Category: questioning | Page 5 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

Eating the Forbidden Fruit of Truth Part 4

Continued from Part 3.

Having tasted the forbidden fruit of truth, I couldn’t close my eyes ever again. Action needed to be done. I worked on a reform proposal during the deployment, and I arranged a meeting with the pastor upon my return. I first went home on leave.

During my time home, I suffered an emotional meltdown. I was overwhelmed with the realization those whom I trusted the most lied to me about the most important things. I returned rested and recovered. The pastor left his desk and actually sat in the chair next to me – something he rarely did. The pastor then informed me my reform proposal was rejected in its entirety. I was floored. I thought for sure because I had been involved with the ministry as long as I had, plus was considered an elder, the leadership would listen to me. I was dead wrong.

A few months would pass before I finally found my exit. While I waited, I continued to read and interact with those on the website, realizing I couldn’t continue the charade of being in a ministry built on corruption and lies.

My moment came on March 19, 2003. A church meeting was held where we were all issued 3×5 cards where we were to mark YES or NO concerning our confidence in the leadership. I wrestled with the decision, but I believe at that instant God told me to write NO on the 3×5 card. It was time to leave.

Truth isn’t always pleasant. At the same time, truth is liberating. I have no regrets eating that forbidden fruit.

Rescuing Randy is one mother’s story about the harm caused by L.R. Davis, who started as a United Pentecostal Church minister.

Eating the Forbidden Fruit of Truth Part 1
Eating the Forbidden Fruit of Truth Part 2

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Eating the Forbidden Fruit of Truth Part 3

Continued from Part 2.

September 11, 2001. Anyone old enough to remember knew where they were that day. I was aboard ship, and heard the order to go underway; I would be deployed for seven months, most of that time in the Indian Ocean.

A few months into the deployment, the woman who created the website with her husband reported aboard the same ship where I was stationed. Almost immediately shipmates approached me, wanting to know why we were so polarized when we attended the same church and believed very much the same things. I prayed about talking to her because I wanted answers.

What was intended to be a brief Q and A session became a two hour conversation that opened my eyes to the ugly truth about the founder. She told me how, during her shore duty tour, she was able to obtain a copy of the court records concerning the founder’s trial and conviction. I listened closely as she shared of how the founder allegedly attacked her husband when he was a single man in the church. I could tell she wasn’t lying to me.

I realized I could no longer defend the founder anymore. I read through the court records, and my mind was blown. So many people whom I thought were pillars in the church were implicated in the closed door activities. I couldn’t believe it at first, but the truth was there in stark black and white. I had been duped into thinking we were such a holy bunch, but in reality there were two groups within the church. There was the majority, who made the church look wonderful on the outside. Then there was this – the dark inner circle where all the secrets and lies were kept.

What was I going to do with this knowledge?

Eating the Forbidden Fruit of Truth Part 1

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Eating the Forbidden Fruit of Truth Part 2

Continued from Part 1.

I read the website with great interest. I personally knew the husband and wife, and deep down I knew they were decent people. I just didn’t understand at the time how they could speak so much against a ministry we were told was on fire for the gospel and we were commissioned to carry the Good News to the world.

On days I was tasked with working at the church office, I played the obedient servant role to a T. I never once accessed the website at church, only at home or aboard ship. I did, however, witness the pastor’s wife reading through it intently. I never asked her why she was so interested. I don’t believe at that time anyone in the church suspected I was looking for answers in forbidden places.

My quest for answers took a new turn while home on leave. The forbidden website opened message boards where I could create a username and participate. Using an alias, I began to communicate on the boards and interacted with other former members. I saw a consistency in their testimonies that I couldn’t deny. I also noticed they too were people I considered close friends. What caused them all to leave?

The pastors would tell us Satan deceived those who left, and they believed a lie about the ministry just as the apostle Paul said concerning “strong delusion.” It didn’t matter. I still had a desire to know more.

The events after September 11 would set me up for a meeting that would lead to my eventual departure from the church where I labored for almost 17 years.

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Eating the Forbidden Fruit of Truth Part 1

A recently published article by the Washington Post brought to my remembrance the refusal of my former church to properly address the criminal actions of the founder. Indeed, the last thing any church wants to believe is that those in leadership were actually guilty of the act they were accused of doing.

In my former church, a concerted effort went forward to proclaim the founder’s innocence, and to discredit anyone who tried to refute the narrative. After the founder was convicted, the leadership continued pushing the narrative he was falsely accused and thus wrongly convicted. Those who spoke against this were disfellowshipped and expelled. To my shame, as a minister I supported the church in this effort for almost a decade. I didn’t want to believe the “man of God” was even capable of committing such awful things. I didn’t want to even consider he was guilty of molesting children.

The founder died in prison. Less than a year after his death, a couple who left the church launched a website exposing the ugly truth of the founder’s activities and other practices the ministry did to keep everyone in the dark and under the leadership’s control. The new general pastor was livid. He put out a directive to everyone in the congregations that reading the website could lead to expulsion. It was, in the pastor’s eyes, tantamount to consorting with the enemy.

When this was announced, I was stationed aboard a ship where no other members were assigned. I had almost unfettered access to the computers at work, and I began to sample the forbidden fruit of truth.

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Walking In The Light

O house of Jacob, come and let us walk In the light of the LORD. Isaiah‬ ‭2:5‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about why we were all subjected to spiritual abuse. Why did it happen to me when I so much wanted to be saved and serve the Lord. The same wish I think all of us had which is probably why we were an easy mark for the United Pentecostal Church cult.

But even with all their erroneous teaching and rules and regulations it didn’t stop us from continuing our search for truth. We were still in darkness and looking to walk freely in His marvelous light.

I wanted to be like Isaiah and “walk in the light of the Lord.” I wanted to see and learn about God myself. I had all the questions but couldn’t get any straight answers. Could it be the ministry didn’t know the answers? Was it because they were still in darkness themselves? How can you shed light on something while you are sitting in darkness? “Therefore take heed that the light which is in you is not darkness.” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭11:35‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

For with their belief in a works based salvation and a heavy yoke of bondage that kept us in darkness, had they forgotten it was God who made the light? “Then God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light. And God saw the light, that it was good; and God divided the light from the darkness.” Genesis‬ ‭1:3-4 NKJV‬‬

God never wanted his people to sit in darkness. “For it is God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.” II Corinthians‬ ‭4:6‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

We were always intended to walk in light and not be in darkness. It is still God’s will for us to be full of light. “The people who walked in darkness Have seen a great light; Those who dwelt in the land of the shadow of death, Upon them a light has shined.” Isaiah‬ ‭9:2‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Now I’ve always been told that December 25 is not Jesus’ real birthday, and that may be so, but the Winter Solstice begins December 21 and this is the darkest time of the year, a week of the longest and darkest nights. It’s the perfect time of the year for the Light of the World to be born. When Jesus was born, the heavens lit up with the light of angels. “And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying: “Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!”” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭2:13-14 NKJV

The Wise Men also followed a sign, a brightly lit star. “…behold, the star which they had seen in the East went before them, till it came and stood over where the young Child was. When they saw the star, they rejoiced with exceedingly great joy.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭2:2, 9-10‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Thirty years later, Jesus spoke to his disciples saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.” John 8:12 NKJV

Coincidence? Maybe. But one thing I’ve learned there are no accidents with God, he plans everything in fine detail. Right down to our salvation. Which for some of us had to have the light of God’s word shine out to us and show us the way out of darkness. “Your word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path.” Psalms‬ ‭119:105‬ ‭

Yes it was hard, hurtful and full of pain and confusion while we’re caught up in the darkness of erroneous teaching and trying to find salvation because we were eager to be saved but God saw our struggles and said “Let there be light.” And we followed His light out of the darkness. “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light.” Ephesians‬ ‭5:8‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

In reading and sharing my own experiences I realized that I was still letting myself be trapped in the darkness of the past and it was time for me to be a daughter of light. No more hiding behind the hurt of the past but letting my little light shine for the glory of God and to finally know the light of his love and grace.

If then your whole body is full of light, having no part dark, the whole body will be full of light, as when the bright shining of a lamp gives you light. ‭‭Luke‬ ‭11:36‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

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