Walking into the doors of a new church for the first time, the adrenaline of nervous hopefulness rushes throughout the couple’s bodies. The newly married couple is playing hooky on their church’s “Do That Again Sunday,” an annual celebration of their pastor’s two favorite sermons. Unfortunately, this year is the pastor’s twenty-fifth anniversary at the mega church and the entire day is a memorial in his honor. Thus, today, tired of the legalism and focus on grandiosity over souls, the couple steps out, unsure of how to speak and act in a new location with starkly different social norms. Taking seats in the back pew, countless people come up to make their acquaintance, making them feel slightly more comfortable and welcome.
As the congregation erupts in song, it feels like heaven on earth as their loud harmonious voices dance across the auditorium. Following several vibrant hymns, a simple preacher steps forward on the stage. His neatly trimmed, short, black hair continues down through the beard on his face, a shock of freedom after coming from an Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) church that never allows men on staff to grow their facial hair. As he opens his Bible and begins to speak, his warm voice is filled with love and compassion, yet balanced with truth and Scripture. When was the last time they heard a message with this much Bible that was not used merely as a springboard for the pastor’s ideas? He is preaching on sin, a subject most welcome after years of hearing their preacher’s weekly soapbox: truth, friendship, and world evangelism. The preacher continues to inquire gently, yet fervently, about Bible reading and daily time in prayer, the actual nuts and bolts of the Christian life. They leave that day spiritually fed, left in awe of the freedom to serve Christ in whatever capacity He has for them.
The couple continues to visit as often as they can get away and quickly develops friendships with the church members who appear to be real and down-to-earth. Most of the men wear suits, but it is not frowned upon to leave one’s tie at home. The women appear simple and realistic, not expected to be fully adorned in layers of caked-on makeup, coordinating jewelry, blazers, pantyhose and high heels at every service. The congregants also appear to have a mind of their own and may express differing opinions. Even the pastor and the choir director differ significantly on music and dress standards but serve alongside each other in ministry and friendship. Even though the new couple struggles to leave behind the ministries they have served in and loved for years, they know they need a place where they can be fed spiritually, and a place for them to feel at home. Five months after their first visit, the couple joins the new church, knowing full-well that leaving their old church will likely prevent the husband from graduating with a Bible college degree. But they are now at a place that their little family can grow, or so they think.
Fast-forward five years and three children later: loyalty in service, ministry, street preaching, orchestra, choir, nursery, baby showers, Bible conferences, an international mission trip and attending a missionary training camp. Add in Bible Institute classes and countless hours of seeking counsel because of brokenness over past spiritual abuse. But the couple is now sitting in a meeting with a narcissistic man who has found his way under the pastor, claiming he can do whatever he wants. Following that meeting, the pastor meets with the husband and tells him that he and his wife are removed from all ministries (except nursery turns out), and the husband needs to start with apologizing to one man in the church, then should inquire of the same man whom he should apologize to next, and continue the process until he has apologized to every man affected by his wife’s actions.
A few months later, the same narcissistic man attempts to intimidate them with an ultimatum pending on if the wife’s accusations of harassment are swept under the rug or not, while the pastor threatens to call a men’s meeting because the husband is demanding that the pastor be present for the meeting to come. All of this takes place because the wife publicly stood-up for previous church members that the narcissistic man ripped apart from the pulpit on multiple occasions, and without remorse. Looking back, maybe they should have seen it coming. Hindsight is twenty-twenty, right? The red flags were everywhere, but they seemed to creep in unawares as the atmosphere changed over time. All we desired was a safe place spiritually to raise our newly growing family. This is our story of the spiritual abuse that still greatly affects my family to this day.
Should we keep this to ourselves because we are not to touch God’s anointed? Will it harm the cause of Christ, or will it open the eyes of the innocent to hopefully establish boundaries to protect themselves from the dangers within their own church families? Why remain silent for a year and half, but suddenly speak publicly on the occurrences?
I actually spoke out on multiple occasions through Facebook posts, Facebook messages, long discussions, and multiple meetings with our pastor and the man under him. Everything was met with resistance, manipulation, and deceitfulness, resulting in greater strains on my family. Now, the man under the pastor, Douglas Stauffer, has found a position of power elsewhere, as pastor of Faith Independent Baptist Church in Niceville, Florida. I could not stay silent then, and I can no longer stay silent now.
Blindsided will take you on a journey of the harassment, gaslighting, and spiritual abuse that took place at Antioch Baptist Church in 2018 at the hands of Pastor Andrew Ray, and a man named Douglas Stauffer. In this series I share my thoughts and opinions concerning these two ministers and the events which led to my departure.
Click here to continue reading: “Blindsided: Hindsight is 20/20” or click on the link below.
For a list of the complete series, click here.
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