Author: Lois | Page 60 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

If Only I Had Remained

If only I had remained in the church….

People who have left an unhealthy church and are going through a rough time sometimes have the thought that, had they remained, the [difficult/unpleasant/tragic situation] would not have happened. If they had just stayed in the group, they wouldn’t have lost their job or there wouldn’t be family problems or their child wouldn’t have become ill or….. They have temporarily forgotten that bad things happened while they were attending their former church. Old thoughts, from sermons using twisted scriptures, can have a hold on people for years if they do not deal with the issues from their involvement. “If you leave, God will strike you down! You may be in a car wreck or become ill. Perhaps you will lose your job or home. The way of the transgressor is hard!”

I recall all kinds of bad things happening to people who were in my former church. A home burned down, there were all kinds of vehicle and job problems, car accidents, financial difficulties, marriage trouble and divorces, and people getting diseases with some dying. The church itself was struck by lightning and burned to the ground. It would be an extensive list of woes if everything could be mentioned. Being a member of the church and being involved did not keep us from the things of life that can happen to anyone.

In like manner, being out of the group, we need to understand that good and bad will also happen. It is part of life. It doesn’t mean God is after you and trying to get you to return to the church. It doesn’t mean you are lost or backslid. It doesn’t mean you would have been safe from whatever happened had you remained. Take the time to look into the passages that were used to scare you and see the fear that permeates the teachings. If you do this you should eventually no longer have to fight such thoughts. It’s a guarantee that should you return, bad things will still happen.

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

What If They Are Right?

What if they are right?

This is a question that many who leave unhealthy churches face. Because they have not yet worked through the various teachings and/or because they do not understand the manipulative fear tactics, they sometimes later wonder if the group is right. Perhaps they are backslid or lost. Maybe their conscience has been seared. Maybe they did walk away from ‘the truth.’ This fear has caused some to at least temporarily return to an unhealthy church.

One of the signs of an unhealthy group is that they have ‘the truth’ and others, or at least most others, do not and are therefore not saved. They may have some unique revelation. Outside their doors there is no hope for you. Or so they’d like you to believe.

To a spiritually abusive group, leaving them is synonymous to leaving God, walking away from truth, and heading straight toward hell. People caught up in these churches sometimes forget that their relationship with God is one on one and is not dependent upon church attendance. It doesn’t end when you leave a church, switch churches, take a break, or choose to not attend anywhere.

If this thought of them maybe being right is bothering you, take a good, hard look at the teachings and the manner in which they are taught. Learn to recognize the signs of spiritual abuse and how fear is used to manipulate and control. Then you will know whether they are right or wrong and you will overcome that fear of the thought of ‘what if they are right’.

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

YOU Are The Problem!

There is no problem- you are the problem.

Have you ever been made to feel that way at a church or seen it happen to another? You bring to the attention of leadership a possible problem that you see, be it doctrine or something happening at church. You find that suddenly YOU have now become the problem.

How and why does this happen? The pastor, who is insecure and feels threatened, decides that there really isn’t anything wrong, that it is simply YOU. You are rebellious, a trouble maker, trying to stir up strife or division, you are unteachable, backslid…. There are a number of possible reasons why YOU have become the problem. And he may bring these up in a sermon and preach hard against those that may question the pastor. Remember the she bears or when the earth opened up and all those people lost their lives? Or when some were hit with leprosy or the couple dropped dead before Peter? You don’t want to find yourself in a similar situation! Questioning or disagreeing with a pastor today is made to seem on par with those biblical events.

And what does this switch do? It pretty much silences anyone else who may have had similar thoughts. It creates division as you are now suspect and perhaps should be avoided until you come to your senses and ask for forgiveness. It also can cause you to wonder if what the pastor said is true. Are you messed up? Are you being influenced by the devil? Is there a spirit of rebellion in you? Could God be planning your demise right at this moment because you touched God’s anointed?

Healthy churches allow and even welcome questioning and differing opinions. But if you are in an unhealthy church, you will quickly learn that those who bring attention to a problem will themselves become the problem.

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

An Atheist “Converts” People to God

Years back, I came across two videos on YouTube that show an atheist hypnotist in action, “converting” people to a belief in God based on what they feel and experience at his gathering. It is in two parts. If you watch, be sure to watch them in order.

The first: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhIGmAzCqFY

The second: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lm9cFrnrR7Q

I am sharing these as some food for thought. Many, especially those from Pentecostal type churches, have come to accept whatever happens in a church service as being from God. If it happens at church, it must be sanctioned and orchestrated by God. That simply is untrue. We are told to try the spirits and to use discernment.

These videos are a good example of how people can be manipulated (in this instance through hypnosis or the power of suggestion) and then believe what they experienced was from God, when in fact it was not. There’s a lot that happens in some church gatherings that is far from being of God, yet is readily accepted as such.

If Derren can do this, and it obviously isn’t God touching these people, then we need to take care in not blindly accepting anything that happens in a church gathering. Don’t allow experiences to become your focus and govern your spirituality. Experiences can and do mislead people, so be discerning.

For those that simply dismiss this thought, perhaps you would consider a real-life example that happened in a church from Washington state that had several satellite churches in the USA and abroad. Membership in part consisted of many professionals such as lawyers, dentists, chiropractors, businessmen, and doctors. Community Chapel was a type of Oneness Pentecostal church, but different from what the United Pentecostal Church and similar groups teach.

They appear to have started out well and had a Bible college. They began focusing on experiences, which the pastor, Donald Barnett, claimed would bring them closer to Jesus. Those became more and more extreme and eventually very harmful, causing a great many marriages to end in divorce and friendships to dissolve. People were disfellowshipped. There were suicides. One person who was there shared that many experienced “horrific emotional upheaval”.

They sang ‘in the Spirit’ and focused on demons and deliverance. They started dancing together. This eventually led to what was termed as ‘spiritual connections’ and gazing into each others’ eyes to see Jesus. That escalated into fornication and adultery. The church scandal made headlines, it split and eventually folded. What happened there was by no means sanctioned and orchestrated by God as it left devastation in its wake.

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

Ministers Who Don’t Keep Confidences

Ministers who don’t keep confidences are another sign of an unhealthy church. One should be able to counsel with a minister and know that what is shared will stay between them alone, unless permission is given otherwise.

The United Pentecostal Church, in their Manual of rules states, “When a minister receives information that is a privileged communication, the minister shall not divulge or repeat any part of such communication to any other person unless compelled to do so by law or if the communicant waives the privilege. Privileged communication shall be defined as any confession or communication made to a minister in confidence by a person seeking spiritual advice or consolation and who expects that such information will not be divulged by the minister to another person.” (Article VII, Section 7, 32 – 2016 Manual) It is also mentioned in one of their position papers.

Despite this, through the years I have heard that some ministers have used privileged information to shame and manipulate church members. They incorporate it into sermons. They share it with their wife and other family members. It may come out under the guise of a prayer request for the individual. They may even share private matters about members with people who don’t even attend the church where they pastor. Where and who the information is shared with doesn’t concern the unethical pastor.

A minister is to have the heart of a servant. Using privileged information to shame, manipulate, humiliate, control or hurt people, is a sign of an abusive individual who, though they may hold the title of a minister, they are not representative of Christ or Christianity in their actions.

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.