Category: legalism | Page 16 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

A Brand New Bible

A new Bible is like a fresh start. There are no markings, nothing is highlighted, you can read it with fresh eyes and study it with a brand new heart.

When I left the United Pentecostal Church, I purchased a brand new Bible in the New King James Version because that is what my new church teaches from and I was starting this spiritual walk all over and I didn’t want anything from the past to hinder me. I already had so many unanswered questions and I wanted to get things right this time.

I was “saved” in 1978 in a United Pentecostal Church and remained snarled and entangled with legalism until I left in 2011. I had read my King James Bible many times and I had scriptures highlighted and many comments from sermons, my prayer time and many, many questions that nobody wanted to give me answers for.

Thus, the brand new Bible.

One question that bothered me the most was always hearing the scripture, “Touch not my anointed, nor do my prophet no harm.” It seemed if I had a disagreement or a simple question, I would receive a shocked look from the pastor and was told I was never to question his teaching because he was anointed and of course the “touch not” was quoted.

Therefore, with new Bible in hand, I went to my first Bible study and the teacher was not offended at all by my question and we researched the answer as a group. It was so refreshing.

This is what we found…

In the Old Testament the children of Israel didn’t want to communicate or be judged by God, they wanted a King. God would choose the prophet that He used to speak to the people and would instruct the prophet who to anoint as King. As you read through the Old Testament some of the Kings were good and some were bad but they were God’s chosen and anointed one and God warned not to harm them or his prophets, I Chronicles 16:20-22.

But things changed in the New Testament. God robed himself in flesh and as Jesus the Christ walked and dwelt among man. The New Testament is all about Jesus being our King of Kings. No longer does God send prophets to anoint new kings because Jesus is the king of kings. There is no need for another. Jesus humbly read the holy scriptures in Nazareth proclaiming who he was, “The Spirit of the LORD is upon Me, Because He has anointed Me To preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives And recovery of sight to the blind, To set at liberty those who are oppressed; To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD.” Then He closed the book, and gave it back to the attendant and sat down. And the eyes of all who were in the synagogue were fixed on Him. And He began to say to them, “Today this Scripture is fulfilled in your hearing.””
‭‭Luke‬ ‭4:18-21‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Jesus came to save the world, a holy sacrifice to be made once and for all sin to be forgiven and covered by his precious blood. Jesus didn’t come as a reigning King, he took the humble form of a servant. Which was confusing to the religious world at that time and is still confusing to some even now to be humble servants for him. Jesus taught love and not hate. He taught meekness and patience and mercy and grace. He did not judge anyone, but forgave their sins, he did not scare or condemn but love and through his humble spirit He showed a loving side of God that forgives our sin and hides it under the blood. Through Jesus, when we accept him as our Lord and Savior with a humble spirit, we receive grace and mercy instead of condemnation. We receive love instead of hate, we receive a Heavenly Father who adopts us into the body of Christ, we are no longer outcasts in a strange land but believers of the good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

That’s what your brand new Bible can do for you…
A fresh start and a new walk with the Lord Jesus Christ who tells a whole different story than what we are used to.

May He richly bless you in your new adventure.

Do Works, Work?

Do works, work? Like Johnny Cash singing that old song naming all the places he has gone “I’ve been everywhere man, I’ve been everywhere man…” When it comes to works – I’ve been there and done that man. The list goes on and on -bus ministry, visitation, door knocking, cooking meals to raise funds, newsletter, youth ministry and all that entails, and last but not least Sunday school teacher.

I put the most effort into being a Sunday school teacher. I loved the little children and I felt I could make a difference in their lives. There was one problem though – our Sunday school rooms were open concept and had huge walls with high ceilings. We were expected to decorate the walls with various depictions of study material, seasonal items, and such. As the new kid, I was always trying to “prove” myself to the “old guard.” I would work endlessly trying to fill (and I mean fill) these walls with eye catching, hand painted décor. I remember staying up all-night long, painting away at these larger than life creations to hang on the walls. I admit, I wanted recognition for my efforts but it wasn’t to be. Anytime Sunday school was mentioned, all the praise and glory went to the “Old Guard.”

Of course, these weren’t the “works” that were preached by my United Pentecostal Church that were necessary for purchasing our ever ready to flee salvation, that is a whole other list of all fleshly actions. The message was clear: if you were a spiritual Christian, you would be a human doing, not a human being.

What is wrong with all this working? Faith without works is dead, right? The problem with works based religion is that it doesn’t work. It only breeds competition, comparing ourselves to one another, conceit, envy, or in my case foolish pride that summed up my motivation for working to the point of burn out. Paul’s words to the Galatian church, who had left grace to be justified by the works of the law, told them they must be careful not to bite and devour each other or they might consume one another! On top of all this, it’s not why Jesus came! He came to set us free from the Law of Moses that was unable to save. (Romans 8:2-4) The idea of obtaining salvation based upon something that concerns a fleshly element – ability to dunk under water, your tongue, or someone else’s ability to say exact words over you takes all the power and glory away from God! He willingly sent His Son to die on the cross for our salvation and asks that we simply trust that it was enough to save us. (Romans 1:16) Anytime you add some kind of fleshly act (works) to this Gospel that has the power to save, you have turned it into another gospel. But wait, Paul says there is not another! (Galatians 1:6-8)

This is the big lie of the UPC or any other Bible/works based religion – think Jesus is swell, but not enough to save, add a list of do’s and don’ts, and throw a little Bible in there, yeah, just enough to prove your perverted gospel. To me, it is the greatest form of spiritual abuse. Keep them ignorant, exclusive, and judgmental. Make them believe, if they don’t keep our list, they’ll be lost.

Oh, and what about works? Where do works that genuinely prove our Faith in Christ alone come in? The apostle Paul in Ephesians 1:13 puts it like this “In Him you also trusted, after you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation; in whom also, having believed, you were sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise.” When we put our faith in Jesus Christ alone apart from works, we are sealed with the Holy Spirit. God gives us new life on the inside, the Holy Spirit. As the seed of God’s word is planted in our heart, fruit begins to grow. This fruit, the fruit of the Spirit, the chief one being love begins to flow out of our heart to do the work that God prepared beforehand for us to do. A life motivated by love and controlled by truth works!

“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:8-10 NKJV

Lessons Learned: The Light Came On

Today I had an eye opener, epiphany, revelation, whatever you want to call it.

It all started out when I heard a loud KA-BOOM! I thought, sounds like a transformer. I could not see that the lights were out at first, until I went to the garage to let the dog in from the backyard and noticed the light in the garage was out. Then I noticed the electric clocks on the stove and microwave were out, too. Oh, goody.

So I texted the electric company to report and to make sure I did that right I called them. Two hours was the estimated time of repair – what they always said. I could not do much inside so decided to go to the grocery store for a couple of things and then go run another errand. As I checked out and was leaving, I noticed a man looking at me. I stared a moment and then realized it was someone I knew and he smiled, so did I, and then a younger man who was a worker there noticed me and said “Are you (my name)?”

I said “Yes. Are you ‘Little Tommy?'” (name changed for his privacy.) (He is not little now, probably close to 6 feet tall – his dad was known as Big Tommy and was very tall).

He said let me walk you to your car and I will also take your bag (small bag of groceries – 4 items lightweight). I said well, thanks, I am parked over there. So we got to may car and began to talk. He asked if I was in any other church. No I am not at the moment. Well he had gone back to my former church – his dad and stepmom had gone there at one time. So we talked a bit.

Of course he invited me back and I declined politely. He was always such a nice kid and was one of two boys (10-12 years old) who would wash my car. He ran the litany of who was still there, all my former friends (one he mentioned, I thought ‘not her’ but did not say anything). Some people who left the state seem to be moving back, too. (How nice, my private thought, a bit sarcastically to myself.) I told him that just because I left, I had not left God. He jumped on that and agreed, he had not left God either when he was out.

He also wondered why I left and I told him personal reasons (I was not going to get into exactly why – that the pastor’s wife and the pastor had done pretty much irreparable damage to my family. And that the last two years I sat on the pew I kept asking myself, “Where did they put Jesus?” and they preach “Christianity without the cross.”) We talked a little more and I had to get on, to do my other errand and get back home.

When I got home my lights were back on. I was sitting here knitting on a toddler sized afghan to give my hands something to do while I watched a show on Netflix and began to think about my conversation with Little Tommy. I began to have the conversation all over again but inserting some things I did not say: I did not leave God when I left the church four years ago. Jesus has always been my savior even before I ever heard of the church I spent 18 years in. They had stopped or maybe they never did preach Jesus. They preached a lot about how to dress, wear hair (cut vs. not cutting it). You must speak in tongues every day to be sure you still had the Holy Ghost (in other words, to be sure you are still saved). You must pray every day over at the church even if it means getting up after only four hours of sleep because church lasted until 11 pm the night before and it was midnight or after when you finally got to bed. All these things and more to make sure you keep your salvation. Rules, rules, rules.

I suddenly realized I was saved BEFORE that church ever became part of my life. I was saved when I did not speak in tongues. I don’t do formalized prayer (think prayer chart to give X minutes to each part of your prayer), I just talk to God like I did before I ever went to this church. No, I don’t go to church every week and have not been for nearly a year to any church.

It is hard to put down here exactly what I was feeling but I had to stop everything I was doing and come here to put this down. I knew all these things before and after I spent 18 years “in.” But being out four years has been helpful so that I can look back and see more clearly that by joining that church I was missing out on more of God than learning about him. Too bad I did not leave much sooner than I did. Lessons learned. The hard way.

It just seemed to come together tonight and was triggered by my meeting with Little Tommy.

One thing Little Tommy mentioned was that the pastor is not the same person as when he left years ago – the Pastor is the same man, but has changed. Little Tommy said he thought God was working on him. I don’t know how exactly but I thought that was probably good. But I still don’t believe I want to visit – everyone would want to drag me down to the altar and pray for me and I would not want that. They just don’t understand.

🙂

“Guess What Honey – You’re Going to Hell!”

Guess What Honey – You’re Going to Hell!

It would be nice to think that the sentence above was a line out of a book or movie – it wasn’t. These were actually words used on Facebook a few months ago by a Catholic who took offense at another person’s disagreement with a twisted version of what one priest thought constituted a “mortal sin.”

What may have added fuel to the fire is that a few of the people who disagreed were ex-Catholics turned Episcopalian. Rather than rationally discuss the issues, the OP chose to go the route of attacking and patronizing those who disagreed.

I had to restrain myself from joining in and telling the OP that, as non-Catholics, the people she was disagreeing with are not subject to the worship, doctrine, or discipline of the Catholic Church. However, with the sort of mentality that lead to her attacking people she didn’t know, I doubt my pointing that out would have made any impact.

Spiritually abusive and legalistic attitudes do cross denominational boundaries. I’ve encountered members of groups known for being rigid in their thinking who have been open-minded and members of mainline denominations with bigoted attitudes where it comes to doctrines.

My church’s baptismal covenant encourages us to “respect the dignity of every human being.” For me, I’ve found part of that to include not condemning people to hell over doctrinal disagreements or otherwise usurping God’s place.

I think it’s helpful for Christians as a whole to realize that every group has a different basis for their doctrines that is no doubt influenced by the circumstances occurring at a time when the group came into being. When extra-Scriptural traditions or interpretations are treated as a requirement for salvation for all, there is too much of a risk of losing focus on the Gospel.

Adding to the Gospel invariably leads to taking away the whole message.

Stumbling block: a little about what happened to me

Some years ago, I was thrown out of a church because the pastor falsely accused me of things and wouldn’t allow me to even say I hadn’t done what he accused me of. He told me that if he said I did it, he was a Man of God, and God had obviously talked to him about me and revealed the wickedness in my heart. He also preached that I would walk out of church the night he kicked me out and immediately go and cut my hair and wear pants and makeup. I felt like I was betraying him by NOT doing those things, proving that he was a false prophet. I hadn’t done anything wrong, and I believed THE Truth, so I didn’t cut my hair or put on pants. I simply found another Oneness church and tried to act like nothing had happened.

The new pastor told me to just forget about what had happened and move on. But I couldn’t. What happened had created a lot of questions and doubts in my mind, things that I needed to work through and discuss. I needed time to heal. They wanted to act like there was nothing to heal, and that hurt worse.

I always felt condemned for not doing crazy things in church. After being kicked out, something disconnected. I went to church, and would shake “under the power of God.” I’d never done that before. People would tell me how close I must be to God. I didn’t feel close to God. I’d been kicked out of a church, but they didn’t know that, so I felt like a hypocrite. I also knew the shaking wasn’t God, it was me wrestling hard to reconcile what I believed was The Truth with what I had seen, heard, and experienced that blared that it wasn’t. There was such a deep grief and so much condemnation associated with praying, fasting, and studying the Bible… and especially with worship. The new church was very pushy about how much I should worship and exactly how we should and shouldn’t worship. That didn’t help me at all, because so much of what he told us we needed to do seemed unnatural or just plain weird or wrong to me.

It took me years to untangle what had happened in the church I was kicked out of. I had been happy in a way, and spoke in tongues often and danced a lot. When I was kicked out, even though I went to a different Oneness Pentecostal church (where the pastor assured me I was fine), things just weren’t the same. I doubted pretty much everything I was feeling, because the pastor who kicked me out said I was backslid and terribly wrong. If that were true (and of course it must be- he was a Holy Ghost filled preacher) then what I had felt, and the speaking in tongues and the worship I was doing must be all wrong, too. How could sweet and bitter water come from the same source, after all? I almost ‘got past that’ but then with all the show and people really hurting people in the altar of the new church, I started re-looking some things.

At the same time, I went through a time when every time I tried to pray, I’d pretty much immediately fall into heart wrenching grief and start sobbing and speaking in tongues. I knew that wasn’t right. There is joy in the Holy Ghost, and what was happening couldn’t have been considered intercession. I’d focus on God and say “I love you” or think of a recent service or have a happy thought that I’d be able to stay in that church for the rest of my life… and suddenly start bawling, when I hadn’t been sad before that word of prayer or that thought of thankfulness! A week of that would have been one thing, but that went on for a month or more. And I couldn’t seem to pray at all at church. By the end of that time, I knew something was terribly wrong, but I didn’t know what (or wouldn’t admit it) for a few more years.

For the last few years, there have been many false accusations and labels placed on people in my former church. There was a lot of spying and gossip.

The pastor bragged about the spying from the platform, and encouraged people to tell him if they even thought something MIGHT be wrong with someone else. He said if they didn’t tell him, they’d have blood on their hands. So people, from the oldest to elementary school kids, would go in alone or in groups to say they thought they saw someone do this or that. The person they told on would then be called in and chewed out. They were not asked if they did it, or if they denied it they’d be told they were lying. There was no escaping the hurtful words.

I’ve sat in my former pastor’s office sobbing uncontrollably many times as he, my ‘shepherd,’ my ‘man of God,’ my ‘pastor’ would tell me that I didn’t deserve anything but hell, that I was worthless, that I could leave like the other “garbage” (‘backsliders’ were called “garbage” and the churches they went to were called “trash cans”).

In all of this, even when I was sobbing, even when I tried to say something to defend myself, he would continue to pound on me with his words. Where is the mercy or the compassion in that?

If any pastors or leaders read this, please consider. I didn’t leave a Oneness church because I didn’t believe the doctrine. I left because the church stopped believing in me. I got to a point where if I’d stayed I would have stopped believing in God, because the God they preached and showed through their own lives was an angry, hateful, distorted god, not a God of love and mercy.

Mt 18:1 At the same time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven? 2And Jesus called a little child unto him… 6But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea. 7Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!

1 Jn 4:7 Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. 8He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.

I’m not bitter. But some things need to be heard. For too long in churches like the one I left, members didn’t have a voice. It’s time someone listened.