Author: Chloe

“The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” (Titus 2:3-5 KJV)

Is it not a wonderful picture that pastors paint? This beautiful, modest young woman with children running around her immaculately decorated house while she dusts, joyfully singing hymns as her feet glide gingerly down the hall? One of my favorite scenarios is from a lecture where a woman had deep frown lines on her face from the stresses of working a secular occupation, but when she obeyed God’s principles, becoming a stay-at-home mother, the lines suddenly disappeared within a few months, revealing a cheerful smile and glow!  If only it were that simple.

According to IFB churches, being a “keeper at home” typically requires living off the husband’s income as the mother homeschools the children, instilling a specifically Biblical foundation, all while managing home-cooked, nutritious meals, dishes, laundry, vacuuming, cleaning, scrubbing, dusting, diapers, potty training, bodily fluids, and still sacrificing to stay home with puking children so her husband can receive the Word of God. These women fulfill their “God-called duty” by isolating solely to church and home, taking themselves out of the workforce for a minimum of eighteen years and accruing the emotional burden of being solely responsible for their children’s development and education, keeping their homes pristine for visitors at any time of day, preparing multiple meals, and being presentable to their husbands, makeup and all, by the time he arrives home with dinner on the table.  Their children must walk as ducks-in-a-row outside of the home, and all the wives’ duties completed with a joyful, grateful heart, lest a rebellious spirit finds a stronghold, destroying their marriage and their husbands’ ministries. How preposterous of IFB churches to base entire lifestyles and doctrine on three words in a verse, claiming to “rightly [divide] the word of truth”! Titus 2:5 exhorts the aged women to teach the younger to be “keepers at home,” but not before God rebukes a man for not keeping at home.

“Yea also, because he transgresseth by wine, he is a proud man, neither keepeth at home, who enlargeth his desire as hell, and is as death, and cannot be satisfied, but gathereth unto him all nations, and heapeth unto him all people” (Habakkuk 2:5).

How peculiar that without this verse, a “keeper at home” is a home-maker or at stay-at-home mother, but immediately after men are introduced into the picture, the description quickly becomes “one who spends time with his or her spouse” and is not a busybody. Suddenly a “keeper at home” is equivalent to 1 Thessalonians 4:11, “And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business,” not to be idle, busybodies, and tattlers (1 Tim 5:13)!  IFB churches take a warped view of the Proverbs Thirty-One Woman, “God’s bare-minimum standard for godly ladies and wives,”  to establish women as house-wives, sewing late hours into the night, toiling in the kitchen all day, and being a testimony to their husbands in public. What they neglect to emphasize are the maidens she employs (Prov 31:15) and how she considers a field and buys it herself (vs. 16) with the product of her own labor (vs. 13). How strange it would be in IFB churches to recognize that the woman considers the field herself, and buys it with her own money, rather than asking her husband’s permission to use his income.

While greatly under-emphasized, God gives women the ability to use discernment not just within the family, but in the outside world, even in secular occupations, to provide for the well-being of their families. If women were truly less than men, God would never have referred to “wisdom” as female. In Proverbs, Solomon says “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding. Exalt her, and she shall promote thee: she shall bring thee to honour, when thou dost embrace her” (Prov. 4:6-7). If women are truly the weaker vessel intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually, why does God use a woman, specifically a mother, to teach King Lemuel how to identify a virtuous woman to marry? Nowhere in the Bible does God command women to work solely from home, but He does desire for husbands AND wives to keep at home.  Both men and women can be drawn away excessively through friends, hobbies, work and activities, leading to neglect of the children and home, and leaving the other spouse longing for love and affection in other places. Despite God’s rebuke in Habakkuk, however, allowing women out of the home is often met with frustration and disdain because it does not fit perfectly in the IFB mold of a woman’s place under the man. Just yesterday, we heard yet another pastor say, “The Bible is clear: a woman’s place is in the kitchen.” These ideals, though seemingly honorable and acclaimed to place women on a pedestal, create the perfect storm of long-term, hidden abuse.

*Disclaimer* This series, “Why Am I a Baptist?” is NOT an exhaustive list of IFB doctrine. Because of the autonomous nature of IFB churches, this evaluation is of the movement as a whole, rather than a hard-and-fast rule. It may be possible to find healthy IFB churches, but they are few and far between because of various associations known as “camps,” typically surrounding well-known preachers or preference of worship style.

Why Am I a Baptist?
IFB Doctrine: The Baptist Distinctives
IFB Churches: Patriarchy in Church Polity (Part One)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and the Leading Lady (Part Two)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy in Marriage (Part Three)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Keeping at Home (Part Four)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Sexual Obedience (Part Five)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Domestic Abuse (Part Six)
IFB Standards: Rigid Music and Dress Standards (Part One)

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Down from the house lies the vast open plains, tall grass decorated by dandelions and wild flowers, shadowed only slightly by the soft, fluffy clouds passing overhead. Just off to the side, the ground opens into row upon row of luscious grapes, delicately planted and cared for, stakes gently guiding the vines upwards to be kissed by the morning sun. The harvest will be plenteous this year. But what about the vineyard on the right? The enormous fence is broken down and giant weeds overtake the vines, suffocating them without water or adequate rays of light. Stones scatter themselves amongst the grapes, preventing seeds from crawling up through the dirt and bearing fruit. Where is the husbandman who should be caring for this vineyard? Does he not realize that a vineyard requires daily care, protecting it from thieves who desire to break through and steal? Does he not realize the stones need to be removed and the vines pruned often for the grapes to flourish, a crop to be proud of and to honor the Lord?“They made me the keeper of the vineyards; but my own vineyard have I not kept” (KJV Song of Sol. 1:6). 

What better way to appeal to a husband’s pride than to announce him the keeper, protector, and nourisher of the vineyard? What better way to convince a woman to allow her husband to rule in every facet than to compare her to a luscious vine that needs the encouragement, protection, and pruning of the husbandman? Leave it to Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) churches to change an analogy meant to represent God and the children of Israel to characterize God’s calling on the home, thus ruling and dictating every component of the woman’s life.

Responsibilities of the Husbandman

“Now will I sing to my well-beloved a song of my beloved touching his vineyard. My well-beloved hath a vineyard in a very fruitful hill:
And he fenced it, and gathered out the stones thereof, and planted it with the choicest vine, and built a tower in the midst of it, and also made a winepress therein: and he looked that it should bring forth grapes, and it brought forth wild grapes.
And now, O inhabitants of Jerusalem, and men of Judah, judge, I pray, betwixt me and my vineyard.
What could have been done more to my vineyard, that I have not done in it? Wherefore, when I looked that it should bring forth grapes, brought it forth wild grapes?
And now go to; I will tell you what I will do to my vineyard: I will take away the hedge thereof, and it shall be eaten up; and break down the wall thereof, and it shall be trodden down:
And I will lay it waste: it shall not be pruned, nor digged; but there shall come up briers and thorns: I will also command the clouds that they rain no rain upon it.
For the vineyard of the LORD of hosts is the house of Israel, and the men of Judah his pleasant plant: and he looked for judgment, but behold oppression; for the righteousness, but behold a cry” (Isaiah 5:1-7).

While acknowledging the husbandman’s vineyard is an allegory to the house of Israel and the Lord of hosts, our most recent church believes there are several principles that a married couple can apply based on how the Lord cared for His own vineyard because Psalm 128:3 says, “Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table.” To protect the vineyard from without, the Lord fences His vineyard. In verse five, when the hedge is taken away, the Lord says, “it shall be eaten up…and it shall be trodden down.” From what dangers does a husband need to protect his vineyard? The wife needs to be protected from other men, teaching of false doctrine, and philosophies that can infiltrate the house through the television and social media because “the outside world will consume her and then destroy her”.

The Lord further goes through and removes the hindrances from within, stones that can prevent the roots from taking hold in the soil. What are a few of the potential troubles that may prevent a wife from growing to her fullest potential? Media, entertainment, worries, and bitterness. However, I have yet to find anything remotely similar in the Word of God to the husband removing perceived obstacles within the wife’s life. During one of our last meetings, our pastor cautioned us that while a woman is at home, the devil covertly impresses upon the mind of the wife through the unanticipated influences of the television, and “leads away captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts” (1 Tim 3:6). These maneuvers are then used to sway the husband, because obviously, the woman does not have the ability to discern right from wrong as she is the “weaker vessel”! In order to ensure the wife has the smallest amount of influences to stunt her growth, the husband must “communicate, pray, and uproot daily,” the perfect way to show love to a wife.

As the Lord labors in His vineyard, the man is obligated to plant the choicest seeds lest the vineyard produce minimal fruit because of poor plants. In terms of a husband’s responsibilities, he is to choose the best things to put into his wife, his greatest project in life. Additionally, the Lord builds an enormous tower in the midst in the grounds, likely to have the best viewpoint to guard from danger. How should a man always keep a watchful eye on his wife? Through communication, observation, prayer, and watching for changes of any sort. In the same process, the husbandman builds a wine press, confidently expecting fruit and success from his wife because of the effort he has exerted for her improvement. By erroneously applying the analogy of the vineyard to the husband-wife relationship, the husband takes the place of sovereign, all-knowing leader, examining and scrutinizing adjustments necessary in his spouse, while the is wife compelled to silence and unnatural exposure to her husband’s analysis of fallacies, distorting the balance of companionship within the marriage.

Authority of the Husbandman

“Unto the woman he [God] said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.” (Gen 3:16)

Centuries before Paul penned, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands” (Col 3:18), God established order in the home, instructing Eve, “thy desire shall be  to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee” (Gen 3:16). In most circumstances, the conversation continues into God’s judgment on Adam and Eve, and sin being passed to all men. An IFB pastor, however, recently informed us that Satan chose to tempt Eve, rather than Adam, because she was the “weaker vessel” (1 Pet 3:7). In the same regard, God chose men to lead the home because men are less emotional, usually seeing a distinct line between right and wrong. When complications arise, men develop a tunnel vision towards the straight and narrow, while women hesitate and waver, considering various facets of the situation. Who knew it was wrong to analyze the complex ripple effect on other people and circumstances when making decisions? If this were truly God’s mindset, why would He include Abigail in the Bible, who went against her husband to do what was right with David and his men? Why would he include the midwives in Egypt who risked their own lives protecting the newborn baby boys whom Pharaoh instructed for them to heinously murder (Exo 1:15-22)? God uses women of great faith throughout the Bible, never once expecting women to continually falter because there were created unequal to men.

Unfortunately, one of the greatest fallacies in teaching submission is the overemphasis of men’s superiority, leaving women subservient to men’s desire, whether righteous or wicked, because they are supposedly created inferior to men. In terms of decision-making, wives are expected to go through their husbands except in the areas the men deem their wives capable of making godly decisions without their heads present. Even in churches, pastors establish an environment unreceptive to women speaking directly with male leaders about questions or concerns, forcing them to go through their husbands, including for the sake of volunteering in various ministerial capacities. Although husbands and wives should work in agreement through communication, the Bible never establishes a pattern of the husband micro-managing and “pruning” the wife. The establishment of the wife as “Keeper at Home” allows for a central location of influence and control of the husband over his wife and children.

*Disclaimer* This series, “Why Am I a Baptist?” is NOT an exhaustive list of IFB doctrine and standards. Because of the autonomous nature of IFB churches, this evaluation is of the movement as a whole, rather than a hard-and-fast rule. It may be possible to find healthy IFB churches, but they are few and far between because of various associations known as “camps,” typically surrounding well-known preachers or preference of worship style.

Why Am I a Baptist?
IFB Doctrine: The Baptist Distinctives
IFB Churches: Patriarchy in Church Polity (Part One)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and the Leading Lady (Part Two)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy in Marriage (Part Three)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Keeping at Home (Part Four)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Sexual Obedience (Part Five)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Domestic Abuse (Part Six)
IFB Standards: Rigid Music and Dress Standards (Part One)

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Relaxing in the over-sized chairs of the pastor’s office, each woman exhausted from an informative but draining week at missionary training camp, the pastor’s wife opens her Bible to 1 Corinthians 11:3. Her calming but authoritative voice fills the room, “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” (1 Corinthians 11:3 KJV). She pauses for a moment to pray before beginning her evening lesson: “God is the head of Christ. Christ is the head of man. Man is the head of the woman. Just as it would be wrong for a man to go around Christ to get to God, it would be wrong for a woman to go around her husband to get to God.” Despite adamant disagreement from her daughter, citing “For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus” (1 Tim 2:5), the pastor’s wife delivers a piercing glare and continues with prior-approval from her husband. “A wife should never speak poorly of her husband, not even to God. To do so would be to go around her husband.”

Back in the main classroom the following morning, the pastor continues his wife’s bizarre lesson by sharing that a wife should confess all her negative thoughts about her husband directly to her husband, and not to the Lord. He encourages the wives, as his wife does, to make lists during the day of all their thoughts to confess to their husbands when they return home from work. This method supposedly establishes accountability and transparency between a husband and wife, the husband also agreeing to confess his thoughts and any inappropriate sightings during the day. I can still feel the tightening pit in my stomach as I read the words across the laptop screen from my husband, “I want you to confess your thoughts to me.” Both of us attempting to please the Lord with the knowledge we recently gained, I agreed to my husband’s request until we later realized the gravity and gross overstepping of boundaries that evening.

While the Bible explicitly states that wives are to be in subjection to their own husbands as unto the Lord (Eph 5:22), and men are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it (Eph 5:22), Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) churches tend to graze over the verse immediately before these commands, “submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God” (Eph 5:21). They completely ignore the concept of mutual submission, an idea that our IFB Bible college taught regularly despite the intense pastor-worship. Within the last year, my husband and I left an IFB church that overemphasized leadership and submission to the point that many of the women presented little to no personality of their own, while the men were exhorted to take their place in the ministry. Using methods directed towards man’s pride in providing for his family, and towards the woman’s emotional state in caring for her husband and children, husband-wife relationships quickly shifted out of balance.  Our pastor preached “The Leading Lady” multiple times, a message on four distinct methods women in the Bible used to lead their husbands.

“The Leading Lady”

“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands.” 1 Peter 3:1-5

After reading 1 Peter 3:1-5 (above), the pastor prefaces the message by providing the context of a believing wife with an unbelieving husband, the wife still in subjection to her husband (vs. 1). A saved wife will win her lost husband to Christ by her conversation- not limited to words, includes actions- and thus the lost wife should not preach at her husband because, “There’s something in a man that does not do well when he is told by a woman what to do.” While this may be the case, it assumes that only a man can righteously and justifiably resist the command of the opposite gender, while a woman resisting constitutes rebellion in her heart against authority and against God.

After continuing to encourage husbands and wives to establish the proper order of authority for the sake of their prayers not being hindered (vs. 7), he encourages men to help their wives “once in a blue moon.” He states, “A woman gave herself to minister to you. Every once-in-a-while, get her drink.” Instead of asking when she is going to put something away, go on ahead and place it where it belongs. The stark reality is that a large percentage of men in IFB churches expect their wives- and wives believe it to be their God-given purpose- to serve them hand-and-foot with houses cleaned, table set for dinner, children tidy and wives dolled-up before they arrive home from work, declaring such presentation “the least she can do.” Once a year, in a church we attended, the women would go through the fellowship line first for the sole purpose of serving their husbands first, before returning to the line to get food for themselves and for their children. This church also preaches from the pulpit that the husband should be served at the dinner table before the children. This does not represent a partnership or relationship ordained by God, but indeed an indentured servant-hood painted as a virtuous woman being a “help meet” [help-sufficient] for her husband. “A woman gave herself to minister to you”? The Biblical approach is the man and woman gave of themselves to minister to each other as one flesh.

Before getting to the main points, the gross misunderstanding of God’s design for marriage further protrudes with the idea that the woman does not need the man; the man needs the woman. “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him” (Gen 2:18). He concludes that when a wife passes away, her husband typically passes quickly thereafter, but when the roles are reversed and the husband passes away first, the wife “just keeps on going,” proving the woman only needs a man for his finances.  Such a declaration is not only preposterous but degrading to both men and women alike. Is a man’s value limited to his finances? Are women only able to attain in a relationship to the depth of financial need?  A woman, however, should be “thankful” that she is only scripturally required to submit “to her own husband,” not every man in the world. If a woman does not want to submit, however, she should not marry, and should consider the rebellion in her heart that is not of God. This mindset is not only unbalanced scripturally, but detrimental to God’s intentions and desires for marriage.

Alas, we finally arrive at the four ways women in the Bible indirectly lead their husbands without commanding them.

1. The Persuasive Wife: Sarai (Genesis 16:1-6)
   In the Old Testament, Sarai is well-stricken with age and barren, impatiently waiting for the promise of a seed through her husband Abram. Instead of trusting God, she presses and persuades Abram to sleep with her handmaid, Hagar, that she may have seed through her. Because Abraham does not lead in refusing Sarai’s arguments, not only does Hagar conceive a son that would result in fighting and wars for centuries to come, but Sarai responds by blaming Abraham, “My wrong be upon thee” (vs. 5). Despite that it was Sarai’s plan, she tells Abraham “It is all your fault,” because the responsibility always comes back on the shoulders of the leadership.                                                                                                                              
   
2. The Manipulative Wife: Rebekah (Genesis 27:1-13)
   Isaac, the son of Abraham, and his wife Rebekah have twin boys, Esau and Jacob, whom the Lord declared would be two nations (Gen 25:23). On the day set for Isaac to give Esau his blessing, as is custom for the firstborn son, Rebekah formulates a plan for Jacob to disguise himself as Esau, fooling her dim-eyed husband into giving Esau’s blessing to Jacob. With Jacob covered in goat’s skins and wearing his brother’s garments, Rebekah gives him savory meat to present to his father, and Isaac blesses Jacob before he dies. “Things were not working out how [Rebekah] wants them to. Isaac thinks he is leading, but Rebekah KNOWS she is leading.” Are the husbands the ones leading in their homes? “If you have to look over to your wife for approval, you are not the one leading.” Wives are admonished to never manipulate their husbands while husbands are exhorted to make sure they are not being manipulated in their own homes.                                                                                                                                                                                            
3. The Emotional Wife: Samson’s Wife (Judges 14)
   After Samson finds a daughter of the Philistines to wife and presents the Philistines with an impossible riddle, the Philistines threaten Samson’s wife for the answer. Instead of telling Samson about the threats, the woman accuses Samson of hating her and not loving her, weeping before him for seven days until he finally gives her the answer to the riddle. The tears of a woman will knock a large percentage of men on their knees, and she used her tears to lead him. “Quit using your emotions to lead your home.”                                                                                                                                                                                              
4. The Mothering Wife: Jezebel (1 Kings 21)
   Because Naboth refuses to give Ahab his vineyard, Ahab throws a temper tantrum in front of his wife, Jezebel, refusing to eat and turning himself away from her on his bed. Jezebel is the mom: Ahab is the child. Jezebel turns to him and say, “Does thou now govern the kingdom of Israel? I will give thee the vineyard of Naboth the Nezreelite (1 Kings 21:7). Mama will take care of it for you.” Jezebel proceeds to write letters in her husband’s name, has Naboth killed, and then says, “Go enjoy your vineyard.” Women often complain about a husband who will not grow up and be a man. “Then stop mothering your husband. Stop telling him what to do, how to do it, when to do it, creating an environment where he is dependent upon you. He is not going to become a man as long as you are doing that.” Women are encouraged to step out of the way so their husbands can lead.

Ironically, one of the statements we heard often in our IFB Bible college is, “The reason a counterfeit is dangerous is because it is so close to the truth.” The examples of women indirectly leading their husbands contain truth, but they are severely imbalanced, twisted to instill distrust between a husband and wife, placing the burden on the woman to never express more than a gentle opinion or disagreement, and to step back, allowing her husband to make every decision in the home. In my own marriage, as an emotional woman, I felt like I had to hide my tears and my emotions from my husband in order to not lead him, even in situations that caused great heartache. It set my husband on edge as he felt that he had to make sure he was not being led indirectly in every facet of life. Any balance we previously found in marriage became a battle of leading verses submission because he needed to make sure he was not being mothered, and I needed to suppress any emotions during conversations.

The pastor concludes by admonishing the congregation through fear to remember that there are other subtle ways to lead without commanding. “You’re hindering your husband by not fulfilling your God-called roll in your home…At the judgement seat of Christ, is there is going to be some reckoning for how we led our homes. Get out of the way and let him grow into what God wants him to be, or else you’re leading.” He warns that boys raised in a woman-led home become effeminate, lacking influence of males like they need. Because of this, they will deal with everything emotionally and will be become effeminate men like we have today. “It’s because a generation has been raised by women.” He encourages the men to be gentle, but leaders. For the women, he rebukes, “Ladies, step out of the way. Don’t use your emotions. Don’t command him. If you have a problem, take it right to God – the one place you can take it- and it will mend many things broken in your home.”

Since when is prayer the only place a woman should take her complaint, rather to than her husband? Since when should a woman not express her opinion, particularly in an area of importance? Do some women attempt to manipulate their husbands? Yes. Do some women mother their husbands? Yes. But the solution is not for a woman to cower in the silence and bondage of extreme submission, while her husband is magnified on a pedestal of honor, lest they accidentally lead their husbands and destroy their homes. God never intended for women to be the stepping stones to a man’s glory. He gave women their own intellects, minds to be able to formulate individual opinions and decisions, not simply to take care of the home, but for men and women to support each other through life. If I can help it, I will never be in another church that teaches such extreme views on submission again because of its destructive power in the home.

*Disclaimer* This series, “Why Am I a Baptist?” is NOT an exhaustive list of IFB doctrine and standards. Because of the autonomous nature of IFB churches, this evaluation is of the movement as a whole, rather than a hard-and-fast rule. It may be possible to find healthy IFB churches, but they are few and far between because of various associations known as “camps,” typically surrounding well-known preachers or preference of worship style.

Why Am I a Baptist?
IFB Doctrine: The Baptist Distinctives
IFB Churches: Patriarchy in Church Polity (Part One)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and the Leading Lady (Part Two)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy in Marriage (Part Three)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Keeping at Home (Part Four)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Sexual Obedience (Part Five)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Domestic Abuse (Part Six)
IFB Standards: Rigid Music and Dress Standards (Part One)

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‍Entering in through the rickety doors of the old church building, streams of colored light pour in from the stained-glass windows as if to distract onlookers from the curling burgundy paint, peeling off the side wall near the doors. A frail, silver-haired gentleman in a modest suit welcomes the first-time visitors and directs them into the sanctuary. Inside the sizeable room resounds the hustle and bustle of ministers and musicians readying for the service to come: women’s feet pad across the floor, corralling their little ones into rows as men greet one another with firm handshakes before returning to their pews. Racing toward the pulpit, “Great American Hymns of the Faith” in hand, the song leader opens-up the morning service with a long-winded prayer. After saying, “Amen,” the middle-aged man instructs the congregation to open their dusty hymnals to page one hundred, “The Lily of the Valley.” Strong, thunderous male voices resonate across the room, bellowing out praises to Almighty God, a rumble that could even be felt outside. But something is amiss. Where are the women’s voices? Maybe the men lead in the first verse, and the women join in at the chorus? Or maybe they switch on the second? But the chorus comes and goes. The roar of the men’s echoing voices carries on through the second verse, the women still standing at their pews, eyes intensely glued to the words, merely swaying side to side as their husbands sing from across the room.

As the piano strikes the last chord, an elderly man hobbles over to the pulpit, placing his black, leather Bible open in front of him. His hair long gone, the wrinkles under his eyes tell the story of his years, exhausted from the daily load of a preacher. One would never expect the fury and hell-fire to spew from his aged body, but the solemn man preaches exuberantly for a solid hour on “Where are the Men?” The altar fills with men, young and old alike, begging forgiveness for not taking the baton and leading their homes, for not being an example of leadership in the church. Women weep quietly in their pews, privately asking God to help them be a more submissive wife, a better help-meet to their husbands. When the service ends, the women exchange glances, communicating the understanding of trials and struggles as stay-at-home wives and mothers. They never utter a word, understanding it is “a shame for women to speak in church” (KJV 1 Cor 14:35).

Loading their children into the vehicles, they sit quietly, waiting patiently for their husbands to finish fellowshipping, waving enthusiastically at one another through the windows and windshields. Although an outlier, even in extreme fundamentalism, this peculiar church takes Paul’s words to Corinth literally when he says, “Let your women keep silence in the church: for it is not permitted unto them to speak” (1 Cor 14:34). According to Merrian-Webster, patriarchy is “a society or institution organized according to the principles or practices of patriarchy: a social organization marked by the supremacy of the father in the clan or family, the legal dependence of wives and children, and the reckoning of descent and inheritance in the male line.” Despite the variation between congregations, the majority of Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) churches create an environment of male superiority that encompasses not only the walls of the church but permeates into the sacred structure and confines of the home.

Suffering Not to Teach

“Let the woman learn in silence, in all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.” 1 Timothy 2:11-12

Throughout Scripture, God uses women in various capacities to complete His work. In the Old Testament, God used Esther to stand up before King Ahasuerus in order to save the children of Israel from Hamon’s decree. God further sent Deborah, a prophetess (Jdg. 4:4), to call Barak to take ten thousand men and go after the people of Jabin. Despite these accounts, however, IFB pastors commonly rail against women preachers, mocking them for being unsubmissive and “usurping authority over the man”, further disputing the age of which young boys graduate to requiring a male teacher. Some pastors even venture to the extent of saying that if two men are discussing Scripture or theology, a woman should refrain from expressing her opinion, citing any augmentation would reflect poorly on her husband. In the event of a woman’s Bible study at home, a man should not be present in the room because he could accidentally overhear part of the instruction and inadvertently be taught by a woman. Someone should have informed Deborah considering she was a judge in Israel for forty years (Jdg. 5:31).

But what was Barak’s response to Deborah’s call to go? To hide behind a woman’s skirt: “If thou wilt go with me, then I will go: but if that wilt not go with me, then I will not go” (Jdg. 4:8), to which Deborah responded, “I will surely go with thee: notwithstanding the journey that thou takest shall not be for thine honor; for the LORD shall sell Sisera into the hand of a woman” (Jdg. 4:9). How ironic that God used yet another woman in the account, Jael, to drive a tent nail into Sisera’s temple with a hammer, fastening it into the ground (Jdg. 4:22). The idea of a woman involved in either situation would be considered appalling because the woman did not “wait on the Lord” to send a man to analyze the situation appropriately and accomplish the task.

The idea of a woman’s silence can further be carried over into business meetings. In the majority of churches my husband and I grew up in, the pastor met with deacons beforehand to determine information to be presented before the church, and then opened the floor for questions from all members of voting age, male or female. In our last IFB church, deacons were purposely not established, contrary to Scripture, and decisions were carried out through “the men of the church.” Every year, a men’s meeting was held to discuss positions such as treasurer and head usher. In the afternoon, the men returned home and discussed the information with their wives, and any grievances or disagreements the wives had could be presented through their husbands in the evening. Any business requiring immediate attention was discussed during a men’s meeting following the morning service, with information again transferred to the wives through their husbands, peradventure the husbands even deemed it necessary for their wives to be informed. It was not until following a recent church split that there was a meeting for “women without male representation.”

Within ministries, women’s roles are shaped by Peter’s words, “giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel” (1 Peter 3:7). While either gender may participate in musical performance, women may not lead in the congregational worship. Even in times of desperation, women are not permitted to be greeters or ushers, but are expected to miss services for nursery work, part of their “sacrifice” even as potential wives and mothers. Before special meetings, task lists to be completed are divided between the men and the women, men accomplishing jobs involving painting, lifting or any form of hardware and construction. Women are limited to cleaning bathrooms, kitchens, sanctuaries and baseboards while being expected to care for children. Pastors preach that having designated differences between men and women supposedly positions women on a pedestal of honor. In actuality, it establishes a false security within an environment of male superiority.

Though an unspoken rule in IFB churches, women are expected to possess intelligence enough to teach children at home or in a Sunday school class, while any questioning or expression of judgement and critical scriptural analysis is severely frowned upon. A woman is expected to ask questions of her husband at home- as is stated in Scripture- but should a woman openly show disagreement, she is essentially viewed as critical and unsubmissive. Even in terms of affirmation, churches generally consider it unacceptable for a woman to say, “Amen!” in church because it is considered “teaching the men,” and thus “usurping authority.” Take it one step further to women who are naturally extroverted, they are considered boisterous and loud, rather than having the assumed “meek and quiet spirit” of the introverted. Women are expected to be seen and only heard under the expectations and allowances of the men.

*Disclaimer* This series, “Why Am I a Baptist?” is NOT an exhaustive list of IFB doctrine and standards. Because of the autonomous nature of IFB churches, this evaluation is of the movement as a whole, rather than a hard-and-fast rule. It may be possible to find healthy IFB churches, but they are few and far between because of various associations known as “camps,” typically surrounding well-known preachers or preference of worship style.

Why Am I a Baptist?
IFB Doctrine: The Baptist Distinctives
IFB Churches: Patriarchy in Church Polity (Part One)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and the Leading Lady (Part Two)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy in Marriage (Part Three)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Keeping at Home (Part Four)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Sexual Obedience (Part Five)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Domestic Abuse (Part Six)
IFB Standards: Rigid Music and Dress Standards (Part One)

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