Category: daniel segraves | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

When one leaves an unhealthy church, how they are treated sometimes depends upon how those who remain perceive it.

If you are only seen as struggling in an area or being influenced by someone else, then your exit may be looked at in a more positive light. People may keep in touch, invite you to church services and functions, and the pastor may even encourage this.

If you are viewed as rebellious or no longer believing some of their teachings, you will be seen in a poor light, probably talked about more, and avoided or shunned. Some controlling pastors will tell church members to not have anything to do with you.

I remember leaving my former church for a few months before I left for good. I had been going through a rough time, had returned from being in charge of a church to a huge difference at my home church and had broken things off with my fiancé, which was very hard emotionally. During this time I was contacted by numerous members through mail and phone. this was prior to all the social media we have now.

When I left for good a couple years later, there was very little contact from anyone. Some months after I left, the pastor told everyone to turn off any recording devices during a service and he said some things about me. To this day I do not know what was said. He called other pastors from the same organization to ‘warn’ them about me. Various negative rumors circulated. I was definitely seen as bad and on my way to the hot place.

Yet when I left, I caused no problems and didn’t run around trying to pull anyone out with me. My leaving was done quietly and in a way to not bring unnecessary attention to it. But what triggered them to later turn on me, because the first several months after my exit there were no rumors or warnings?

I had been putting together a paper, mainly for my own studies, refuting their teaching of women not being permitted to cut their hair. A current member, who was a close friend, told the pastor about it after a harsh sermon he gave on hair. Only a very few had seen it and that was by their request after I had left.

How those at your former church perceive your exit may well influence how you are treated. Don’t expect many friendships to remain if you are seen as questioning or going against any teaching. The campaign against you by unhealthy leadership will intensify in an effort to keep current members in ‘the truth’ and away from you.

One indicator of an unhealthy church is when the meanings of words are changed. By doing this, what they teach appears on the surface to be backed by scripture. However, when one discovers that the twisted meaning is not the same as was meant in the passage(s) they use as a proof text, it will help them break from these erroneous teachings.

For those who believe that the word shorn in the Bible simply means to cut without regard to how much, I share with you a great picture demonstration that shows a half-shorn sheep. It is the copyright of photographer Cary Wolinsky.

The word shorn in 1 Corinthians 11 is twisted by some in an attempt to prove a teaching that claims women are never to cut their hair for any reason, not even a fraction of an inch. Some take the teaching even further and claim a woman protects herself and her family by keeping her hair uncut. Ruth Rieder Harvey of the United Pentecostal Church (UPC), has taught that believers replaced Lucifer as the protector and reflector of God’s glory and women accomplish this through following such holiness rules as not cutting their hair. UPC evangelist Lee Stoneking lamented in a sermon, if only Christians knew what witches and New Agers know. If witches can double the power of spells by letting their hair down and shaking it in the wind, what could our [Apostolic] women do with power on their heads?

Oh what great lengths some people take in their efforts to prop up a teaching in order to convince others to believe in and follow their ordinance.

UPC minister Daniel Segraves, in his book Women’s Hair: The Long And Short Of It, attempts to change the biblical meaning of shorn in an attempt to persuade women to follow the teaching. After using three regular dictionaries and three biblical reference books, he states: “That, while ‘shorn’ can mean ‘to cut close,’ it is certainly not limited to that meaning. Indeed, the preponderance of dictionary definitions are on the side of interpreting ‘shorn’ as simply ‘to cut,’ without specifying how much! …While a minority of the definitions could possibly apply to cutting closely, the majority testimony is that ‘shear’ simply means ‘to cut.’

Someone from biblical times would not have related to this conclusion by Segraves. To them, and to Paul who is the author of Corinthians, shorn meant to cut closely, just like is demonstrated in this picture by Wolinsky. People then were very much acquainted with the practice. If anyone had removed an inch of the wool on this sheep and tried to tell people that it was shorn, the onlookers would have heartily laughed. They knew that a shorn sheep was one where almost all the wool had been removed.

Take care to independently search out for yourself what is taught. Check to ensure that the meaning given is actually what was meant in the passage. You may find a night and day difference between scripture and what you hear from the pulpit.

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