Category: holiness standards | Page 12

UPC Unpardonable

Okay, I did it. I admit it. I cut my hair and my daughter’s hair. I can still remember the first time I cut my hair. We were probably about six years into the United Pentecostal Experience, when I was sitting on the toilet and fearing my hair was going to go in, I grabbed a pair of scissors, sat back down and cut the tail end that could get wet. I don’t remember feeling guilty or that it might not grow after anymore. This fear of hair not re-growing after trimming had been expressed to me by another woman in the church. Yes, Pentecostal women talk about cutting their hair. Oddly, her hair was only shoulder length. I guess it was due to the teasing, etc. that goes into maintaining the elaborate hairdos she wore. I also remember while sitting in a restaurant one lady sighing “if we could only get enough grace to cut our hair.” This woman was one of a group of older women in our church who resorted to wearing those Gibson Girl style wigs all the time. Honestly, I think they just got tired of dealing with all that hair!

As time went by, I was blessed with a little girl who had beautiful hair. Again, I confess! I did not want her to have long stringy, scraggly hair, so while she was a toddler to probably age 6 or so, I kept it shoulder length. I stopped trimming it when she got older; when she told me someone said something to her about it. No one ever said anything to me about it; however, there were those who were spying out my liberty! (Gal 2:4 NKJV) Ha-ha, there is no such thing as liberty in the UPC holiness standards. By this time, it was the late ‘80’s when the super curly hairdos were in, and frankly, you could cut your hair as much as you wanted and no one could tell. Those pink sponge rollers, along with the concrete mousse it took to set those curls, could take off five inches of your hair length!

My second daughter was born six years later and while still an infant she developed a health problem. She was a precious baby but she had a mind of her own! She was not going to dutifully wear the barrettes and other hair restraints young Pentecostal girls are forced to wear to hold their hair in place, due to the rules for no cutting or trimming of their hair. She would pull out everything I put in her hair and along with the restraint, out came a handful of hair. When she had pulled out enough hair to create a bald spot on her head, I took matters into my own hands. I did not consult with my husband or anyone else. I found the best children’s salon and had her hair cut, along with (gasp!) bangs. I brazenly took her to church that Wednesday night, not thinking anything of it. I thought she looked adorable! I would do anything to help my poor, precious baby! No one said anything to me about it that night except my husband who said, “You know they will ask us to step down.”

To be continued…

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The outward appearance

Legalists often quote a partial verse, “man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks on the heart,” to prove they should maintain “standards” of dress and hair. This is a prime example of a partial verse quoted out of context to make a point that is nowhere near the intent within context.

In context, the verse isn’t talking about what to wear or not to, but it’s a warning against choosing leaders based on appearances:

1 Sam 16:6 When they arrived, Samuel took one look at Eliab and thought, “Surely this is the LORD’s anointed!”
7 But the LORD said to Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The LORD doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

In reality, the verse means nearly the opposite of how it is used in performance based churches, where people too often look at the outward appearance to make judgement calls, choose friends and leaders, and determine who loves and serves God and who does not. Eliab looked like the perfect choice to the prophet. So did every other of David’s brothers. But God wasn’t interested in human achievements or appearances. Why should we think this verse indicates that we should be?

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Twisting scripture

As kids, we were playing with some neighbors. We had some cheap plastic bead play necklaces. One of the neighbors decided to twist it around and around her fingers, snapping the beads, glued to the string, together so that they interlocked and made ring-like loops. In twisting them, she wound them too tightly and her finger started to swell. She panicked, trying to get it off and realizing it was stuck. We finally got it off and she was thankfully OK. I don’t think we ever told our parents, and I doubt she ever twisted those strings of beads around her fingers again. That wasn’t the worst knot I’ve ever untangled, but it was the scariest.

The worst knot… There was a woman in our church who got a knot in her hair. Instead of getting it untangled immediately she tried to hide it while she worked on getting it out. Cutting it out wasn’t an option due to our beliefs, and so the knot grew and grew. She wouldn’t wash her hair, afraid the knot would get worse. By the time she finally admitted her problem, it was a nightmare of a 3″x5″ or so mat of hair that started just a few inches from her scalp. We finally got it untangled for the most part. I warned her to braid her hair before washing it so it would have time to straighten and no chance of tangling back up. She didn’t listen, and the knot came back. In the end a whole group of church women (not me) spent hours gathered around her while she yelped with pain, pulling at the knot and untangling it. She lost a lot of her hair in the process.

Some knots are fairly easy to untangle, but some are almost impossible to remove, particularly if they aren’t cared for quickly. When words are tangled into knots, especially when scripture is tangled, it wraps itself not around our fingers but around our hearts. Unlike my neighbor, most of the scripture twisting that binds us is not our fault or something we foolishly choose to wrap ourselves in, but rather it is bound around us by others. Some of them mean well. Others I’m not so sure. What I do know is the harm that twisting scriptures can cause.

It is very difficult to untangle the words that some weave into knots in our lives, particularly when they righteously declare that it is not them speaking, but God. Even if we know that God has nothing to do with what’s being said, if we hear it enough, it may sink into our minds. We miss some of the knots, particularly the smaller ones, and they tangle around us. And like any knot, it will be easier to untangle these words the less we’ve heard them, the smaller the proverbial knot.

Knots can be undone. It takes time. Sometimes it takes cutting a few strands. And many times it takes careful concentration and a frustrating amount of time. But be encouraged, it can be done. And with care, we can rid ourselves of the knots completely while still enjoying the threads or strands that they were woven from. The strands themselves aren’t all bad, just the way they are tied together, and the way they were used, to bind rather than mend.

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God, Our Heavenly Father

To many of us survivors of an abusive legalistic church environment, and the abuse from male dominant leadership, it can be difficult to trust organized religion and a God that was portrayed as one who was angry and ready to destroy you and send you to hell. It can also be detrimental to our hopes and dreams of having a close relationship with Almighty God.

I was not the good obedient child of God when I was actively involved in the United Pentecostal Church. I was always busy questioning the standards, rules, beliefs and researching and writing papers on my findings, and generally keeping the ministry in turmoil because I was uncovering truth and they knew I would eventually uncover what was being hidden. For example John 3:16; “For God so loved…He gave…” we only heard this scripture at Christmas and in its entirety.

I was one of those statistics who wasn’t raised in a home with a father figure full time. My parents were divorced. I saw my father and I loved him very much but when you only spend short periods of time with them it is not enough. My father was a fireman and worked crazy shifts but every time he came to my house he would show me an escape route if there was ever a fire. He remarried when I was 10 to a very nice woman and we developed a sweet relationship. They also blessed me with a little sister when I was 13; we are very close to this day. My dad and stepmom both passed away in 2011 and I still miss them both very much.

My mother remarried two times while I was growing up and they were harsh and abusive men. After the second time my brother and I asked her not to marry again until we were grown. I was 15 and my brother was 10 at that time and she didn’t remarry until I was 20. Of course by then she finally found a good man and he would have made a great father. He did become a father to me, even though I was grown, and a good grandfather to my children. They will celebrate 40 years this December and he has helped me through so many bad times and stood by my side. He never had kids of his own but he chose to be my dad and introduces me as his daughter.

One thing I found lacking in the teaching of the UPC was developing relationships of any kind and especially establishing a relationship with God. I was afraid of Him and I thought He was a God of judgement and not love. I would read the Bible and be so confused with the greetings in the epistles to God our Father. But I never knew Him as my Heavenly Father.

How sad that a beautiful facet of God’s character was not being explored. He is not a distant, impersonal ruler with an iron fist, but a warm and loving Father. But so often this is tainted by the weakness of human fathers. The foundational truth, God, in all His power and glory, is best understood as a loving, intimate Father. (Source)

Upon closer study of what makes a father, I made a list that shows what a natural or step father should be and correlated with God as a father according to scripture:

1. He is the source of life and creates life. (Genesis 1:27; Luke 1:30-35)
2. He loves us. (I John 4:16; John 3:16)
3. He provides for our needs. (Luke 12:22-32; Philippians 4:19)
4. He lovingly corrects us. (Proverbs 3:11)
5. He gives us His wisdom. (James 3:15-18)
6. He protects. (Psalm 21:8; Deuteronomy 31:8)
7. He welcomes us back. (Luke 15:22-24)
8. He gives good gifts. (Luke 11:9-13)
9. He wants us to enjoy life. (Romans 15:13)
10. He wants us to trust him. (Psalm 62:1-12) (Partial Source)

Many of us expect these attributes from our physical father, and of our husbands when we have our own children. I would say many fathers try to have these attributes but our Heavenly Father has them all, and this is just the tip of the iceberg!

Although God would like our earthly fathers to be the spiritual leaders in our home, most fathers fail at this, either from not being a born again believer or maybe working too much to provide for their families. But our Heavenly Father not only provides spiritual guidance, He can actually become our Father in a very personal way when we are spiritually born again. Romans 8:14 tells us, “For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons (and daughters) of God.” (Source)

Paul tells us in Romans 8:9, “You are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you.” Of course, we are still flesh, but Paul was speaking of this from God’s perspective. We begin our spiritual life as babies (1 Peter 2:2), but we are to grow and mature in Christ until our death or until Christ returns (1 Thessalonians 4:15-17). Through this new life based on God’s Spirit living in us, we can begin to not only grasp spiritual truths and values (1 Corinthians 2:9-11), but also have a very personal, close relationship with our Heavenly Father. (Source)

Now I always called my father “daddy” and I called my step father, “dad” but I’ve never called my Heavenly Father, daddy or dad. But in Romans 8:15, we are now his children through adoption and we are invited to call him “Abba” which means Daddy or Papa.

So this Father’s Day we have one more to honor, our Heavenly Father! We are free to say, Happy Father’s Day, Papa!!

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Getting Out the Old Books: Power Before the Throne

We have been taught that long, uncut hair on a woman is a symbol of submission. These teachings are taken from 1 Cor 11:1-16. I am going to demonstrate that what is said to be a matter of submission is often actually a matter of control. It seems unreal that something that is taught to be a matter of submission becomes a matter of control and it is interesting how that happens. To demonstrate this, today I am going to take some quotes from one of the most popular of the hair books in Oneness Pentecostalism, Power Before the Throne by Ruth Rieder (Harvey).

There is a lot that could be written and said here but I want to hone in on a few quotes: “We can actually open our homes for evil spirits to come in if we are in rebellion. Your uncut hair brings protection to the entire family. My sister related a story to me of a young minister’s wife in the Dominican Republic. Her husband was a very promising young man in the Bible School, an exceptional preacher. My sister and her husband consistently taught on holiness in the Bible School throughout the work there. This young woman had long hair, but she persisted in trimming it despite what was taught. She opened her home for an invasion of the enemy because she lifted the covering through her disobedience. Before long, her husband fell into adultery with a girl in their neighborhood. Their lives were shattered, and their ministry was completely ruined. The spirit of vanity had caused her to become more concerned about the appearance of her split ends than about her obedience to God.” (Pg 68-69)

So let’s look at this a little closer. The idea behind uncut hair is supposed to be submission but what it ends up being is about control. The message is this: Women can control whether evil spirits come into their homes with uncut hair. Women can keep their husbands from committing adultery with uncut hair. If evil spirits enter your home and you have cut hair, it’s your fault. You can control all these things, simply by having uncut hair.

“Can our husband’s hearts safely trust in us to guard the glory and to insure divine protection for our family so that no wicked spirit can enter in to spoil us? What an awesome responsibility, yet what a tremendous privilege that God has entrusted to the woman.” (pg 69) So, the idea is that women insure divine protection to the home by their own choice of whether or not to cut their hair and that the husbands and families are reliant upon their wives for this divine protection. This is not about submission. It’s about control.

“…This lady’s son was in a very serious car accident…this frantic mother…reminded God of how a scissors never touched her hair……the doctors came back, expecting to see a young man who was possibly dead. Instead they found he had regained consciousness and was responding…..His mother had guarded the glory and had power on her head because of the angels.” (pg 72-73)

The message here is that you can have some amount of control over health and sins of others if you simply do not cut your hair. Instead of having faith in God no matter what our circumstances are, women are taught that if they do not cut their hair, they have “power”….”power before the throne”….”power on her head because of the angels”….. Whatever the verses in 1 Cor. 11 mean, I don’t think they mean that if you don’t cut your hair (which is never mentioned in 1 Cor. 11, by the way) that you can control whether your husband has affairs or whether your children recover after accidents. Submission does not mean control and the hair message is about control demonstrated by the examples shown. This message of control can be very appealing to women, and is also convenient for men, because if their wives believe that the husband’s behavior is in the wife’s control, men don’t have to take responsibility for their own behavior. This is a very co-dependent way of thinking and fits right into dysfunctional relationships.

I have provided photos of four pages. Page 68, page 69, page 72, page 73.

(Written for the Facebook group Breaking Out.)

Getting Out the Old Books: The Literal Word by M.D. Treece
Getting Out the Old Books: Guardians of His Glory by Gary & Linda Reed
Getting Out the Old Books: David F. Gray
Getting Out the Old Books: Joy Haney
Getting Out The Old Books: Larry L. Booker
Getting Out the Old Books: Power Before the Throne
Getting Out the Newer Books: Wholly Holy: The Vital Role of Visible Devotion
Search For Truth On Holiness

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