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Clones. Robot-like. Cult-oids. These words all conger up images of people living on autopilot and acting in ways that are very similar to each other. That’s what sect life was like. Very little individuality. In fact, most attempts at individuality were considered willful and selfish. Virtually the same clothes. Same hairstyles. Same language. Same way of thinking. Same routines. Same rituals. Same social circle.

I wasn’t asked what made me happy – what hobbies I would would like to pursue – it was more important to be sitting in their services multiple days per week. Pursuing individual hobbies was an act of rebellion. It wasn’t serving the Lord. Sports were frowned upon. Any extra-curricular activities. Anything that took you away from the Bible, the services, and pondering the Lord’s swift return. Even pets were discouraged.

What they don’t realize is that this sets kids up for depression. Kids are supposed be running around, not sitting still and silent. They are supposed to explore the world, and different options and opportunities. No birthday parties were allowed. No Christmas trees or decorations. No TV. No entertainment. No movies. No radio. And they kept telling me that they didn’t have rules, that these restrictions were all for my benefit! Yeah, right.

I’m not sure why they appear to think that sameness amounts to holiness. If God had wanted a relationship with “robots” then He would have created us all identical, with the same looks, the same personality, the same gifts, the same character and temperament. But He delights in our freedom (He gave us free will after all) and delights in our uniqueness. He is the Artist. We are the canvases upon which he creates many masterpieces – no one the same as the other. All original. All a unique expression of who He is. All created in His image and likeness. God is joyous, creative, vibrant, happy – so why can’t we also be these things this side of heaven? We are supposed to be. That’s why Jesus came.

The sect members in general have a dead look in their eyes. Its like hope left the building years ago. What hope do you have when most of life’s pleasures, experiences, and opportunities for relationship (including one with your Creator) are curtailed and out-of-bounds? I felt hopeless and helpless at the young age of 7. I already knew I couldn’t have the hobbies I wanted, or an education beyond high school, or real friends, or travel to exotic destinations (you cannot travel anywhere where there is not a congregation, and there are very few congregations). I knew at the age of 7 that I would never see the pyramids, or Rome, or any of the other wonders of the world.

God created this world beautiful and lush for his tenants to enjoy. But toxic religion tries to limit us. It tries to take away the free will that was granted to us by our Father. I’d love to know what Jesus says to them when they pass on to heaven – maybe “my child, you didn’t need to be a slave, or to live like a pauper, or to control everything in my name…all I wanted was your HEART”.

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Are you a puzzle piece or a an original? Think on that for a moment.

Fit in. We all try to do it at one point in our lives or another. School, work, church, home, sports, social groups, you name it. We’re all trying to sort out some kind of way we blend in. Add in the pecking order in each of these places and things can get downright complicated.  Sometimes we lose sight of our uniqueness as God created us, sometimes we allow others to take the reigns, to reshape us, to make us something God does not intend us to be.

What makes things so difficult about sorting out where we belong is that we all have very unique personalities, likes, dislikes, styles, quirks that make us who we are. Thankfully God made us each very individual and that’s a good thing. We all know if we were all the same this world would be very, well, “vanilla.” But it’s those differences that can actually make finding a place we are comfortable a real challenge.

Too often, our unique qualities and personal quirks that set us apart actually end up being enough of a spark that set others in a group off in a negative fashion. Our colorful stripes can trigger jealousy, insecurities, and some of the ugliest behaviors from others.  Unfortunately church groups and those claiming His Son’s name are not immune to exhibiting such behaviors. Some of the ugliest, most hurtful and egregious words and actions have been committed by church leaders devoid of God’s love for His sheep and by those who follow these wicked men.

For example, an experience I’d like to share on has been quite memorable in a particular church setting specifically with other women and the narcissistic leaders they manipulate. This was a very small, very controlling borderline cult in the Independent Fundamentalist Baptist sect. We found this conservative group as we were searching for a conservative church home. It was the host church for our son’s school. At first we thought we had found our church home. Things began to unravel in just the first several months.

The veneer of this polished group, lead by a slick narcissist and backed by several handpicked yes-men began to crack and erode. Quickly we began to see and hear some very disconcerting behaviors from several female support staff. The gossip, the vicious backstabbing, the immature high school behaviors were astounding. But we so badly wanted to “fit in” that we ignored it. We also ignored warning signs God gave us of character assassination of others including past deacons and church founders, mind games, and countless problems and investigations around past students, staffers, and members during the 12-15 years this leader and his senior cohort and enabler had been in power. We ignored so much that, in the aftermath, many have asked how we could miss so much.

The truth is, when you so badly want to fit in where you are, you tend to be far too long suffering for your own good. You ignore warning signs God sends. Sometimes you put yourself and your family in such a compromised, spiritually unhealthy-perhaps even spiritually abusive situation that God has no choice but to rip you out of there before the group destroys you.

Sometimes when this happens the damage to you and possibly your family is so great it completely shatters your identity. It can drive you from the loving arms of God. The enemy uses groups and leaders like this to destroy sheep, and the flock as a whole. Satan counts on breaking you so far down that you have an extremely long road to being complete and whole again.

There is a very important lesson to be learned from these experiences. God has crafted us each as individuals, in His image. When we start sacrificing these special unique markings on our personalities in order to please Man and fit in, we are going against His plan for us.

Many nefarious leaders will use twisted, misapplied Scripture taken out of context to justify their actions and efforts to change and control people. These false preachers know they can manipulate people through fear, peer pressure, financial threat, emotional, verbal, and sexual abuse. We look at these abusive leaders and marvel at how anyone could get sucked into these groups. Some very successful, intelligent people have fallen prey to the tactics of these wolves and their Jezebels. Why? How can these leaders wield such power?

The answer is often very simple: People want to be loved. They want to give of themselves and their talents. They want to be part of something greater than themselves. They want friends. They want to…fit in, to be accepted. As they consciously or subconsciously search for where they fit, they will often sell off or compromise parts of their belief system and identity in order to meet that goal of acceptance. Bad leaders know this, as does the enemy, and they both use it to accomplish the goal of destroying the individual sheep, and ultimately the flock.

Church should be the last worldly bastion of safety for the Believer.  There should be a safe haven where folks of like mind and heart can gather together to lift not only praises but also lift up one another.  Church, as designed by God, is to be a cove to protect from the storms of the World  There should be a barrier that comes from worshiping together, praying together, bearing one another’s burdens, serving one another, uplifting, loving one another and lovingly help each other grow to fullness in Him.  There is to be a spirit of love, patience, kindness, forgiveness, long suffering, and healing toward our Brethren.  This is precisely what Christ modeled to us with His disciples.  Sadly, this has become far from the norm in many IFB churches today.

So, you may find yourself sitting there, asking how you can avoid a pit of vipers like this. You may even be one of the thousands each year whose hearts and lives-very identities-are shattered by spiritually abusive groups and leaders. How do you avoid becoming a wooly target for Satan and his troop of narcissists?

Strengthen your identity. Delve into Scripture. Know your Bible inside and out so no wolf in a preacher suit can twist and misapply God’s Word to control you. Find your value, your worth in the pages of God’s Word, not in the opinion and approval of Man. Stand strong on God’s Word when you hear teachings that warp and shred His teachings and laws. Do not be afraid to stand as David did against Goliath when a leader is doing wrong, teaching wrong, and hurting His sheep. Have the Godly character to not allow yourself to be controlled and used to damage God’s people.

Perhaps the toughest challenge an IFB Believer has is in taking that Scripture-mandated stand against the wicked who have hijacked a local church.  There is a tabu that is prolific throughout the IFB circles.  Satan has tricked the IFB sect into compliance to protecting and enabling wolves in preacher suits.

How can Satan take otherwise intelligent, Godly men and tie their tongues from speaking out to hold accountable a false leader who is ravaging what was once an effective church in a community?  Simple.  He uses misapplication of the “…touch not My anointed…” verse.

Those who do not know their Bibles well don’t know that this was a directive specifically to Israel.  It was never intended as a shelter for wicked, abusive leaders to cower beneath, yet that is precisely what they do.  Far too many good leaders in small communities across this nation are chided into silence by means of this false application of I Chronicles 16:22-23 and Psalm 105:15.  Sadly, they allow themselves to become complicit enablers of those who shatter His sheep and the demise of the flock at large.

To be a person of Godly integrity isn’t hard, but it takes tenacity and courage. To not be manipulated by fear of not fitting in and being accepted by Man.  Learn to be ok with being kicked out of a group because you have more Godly character and integrity than the leader of the group and all his minions, Jezebels, and enablers combined. Be courageous and secure in who you are, your God-given talents and stand strong in the fact that you are the son or daughter of the King of kings and Lord of lords. Don’t let fear of sinful men and women compromise who you are….and Who’s you are.

Dear friend, take courage for being who God has made you.  Take strength in standing for what is right.  Your promise for doing so comes from I Peter 3:14

“But and if ye suffer for righteousness’ sake, happy are ye: and be not afraid of their terror, neither be troubled;”

Selah.

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I don’t even like the word “sin” because it gives me a twinge of PTSD. But, let’s just use that word because it’s one that we are all familiar with. In the sect that I was born into, and was in for 33 years, certain “sins” had more weight than others. This was, and is, confusing to me. For example, you can have oodles of pride in your heart (the first sin in the garden of Eden) – even too much pride to humble yourself enough to pray, and as long as you wear the right outfit, go to all of the meetings, and say the right words you are considered “spiritual” and “pious” and “right.”

But if you have a genuine heart for God, and humbly seek His heart and face daily, and are seeking a genuine relationship and intimacy with Him, but you have a one-night ‘mistake’ sexual encounter outside of marriage, you are tarnished forever and your reputation is ruined, and you’ll be disfellowshipped and shunned if you don’t publicly repent (after the juicy details being discussed with elders, or even publicly sometimes). This didn’t happen to me – but I saw it happen to many others. Apparently a sexual transgression by a 19 year old boy is far more evil and grave of a sin than a religious bigot with so much pride in his heart that he would probably never help his neighbor or even smile at “worldlies.”

What craziness! It truly is a fog that they are living in. Where is the critical thinking? Their hearts seem to be closed to God’s Spirit and leading. Sounds like the Pharisees to me. The funny thing is that they talk all the time about how bad the Pharisees were – and sadly they are blind to the fact that they are just like them!

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I installed a new door this weekend. And after some debate I painted it red… and laughed because everyone would expect a nice, conservative white door at my house.

This morning, driving away from my house, enjoying the fall colors and my new red door, the memory of a statement popped in my head. “What are you doing, advertising?” A red door, a sure sign of a Jezebel. I’d been labeled for less. I rented a duplex on a dead end street. There was an office next door, and the administrative assistant was a church member. I kept my curtains drawn, but the curtain caught on the bedpost. The next time I saw Sister M, she stopped me. “What are you doing, advertising?” I had no idea what she was talking about, but after some flabbergasted questions, I discovered that for whatever odd reason, being able to see my bedpost meant I was advertising availability. On a dead end street, with my curtains drawn. What kind of response would a red door bring?

I’m not worried about my red door now. I like it. None of them will ever know. Their eyes and their judgments are six hours’ drive from where I am now. But I do remember the ludicrosity of the thinking there. It’s followed me through several decades and met me again at my new red door…

• Slips were required. Full slips, summer and winter. No part of a skirt should be translucent…. guess who got rebuked because an eighth inch of slip showed one night when she got a drink at a water fountain?
• One teen dangled a lacy high heeled shoe off her toes in the aisles, and no one said anything. Another was called out in service for wearing a scarf — a scarf was too flirty.
• Animal prints were banned. The pastor got up one Saturday at outreach and said they were suddenly OK. There was more animal print the next day in service than there would have been at a small zoo… where did it all come from, and so quickly?
• Christmas lights were OK, but not trees and not nativities. And barely the celebration of the day. Such a pagan event, with all it’s idolatry. But lights were fine.
• A teen was reported for wearing clear polish on her toenails. She had on hose. How did the person see her toes, much less polish?
• Makeup and jewelry were banned because we should be natural and like ourselves as God made us, but hairstyles could be very elaborate, with plenty of hairspray. Similarly, perms were banned, but hours of curlers and curling irons were perfectly acceptable.
• We were supposed to win our lost loved ones, but didn’t always get permission to go home, even for major holidays. What a wonderful witness…
• The pastor got a small pool and put it in his driveway. I got one and was warned to “be very careful with that.” The concern was not how I dressed in it, but that it was there at all. It was in my backyard, and not visible from the street.

A bed post showing through a closed curtain on a dead end street was advertisement. I’m sure a red door would be as well. The rules made no sense and they varied from person to person. Many were annoying and most made no sense. I definitely didn’t need a public rebuke for a bedpost, a hint of a slip… or a red door.

Tonight I’m thankful for the liberty to make my own decisions, not based on what other people might think. There isn’t any longer the constant worry of what someone might say or think. It’s there, but the voices are fading. It took me nearly 20 hours to realize what they’d have thought of my pretty, new, red door.

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I am ever amazed at the litany of ideas men will conjure up in God’s stead, ideas of what God requires and what God hates, things not found in His Word, His Handbook, nor inspired by His Spirit, yet, and ironically, the legalists cling to their rules & regulations as if it was a child’s safety blanket, living in fear of what monster stares at them, waiting for them to peek out of the blanket. Why is that?

And how do you survive the Ye cannot be saved if… Gospel, and come out with more faith and joy in the Salvation of the Lord? Go at it God’s way, through His Spirit.

“Now therefore why tempt ye God, to put a yoke upon the neck of the disciples, which neither our fathers nor we were able to bear?” – Acts 15:10, KJV

What is this yoke that Peter speaks of here? The Law of Moses, known now as Legalism, or living by the Law. The Old Testament rules and regulations. Note the importance of the Apostle Peter’s words, when he said, ‘neither our fathers or we are able to bear.‘

Not even the Jews, under the law could bear the full brunt of what that meant! How then do we suppose to be able to continue being under that yoke?

Well, we aren’t, we are now under the dispensation of Grace, under the Mercy seat of Jesus Christ and washed by his blood, justified by His Spirit.

Well, then why do we continue being led by wolves in shepherds clothing to the altar of sacrifice, to have the blood of Christ shed over and over again by our many works?

“Making the word of God of none effect through your tradition, which ye have delivered: and many such like things do ye.” – Mark 7:13, KJV

In my Oneness Pentecostal background and experience, a very common phrase was, ‘Don’t come peeken out from under the blood…’ That blood being the safety blanket of legalism, and they instilled fear in the children of God like frightful stories parents tell their kids to enforce obedience.

The Council of Jerusalem (Legalism)

Acts Chapter 15 is a timeline and narrative of the Church leaving legalism. They continued with circumcision (the main focus of the council) for the Jewish converts, and we later see Paul circumcising Timothy so as not to offend the Jews during their missionary travel.

As a matter of fact, until Acts 18:7 Paul made his primary mission the Jews, as did Jesus, and His Disciples. Their target audience in the Gospels and early church was only Jew. But the apple that upset the cart was the Gentile bride. And in Acts 15, the Jew and Gentile church collides. (Matthew 10:5-6, Matthew 15:24)

And certain men which came down from Judaea taught the brethren, and said, Except ye be circumcised after the manner of Moses, ye cannot be saved. – Acts 15:1, KJV

The Jewish people clung to Moses’ law, even after becoming believers in Christ. It was ingrained into the fiber of their being, their culture. To be circumcised, was to be Jew. And this starts a chain of demands legalists will make, and it didn’t end with circumcision, but the whole Law of Moses.

But there rose up certain of the sect of the Pharisees which believed, saying, That it was needful to circumcise them, and to command them to keep the law of Moses. – Acts 15:5, KJV

You cannot be saved if…

Man made up rule after rule, after endless and sickening rules of what will keep you from Heaven. The Bible has a very short list, and yet man compounds, expounds and creates his own mini-Kingdom of God, a kingdom God doesn’t want.

What is a glaring hypocrisy is New Testament (Grace) preachers continuously using Old Testament covenants as Law for us today, such as making them equal to the requirements for salvation.

What list did God give us?

Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. – Galatians 5:19-21, KJV

What list has Man given us? (Pentecostal slant)

• Cutting ones hair (women) or wearing makeup, jewelry, dying ones hair, tanning
• Wearing shorts, short sleeve shirts and certain hair styles
• Watching television, movies, concerts, ball games
• Facial hair on men
• Give your money to the preacher (10%+, tithing is NOT for New Testament Christians.)
• Cussing or using euphemisms (dang, darn, sheesh, etc)
• Drinking of any form of alcohol

The list is endless and nauseating. Yet, how does it compare to Scripture, especially the Acts 15 Council of keeping of Law?

Wherefore if ye be dead with Christ from the rudiments of the world, why, as though living in the world, are ye subject to ordinances, (Touch not; taste not; handle not; Which all are to perish with the using;) after the commandments and doctrines of men? – Colossians 2:20-22, KJV

Known unto God are all his works from the beginning of the world. Wherefore my sentence is, that we trouble not them, which from among the Gentiles are turned to God: But that we write unto them, that they abstain from pollutions of idols, and from fornication, and from things strangled, and from blood. – Acts 15:18-20, KJV

Forasmuch as we have heard, that certain which went out from us have troubled you with words, subverting your souls, saying, Ye must be circumcised, and keep the law: to whom we gave no such commandment: – Acts 15:24

Surviving the you cannot be saved if… Gospel is as easy as obeying the true Gospel.

The church forefathers, the Apostles decreed to whom we gave no such commandment:, thus, any ‘preacher’ that commands you to obey law after law and commandment after commandment is not working under the guidance of the Holy Ghost, the Word or God. They are working for their own agenda, and their own ideals, and their own kingdom. Not the Kingdom of God.

 

The tragedy to these types of churches (spiritually abusive churches) is the scars that are left behind, the judgmentalism that will be ingrained, perhaps the loss of faith, despising of God, His Word, or his true ministers and people.

A wolf in shepherds clothing can train wreck the spiritual connecting that was meant to be shared between Man and God. Jesus said he came to be the mediator between Man and God and yet power hungry, authoritarian men (and women) have stepped in and declared themselves the mediator.

If your leader or church structure is full of demands that simply cannot be found in the Bible, then you are under a false yoke of commandments, and law, and not under Christ. Your survival depends upon you grasping God’s word, leaving the unhealthy environment, and clinging to the Gospel of Grace, and Love, and Mercy.

“Howbeit in vain do they worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men. For laying aside the commandment of God, ye hold the tradition of men, as the washing of pots and cups: and many other such like things ye do. And he said unto them, Full well ye reject the commandment of God, that ye may keep your own tradition”. – Mark 7:7-9, KJV

“A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.” – John 13:34, KJV

“If ye love me, keep my commandments.” – John 14:15, KJV

“Master, which is the great commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.” – Matthew 22, 36-40, KJV

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. – Galatians 5:22, 23

God Bless!

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