Author: Lois | Page 52 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

Let Me Off The Roller Coaster!

Roller coasters- innumerable people love taking rides on all types of roller coasters. There’s the smaller and more mild ones for the young and those starting out. Then there are enormous ones with all manner of twists and loops that test how well you can hold down your food.

There is another roller coaster ride that isn’t fun but is frustrating and never ending: It is the performance trap roller coaster found in unhealthy churches. When you board this ride, they don’t let you off and it takes away your joy.

When people attempt to earn their righteousness or somehow earn favor or acceptance with God through their actions, they will always struggle. That is because it simply cannot be done. We either accept by faith the righteousness God gives us or we attempt to earn it ourselves. Since we are imperfect people and we often mess up and fall short, we will never feel complete and lasting peace attempting to follow God in this manner. Worse yet, our efforts are in vain as we cannot make ourselves righteous.

When you fail, you feel bad and wonder if perhaps God will reject or think less of you. Then maybe you have a good day or service and feel better. All too soon the down side comes again as you don’t live up to the performance expected. It’s a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. Many often wonder if they will even make it to heaven.

This is not what a Christian life is supposed to be like. Our salvation is not based upon our performance, but upon the completed work of Jesus on Calvary. He paid the full price for all our sins and mess ups. There is nothing we can do to achieve what He already accomplished. And there is nothing you can do to cause God to love you or love you more. He already loves you. He expressed that love when Jesus paid the price you owed for your sins. Yes, even before you were born, He saw ahead and loved you.

There is hope outside of the performance trap roller coaster ride. There is life- more abundant life in Christ!

Being Subject One To Another- Including Ministers

Here is a biblical principle every Christian needs to learn- we are to be subject one to another. That includes people in leadership positions. That includes ministers and pastors. It means every Christian. I do believe God calls people to be ministers and also gives them some authority if He calls them to pastor. And at the same time, every believer has authority from God.

God doesn’t love those in the ministry more than He does all other believers. There is no big me and little you in the body of Christ. (Read 1 Corinthians 12.) We are all fitly joined together by God’s Spirit. True ministers simply have been given an ability or gift from God, just as EVERY believer has gifts and callings of God. A pastor is no more important to God than the person who encourages others. There is so much that could be said on this matter.

In this authority (remember we must consider the *whole* of what the Bible teaches on a subject and not just shout out “obey them…!”), God also said no one was to lord over another. That’s not how God wants the Church to work. There is a difference in being a shepherd, a guide, as compared to demanding and lording over people. It is the latter that is evidenced in unhealthy churches.

A true leader, one with the heart of a servant, does not need to shout he has authority, nor flaunt it. He does not lord it over church members. Instead of demanding that everyone be in subjection to him, he allows himself to be in subjection to members- just as all believers are to be in subjection to one another.

Liken it to a marriage. After the fall, God placed the husband over the wife. Yet his authority doesn’t translate to dictatorship and lording over his wife. The husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the Church. The wife is to respect her husband. If everyone exhibits their mutual subjection one to another, the marriage operates as it should. The husband may have the final say in some matter, for instance, but he also listens to and considers the input of his wife, having her welfare in mind.

Understand that true biblical authority is not what you have encountered and heard about in unhealthy churches. It’s not about blindly doing whatever a pastor or minister says. It’s not about the pastor saying you cannot go to some other church. It’s not about ruling with an iron fist. It’s not about telling you what you may and may not wear or where you may or may not go. It’s so very, very different from all of that. If ministers have the heart of a servant, as they should, they will not be abusive. If they do not, they should not be a leader as Jesus taught leaders are to serve.

Ephesians 5:18-21 (NLT): Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Book Giveaway #7

We have given away books for years as part of the spiritualabuse.org ministry and this will be our seventh one via this new blog area. This is your chance to receive one or more free books on various issues.

The first people with a USA mailing address who respond will receive their choice of books at no charge to them. (Unfortunately, it is cost prohibitive to mail these books outside of the USA. Canadians with a USA mailing address are welcome to request books.) To respond, just leave a comment for this post. If you are unsure what any book is about, the links will take you to Amazon where you may read their description and reviews.

Up for grabs are several used books and DVDs:

~~One paperback copy of Letters From A Skeptic by Gregory and Edward Boyd~~. TAKEN
One paperback copy of Cruden’s Complete Concordance.
Three paperback copies of Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. One copy has numerous pencil markings and another has some highlighting, but both are still very readable.
One paperback copy of Love Is A Choice: Recovery for Codependent Relationships by Hemfelt, Minirth & Meier. Has some underlining.
One hardback copy of How People Grow by Henry Cloud & John Townsend. It has a little highlighting.
One paperback copy of Safe People by Henry Cloud & John Townsend.
Two hardback copies of Boundaries by Henry Cloud & John Townsend. One has a little highlighting.
One hardback copy of Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman.
Two hardback copies of When God Doesn’t Make Sense by James Dobson.
~~One paperback copy of Wounded Warrior, Wounded Home (PTSD) by Marshele Waddell (signed)~~. TAKEN
One paperback copy of Named By God by Kasey Van Norman.
~~One hardback copy of Nave’s Topical Bible~~. TAKEN
~~One hardback copy of Total Recovery (chronic pain & depression)by Gary Kaplan~~. TAKEN
One hardback copy of Boundaries With Teens by John Townsend.
One hardback copy of Boundaries With Kids by Henry Cloud & John Townsend.
Three paperback copies of Mennonite in a Little Black Dress by Rhoda Janzen.
~~One paperback copy of The Unauthorized Guide to Choosing a Church by Carmen Berry~~. TAKEN
~~One paperback copy of Released From Shame by Sandra Wilson~~. TAKEN
~~One paperback copy of Captured by Grace by David Jeremiah.~~ TAKEN
~~One paperback copy of Grace: More Than We Deserve by Max Lucado~~. TAKEN
~~One paperback copy of Understanding and Applying the Bible by J. Robertson McQuilkin~~. TAKEN
~~One paperback copy of Simple Faith by Charles Swindoll~~. TAKEN
~~One paperback copy of Redeeming Our Treasures: Finding Joy in the Shadows of an Abusive Past by Linda Settles~~. (This is an uncorrected proof & has writing.) TAKEN
~~One hardback copy of When Forgiveness Doesn’t Make Sense by Robert Jeffress~~. TAKEN
One hardback copy of Laugh Again by Charles Swindoll.
One DVD of Holy Bible KJV Complete by Alexander Scourby.
One CD MP3 NIV Audio New Testament Dramatized by Faith Comes By Hearing.
One DVD The Story of Two Kings (plus two on the Bible) by Day of Discovery.
~~One DVD Boundaries With Kids by Henry Cloud & John Townsend~~. TAKEN
~~One hardback copy of Soul Survivors: A New Beginning for Adults Abused As Children by J. Patrick Gannon~~. TAKEN

The first people with a USA mailing address who respond will receive their choice of book(s) at no charge to them. To respond, just leave a comment for this post. Please understand that comments require approval unless you have previously commented. So while it may look like you are first or second, etc. there may be someone ahead of you whose comment is pending. Be sure to use your actual email address when setting up to comment as I will be contacting you through it. Check your spam folder as email sometimes goes there. (For your privacy, do not put the email or address in your actual comment.)

Be sure to mention in your comment which book(s) you would like and you may refer to them by number. There is no limit on how many you may request, though you may only have one copy of any title.

Pastors- Secure Your Continual Leadership

I had to pass this along after coming across it. I shook my head in disbelief upon seeing it. There is a ministry to help pastors “secure your continual leadership role within the local church with Apostolic By-Laws.” You read it right. It takes away all voting rights of members and puts the pastor in complete control. This is biblical, so it is proclaimed. It was ummm…. enlightening skimming the site.

This so-called Apostle’s church affiliation, is some prophetic type of Pentecostalism and he held license with the AOG. The wife, Balinda Deitz, is a so-called prophetess. Steve Deitz will help churches write or re-write their by-laws to make the church a ‘theocracy’ and give the pastor full power- all for a cost of just under $1300 for the full kit. [2023 update: The full kit price has jumped to $1995.] I believe for an additional cost, you can have this self-proclaimed Apostle and his other ministry be the church or pastor’s ‘covering.’ Just what unhealthy churches need- a way to ensure a pastor holds full power and control.

I also found basically the same site, without the apostle and prophetess titles at churchby-laws.com. [2023 note: That website is no longer in operation.] I don’t think by the use of ‘apostolic’ that they mean what Oneness organizations such as the United Pentecostal Church mean.

The link where this by-law kit is found is https://www.apostolicbylaws.com/home. But beware- they do threaten to sue and charge you attorney’s fees should you do a charge-back on your credit card after purchasing. [See here for the archived version where this was noted as it has since been removed from the page.] Oh, and deposits are non-refundable.

Substituting Church For Jesus: Where Is Your Identity Found?

Have you substituted church for Jesus? Are you so caught up in church activities that you have forgotten what being a Christian is about?

Many times these things happen to those who have become involved in unhealthy churches. They may start off well, but slowly lose their focus. Where are you today? Has your life become all about church and programs and pleasing the pastor/leadership?

I remember how it was different for me in the beginning of my time in the United Pentecostal Church. I remember feeling good and soaking things in and having a joy. I started my walk with God before I ever set foot in one of their churches. I had started to read the Bible at home and repented, saw my need to be water baptized, and that is how I started my time in that organization.

After awhile things changed. My main focus, which should have been on Jesus, changed. It became about church, the multiple activities there, the fellowship there, in doing things for the church, etc. It didn’t happen overnight and I didn’t notice that a shift was taking place. There were all the regular services (three a week), prayer meetings, the Ladies Auxiliary meetings, other committee meetings, making crafts or baking goods to sell for fundraisers, time spent on other fundraisers, door knocking, eating out after services, cleaning the church, doing things to help the pastor….the list is long.

I don’t believe there are too many who go this route, knowing what is happening, and charge ahead anyway. It is a slow process and often while we are yet involved, we don’t realize what is happening to our focus.

I came to view doing things for the church as doing things for the Lord. But that wasn’t always how it actually was. Life now revolved around church, not Church (there is a difference). Not necessarily God, but the building and all that went on inside and with special services elsewhere. You got so busy doing and going, that your life revolved around it all.

This thought made me think about all the writings (as well as sermons) I have seen and heard through the years, where people speak of Pentecost. It is Pentecost this and Pentecost that. Pentecost birthed them. I know this happens in other denominations. It becomes about the group to which one is joined. Jesus is still mentioned, but the focus turns to other things, like your Apostolic Identity, for instance. As believers, our identity is to lie in Jesus Christ, and in Him alone- not in Pentecostalism, Methodism, Lutheranism or anything else.