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On the other side
The sun will shine
On the other side
Everything is fine
On the other side
We’ll learn to be content
I know where the grass is green
We’ll step ashore and the air is clean
So weep no more
Leave your troubles far behind
On the other side (The Seekers)

While being on the ‘other side’ of an unhealthy church experience won’t mean everything will be OK with total contentment and no crying or trouble, one can truly get to a much better place than was experienced.

On the ‘other side’ of all the yucky parts of dealing with the negative aspects of our experiences, there is a good place. There can be a happy ending to your story. And you know what, you’ll appreciate it to a greater degree than others. Why? Because you’ve experienced the ‘wrong side’ of religion. And when you’ve experience the ‘wrong side’ of religion, you thoroughly love and appreciate the ‘other side.’

You’ve heard certain teachings over and over and over and not much of any meat. You’ve experienced the image of an uncaring God, just ready to bust you over the head should you dare step out of line. You’ve experienced a minister who does not have the heart of a servant. You’ve experienced a works related salvation. You’ve experienced a place where the love is most often dependent upon you keeping the rules. You experienced a time where your initial joy at coming to know the Lord was slowly squeezed from your being, to where you may have even become a judgmental person.

BUT…on the ‘other side’, you can experience the REAL thing. God loves you simply because he loves you. You can’t do a thing to make him love you any more or any less….but you may find your love for him growing as you break free from the faulty teachings and untrue image of God. You’ll find there is no whip or baseball bat in his hand, ready to pound you at the least infraction of a rule. He is a patient, long suffering God. You may find that the Bible will open to you anew—-and you will look forward to reading it because of all that God is revealing to you. You read it before but missed so many wonderful truths because it was twisted and used to manipulate you. You might develop and use your gifts and talents so you may help others; many had them squashed in their former churches. It’s kind of like being a kid all over again and getting to go to that place you just couldn’t wait to get to!

Will things like these happen right away? I wish I could say that they would. It takes time and patience while you work through all the issues involved in leaving an unhealthy church. It may be difficult at first to not view God as a harsh taskmaster or to be able to read the Bible without past sermons screaming in your mind. As you discover who you are in Christ and learn of God’s grace and start to experience it, things will change. It is a much better place than the one you left. It isn’t a place of striving to obtain favor with God, it is one of knowing you already are accepted by him. It isn’t a place of trying hard to measure up, but one of resting in the completed work of Jesus Christ. It isn’t a place of being shamed, humiliated or degraded, but a place of love, joy and peace.

Our prayer is that all who have been subjected to spiritual abuse and unhealthy churches will come to a place of healing and be able to break free from the tangled mess of deception and lies of their former churches.

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It’s been eight years since I took a vacation and actually got on a plane and went somewhere for a whole week. I went to the beautiful state of Florida to visit my cousins who are living their dream, and encouraged me to start living mine.

Which made me think what is my dream? Do I have one? When I was a Pastors wife I dreamed of great revivals. When I was working I dreamed of promotions and raises. But now? I couldn’t think of a dream. Was I just surviving since I escaped from the cult? Or was I just existing since I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s and forced to retire? I used to have plans and dreams at one time. What happened to them? I’ve always loved the ocean and the beach and could find comfort for my mind and soul, therefore, I decided to use my week of vacation and ponder some things in my heart.

The ocean, the beach, the warm sand that I rubbed my feet through and finding shells seemed to have the power to bring calmness and peace, at least it used to. I could spend the day watching the waves or walk along the water’s edge feeling the touch of water and looking for shells could usually help center me back to myself and God. But the years struggling to spiritually survive had taken their toll and I needed to find that center again.

Where to start, I asked myself, while looking out over the blue ocean and spotting a pod of dolphins frolicking in the blue waters brought a smile to my face as I remembered part of a poem…

“My soul is full of longing for the secret of the sea and the heart of the great ocean sends a thrilling pulse through me.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The ocean is beautiful with its blue color and stretching to the horizon as far as I could see. There were birds flying over it and dipping down to catch a fish or two. The ocean changes constantly. It can have huge crashing waves one minute and slow swells the next depending on the weather, wind and temperature. It is impulsive and random in this way. The deep water hides both friend and foe and you never know what’s lurking below.

As a recovering Pentecostal I met people who I thought would be my friends forever, but they have disappeared into the deep of legalism and then I have met people who have become good friends, who have never faltered when the water was deep or shallow. The ocean is full of surprises, as is life, and the greatest lesson that the waves can teach me is no matter how bad my situation may seem, the waves will always keep crashing and life will always continue on.

We sing an old hymn in church and I was told it was penned during a sorrowful time in a man’s life, and it has always spoken to my soul:

“When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll
What ever my lot,
thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, It is well, with my soul.
It is well
With my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul
It is well (it is well)
With my soul (with my soul)
It is well, it is well with my soul.”

There’s nothing better to me than rubbing my bare feet in the sand and covering them up. But I do not like getting sand into my swimsuit or feeling the gritty particles as you rub on sunscreen. As a single grain of sand may not seem to amount to much, but when they are put together, they create something enjoyable. A whole beach.

It’s a place where you can gather with family and friends, burdened down with chairs and coolers and umbrellas until you find that right spot overlooking the ocean. A day spent at the beach brings laughter and artistic design building sand castles and fun as you dip into the surf and hunting for the perfect shell. Sand can teach us that we may be small, but together we can change our situation…..like spiritual abuse….and bring laughter and silliness back into our lives.

“Let my toes teach the shore
how to feel a tranquil life
through the wetness of sands

Let my heart latch the door
of blackness, as all my pain
now blue sky understands”
Munia Khan

There is a constant that comes along with the ocean, the beach, the sand and just as in life, with the storms, the winds and problems, it moves us, shapes us, supports us, and awakens us to new shores.

The words of Mark remind me that no matter how bad the storms get or how hard the winds blow….Jesus still cares and will speak to my raging storms: “Peace, be still!” And the wind will cease and there will be a great calm.” (Mark‬ ‭4:39‬ ‭NKJV‬‬)

Ultimately, Jesus teaches me to be like water myself….strong yet calm, steady yet yielding, subtle yet beautiful, and not to be fearful of the deep. (Source)

And that is my dream….to live again with my soul full of peace and my heart full of the love of God.

NOTE: Some of the thoughts and wording of this article are from 8 Lessons Beach Life Can Teach You by Julia Cohen.

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I always find it fascinating how the issue of control comes out in a supposed form of submission. This is evident in the uncut hair issue and I will demonstrate this with quotes from the booklet Guardians of His Glory by Linda and Gary Reed.

The booklet starts out talking about Lucifer and his fall to give a foundation for the rest of the booklet. After talking about Lucifer they write “In the same manner, a wandering star in the kingdom of God spirals out of control.” (pg 7) There is a lot of talk about wickedness, hell, deception. “Beauty queens will appear in this performance as nightmarish monsters….sinners and hypocrites will be tortured together…” (pg 10) This sets a foundation of fear.

Later, it talks about being a chosen generation and a royal priesthood. It talks about how we can “shine or irradiate others, as the glory and power of God’s electromagnetic radiation is refracted in our lives….let us leave illusion and self deception…then we will truly be refractors of His glory!” (pg 22).

As many of the books that we have looked at, a foundation of fear is set and then a way to escape the wrath of God…..if you follow the writer’s teaching.

Chapter three begins with talking about not being unequally yoked with unbelievers and the power of holiness. It talks about setting “boundaries on our flesh”. (pg 23) Here is where they begin to talk about a woman’s hair. “The woman’s authority from God is symbolized by her personal glory-her long uncut hair……the entire spectra of God’s glory on earth is clouded when women cut their hair….” (pg 25)

It would appear that they try to address some previous teachings (no name is mentioned but I think I know!) when they say “Some teach that we, human beings, have replaced these guardians of God’s glory of God in their homes. This is not substantiated by scripture….” (pg 26)

Here is where the issue of control begins to be addressed. “Women have always sought control. In centuries past they were subservient to men…through witchcraft they (pagan cultures) obtained control of kingdoms…they learned how to reverse God’s divine order….(pg 27)…they shaved their heads…abortion and infanticide were regularly practiced…women…have used sex to wield power over men…(pg 28)

Now pay attention here: “Women do not need the use of perversion to manipulate their surroundings. For God has given women a way to control their environment without sin. God put women in the middle for a reason…she has the unique ability to mediate and resolve problems. Yet many in-between women are not in control of their situations simply because they are ignorant of God’s endowment. When a woman submits to God’s precepts she will find a channel to glory…..He will make a way where there seems to be no way!” What??? So, if a woman desires to control and manipulate, she should not do it by sex or witchcraft but by not cutting her hair?? Amazing! Confounding!!

They go on about how women can have “power”! Power on her head because of the angels! The word power-exousia means “Force-Capacity-Competency-Freedom and Mastery” When a godly woman (read-woman who does not cut her hair!) is at her wits end, feels totally inadequate, needs protection and power and is threatened with bondage…when she faces Satan’s forces, she becomes a superwoman! “If women only knew what power they would possess by accepting God’s plan, they would readily accept it”! (pg 30) Astounding! If you feel out of control…here is a way you can have power and control! Don’t cut your hair! This issue is not about submission. It’s about power and control.

Then, the scary stories ensue about a girl who went insane when a father pushed a girl into the barber’s chair. “When he finished the girl literally went insane, as evil spirits took control of her youthful mind and body.” (pg 30)

“A woman’s uncut hair creates a channel of glory in which the angels are empowered to minister. Women especially need an escape valve. This channel is a spiritual hotline to glory. Wow!” (pg 30-31)

The booklet wraps up with more supposedly convincing arguments.

Do you see how this message could really be enticing to a woman who feels out of control in her life? All she has to do is stop cutting her hair and she will have power and control! This is really dangerous because instead of working towards a true and positive solution for real problems, a woman’s energy is diverted into “long hair” and the belief that it gives her some special power. So, how does a sign that is supposed to be about submission (according to United Pentecostal Church theology) turn into one of power and control? I think the whole thing is about power and control from beginning to end.

I have provided photos of four pages. Page 27, page 28, page 29, page 30.

(Written for the Facebook group Breaking Out.)

Getting Out the Old Books: The Literal Word by M.D. Treece
Getting Out the Old Books: Guardians of His Glory by Gary & Linda Reed
Getting Out the Old Books: David F. Gray
Getting Out the Old Books: Joy Haney
Getting Out The Old Books: Larry L. Booker
Getting Out the Old Books: Power Before the Throne
Getting Out the Newer Books: Wholly Holy: The Vital Role of Visible Devotion
Search For Truth On Holiness

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In July 2017, the blog section of the spiritual abuse website had 8516 visits, with 5093 being unique.

We are always looking for new people to join our group of bloggers, so please consider registering and watch your email for more information. How frequently you post is up to you.

Commenting directly on the blog is an encouragement to our authors as they often cannot see all the places where these are shared and discussed on social media.

Below are the top ten read posts for July. Thanks so much to all our readers and authors!

Fake Trump Tweet to the NAYC – author Lois. (accessed 2009 times)

A Conversation with a Pastor, Part 2 – author Through Grace. (accessed 1141 times)

UPC Unpardonable – author Susan. (accessed 508 times)

My story pt. 1 – author Beth. (accessed 278 times)

UPC Unpardonable Part 2 – author Susan.

Five Different Experiences….One Result Pt 2 – author Nana5.

Under The Influence Of An Unhealthy Group – author Lois.

Leaving (pt 2) – author Through Grace.

The outward appearance – author Through Grace.

What it’s like to leave – author Through Grace.

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Sexual abuse is something which should never happen. To be assaulted or raped often devastates the person; they are violated in a most personal manner. When the perpetrator is a minister, it can have a profound effect spiritually. That also holds true when a church member assaults another member and the church tells the individual to keep quiet and allow leadership to handle it. The reputation of the church is more important than them. Many have watched as the priest/minister was allowed to retain their position as if nothing happened.

In all the years I have operated the spiritual abuse website, I have seen how difficult it is for people to open up and share. It is often the deepest, darkest secret they keep, buried under great pain, sorrow, hurt and tears. Some tried to share in the past and were disbelieved, even by parents and siblings. Others were threatened should they dare to speak. Some were falsely accused of doing something which caused their abuse.

While some try hard to bury what happened to them, it still lurks in the shadows. The past comes back to mind as things happen which trigger the memories and emotions. This happened with a dear friend of mine from my former United Pentecostal Church.

Julie liked it that way. After all, what would it benefit to go back to the past? Didn’t everyone just say forget about the past, get a life, or just plain get over it. Even Christians seemed to have the cliche of saying “That’s all under the blood.” It seemed that we were to just let it all go. But how do we do this? Julie wondered.

Julie tried hard and she had done a good job of it, too, of shoving it so far down within her, to a place where she thought it wouldn’t bother her anymore. If it would have just worked and stayed there it would have been fine. But it didn’t.

The past always resurfaced. And when it did, it would catch Julie so off-guard, that she could never be sure of how to handle it.

Julie began to ponder within her heart and search her Bible to try to understand more of how God would want her to deal with the past, a past that always seemed to rise up and haunt her- now even more so, with the recurring dreams that she continued to have.

…Julie continued to have the recurring dreams. Each dream that she had would only stir up all of the issues of her past and bring them soaring to the present. …The door part way open. …The villain in the house. She would awake full of terror, often unable to go back to sleep.

I’ve known Marty Barth for years, but never knew that her father had molested her as a child. That is until I heard about her first book, The Shattering, where she begins her story. I never knew the deep pain and hurt she held inside. She has chosen to openly share about her past in an effort to help others who have been harmed sexually. She now speaks at various functions across America and visits those in prison. Marty is a sweet, loving woman and though we have not seen each other since the year I made the decision to leave the United Pentecostal Church, I am glad to call her friend.

In the sequel to her first book, The Shattering II: Breaking the Silence shares some of the more recent events in Marty’s life, including finally opening up to her brothers and sharing what happened, her father becoming ill and her bold confrontation with him as he was dying. Her story shares how she fought to begin healing the deep wounds from her past. While her story has many sad and heartbreaking aspects, it is also one of hope and encouragement.

We have given away books for years as part of the spiritualabuse.org ministry. This is your chance to receive a new copy of The Shattering II: Breaking the Silence. You need not have read the first as this book stands by itself. We have two copies of this to give away. This is only open to those with a USA mailing address. (Unfortunately, it is cost prohibitive to mail books outside of the USA. Canadians with a USA mailing address are welcome to enter.)

This giveaway is a different from our large giveaways as it is a drawing and not a first come, first served event. To enter, just leave a comment on this post to show you wish to be included. The drawing will close on August 2 at 9pm (eastern time), after which I will draw two winners. You will then need to email me your mailing address if I do not already have it. There is absolutely no cost to enter.

Don’t be alarmed if your comment does not immediately show as comments require approval when you are commenting for the first time.

We always provide these at no charge to our readers. We want people to be helped and to heal. So far this year we have spent several hundred dollars on providing material free of charge to our readers.

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