The Dress

It was camp time, and I, as usual, didn’t have much money for the fancy evening clothes that most people my age would be wearing. Looking through the thrift stores, I found one dress. It met all the requirements: 3/4 sleeves, mid calf, not too fitted, high necked. It was a beautiful antique green-gray with a cream background, and it fit me perfectly.

Since having been kicked out of my previous church because my former pastor “felt in his spirit” that I was “lusting after” him, I hadn’t felt like looking very pretty. I had started, in my mid 20s,  dressing in bulky dress jumpers a size or two too large, in dull or dark colors. This wasn’t modesty, though I didn’t know it then. It was humiliation and depression and a very unhealthy body image.

I wanted to look pretty in a way, but I was also very embarrassed about looking good. Wasn’t that immodest? Would I look sexy? I never wanted to be accused of causing a man to lust again. But I also wanted to look attractive. I saw other women my age at church. They didn’t dress like I did, and they weren’t accused. They were admired. And then I found the dress.

I questioned whether I should buy it. It looked absolutely great on me… and I wasn’t sure if that was great or terrible. But I loved it so much and I loved the way I looked in it. So I bought it. And the last night of camp, I wore it. I was a little self conscious in it, because I knew I looked good, but worried that it showed my figure more than my bulky jumpers, but I was also very happy with it. And so I shouted through the Friday night service and went back home the next day, very happy with my week.

And then came Sunday morning. The pastor’s wife taught our Sunday School class, and that morning she dedicated the class time to discussing how someone in the class had worn something terrible on Friday night. It was too fitted. It showed way too much. The person who wore it should have worn a girdle. She was so embarrassed for her…. For me. I was a size 6-8. I was 20-something with no kids. I’d never married. And the dress, apparently, though she never named me, was bad. I never wore the dress again.

Looking back now, I have to wonder what her problem was. I wasn’t dressed badly. I actually was dressed more like everyone else than I’d been in several years. I met all the rules of the dress code. Did she pick up on my self consciousness and exploit it? Was she jealous? Or was it just pure spite? If she was really embarrassed for me, if she really cared, wouldn’t she have come to me privately and expressed her concern, rather than spending Sunday morning detailing her embarrassment of the unnamed person to the class? (And wouldn’t she have done the same for whoever it was, if it wasn’t me?)

I wonder these thing now, looking back. I recently lost weight and needed new clothes. The ones I had were so large they were falling off of me. And every time I go to try on clothes that really fit, I think of that dress from nearly 20 years ago, when I was condemned for feeling pretty.

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The Pharisees and Apostolics Part 1

I was reading an article which appeared in the September 1996 Pentecostal Herald (now called Pentecostal Life, the official magazine of the United Pentecostal Church) which addressed the issue of whether Apostolics (Oneness Pentecostals) were Pharisees. The author gave 29 points as to why they were not, the majority of which do not relate to anything I have ever seen applied to them in regard with being Pharisaical. For instance, he mentions the Pharisees were outraged that Jesus healed on the Sabbath–and of course, Apostolics wouldn’t do likewise. (Yet if some stayed home on a church night, there are Apostolics who would become enraged.)

The article was entitled Are Apostolics Pharisees? and was written by Gary R. Trzcinski, an ordained minister in the UPCI. How would you respond to the following?

Pharisees dressed for the approval of their culture. The scribes (probably including many Pharisees) arrogantly walked through the markets in their long-flowing, extravagant robes (Luke 20:46). The other Jews were impressed by the Pharisees’ status and power exemplified in the clothes they wore. Apostolics in modern Western cultures, on the other hand, are often criticized and harassed for their modest-length apparel and gender-distinctive clothing. It would be much easier to surrender to the sensual trends of the world, but we have chosen rather to submit to the Word of God (Deuteronomy 22:5; Isaiah 47:1-3; 1 Timothy 2:9-10; 1 Peter 3:3-5). The Pharisees dressed for the approval of their culture; Apostolics dress for the approval of God.

While some may believe this, is it what we see? Do we see people in the UPC dressing this way in order to avoid the wrath of others within their church? Do we see them dressing this way in order to keep their position in the church or to not be viewed as backslid or in rebellion? How many there change their dress because of what others thought or because they didn’t want to take the chance that their salvation may rest upon their keeping these dress codes? If all this is taking place, how then is it dressing for the approval of God?

What he fails to note is that many Apostolics dress for the approval of their pastor and/or other church members. Some dress that way because they have been taught that to do otherwise will cause them to be lost. [While many will claim they do not teach standards as matters of salvation, the manner in which some teach them shows otherwise. One Apostolic recently demonstrated this when he wrote in a discussion board, “Holiness standards will not save you by themselves, but you will be lost without them.”] Others dress that way, not because they believe it is what God wants of them, but do so because they feel they must obey the pastor. Some do it simply to fit in with other church members. And there are others who follow these rules because they must in order to participate in certain church activities, like sing in the choir or teach Sunday School. To believe that all Apostolics follow these teachings “for the approval of God” is to be blind to all the other reasons.

“Apostolics in modern Western cultures, on the other hand, are often criticized and harassed for their modest-length apparel and gender-distinctive clothing.” I think that more so, people on the outside view some of their apparel as strange, old-fashioned, out of place and at times even immodest or dangerous. (Think climbing up ladders in a dress or skirt or swimming in jean skirts.) I don’t believe the average person goes around harassing them. In fact, their men don’t stand out from many in society. It’s the women that get hit the most with these outward teachings.

While some think people will be attracted by how the women stand out, it sometimes repels people. I am reminded of an incident that happened to a friend after they had left their Apostolic church. She was in a store one evening when she witnessed a woman from her former church verbally ripping into a clerk for doing what her manager said instead of doing what she demanded. After she left, my friend went up to the clerk hoping to say something that would let her know that it was OK and that she would stand up for her if need be. The clerk looked my friend up and down- she was still dressing like she had in her Apostolic church, just as the rude woman was-  and she drew back with such pain and fear on her face.

Through the years I have also heard instances where Apostolics have treated wait staff at restaurants very poorly and were stingy with tips, sometimes not leaving anything or leaving a tract. I witnessed this myself with some members of my former UPCI church. Sometimes Apostolics will come in a large group to eat after a service, but not long before a restaurant is going to close. While they would recognize them coming by their clothing, employees would cringe when they saw them, knowing what was to come.

Of course these examples do not apply to every Apostolic. I personally have no problem with anyone who wishes to dress the way the UPC teaches; go right ahead. But don’t force it on others, don’t judge or look down on those who do not dress likewise, don’t teach these as biblical mandates, and don’t attach anyone’s salvation to following them. That is when these beliefs become problematic and abusive.

The person who wrote this article ignored the reason for the most criticism they receive. That is because of what I just shared about not teaching them as biblical mandates or forcing them on others, etc. In this manner, they are like the Pharisees. The Pharisees had additional rules and regulations for what God had set up. These were often placed on an equal or even higher level than the Scriptures. When you say things like “you will be lost without following these,” you are adding to what the Bible teaches and following in the footsteps of the Pharisees.

“It would be much easier to surrender to the sensual trends of the world, but we have chosen rather to submit to the Word of God (Deuteronomy 22:5; Isaiah 47:1-3; 1 Timothy 2:9-10; 1 Peter 3:3-5).”

I won’t address each of the verses presented as none of them teach their prohibitions. Note how when it comes to things of ‘the world’ they can pick and choose. TV was a big no-no, but grab that computer and go into cyberspace. The same reasoning they used to ban TV can be used for the Internet and computers–and even to a greater extent. When ministers were not permitted to own a television set, some did anyway, hiding it in their home and yet teaching against it in services.

They aren’t supposed to be going to Hollywood produced movies, but many watch them on their phone or YouTube or rent the DVD. They aren’t supposed to be like the world and yet some will dress in expensive designer clothing (or worse yet, counterfeit items), use Coach handbags and wear alligator shoes. Some women wear things in their hair that would be condemned to wear as jewelry on their clothing or body.

There have been ministers which taught vehemently against certain things but when it came to their children, the rules changed. There have been women who have cut their hair, yet wear it up to conceal that fact. In this manner, they are once again like the Pharisees, guilty of hypocrisy.

The Pharisees and Apostolics Part 2
The Pharisees and Apostolics Part 3

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Stumbling Blocks

Sometimes when we leave conservative groups, we’re uncomfortable doing certain things, not because we agree with the rules of the groups we left, but because the rules have been so ground into us. We’ve been taught that we might, by enjoying these things ourselves, tempt others who feel they’re sinful to also do them. Sometimes these aren’t even “radical” things. They might be things like going to a PG movie that someone disagrees with, getting ears pierced, or attending an event that includes alcohol. 

The thing is, there’s nothing about any of this — how we dress, tattoos, piercings, what we watch, what events we attend — that makes them a stumbling block unless we’re pressuring those who ‘have a weaker conscience’ to do them with us…. or sneakily getting them into those events or situations without their knowledge or consent.

None of these things would lead someone else to sin, or become a stumbling block to them. My sister can be horrified that I watch a certain movie, but as long as I don’t watch it in front of her or surprise her by turning it on while she’s at my house, how would I be causing her to stumble? If I wear pants around former church friends who believe it’s wrong for me to wear pants, I’m not causing them to start wearing pants. Instead, they will be horrified and work all the harder not to wear pants themselves. I’m not making them sin.

I did find something interesting about stumbling blocks tonight: stumbling blocks can be defined as things that keep people from a relationship with God. So my pants, my make up, my choice in piercings, drinks, tattoos, or movies will not keep anyone from God… but the gossip, false judgment, shunning, etc. of former church members does keep people from relationships with God.

So which are the real stumbling blocks?

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A Few Of My Favorite Things….

What I learned from the United Pentecostal Church organization.

It seems I am always looking at the UPC in a negative way. That I wasted my years in this organization and this morning in prayer, it seemed like God challenged me to name a few things that were good about this organization. So there I sat reflecting on this challenge and came up with a list of a few of my favorite things…

1. Because I had unanswered questions, I learned to study the word for myself.
2. When I studied the standards that were taught as if they were heaven or hell issues. God showed me that a clean heart and a right spirit was more important than my stinking self righteousness.
3. God revealed his plan of salvation to me and it’s not by works but by faith in Jesus Christ. I believe that the salvation of sinners is wholly through grace. There is nothing that we can add to it.
4. When I read 1 Corinthians 11, God opened my eyes to see that my hair wasn’t magical no matter how long it is and according to 1 Corinthians 11:16, “But if anyone seems to be contentious, we have no such custom, nor do the churches of God.” This was the verse‬‬ that was supposedly in the wrong place in the Bible.
5. God doesn’t like a (church) service controlled by emotionalism but everything is to be done in decently and in order. I believe a Christians’ moderation should be obvious to others and should never lead people into extremes of fanaticism. “Let all things be done decently and in order.” I Corinthians‬ ‭14:40‬ ‭NKJV‬‬.
6. So many people fake speaking in tongues so they make up for it by making large contributions to the church and brown-nosing the pastor. Reminds me of Simon the Sorcerer. “And when Simon saw that through the laying on of the apostles’ hands the Holy Spirit was given, he offered them money, saying, “Give me this power also, that anyone on whom I lay hands may receive the Holy Spirit.”  Acts‬ ‭8:18-19‬. NKJV
7. If there is no fruit being produced in a church, then you need to get out and find one that believes the Holy Spirit bestows enabling ministry gifts upon believers; and that we should show spiritual “fruit” as evidence of a Spirit-filled life.  “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.” ‭‭Galatians‬ ‭5:22-23‬ ‭NKJV‬‬
8. In the UPC most of the churches are involved with pastor worship instead of God worship because people are more afraid of the pastor than they are of God. I believe one of the Ten Commandments says “You shall have no other gods before Me.” Exodus‬ ‭20:3‬ ‭NKJV‬‬.
9. I was trained by the pastor to not have any friends outside of “the church” and to not be unequally yoked. So I often wondered how I was supposed to be a soul winner when I was not supposed to be around them. “But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice.’ For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.” Matthew‬ ‭9:13‬ ‭NKJV‬‬
10. Last but not least, I learned how to carry a very heavy burden placed upon me by “the church.” How to dress, how to act, what to do and when to do it. I was so busy working for the church that I wasn’t working for God. Jesus said “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Matthew‬ ‭11:28‬ ‭NKJV‬‬. It wasn’t until I left the UPC that I understood the meaning of a lighter burden.

So these are a few of my favorite things that I didn’t like about the UPC organization and by turning away from them, I actually found God and His mercy and grace.

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The Sacred Cows of Pentecost Part 2

The previous blog touched on some topics that were considered taboo to discuss in the Pentecostal churches, especially United Pentecostal Church and similar groups. There were other areas where one could say we gagged at a gnat and swallowed a camel.

Television: Psalms tells us not to set wicked things before our eyes. The UPCI was especially hardcore in preaching against the “idiot box” and even required its ministers to sign a statement verifying they didn’t own a television. I do remember a conversation with one UPCI pastor where we touched on television. He admitted to me many of the pastors lied about owning televisions but the district and general board usually did nothing about it.

The conversation with that pastor revealed a double standard that cuts a swath across denominational and doctrinal lines. The leadership will preach hard and fast that certain activities are sinful, like watching television. They expect parishioners to obey the teachings without question. However, the message to the masses wasn’t practiced by those who delivered it. The pastor, in his conversation with me, unwittingly exposed the man behind the curtain.

In the wake of streaming video and other services, the very discussion concerning television is a moot point now. Yet, the double standard is clear and most church members never ask about it.

Gossip: Almost every pastor I listened to preached vehemently against gossip, in particular when questions arose about possible misconduct by an elder or leader. Scriptures such as “evil communication corrupts good manners” and Philippians 4:8 (the go-to passage to silence any questioning or “negative communication”) were used to discourage “gossip” or asking questions.

Just like with television, gossip had its double standard. In one church I attended and even held license, I sat next to the pastor’s wife and daughters. In less than five minutes I was able to learn the dirt on almost everyone! The pastor should have told his own family to stifle their own tongues, but to my knowledge never did. Again, the man behind the curtain was exposed.

There are so many “sacred cows” nobody wanted to touch. but in this forum it’s a golden opportunity to openly and freely have a discussion. The more we discuss these, the more we discover aren’t even scriptural.

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