Author: Lois | Page 49 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

Who Understands Us?

It’s tough on the outsider who has a loved one in an unhealthy church and has never been exposed to anything similar. They are not going to relate to much, if anything. Some of what they see or hear may seem absurd to them, that anyone could believe or do such things.

For the one on the outside, it’s important to not minimize anything you hear. You should educate yourself as to the beliefs and practices of the group. For instance, if your brother shared with you that he was concerned about his salvation because he disobeyed the pastor, should you burst out laughing, ridicule or make light of it….chances are he will think more than once before opening up to you again. There will be times where, being on the outside and not having a better understanding, that you need to take extra care in how you respond to a situation. Two articles which should give you some insight are We Are Spiritual Abuse Survivors and Help! My Family Member or Close Friend is Trapped in a High-Controlling Church or Cult.

It is also tough on the former or current member who is struggling with teachings. Besides the fact that many unhealthy churches do not encourage vocalizing questions pertaining to their teachings, there’s not a lot of Christians who can relate or understand what they may be encountering or going through. Try explaining to a woman attending a Methodist church, that you are concerned that as a woman, you may no longer be saved because you cut your hair. See how little she can relate. Sharing additional things, like your family may have lost protection because of it, will be mind boggling to her.

There are so many different issues, besides the teachings, that one exposed to an unhealthy church may have to grapple with, that many simply do not understand. Just where do you go when no one around you has any concept of what you’re going through? How can your other friends be of much help when they haven’t a clue about what you’re trying to discuss?

Despite all of that, there are certain people who can relate, besides former members of the same group. Though it may sound unbelievable at first, if you will take the time to learn why it is true, it can help immensely. A former member of an unhealthy church would find they have many things in common with former Moonies, Krishnas, guru followers, UFO groups, Jehovah’s Witnesses and more. While the teachings of each group are quite different, there are particular practices found in abusive and unhealthy groups that allow former members to relate to and understand each other. Yes, even though the groups they came out of are as different as night and day on the surface.

Had I not seen this first hand in the 1990s, several years after leaving the United Pentecostal Church, I probably wouldn’t have believed it for some time. It was a real eye opener for me. Take the time to educate yourself about spiritual abuse and what is involved. It will be helpful in your healing. We feel so strongly about it that for years we have given away used and new copies of books on the subject.

Examining Teachings #5: Faith Without Works Is Dead

James 2:17 shares that faith without works is dead. This is true. But does this Bible passage mean what unhealthy churches say it does, in equating works with their list of things a Christian must do to be saved?

We are saved because of what Jesus did for us. If works could have saved people, then surely the law that God put into place for the Jews would have accomplished this. Yet the Bible is very vocal in that it did not.

Works, as mentioned in the book of James, are our actions. Faith without works is dead- not because works are essential to our salvation- but because if one has faith in God it will be evidenced by their actions. You can’t have real faith with nothing to show for it. However, with those actions there is no salvation made, kept or bought. They are simply a natural result of our faith in God.

Back in the early church, people wanted to add rules to be or keep saved. So the thought is nothing new. People seem to have a hard time accepting by faith that Jesus paid the price completely for their salvation. Jesus said it was finished and yet people keep wanting to add conditions to our salvation. So let’s take a look at the early church.

The second chapter of Galatians continues with Paul telling about his past. This is where he starts to show the Galatians the problem that false brothers caused with their untrue teachings.

Chapter 15 of Acts tells in more detail about what Paul shares happened in Jerusalem. I encourage you to take the time to read Acts 15. The men who came to Antioch from Judea, who were teaching that the Gentiles must be circumcised in order to be saved, had caused a sharp division. This division caused the believers to send a delegation of people, including Paul & Barnabas, to Jerusalem in order to consult with the apostles and other elders.

At the meeting, some proclaimed that the Gentiles must be circumcised and made to obey the law of Moses. There is discussion and then Peter addresses them all, reminding them that God made no distinction between the Jews and Gentiles and purified the Gentile hearts by faith. He then asks why they are trying to test God by making the Gentiles do what even the Jews could not follow. Peter stated that they are saved through the grace of God.

James later shares similar thoughts and they decide to write a letter to the believers in Antioch, Syria & Cilicia that says they will not burden the Gentiles with anything more than four requirements. These are listed in verse 29 of Acts 15.

Things haven’t changed and adding to do lists to salvation is hundreds upon hundreds of years old. The problem now is that Christianity has split itself into so many different groups that there is no longer one place for people to go in order to sort out what isn’t proper teaching. We can’t send a delegation to Jerusalem to consult with the apostles. But we DO have their letters and the scriptures to help us when we at first are not sure of some teachings. Nothing has changed since the day the apostles and elders sent out that letter many years ago….we are still saved by faith through the grace of God. Anything more than that is NOT the good news!

Galatians 2:4 Yet because of false brothers secretly brought in—who slipped in to spy out our freedom that we have in Christ Jesus, so that they might bring us into slavery (ESV)

This is a powerful illustration and shows how Paul knew what adding rules and laws to salvation would do. (Remember, he had been a Pharisee and would know all too well about added rules.) No wonder the Galatians had lost their joy (you will see this in chapter 4). They changed from freedom in Christ to being in slavery.

Slavery. That is what your faith will turn into if you make the change from following God by faith to trying to make yourself righteous by any works or trying to be saved, or stay saved, by any works.

In Romans Paul shared that we did not receive a spirit that makes us a slave again to fear…but that we received the Spirit of Sonship. (Romans 8:15)

And that is what rule following is all about- YOU. The focus shifts from Christ in you to what YOU do and don’t do. You turn from being justified by faith in Jesus to seeking to be justified by your actions. And no matter how much you try and how many rules you follow, not one soul will ever be justified by these deeds.

And, no, this isn’t at all about easy believism or greasy grace. It isn’t about living however you want. It is about a changed heart. A heart where God writes his laws inside us, where it isn’t about following a list of rules, but doing what we do because we love God and wish to please him.

Examining Teachings #1: Drunk In The Spirit?
Examining Teachings #2: Jezebel and Shamefaced
Examining Teachings #3: Peculiar And Separate
Examining Teachings #4: What Must I Do To Be Saved?
Examining Teachings #5: Faith Without Works Is Dead

Examining Teachings #4: What Must I Do To Be Saved?

Some people have heard for years in their churches that Acts 2:38 says something like, “with the evidence of speaking in tongues” at the end. It is ingrained in them that the Scripture actually states this and it does not. When it is pointed out and they look it up in their Bible, they are shocked. Yes, they have previously read it on their own, but it was repeated in sermons so much that the faulty version stuck in their mind.

Similarly, many have heard that the preceding verse has the people asking, “What shall we do to be saved?” But the ‘to be saved’ is nowhere to be found. What happened is that Peter preached to them that they had crucified their awaited Messiah. Their response to this was “what shall we do?” What were they supposed to do, now that they realized what actually happened?

Yet there IS a place in the New Testament where that question is indeed asked in the book of Acts. Chapter 16 sees Paul and Silas thrown into prison. As they sung hymns of praise to God late at night while their fellow prisoners listened, there was an earthquake and everyone in the prison was freed. The jailer awoke, and seeing the doors ajar, he thought to kill himself as the authorities would take his life when they discovered the prisoners had escaped. But Paul called out to him and said to do himself no harm, that everyone was still there. Fearful, the jailer fell at their feet. Verse 30 says he asked them, “What must I do to be saved?”

What did Paul and Silas say in response? They told the jailer to believe in Jesus and he and his household would be saved.

They then spoke the word of the Lord to the jailer and those at his home. He washed the wounds of Silas and Paul. Then he and all his household were water baptized. He then fed them and all rejoiced in their newfound faith.

Did Paul and Silas say there were three steps to salvation and if one was not met, they would be lost? Did they show a list of rules that had to be kept afterward, in order to keep their salvation? There was not even a mention of speaking in tongues, either. It has been, and always will be, to believe in Jesus and you will be saved. This isn’t easy believism, as true belief brings about actions and a changed life through the working of God’s Spirit.

Examining Teachings #3: Peculiar And Separate

Peculiar and separate. How many times did some of us hear that we were ‘peculiar people’ and were to be ‘separate’ from others? Are you aware that the meanings given these words often did not reflect their biblical meanings?

Meme from https://twitter.com/naycrumors/status/678038931158540288

Some are proud of it. They consider it to be an honor to be called peculiar and even weird. Some boast about it. It’s a part of a so-called apostolic identity to some. They think their works make them peculiar and separate.

I recall my former pastor giving a wrong definition of the word peculiar, one which meant that we were different, on the line of odd-like. Many times it is linked to appearance, specifically outward standards. But is this what it really means?

I encourage you to look for yourself and see the true meaning. Look up the word that was translated peculiar, periousion, in Titus 2:14. You won’t find what many of us were taught. Just a quick glance at how various Bibles translate the word (EX: ‘a people for his own possession’ or ‘a people that are his very own’) will show the glaring misrepresentation of the meaning by some churches.

As to being separate, I would also encourage you to read passages in the Bible where it speaks about believers being separate from those who are not following Christ. Look at what things are shared. They are actions and things of the heart and not a dress code.

Think about it. In what way did Jesus look different than those living in Israel? How did the apostles stand out in their attire when they were spreading the Gospel? Did people in Ephesus or Corinth exclaim, “Look! I know they must be Christians. Just look at how they are dressed?”

Many trust that doing these things somehow makes them holy or brings holiness to them. This mindset can bring about great division. For instance, if I believe that a wedding ring is wrong to wear and I see you wear one, then I can easily start judging you and your walk with God, even considering you unsaved because I believe not wearing one helps keep me holy. Therefore your wearing one makes you unholy.

These wrong teachings lead many to then go in pursuit of what else they can ‘give up’ for the Lord, what else they can do to appear more holy and righteous. It can be never ending.

Didn’t the Pharisees do the exact same thing? They followed the letter of the law, even added their own long list of rules to help them and others keep God’s law. Yet Jesus said they were a people who served God with their lips, while their hearts were far from him. They were whited sepulchers, looking great on the outside, but inside there were dead bones.

We are not peculiar or separate as some suppose. Our holiness is obtained directly from God and has nothing to do with us. He alone makes us righteous and holy through our faith in Jesus. Trying to live by a set of rules can never, ever make us achieve this holiness. Trying to do so is an exercise in futility. If the law, which was given by God, could not change people and make them holy and righteous, what makes us think we can achieve this though our rules?

Being separate from the world does not mean looking different on the outside or to abstain from things like going to a ball game or movie. It goes to the heart—what makes us who we are—and THIS is what separates believers from those who do not know Christ.