Blogs

In May and June 2019, the blog section of the spiritual abuse website had 12,688 visits, with 7265 being unique. Below you will find the top ten read posts from these two months.

We are always looking for new people to join our group of bloggers, so please consider registering and watch your email for more information. Be sure to check your spam folder. How frequently you post is up to you and no one needs to be a professional writer. Let your voice be heard and help others recover. You may even find it therapeutic. Read here for more information.

Here are some of the words people used in search engines which led them to the blog: gentile believers are accepted pentecostals, guardians of his glory at amazon, physical abuse stress response, emotional abuse in the church, pentecostals raping children, speaking truth to ifb, upci decrease, does upci requires women to be licensed to preach and baptize, sexual abuse upci california, why oneness pentecostals are wrong, patriarchy in churches and wisc pedophile pastor.

United Pentecostal Pastor Dannie Hood’s Refusal To Testify – author Lois (accessed 1221 times)

United Pentecostal Pastor Howard Geck & Dexter Lee Hensley – author Lois (accessed 664 times)

The United Pentecostal Church and Sexual Abuse – author Lois (accessed 570 times)

Woman ‘in the Spirit’ on a Jamaican Flight – author Lois (accessed 486 times) Unfortunately, hundreds of people keep spreading this lie from October 2017.

Denying Oneself – author Grace

A UPC Church Responds To Sexual Abuse – author Lois

Why Oneness Pentecostals have Salvation Wrong (Acts 2:38) and you should Avoid It – author DividingHisWord

United Pentecostal Church Manual Part 4 – author Lois

Harmed In The United Pentecostal Church – author Lois

Leaving an Unhealthy Church #11: Confusion & Not Knowing Who or What to Believe – author Lois

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Skipping briskly across the lawn to the growing pile of leaves, her blonde, wavy hair whisks along the curves of her cheeks, lining the grin ever-present on her face. Old torn jeans- one of many ripped and destroyed from countless hours of bike riding, tree-climbing, and mud-pie making- hang down along her scrawny preschool legs and butt-less thighs. How she loves raking the autumn into the largest mountains her scraggly little arms can manage, only to trail-back several feet, pause for a moment, and race toward the colorful peaks, pouncing into the mess of twigs and bugs, as ungracefully as possible, of course. As she stands up and brushes herself off, she slightly adjusts the lacy pink bow in her hair before preparing another pile to demolish. But what happened to this child of yesterday? Where did her joy and innocence go? How did a few years of mental, emotional, and spiritual abuse rip it all away, never caring for the pain and scars left behind?

Late last year, I walked into my therapist’s office, planning on giving a general overview of situations growing up, a mere highlight reel of sorts to give a baseline understanding of the overwhelming issues and struggles left from three years with my mentors in high school and early college. Certain questions were bound to come up and I simply wanted to get them out on the table in order to move forward with working through the trauma of the abuse. What I did not realize was that all of those situations left huge wounds that were never fully healed, seemingly leaving me open and vulnerable to the abuse to come. I did not realize that I would have to go back through each one and soothe that hurting inner child, which is, as I understand it, the subconscious halted at various stages of maturity because of the wounds inflicted and endured.

My hurting inner child in high school, probably fifteen or sixteen years old, is the first one I could see and connect with. She is the one in the middle of the abuse with my mentors. Anytime I see her, she is alone on her bed, often siting with arms wrapped around her knees, deep in thought, or hands attempting to cover the tears streaming down her cheeks. She has told me often, “It is never enough” and “the crazy never ends. There’s always more.” In frustration, trying relentlessly and desperately to simply do right, she feels like a failure, constantly the reason for the pain of those around her. She feels betrayed by those closest to her and the hurt runs deep.

My preschooler, approximately four or five years old, made me extremely hesitant. I knew the pain she would suffer and endure, but more than that, I was ashamed of her. She kept telling me she did not know it was wrong. In the mind of an innocent four-year-old, she did not know the turmoil to come from those actions, yet she was continually blamed for them.

My middle-schooler, about seventh or eighth grade, is hurting. She is the one that is ashamed. She feels like a failure who already ruined her life before it even started. I tell her she’s beautiful, and yet she hits my hand away. She does not think she is attractive. She does not believe she is intelligent anymore. And she does not think anyone would love her for who she is. She feels confused, overwhelmed, and alone. She longs for an understanding friend.

I am learning, slowly, that it is my job to be “mom” to those parts of myself growing that still need comfort. It is my job to be their best friend, protector, and guide. They need to be told that they are loved and lovely, that God made them perfect. That I am sorry I did not protect them before, but I am here now and I am not going anywhere, ever. I am teaching them healthy boundaries, and that their privacy is a boundary to be respected. I am teaching them about self-worth. One of the biggest things right now, however, is telling them that no matter what happens, I am right here, and always will be.

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In this very personal vlog I am sharing my experiences with things surrounding fertility/birth/miscarriage and how the evangelical cult I was part of abused people with topics surrounding this. Because it was very damaging, the stuff I was taught followed me into my own struggles later in my past cult life. Here is the link to the Brian Zahnd sermon I mention.

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Why Do Bad Things Happen To Me???

If I had a dollar for every time someone asked “Why do bad things happen to me.” Or if I asked the same question to God when I was going through a fiery trial, facing a disappointing diagnosis, or possibly a death in the family, I’d be a rich lady.

But since I’m not wealthy and at times I still get asked that question or ask it myself, now it seems like God is showing me more and more and explaining his ways, which are much different than mine.

It seems our world is full of sickness, war, accidents, tragedies, and natural disasters and they fall on the just and the unjust, the Christian and the non-Christian. Yet if God is so good and all-powerful, why doesn’t he just wipe out evil in this world?

To answer this question we need to go back to the beginning….of the Bible…”In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth….” and he saw it was all good.  He then formed man from the dust of the ground, and breathed the breath of life and he became a living soul. God placed Adam in the garden and gave him full reign of the Garden of Eden and he could eat of everything except the tree of good and evil. I want you to notice that Eve hadn’t been created yet when Adam was warned not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (Genesis 2:17).

Then God decided to make a mate for Adam and he created Eve from one of Adam’s ribs. When Adam saw her he said …..”she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Genesis 2:23. Surprisingly to me I don’t see where God nor Adam warned Eve about the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, especially in chapter three.

Eve’s out shopping in the garden and the serpent, with his cunning ways and slick tongue caught up with Eve in the produce aisle and “he said to the woman, Has God said, You shall not eat of every tree of the garden?” And she replied “We may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden; but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said You shall not eat it, nor shall you touch it, lest you die.” (Genesis 3:1-3)

I can see that old serpent slithering around the tree branches and showing Eve that he wasn’t dead from touching it and he smiled his serpentine smile and a little hiss he said, “You will not surely die. For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” (Genesis 3:4-5)

So of course Eve considered the fruit and saw it was good for food, pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband (who was standing there with her the whole time and not saying a word!) and he ate….now I think most of us know the rest of the story and the punishment that followed. From the moment they gave in to temptation and ate of the fruit, sin and evil entered into the world. EVERYTHING changed and nothing was ever going to be the same again. Not even man’s relationship with God.

Murder, jealousy, and hatred are the first evil emotions that we find in the lineage of Adam and Eve, when Cain killed his brother Abel, and then lying when God asked Cain where was his brother.  Of course this poor family went from the top of the world to the bottom with one bite of forbidden fruit and now one son was dead, killed by the hand of the other brother, who God curses and he became a vagabond.

I wish I could say that was the worse part of this journey but unfortunately in chapter 6 and verses 5-7, we read that the Lord saw the wickedness of Man was great in the earth and every thought was on evil continually and the Lord was sorry that he had made man on the earth and his heart was grieved.

I could go on and tell you about Noah and how he found favor with God and how the earth was so evil that God destroyed it all with a great flood. You see, my friends, God is all powerful and he hates evil and like in the days of Noah, he could wipe out evil but there would be nothing left of our world. God originally created a perfect world and he also gave man the freedom to make a choice to obey or disobey. When Adam and Eve sinned, death and suffering entered the world and became a part of life (Romans 5:12), we were born in sin and shaped in iniquity. Therefore we all face the fact of evil and wickedness in our life and the only solution, is God’s solution which is Jesus Christ.

How does Jesus become the solution to evil and wickedness? The moment we surrender our life to him, we enter into God’s Master Plan. You may not know what the future holds for you, but you know who holds the future. God has promised in Romans 8:28, that all things work together for good to them that love God. You notice this verse says ALL THINGS, not just the good but the bad also. Psalm 119:91 says that everything serves God’s plan.

Quite a few years ago I felt God leading me to do a three day fast, abstaining from food and only his word would be my bread of life, so being the pastor’s wife, I locked myself inside the church with my journal, bibles, and a pillow and blanket. I was determined to see this fast through and see the salvation of the Lord.

At the end of the three days, I was weak but feeling victorious that God had heard my prayers and he saw my sacrifice and I just knew He was going to answers my prayers! I had prayed for the church to grow with new people and for our financial needs at the church. We desperately needed a new roof for the church and had been saving up each week but still had a long way to go before we had that $10,000 for the new roof. Oh was I ever excited to see how God was going to handle this!

Within one month of that three day fast my entire world was turned upside down. I felt myself spinning like a top and couldn’t stop. First we had a church split and lost half our congregation. I was speechless…..hadn’t I just sacrificed for a new growth and what about the new roof? Second, trying to move on from a church split is very hard….almost impossible when your pastor husband was seeking revenge…not good at all. Third, well my life completely changed when I came home from registering our son in college to an empty house, empty bank accounts and an empty pulpit.  Oh yeah I did have a short Dear Jane letter…. how he found someone else and I was yesterday’s news. Which was not very comforting…..

I can tell you one thing I was beyond upset. I was crushed. I was heart broken. I wanted to run over him with my car!! I blamed everybody. God, church, him, her, and did I say God? I was left with no money, unemployed, worn out and discarded like an old dirty sock. I had 30 days to move off church property and I had no idea where to go or what to do. I do remember crying a lot.

Then one morning I got up and put my big girl panties on and got to work. I went to my parents house in St. Louis and talked with my dad. He loaned me the money to get on my feet and move my mobile home to a park and it seemed I had devised a plan of sorts. Get moved and get a job. I sent out resumes and went on interviews. Packed and found a mover. I was hired by a CPA firm and got moved and I made enough money to support myself.   I thought God was so good?!.

That was the first time I even thought about God but even through this bad time he was there with me. Now I was still hurt and cried everyday for what was lost. But I didn’t want my husband back. I loved my new job and I was back by my family again and I was on my own for the first time in my life. I think I started to feel happy. I filed for divorce, went back to college and became a tax accountant and supervisor. I worked at that office for 16 years until I retired and I’ve met a wonderful man that I’ve been dating for quite a few years now. I have a great church I attend that is not legalistic and my life is sure different now.

Remember that three day fast I did? Was it all for naught? My prayers were not answered the way I wanted them to be but none of the circumstances were what I thought they were either. Can you imagine God trying to stop my husband from cheating on me, or keeping the church from splitting? When none of those situations would have worked out. But because God works all things for good……..He went back a few years and answered a prayer l had prayed about going back to school and getting my Bachelors degree. I was told there was no way I could do it. But God made a way…..after being home while I was a pastors wife, God opened doors for me to find a good job and I made a good income. God also opened my eyes to the garbage that was going on in the United Pentecostal Church and I escaped and found the wonderful church I attend today and the freedom I have to minister and belong.

So you can’t tell me fasting doesn’t work….it made me strong when I faced the fire and I made it to the other side without the smell of smoke on me. God still answers prayers they just might not be the ones you thought he would answer. He is still an on-time God. If you are having trouble in this area read Isaiah 58. That’s a fast without giving up food. I’ve been on it for a year now and the blessings of God have been amazing.

Don’t let the enemy trick you with fear and anger. You are missing out on the greatest time of your life. Just you and God together.

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This vlog marks the first in a new series of vlogs! I am discussing common ideas that are being shared by unhealthy groups when it comes to sickness. In this one I am exploring the idea that God might be punishing someone with sickness because they have unforgiveness in their life.

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