’s Spirit- day after day, week after week, month after month- like happens at some churches today?

Do we see other believers crowding around new believers, trying to ‘help’ them receive God’s Spirit? Do we see believers grabbing people’s mouths or chins, trying to shake their tongues loose? Do we see them telling people to “hang on” or “let go?” Do we see believers being forced to hold their hands up in the air for long periods of time? Do we see anyone being told to keep saying “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus” or “Hallelujah?” The list could go on…

Here is where many do not stop to fully look into these matters. We didn’t check the practices we were introduced to with scripture, to see if we found them or anything similar there. Instead, we went by what we saw and were taught and thought it must be the way it should be. Many of us simply repeated what we witnessed others do in services because it was all new to us.

Take some time to really think about this. Why are people being taught and encouraged to do such things when we can find no similar practices in scripture?

A False Sense Of Security

That’s really something to think about. You might liken it to some investment schemes. People have lost their life savings, or a good portion of it, by having a false sense of security in the investment plan offered by the scam artist. They truly believe their money is being wisely invested, with a guarantee of a profitable return. In the end, their security is shattered because what they placed their faith in ended up being false.

Some time ago, I read a book by the late Don C. Marler, former United Pentecostal Church member, entitled Imprisoned in the Brotherhood. While I disagree with aspects of the book, he brought up some points worthy of consideration. In the introduction he shares about the pursuit of truth and how it can feel like the person is on shaky ground when they start this journey. Many people who are involved in unhealthy churches get caught up in religion rather than a relationship with God. When one starts to question if what their church teaches is true or not, it shakes this religious foundation and it can be quite scary. Let me quote from Don’s introduction.

When one moves full tilt into pursuit of truth, he may find that the ground becomes shaky and his resolve to pursue truth wherever she might lead becomes tenuous. One learns that security based upon ignorance, prejudice, illusions, misinformation and blind tradition is a false security indeed. Old guideposts can no longer be relied upon. The prospect of seeking truth and following it fully then is often frightening. Not everyone can face it; some decide to keep their heads in the sand. The illusion of security is more tempting than the fearful journey into the unknown.

Some individuals believe that pursuing truth wherever she leads is dangerous because it destroys or weakens belief and faith. Beliefs should be open to change and one would hope that truth should prevail over mere beliefs. Faith, of course, is different from beliefs and should be strengthened by truth. Does it not require faith to seek truth?

A prerequisite for pursuing truth is the ability to be open and honest with self and the ability to recognize and accept that one doesn’t possess all truth. Another is the ability and courage to assume individual responsibility for one’s search and for the conclusion one reaches. The alternative to individual interpretation and definition of truth is an institutional definition and interpretation.

Why does the ground feel shaky when we start to question some teachings in unhealthy churches, whatever they may be? Have you seen ones who have started to question pull back because it is too upsetting to them? Is there a false security? What about individual responsibility? Or is it easier to “go with the flow” and remain entrenched in religion?

It’s easy to have it all laid out for you. You do this, this and this and then avoid that and the other and you’ll be pleasing to God. There’s a sense of security that can come by following such a list in an unhealthy church, but it is a false sense of security.

Think of the Pharisees. They had their list to follow and some of it was fully scriptural. But then somewhere down the road, the list became the focus, and the list grew and became more complex and detailed, so you could better keep what was in the list. They felt very secure in this. And yet it wasn’t a real security.

Jesus showed their hearts were far from God. Yet they felt they were quite saved and even above others. Children of Abraham. Keepers of the law. There was a false sense of security in their beliefs. Think about it….

Leaving an Unhealthy Church #11: Confusion & Not Knowing Who or What to Believe

At first, what had led me to seriously consider leaving my United Pentecostal church was not doctrine or standards, but a mess of problems stemming from the church owned daycare where I was employed. My best friend at the time was the head teacher and we’d been experiencing difficulties in our relationship. She was hardly there and didn’t teach (we ran under her teaching credentials). One thing led to another so in 1993 I turned in my resignation, which was effective at the end of the summer session. During this time I started to feel that it was no longer my church as the daycare events seeped over into church- a terrible feeling after almost 13 years as an actively involved member. I still recall speaking to one of the daughters of the pastor, who was no longer a member of the church but worked at the daycare, and saying that if things didn’t change I’d have to think about leaving the church as well as the daycare.

Needing to be able to think clearly, I took off and crashed at a friend’s home in West Virginia for about three weeks after I resigned and spoke to them about what had been happening. It was a couple I’d met in the late 80s who had spent time at the church and knew the people and how the pastor operated. They’d become like a second set of parents to me, arriving shortly after my mother had passed away and my father had moved out-of-state.

While I was in West Virginia, the pastor at my home church had taken an entire Thursday night service and played a tape of a Christian radio broadcast (read a transcript of it here) that a former couple from the church made on the topic of spiritual abuse. His reasoning was to show them what people were saying about us. The church members seemed very upset by this couple. One would not have known what church they were referring to unless they had known them since no names were mentioned. I didn’t like what I was seeing and was curious to hear this ‘horrid’ broadcast. I borrowed it from the pastor and listened to it in the privacy of my home.

My reaction was far from that of the many church members who heard it while I had been away. Though I disagreed in areas, I understood what they were saying. It caused me to start wondering about the validity of standards taught in the United Pentecostal Church.

From here I ventured to Pennsylvania for a couple days to stay with another couple who had previously left our church and whose present church had dropped out of the UPC. I took the tape with me, played it for them, and while they listened and agreed with all that was on the tape, I paced the floor. It was starting to really hit home about some actions made by the pastor and I was realizing he did some very wrong things. It was quite upsetting and hard to come to grips with it. Here I had been seeing first hand the other side of what had happened to others before me, due to my involvement with the daycare. None of it felt good.

Immediately upon returning home, I visited with the one pastor’s daughter and her husband and discussed some issues and spent a few hours at their home. Now I had even more to digest as PKs see and hear a lot.

I started seriously wondering about the standards taught by the UPC and ventured into the uncut women’s hair doctrine. I wanted to know the truth! Though there were some issues I had studied more in depth while a member, though I was seeing through UPC glasses, this is one that had only been looked at on the surface. Their explanation of 1 Corinthians 11 seemed to make sense and I had long ago stopped cutting my hair and followed the teaching. I wanted to please God.

The confusion hit big time as I started to delve into the matter. I had writings from the UPC to read as well as a few other things which gave differing viewpoints. One day I’d feel the UPC was correct and the next felt they were in error. Talk about wavering. I recall getting together with a friend who is a lawyer and we’d bat things back and forth, coming back at each other with responses that the UPC would give to different points we made. How was one to know for sure? Was the UPC correct in their teaching? Were they in error? I did not have the answers.

Upon further study, I decided to jump head first into the Bible, looking for any and all mentions of hair in both the Old and New Testaments. Surely if this were a principle important to God, it would have been taught in the Old Testament. Yet nothing was found there to support the doctrine. The confusion started to ease as I studied more and dissected 1 Corinthians 11. What had once been clear to me as a UPC member, now was not. My findings showed that the Bible did not teach that a woman could never cut her hair.

Having finally laid that matter to rest, an uneasiness came over me and a thought came: “Now just what else is wrong that you’ve been taught?” Oh, yuck! I didn’t enjoy that thought at all. Talk about feeling like the rug has just been pulled out from under your feet and you were wobbling, trying to catch your balance. Where did it end? How was I going to know? Was any of what I’d sworn was true really true?

These were some of my thoughts. I now had a leeriness toward pastors and would forever be changed in this area. No more would I simply accept what a minister told me without finding out for myself. No more would I blindly defend any Christian denomination as if they could not be wrong in doctrine.

Did all of the confusion magically disappear? Were all my questions and thoughts suddenly answered? No. It was a process…a process which varies from person to person. A lot depends on whether or not one is willing to tackle the areas with which they find themselves confronted. Confusion will diminish and go away as one comes to terms with any teachings/incidents they find themselves questioning. But I thoroughly believe, that as it was with me, that this confusion may not fully leave until one studies the Bible for themselves and rests their conclusions solely upon what it says.

This was part of my experience. Confusion, not knowing who or what to believe, is surely part of the exiting process of any abusive group. But there is hope and there are answers to your questions. Regardless of the turmoil one may feel as they go through this stage, trust that God will lead and guide you and open your understanding to what the Scriptures truly teach.

Leaving

A year ago yesterday I turned in my formal resignation to my former church. It’s been an interesting and wonderful year, full of growth, laughter, and a few tears, but well worth it.

I didn’t want to leave my former church. Although there were a lot of bad things that happened, there were also people who’d been kind to me and who I didn’t want to hurt… People who would be hurt by my leaving, no matter how the leaving was done. I was also scared. I believed that the basic doctrine taught was THE truth, but the situation at that church had become untenable. If I left, I would face the strong possibility that no other Oneness church would accept me, yet if I stayed, I knew that there was a strong possibility that I would be pressured to lie. The fallout from speaking the truth would be heavy, yet I had to speak. I’d been named in a lawsuit by a member who’d told me something entirely different than what he told in court.

Before the court case, I thought that I would simply, gracefully, disappear. I’d get a job and move, get married into another church, or simply move home to take care of my aging parents. Then I could go to a more liberal church and get away from what I considered the hurtful side of Pentecost–I thought that if I went to another church or into another part of the movement I’d be fine. I couldn’t grasp that problems might exist in other parts of Pentecost- I thought they were limited to my church. When the court papers were served, I knew I had to get out before responding to the papers. I kept some pending commitments, turned in my resignation, and promptly submitted my documentation to the court.

I wasn’t sure what would happen when the pastor got the resignation… as it turned out he never even acknowledged it, at least not to me. A few members continued to contact me for a few weeks. Finally, I told one that I’d resigned. They were shocked, hurt, and probably scared for themselves at that point. I explained that I’d deliberately refrained from telling them to ensure the pastor had received notice first, in order to protect them. Though I still wish I could have told a handful of people goodbye personally, that would have hurt them more. It surprised me and hurt me though, to realize that once they knew about my resignation, most never attempted to bring me back. It was as though either I or the church had suddenly disappeared from the city!

When I joined the support group board, I didn’t think I’d be leaving Pentecost forever. I assumed that I would leave for a short while, or leave the very strict group I was in, but I never thought I would leave completely. I was terrified of registering on the forum, but desperately needed some sort of interaction and a place to put my thoughts and work through everything that was happening.

Grace, faith, love… a different kind of prayer, faith filled and simple… the prayer drew me. Before leaving I’d talked to a chaplain about leaving. He was extremely kind. He listened rather than telling me what to do, and he listened completely and compassionately. I wasn’t used to that. After we visited, he asked if it would be alright to pray with me. The kind of prayer he prayed still brings tears to my eyes.

Still, it was only a few months later, after visiting another Oneness church a few times, that I knew I would probably never go back. The services seemed shallow and then I discovered there were connections between a member and members at my former church that would have led to more gossip. I was tired of the gossip and the struggle to prove myself. I’d also begun to realize that there were good churches outside the Oneness movement… and that I needed to learn some of the things they taught.

Once I realized and admitted to myself that I wouldn’t be going back to a Pentecostal church, I could move ahead. There were a lot of questions to answer, a lot of exploring to do. What did I believe? What didn’t I believe? What did I just do because I’d been told to, and what did I believe was actually in the Bible? What did the Bible teach about topics like grace that my former church had always avoided?

It’s been an interesting journey. It doesn’t seem like a year has gone by, yet if someone had asked me last December if I could have come to where I am today in such a short time, I would have been stunned.

I still struggle with some things. It’s hard to read my Bible (because of sermons I’m reminded of), but it’s becoming easier to pray. And not just to mumble a half thought prayer as I did in Pentecost or to push for a certain feeling or experience, but to truly talk to God about things, accepting that He’s there and He hears. I still respond strongly to some things, too. But I’m not afraid anymore. I don’t worry as much about what others think or what they might say. If something goes wrong, I don’t immediately think I must have sinned and God’s punishing me. And I don’t feel the pressure to pretend to be something I’m not, and never have been. It’s nice to be free to be real, to be myself. It’s nice to do things just for the enjoyment of doing them, without examining every minute to see if it could be judged wrong in some way.

Someone stopped me the other day and asked what was different about me. It isn’t the first time I’ve been asked. It’s not a change of dress or hairstyle. Apparently even to others I seem happier, more relaxed… something. And I am. Yesterday, I think the woman had decided I had a new guy in my life. No, I don’t. But I am finally really getting to know Him.

Merry Christmas, all.