Author: Lois | Page 59 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

Boundaries Book Giveaway!

Today we hit 100 blogs and are celebrating!

We have given away books for years as part of the spiritualabuse.org ministry and this will be our third one via this new blog area. This is your chance to receive one or more books on Boundaries by Henry Cloud & John Townsend. We have given away many copies of the main Boundaries book through the years as people from an unhealthy church have needed to learn about them. Unhealthy churches usually do not have good boundaries or will stomp all over yours.

Up for grabs are several used copies of this book and two others.

~~One is a hardback without its dust jacket and it has some underlining and highlighting, though still very readable.~~ TAKEN
There are two copies each of Boundaries plus the additional workbook. Both workbooks are paperback, with the others being hardbacks. ONE TAKEN
One is a hardback of Boundaries With Teens.
~~One is a set of books, both Boundaries in Marriage book and workbook. The workbook has some writing at the beginning. Both are paperback.~~ TAKEN
One is a hardback of Boundaries With Kids.

The first people with a USA mailing address who respond will receive their choice of book(s) at no charge to them. To respond, just leave a comment for this post. Please understand that comments require approval unless you have previously commented. So while it may look like you are first or second, there may be someone ahead of you who comment is pending. Be sure to use your actual email address when setting up to comment as I will be contacting you. (Do not put the email or address in your actual comment.)

Be sure to mention in your comment which book(s) you would like and you may refer to them by number. The workbooks will not be separated from their accompanying books.

Transforming Grace Giveaway!

THESE ARE NOW TAKEN. Watch for future giveaway posts!

We have given away books for years as part of the spiritualabuse.org ministry and this will be our second one via this new blog area. This is your chance to receive a copy of Transforming Grace by Jerry Bridges. This is one of the first books I read after leaving my unhealthy church and I recommend it to anyone coming out of a performance based legalistic church.

Up for grabs are two used copies of this book. One is a hardback without its dust jacket and it has some underlining and highlighting, though still very readable, and the other is a paperback and appears to be without any markings. The first two people with a USA mailing address who respond will receive a copy at no charge to them. To respond, just leave a comment for this post. Please understand that comments require approval unless you have previously commented. So while it may look like you are first or second, there may be someone ahead of you who comment is pending. Be sure to use your actual email address when setting up to comment as I will be contacting you. (Do not put the email or address in your actual comment.)

As of this writing, we still have one copy left from our first giveaway. You must comment on that post if you are interested in that one.

Exposing Spiritual Abuse Giveaway!

THESE ARE NOW TAKEN. Watch for future giveaway posts!

While we have given away books for years as part of the spiritualabuse.org ministry, this will be our first one via this new blog area. I will not be sharing this post on Facebook, Twitter or Google, though others might. This way, people who come directly to the blog area will have first chance to receive a copy of Exposing Spiritual Abuse by Mike Fehlauer. This is a book we do not usually have to give away as used copies are harder to find at a reasonable price.

Up for grabs are two used copies of this book. One has a fair amount of pencil markings, though still very readable, and the other appears to be without any. The first two people with a USA mailing address who respond will receive a copy at no charge to them. To respond, just leave a comment for this post. Please understand that comments require approval unless you have previously commented. So while it may look like you are first or second, there may be someone ahead of you whose comment is pending. Be sure to use your actual email address when setting up to comment as I will be contacting you. (Do not put the email or address in your actual comment.)

Spies

Spies. On our support group board, we have sometimes heard from members who were concerned there may be someone from their church or former church there (like the pastor or someone appointed by him) who will spy on them and report what they post. The chances of that happening are often slim, however the fear is quite real for some.

Considering what happens in unhealthy churches, this fear is understandable. How many appoint themselves as ‘police’ in these places, running to the pastor or his wife/family with any hint of perceived wrong-doing? (Though rarer, sometimes the pastor himself appoints people to do this.)

My own former pastor would at times take the word of a ‘reporter’ and take action against the ‘transgressor’ without ever speaking to them first or looking into the veracity of the matter. The reports even sometimes became sermon material for him. I saw people lose positions, be sternly reprimanded, threatened with losing their salvation, and even asked to leave as the result of these ‘spies.’

Any church leadership that needs or encourages tattling is unhealthy. It is a form of control. It is a sign of an insecure and controlling pastor. A healthy pastor would stop the talebearer and let them know that they were to no longer make any ‘reports.’

If you are afraid of your pastor or if ‘spying’ goes on in your church, then chances are likely that you are in an unhealthy group. It would be good to educate yourself on signs of spiritual abuse.

Breaking The Chains

We have always allowed members of our support groups to vent to a certain degree. Some need to in part because they’ve never previously had the freedom to do so. Yet there also comes a time when you need to forgive and move forward and let go of the bitterness and anger.

Allowing bitterness to remain will only hurt the individual that holds onto it and it will negatively affect other areas of their life. It does no good to remain bitter for years and to cling to past offenses. It does absolutely nothing to the person or persons who hurt you. So, in effect, one is allowing themselves to continue to be influenced and harmed by another when they remain bitter. Don’t do that to yourself.

We all have a choice in our recovery from spiritual abuse. We can choose to remain stagnant and allow the past to continue to influence us negatively the rest of our lives. Or we can choose to deal with what happened, free ourselves from any bitterness, and move forward in life.

We also need to learn to separate the error we’ve been taught from the truth of what is found in the Bible. For instance, the Bible never teaches that one cannot take medicine. No one has to choose between God and taking medicine because God never said it could not be taken. A person said it; a person who distorted the Bible. It was not God.

It is imperative for people who have been hurt in churches that twisted scriptures and left them with a distorted image of God, to learn the difference between truth and error. Just because a minister states something, it doesn’t make it true. Just because an entire organization teaches something, it doesn’t make it true. We must separate the error from the truth and see the error for what it is and not continue to associate it with God and the Bible and blame God for it.

We each have a choice – we can remain in the past and our hurts and go on for the rest of our lives reliving the times when others have hurt us and the teachings that messed us up and hindered us in our walk with God. We can continue to believe the error and live a life of bondage and feeling we can never measure up. Or we can do something about our healing, growth, and moving out of that place. There is life after spiritual abuse!

Do you want healing? Do you want freedom from bitterness? Do you want to separate error from truth?

Or do you want to continue to allow past wrongs and error to influence your life today in a negative manner?

The choice is left to each of us.