Category: touch not my anointed | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

Victim Blaming

Over the weekend, the Catholic Church was rocked with more upsetting news concerning the scandals involving priests molesting children. Pope Francis delivered a homily where he blamed Satan for exposing sin in the church. I rolled my eyes in disbelief as I read the pontiff’s comments.

Looking back on my own experiences and corresponding with others who went through similar ordeals, it doesn’t shock me as much as it might have a decade ago. Too often, church leaders place the blame everywhere BUT on the abuser. When a victim or concerned member voices concern or attempts to report abuse, they are quickly silenced.

How many times have we heard pastors say “touch not God’s anointed” when allegations of abuse surface? How many times are church members excoriated for “spreading gossip” or “negative communication?” I personally was admonished to simply shut up and “focus on the good, pure, and lovely things” on numerous occasions. This attitude of turning a blind eye only worsens the problem.

In another abuse survivors group, an account was shared of how a teenage girl and her family left a large church in Indiana after the senior pastor was caught taking the girl out of state for sex. This pastor even went so far as to blame the girl for leading him into sin, after he groomed and had his way with her for some time. The pastor was rightly sent to prison.

When I was a teenager in the late 1970’s, I read in history class about the great revivals that occurred in the early 20th century. Why don’t we see that now? I believe part of it is here. Until the church takes abuse victims seriously, and purges perverts from the ranks, folks will stay away from houses of worship.

Those who preach the gospel must live the gospel.

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Eating the Forbidden Fruit of Truth Part 1

A recently published article by the Washington Post brought to my remembrance the refusal of my former church to properly address the criminal actions of the founder. Indeed, the last thing any church wants to believe is that those in leadership were actually guilty of the act they were accused of doing.

In my former church, a concerted effort went forward to proclaim the founder’s innocence, and to discredit anyone who tried to refute the narrative. After the founder was convicted, the leadership continued pushing the narrative he was falsely accused and thus wrongly convicted. Those who spoke against this were disfellowshipped and expelled. To my shame, as a minister I supported the church in this effort for almost a decade. I didn’t want to believe the “man of God” was even capable of committing such awful things. I didn’t want to even consider he was guilty of molesting children.

The founder died in prison. Less than a year after his death, a couple who left the church launched a website exposing the ugly truth of the founder’s activities and other practices the ministry did to keep everyone in the dark and under the leadership’s control. The new general pastor was livid. He put out a directive to everyone in the congregations that reading the website could lead to expulsion. It was, in the pastor’s eyes, tantamount to consorting with the enemy.

When this was announced, I was stationed aboard a ship where no other members were assigned. I had almost unfettered access to the computers at work, and I began to sample the forbidden fruit of truth.

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The Sin of Truth Speaking

“And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32, ESV).

The church I grew up in claims to be one of the few “with a revelation of the truth.” There were many comments continually about other churches “not having the truth,” and after I married, my husband and I taught our children that other groups “don’t have the whole truth.”

Never did I dream just how unwelcome the truth would be in such an environment. Speaking anything against a preacher was automatically wrong–no matter how truthful. Speaking a firm truth to a preacher was also damning. This was normal, as far as I knew…after all, I came in as a newborn baby and it was my father who was the preacher.

Then I grew up. Because preaching was such a lofty position–right up there next to God, if a preacher was “caught in sin” of a sexual nature, he would lose the right to be a preacher permanently. God would forgive, but he could no longer be used in that way.

This was a scary setup. Anyone who dared suggest any impropriety against a preacher was accused of “trying to ruin his ministry.” So, the culture bred silence. The few who did speak up were cast out of churches, accused of rebellion and lying, and treated as dangerous vipers. People became afraid to speak up.

Pastoral positions came with unquestioning authority, and corruption festered. People were taught to have a hero worship for pastors. It was not uncommon to see congregants kneeling before a pastor, shining his shoes. They pinched and scrimped to buy him lavish gifts–a crocodile Bible case or a $1,000 pair of shoes. I saw people share their food stamps and commodities with their pastor in an attempt to “tithe.” I saw them buy a sofa for one pastor’s Christmas, and present it in front of the congregation.

I dreaded Christmas when I was a little girl and my whole family were presented with gifts. We sat at the altar and opened them in front of everyone and I didn’t know why it made me feel so bad. I was just a kid trying to be a kid, but it’s hard to be “one of the kids” when you’re the only one getting a present you have to open in front of others who have none.

It was within this atmosphere that I began to notice that truth really wasn’t welcome.

The first case I remember was in Missouri somewhere. A preacher was arrested in a rest area for propositioning an undercover policeman. He claimed innocence. He said it was a set up. Then he said he didn’t realize what he said to the policeman was a proposition. It went to court with all of his preacher friends backing him and supporting his side of the story. He was found guilty. Still, he had the support of his preacher friends, who utterly defended his innocence, in spite of the court decision. Was he guilty? Who knows? The point is, he sure looked to be, and yet, even in the face of a court decision, he was not removed from preaching, and continued fully supported by his colleagues.

The truth was not welcome.

Another case occurred in New Mexico. It didn’t involve the courts. It involved a female in the church. This lady was historically upright and loyal, very dedicated to the church. The new pastor took advantage of that, making sexual advances to her. Confused and hurt, she contacted her former pastor for advice. He took the matter to the “board of elders” over the church–a group of three preachers chosen by the pastor to provide oversight and accountability. They performed an “investigation” where they listened to the pastor’s story but never interviewed the lady. They decided he’d been falsely accused. The former pastor was livid. He knew this lady, and she was not one to make things up. Again, truth was not welcome.

Then it happened to my friend.

She was a pastor’s wife. She’d been dealing with the domestic abuse for years. She shared with me that she’d gone to preachers, who’d “counseled,” but little changed. In some respects, it grew worse as time went on. It wasn’t just my friend who was suffering, several kids were involved. Finally, some frightening things took place and she shared how she had finally felt “release” to leave. The local women’s shelter carefully helped her plan for safe departure.

Once she and her children were safe with family in another state, she called to let him know. She said she told him if he’d see a professional counselor, then she’d talk to him again. He refused.

She saw a professional counselor for the first time herself, who, upon hearing the details, called the child abuse hotline to report what he’d done to the kids. An investigation was opened. She showed me the order of protection from the courts.

The response was an email, forwarded to a list of preachers by one of his “board of elders.” In it, the verse “bring not an accusation against an elder except by two or three witnesses” was used. It was a request to keep the matter “in the church” and let the “board of elders” decide innocence or guilt.

Domestic abuse doesn’t have witnesses. That’s how it thrives–fear and silence. I couldn’t believe this was going down again!

Needless to say, the matter went on to the courts. In the end, he lost custody of his children and ended up with limited supervised contact. But did this mean anything in regards to his “ministry?” No.

His board of elders refused to see the documentation, only looking at what he chose to show them, and believing him without wavering. Today he is still preaching within that group, bragging about the financial support he gets and the places he preaches. She deals with this frustration even now, years later. No one ever contacted her to hear her side.

Truth was not welcome.

When I left the cult myself, my dad asked me what I could possibly be seeking. “You already have all the truth.”

Really?

What I saw was a lot of propaganda and precious little appreciation for the truth that was tangibly right in front of their faces. Their belief in a mystical “truth” but their blindness to real truth turned me away.

No, thank you! I’ll go where speaking the truth is not referred to as “sin”.

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IFB: Courage To Be You

Are you a puzzle piece or a an original? Think on that for a moment.

Fit in. We all try to do it at one point in our lives or another. School, work, church, home, sports, social groups, you name it. We’re all trying to sort out some kind of way we blend in. Add in the pecking order in each of these places and things can get downright complicated. Sometimes we lose sight of our uniqueness as God created us, sometimes we allow others to take the reigns, to reshape us, to make us something God does not intend us to be.

What makes things so difficult about sorting out where we belong is that we all have very unique personalities, likes, dislikes, styles, quirks that make us who we are. Thankfully God made us each very individual and that’s a good thing. We all know if we were all the same this world would be very, well, “vanilla.” But it’s those differences that can actually make finding a place we are comfortable a real challenge.

Too often, our unique qualities and personal quirks that set us apart actually end up being enough of a spark that set others in a group off in a negative fashion. Our colorful stripes can trigger jealousy, insecurities, and some of the ugliest behaviors from others. Unfortunately church groups and those claiming His Son’s name are not immune to exhibiting such behaviors. Some of the ugliest, most hurtful and egregious words and actions have been committed by church leaders devoid of God’s love for His sheep and by those who follow these wicked men.

For example, an experience I’d like to share on has been quite memorable in a particular church setting specifically with other women and the narcissistic leaders they manipulate. This was a very small, very controlling borderline cult in the Independent Fundamentalist Baptist sect. We found this conservative group as we were searching for a conservative church home. It was the host church for our son’s school. At first we thought we had found our church home. Things began to unravel in just the first several months.

The veneer of this polished group, lead by a slick narcissist and backed by several handpicked yes-men began to crack and erode. Quickly we began to see and hear some very disconcerting behaviors from several female support staff. The gossip, the vicious backstabbing, the immature high school behaviors were astounding. But we so badly wanted to “fit in” that we ignored it. We also ignored warning signs God gave us of character assassination of others including past deacons and church founders, mind games, and countless problems and investigations around past students, staffers, and members during the 12-15 years this leader and his senior cohort and enabler had been in power. We ignored so much that, in the aftermath, many have asked how we could miss so much.

The truth is, when you so badly want to fit in where you are, you tend to be far too long suffering for your own good. You ignore warning signs God sends. Sometimes you put yourself and your family in such a compromised, spiritually unhealthy-perhaps even spiritually abusive situation that God has no choice but to rip you out of there before the group destroys you.

Sometimes when this happens the damage to you and possibly your family is so great it completely shatters your identity. It can drive you from the loving arms of God. The enemy uses groups and leaders like this to destroy sheep, and the flock as a whole. Satan counts on breaking you so far down that you have an extremely long road to being complete and whole again.

There is a very important lesson to be learned from these experiences. God has crafted us each as individuals, in His image. When we start sacrificing these special unique markings on our personalities in order to please Man and fit in, we are going against His plan for us.

Many nefarious leaders will use twisted, misapplied Scripture taken out of context to justify their actions and efforts to change and control people. These false preachers know they can manipulate people through fear, peer pressure, financial threat, emotional, verbal, and sexual abuse. We look at these abusive leaders and marvel at how anyone could get sucked into these groups. Some very successful, intelligent people have fallen prey to the tactics of these wolves and their Jezebels. Why? How can these leaders wield such power?

The answer is often very simple: People want to be loved. They want to give of themselves and their talents. They want to be part of something greater than themselves. They want friends. They want to…fit in, to be accepted. As they consciously or subconsciously search for where they fit, they will often sell off or compromise parts of their belief system and identity in order to meet that goal of acceptance. Bad leaders know this, as does the enemy, and they both use it to accomplish the goal of destroying the individual sheep, and ultimately the flock.

Church should be the last worldly bastion of safety for the Believer. There should be a safe haven where folks of like mind and heart can gather together to lift not only praises but also lift up one another. Church, as designed by God, is to be a cove to protect from the storms of the World There should be a barrier that comes from worshiping together, praying together, bearing one another’s burdens, serving one another, uplifting, loving one another and lovingly help each other grow to fullness in Him. There is to be a spirit of love, patience, kindness, forgiveness, long suffering, and healing toward our Brethren. This is precisely what Christ modeled to us with His disciples. Sadly, this has become far from the norm in many IFB churches today.

So, you may find yourself sitting there, asking how you can avoid a pit of vipers like this. You may even be one of the thousands each year whose hearts and lives-very identities-are shattered by spiritually abusive groups and leaders. How do you avoid becoming a wooly target for Satan and his troop of narcissists?

Strengthen your identity. Delve into Scripture. Know your Bible inside and out so no wolf in a preacher suit can twist and misapply God’s Word to control you. Find your value, your worth in the pages of God’s Word, not in the opinion and approval of Man. Stand strong on God’s Word when you hear teachings that warp and shred His teachings and laws. Do not be afraid to stand as David did against Goliath when a leader is doing wrong, teaching wrong, and hurting His sheep. Have the Godly character to not allow yourself to be controlled and used to damage God’s people.

Perhaps the toughest challenge an IFB Believer has is in taking that Scripture-mandated stand against the wicked who have hijacked a local church. There is a tabu that is prolific throughout the IFB circles. Satan has tricked the IFB sect into compliance to protecting and enabling wolves in preacher suits.

How can Satan take otherwise intelligent, Godly men and tie their tongues from speaking out to hold accountable a false leader who is ravaging what was once an effective church in a community? Simple. He uses misapplication of the “…touch not My anointed…” verse.

Those who do not know their Bibles well don’t know that this was a directive specifically to Israel. It was never intended as a shelter for wicked, abusive leaders to cower beneath, yet that is precisely what they do. Far too many good leaders in small communities across this nation are chided into silence by means of this false application of I Chronicles 16:22-23 and Psalm 105:15. Sadly, they allow themselves to become complicit enablers of those who shatter His sheep and the demise of the flock at large.

To be a person of Godly integrity isn’t hard, but it takes tenacity and courage. To not be manipulated by fear of not fitting in and being accepted by Man. Learn to be ok with being kicked out of a group because you have more Godly character and integrity than the leader of the group and all his minions, Jezebels, and enablers combined. Be courageous and secure in who you are, your God-given talents and stand strong in the fact that you are the son or daughter of the King of kings and Lord of lords. Don’t let fear of sinful men and women compromise who you are….and Who’s you are.

Dear friend, take courage for being who God has made you. Take strength in standing for what is right. Your promise for doing so comes from I Peter 3:14

“But and if ye suffer for righteousness’ sake, happy are ye: and be not afraid of their terror, neither be troubled;”

Selah.

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When A Pastor Morally Fails

A pastor/minister morally fails. People are devastated, hurt, confused, angry, sad and their faith is shaken. The church is thrown into turmoil. This appears to be happening more frequently in our present time.

Are there signs we can watch for, that something is seriously wrong in the life of a minister? We continually see headlines of ministers and church leaders committing sex crimes as well as other criminal activity. They involve various groups across denominational boundaries.

For instance, it was reported that this is what Edwin Young, a Oneness Pentecostal minister, did for years and years. If similar things happened in a healthy church, the pastor’s wrong behavior would have been addressed when it happened or soon after. But at this church, it wasn’t. It was tolerated, allowed, and even thought to be proper conduct. Many ‘amened’ and cheered him on when he did these things. It isn’t proper behavior. It is far, far from how a minister is to act.

This is a huge problem in unhealthy churches and is often a gradual process. When it gets to this point, the people have been conditioned through previous teachings and incidents, to accept what is happening. The pastor is ‘the man of God.’ You don’t ‘touch God’s anointed.’ The pastor ‘watches for your soul and has to give account of you.’ The pastor knows more than you and what is best. If the pastor is wrong, all we can do is ‘pray about it and let God correct him.’ So when people have this type of mindset, it opens the door for abuse and other wrong actions.

Learn how a pastor is supposed to be. Go to your Bible and search this out. A main characteristic of a minister is they are not to be lords over people, but rather they are to have the heart of a servant. A servant doesn’t call the women in the church heifers. A servant doesn’t point people out in service and berate them and tear them to shreds. A servant doesn’t make up lies and call people who leave the church homosexuals or fornicators or drug addicts. This is NOT what a real minister does. This is NOT what one who is acting through love does.

It is no surprise to me when pastors such as the one referenced have fallen. Too often those who teach and do things without love as the motivating factor, have something in their life that they are hiding. It is interesting that when they are caught and exposed, they don’t want the same treatment they gave many others who did far less than themselves.