I was just 19 when I came to faith in Christ. Married a beautiful young Christian girl a few days before I turned 21.
My wife and I were heavily involved in just about everything going on at our growing mid western United Pentecostal Church. Our involvement plus being in four services a week consumed us.
We were faithful givers. Paying tithes plus another 10% was pretty much required. I have no doubt we invested over 20 hours a week to the ministries we were involved in.
I had served in the military so I had GI bill to help me with college. I wanted to be a teacher. I knew I could not carry the load we carried at church plus work my 3rd shift factory job and go to college.
I scheduled a meeting with pastor to discuss what I wanted to do. Quit my full time job, take my GI bill benefit and go to school full time. My wife worked, we didn’t have any children yet, so we figured we could make it financially.
This is what I was told by my pastor. “No way. You can’t quit. I can’t afford to be without your tithes.”
As a young and dumb new believer I submitted to his will. We of course, were taught that to not submit was rebellion. Rebellion was as bad as witchcraft. I didn’t want to go to hell.
Like words made of dirt, gravel, and twigs that need to be chewed up and spit out as quickly as possible or the taste would be too much to bear. There were these kinds of words spoken in my United Pentecostal Church. They are Bible words to be sure, but they just didn’t taste right with the message they were trying to get out. Words like Father, love, and grace. They didn’t understand them and in reality wanted nothing to do with them. But being a church that loosely relied on the Bible to preach their perverted gospel, they must be read or said from time to time. They were never expounded on and by the way they were said, you knew, they wished they weren’t in there.
Honestly, the more I read the things they say, it’s clear to see that there has been no growth for over twenty years. They still write about and speak the exact same half scriptures and clichés. Take the word Father, for example, I don’t think I ever heard of God referred to as our Father. There were no lessons given on the love the Father has for his children. It would have been dangerous to get too mushy when God was spoken about. After all, we must fear Him! If you call Him, Father, then you are hedging perilously close to Him having a Son and, well, if there are two, then…well, just don’t go there!
Love was a word mostly mentioned as something to be aimed at God or fellow standard-bearing churchmen. We don’t need much love around here – be tough, follow the rules – get people up to speed like us. I don’t believe love was ever spoken of as an action word; something you demonstrated so that all would know you were His disciples. That was taken care of by the way you dressed. Who needs love?
The word believe, –ptui! The personal Savior crowd was acknowledged with a slight giggle and indignation. How dare they think that’s enough, why even the devil believes and trembles! Look what it takes to be US – the true church. It’s just not that easy; where is the spittoon?
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound! We sang the song, all right, but we didn’t need a sweet sound; we had the mighty rushing wind. Grace is for those wretched souls who didn’t know the truth. No, no one could be saved by such a word as grace. Grace could mean that God lets you into heaven based on His merit and not your own. The way was much narrower and “few there be that find it.” In fact, even the words Jesus spoke to His disciples, when He was giving them the great commission, were avoided except to say “He didn’t really mean it that way.” It was code language that only they understood – everybody else could go to hell if they didn’t get it.
I always thought it strange that the musical performance group that frequented our church would sing a song using the words of the scripture, John 3:16. It just didn’t fit. I just didn’t get it…
For God loved the world so much that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not die but have eternal life. John 3:16 GNT
A new Bible is like a fresh start. There are no markings, nothing is highlighted, you can read it with fresh eyes and study it with a brand new heart.
When I left the United Pentecostal Church, I purchased a brand new Bible in the New King James Version because that is what my new church teaches from and I was starting this spiritual walk all over and I didn’t want anything from the past to hinder me. I already had so many unanswered questions and I wanted to get things right this time.
I was “saved” in 1978 in a United Pentecostal Church and remained snarled and entangled with legalism until I left in 2011. I had read my King James Bible many times and I had scriptures highlighted and many comments from sermons, my prayer time and many, many questions that nobody wanted to give me answers for.
Thus, the brand new Bible.
One question that bothered me the most was always hearing the scripture, “Touch not my anointed, nor do my prophet no harm.” It seemed if I had a disagreement or a simple question, I would receive a shocked look from the pastor and was told I was never to question his teaching because he was anointed and of course the “touch not” was quoted.
Therefore, with new Bible in hand, I went to my first Bible study and the teacher was not offended at all by my question and we researched the answer as a group. It was so refreshing.
This is what we found…
In the Old Testament the children of Israel didn’t want to communicate or be judged by God, they wanted a King. God would choose the prophet that He used to speak to the people and would instruct the prophet who to anoint as King. As you read through the Old Testament some of the Kings were good and some were bad but they were God’s chosen and anointed one and God warned not to harm them or his prophets, I Chronicles 16:20-22.
But things changed in the New Testament. God robed himself in flesh and as Jesus the Christ walked and dwelt among man. The New Testament is all about Jesus being our King of Kings. No longer does God send prophets to anoint new kings because Jesus is the king of kings. There is no need for another. Jesus humbly read the holy scriptures in Nazareth proclaiming who he was, “The Spirit of the LORD is upon Me, Because He has anointed Me To preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives And recovery of sight to the blind, To set at liberty those who are oppressed; To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD.” Then He closed the book, and gave it back to the attendant and sat down. And the eyes of all who were in the synagogue were fixed on Him. And He began to say to them, “Today this Scripture is fulfilled in your hearing.””
Luke 4:18-21 NKJV
Jesus came to save the world, a holy sacrifice to be made once and for all sin to be forgiven and covered by his precious blood. Jesus didn’t come as a reigning King, he took the humble form of a servant. Which was confusing to the religious world at that time and is still confusing to some even now to be humble servants for him. Jesus taught love and not hate. He taught meekness and patience and mercy and grace. He did not judge anyone, but forgave their sins, he did not scare or condemn but love and through his humble spirit He showed a loving side of God that forgives our sin and hides it under the blood. Through Jesus, when we accept him as our Lord and Savior with a humble spirit, we receive grace and mercy instead of condemnation. We receive love instead of hate, we receive a Heavenly Father who adopts us into the body of Christ, we are no longer outcasts in a strange land but believers of the good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
That’s what your brand new Bible can do for you…
A fresh start and a new walk with the Lord Jesus Christ who tells a whole different story than what we are used to.
I’ve been drowning on the inside.
Now I’m coming up for air,
grasping at whatever is near
to keep
from going
under
again.
For four years, I’ve felt more and more rejected by those who are supposed to be most loving and accepting, and that feeling of rejection has slipped into other parts of my life. Did God reject me? Am I wrong to ask questions? Why do I have questions? Can I believe and still have the questions I have?
Don’t call me a Christian. It’s not that I don’t believe… sort of. But I’m having trouble with belief, with faith, in a world that is so black and white. But isn’t Christianity about black and white, good and evil, easily distinguishable from each other and with a clear good and bad? Maybe for some, but not for me. Not for someone who sees in grays. The absolutes? God is good. God is love. Jesus is my savior. Beyond that… a sea of grays, difficult to navigate in a polarized society, in a black and white church.
Ah, to fellowship. To be able to talk to others, to ask questions, to discuss the Bible at length without being expected to come to any conclusion, but simply enjoying the many aspects of a multi-faceted, infinite Creator God, challenging, tasting, accepting, being accepted.
And I am drowning. Lost in a sea of questions, and pulling anyone who comes close under with me in my panic for a breath of air. Hungry for understanding, confused by the polarities, and frustrated by so many who see mono-chromatically, one dimensionally a world and a God full of infinite possibilities.
I have had people share with me over the years that at first they didn’t realize that they had experienced what has been termed as spiritual abuse. It wasn’t until they came across a site such as spiritualabuse.org that they started to see parts of their experience as actual abuse.
Others are very reluctant to state they had been abused in this manner because of being perceived as a ‘victim’ and they don’t want to be portrayed or seen as a victim.
Call it what you want, the wrong does happen and affects many, many people worldwide. How deeply it affects someone varies from person to person and experience to experience.
Some who have experienced spiritual abuse have spoken out about it in various ways. Some, such as myself, started web sites. Some blog about it. Some have written a thesis paper on it. Some have online or in person support groups. Some make themselves available for people locally. Others have gone to college to become counselors/therapists.
If you would like to write about your experience or any aspect of spiritual abuse, consider joining our blog. Read here and then just scroll down to the ‘meta’ section and click on ‘register’. You will receive an email from me with the information you will need to start blogging. We would love to have many more people blogging here.
Have you spoken out about spiritual abuse/unhealthy churches or ministers in some form & if so, how have you done it?
