When we think about some congregations being problematic for women the first thing that comes to mind is patriarchy. This stands to reason, because patriarchy is very commonly a factor in many toxic churches and frequently comes up in the political sphere.
However, what if one of the ways some congregations go wrong isn’t with patriarchy, but with an insistence on clinging to an era where patriarchy WAS the norm across denominations? IOW, taking pride in having had female clergy & other leaders, but handling their women’s ministry as though we’re still in an era where women’s groups (largely social in nature, along with charity projects) were the ONLY option for women?
I’m not running down women’s ministries or saying they have to end. However, members of such groups need to realize not every woman wants to participate in that manner, and that’s okay.
Nobody should have to cope with the pressure to attend meetings they are uninterested in, have their worth as a member measured by their women’s ministry involvement, or stigmatized for being single or not having children. These are all situations I’ve unfortunately heard of women encountering in their congregations that take pride in having female clergy/leaders and advertising themselves as being welcoming/inclusive.
To be truly welcoming and inclusive, we need to welcome those who prefer not being labeled or otherwise put in a box. Otherwise, we’re no different from those who make no efforts to be inclusive.
My former supposedly inclusive Episcopal church, Grace. Church in Alexandria VA, is fine with same-sex marriage, LGBT persons, women in positions of leadership, and more. It’s friendly and welcoming. It’s also the most spiritually abusive church I’ve ever seen. So it is important not to conflate being progressive or inclusive with being a spiritually safe church.
Good point, Eric. Spiritual abuse can affect any group.