Category: cult | Page 5 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

When you’re an “Apostate” in their eyes

When you’re an “apostate” they don’t know how to handle you because they may get infected with your “evil.” I am the only person in my extended family to leave the sect I grew up in. Every cousin, aunt, uncle, sibling, parent, nephew, niece, and grandparent is still in the sect.

When I left I was shunned by all of my friends and the entire congregation. I was suicidal because I thought my family was also going to shun me and break off contact with me. But, by the grace of God, they showed mercy. There is contact (via text mostly because I live far away from them, in a different country), but it is quite strained because of all the lies they are told to believe about me – and other ‘apostates’ and ‘worldlies.’ I have chosen the way of Satan. I have chosen the easy life. I am lazy and don’t want to serve the Lord. Of course, none of these three statements are true, but it is what they believe whole-heartedly.

The bizarre thing is that they know I am still a Christian and I love God with all my heart, and my whole reason for being is to show love to others and live a life that is honoring to Him. But they still couldn’t attend my recent wedding because they might have been infected by my evil. They must have cognitive dissonance, surely, when they read the scriptures about all believers being one body, Christ’s body. How can the arm say to the leg “I can’t be near you?” It’s just ridiculous. Oh, and they claim to be the one group of Christians with the truth, and the light, and the presence of God. But not attending your daughter’s wedding isn’t love, is it? Where love is absent, God is also absent.

My Dad even went as far as to tell me that God would not be present at my wedding. And I married a Godly man who shines with the love of God. Strange how my Dad thinks he can state where the Creator of the universe is and isn’t. Like he has a monopoly on the Creator. What a deep level of lies and deception!

I am so very grateful that my family doesn’t shun me, like the families of many ex-cultists do. But there is still a grieving. Grief at the loss of proper relationship. Because to them I am tarnished. I can’t be myself around them. They don’t respect my way of life. They don’t ask me much about my job, my hobbies, my volunteering, my husband, as all of these topics are somewhat taboo. Conversations are shallow and mostly about the weather or the grandchildren. It gets tiring, trying to think of safe topics. Sometimes I don’t control or filter what I say and I just speak freely. But it often isn’t worth it because it causes further alienation.

I guess I live in an alien world. Which is the real world. They live in an insular, unreal, world. Inside the sect they refer to “the world” as everyone outside their insular group of chosen ones. My Mom actually told me that I am the most selfish person that she has ever met because I didn’t obey my parents and I left the fold. She told me that she cannot celebrate me because I have caused her so much pain. I asked her what was more important to her – that I continue to go along with a system that I know is a lie and be totally depressed and fake, or for me to be free to pursue a relationship with God in whatever way He leads and be happy and alive and genuine. She couldn’t answer. This system of religion has her tied in knots.

May God set them free from the grips of the spirit of religion – which is a dark, controlling, insidious, damaging and fake Holy Spirit that tries to block relationship and intimacy with our Creator.

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What happened to Abiding in Christ? The Legalists Reformation

There are many plain messages in Scripture that reflect the attitude we are to have towards God, but one that is a foreign to an ex or current legalist, above all, is abiding in Christ. The Apostle John told us “But the anointing which ye have received of him abideth in you, and ye need not that any man teach you:”

John goes on to say, “and even as it [the anointing] hath taught you, ye shall abide in him.” You shall abide in Him, Christ! Not man, not works, not ritual and tradition, but Him!

So, minor confession. If you haven’t figured this out yet, much of my writing, and my purpose is to come against spiritual abuse, legalism, and cults, because they scar the soul every bit as much as sin does. I myself was a judgmental, legalist, a Oneness Pentecostal for fifteen years fully believing I had the only truth you lacked, before the realization that I was bowing down to man and not God. I lost the joy of my salvation, and I had replaced Jesus with my pastor.

I had deified man, and I worshiped man. I counted it the highlight of my church experience to sit near my pastor, or to gain his approval. I never thought ‘what if Jesus knew what I just did…’, it was always, ‘What if pastor knew about what I just did…’

But, like every cult, and every spiritually abusive, legalistic structure, the initial focus was Jesus Christ as a front for the true purpose of the system. His name is used to promote the system, but in the end, your obedience was to the man at the top, and that obedience was tantamount to salvation. We abided in our structure, and works, in our holiness (dress standards), in our obedience to a man (fervent and unwavering obedience they openly demanded), etc.

So what happened to Abiding in Christ?

Joh 15:1 I am the true vine, and my Father is the husbandman.
Joh 15:2 Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit.
Joh 15:3 Now ye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you.
Joh 15:4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.

My largest argument with legalistic systems is that they remove the connection between God, His Son Jesus Christ and the commune of the Holy Spirit, and they (men who command control over others) replace it with with obedience to themselves, which is becoming a priest of the Old Testament in New Testament Shepherd’s Clothes.

Remember, that when Christ died, part of the ending of the Law and Old Testament structure was that the veil of the temple was rent in two. In other words, the separation between Man and God (the Holy of Holies) was removed. In olden days, only the Priest could enter into God’s presence and intervene on man’s behalf. With the death, burial and resurrection (Gospel) of Jesus Christ, we now have direct communion with God!

As for you, the anointing you received from him[Christ] remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But as his[Christ’] anointing teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit—just as it has taught you, remain in him. – 1 John 2:27, AMP

Modern legalists are the roadblock that stands between the Saint and God. We, as seekers of truth always seek out a teacher of Truth, and he stands before us, blocking the view of God. The problem is we accept flawed man, who says anything he wants in the name of Christ, as the teacher of Truth instead of the true vine Jesus Christ!

As a matter of example, my previous church/cult just celebrated 41 years in business, but in all that time, they have not sent forth a single preacher, evangelist, missionary, or sent sums of money to charitable organizations feeding the hungry.

Yes, I said business. It’s a for profit business. Pay your tithes, pray, obey and stay in the words of one of my favorite commentators. What is the significance?

You cannot abide in Christ, you abide in the Pastor. I was absolutely called by Christ to preach his Gospel. The four days of sleepless dreams, quickening and inspiration was nothing but a touch of God. I knew it, I prayed it, cried it, talked it to my wife, claimed my worthlessness before God, experienced excitement and dread and everything in between. When I told my Pastor?

If it was real (the calling) God would have told ME.

Thus ends abiding in Christ. How many Scriptures can we find defining that His calling, His Word, and His Spirit would come to us directly? Too many to list here.

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. James 1:5

Teach me to do Your will, For You are my God; Let Your good Spirit lead me on level ground. – Psalm 143:10

“But when He, the Spirit of truth, comes, He will guide you into all the truth; for He will not speak on His own initiative, but whatever He hears, He will speak; and He will disclose to you what is to come. – John 16:13

But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law. – Galatians 5:18

Your word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path. – Psalm 119:105

One man esteemeth one day above another: another esteemeth every day alike. Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind. – Romans 14:5

You must abide in Christ alone!

The word abide according to modern dictionaries means to accept or act in accordance with. Or, in this sense, to live your live in faith to Christ!

In the Greek dictionary, the word has a similar and strong suggestion;

men’-o
A primary verb; to stay (in a given place, state, relation or expectancy): – abide, continue, dwell, endure, be present, remain, stand, tarry (for), X thine own.

To abide in Christ is to stay in Christ. Remain in Him, hold fast to Faith, believing Him and His Word. Not other men, (not even me!) or their standards, traditions or teachings. We must have Faith in Christ alone, for He alone is savior!

So abide in Christ, friends and brethren. Do not abide in the false religion of man but the truth of God!

To see more of my original work, please visit here.

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22 Similarities In Christian Cults

One of our readers, D.M., submitted this article and they wish to remain anonymous.

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With the “me too” campaign being highlighted on social media recently, I decided it’s time to stop the code of silence on this issue.

I just finished reading Daughter of Gloriavale and I was reminded that Christian cults are similar once you examine their conduct and core values:

(I speak from experience)

1. They have been exclusively chosen by God for a very important purpose.

2. They have more insight / revelation than other churches.

3. They have a strong leader who is to be obeyed and honoured and never to be questioned.

4. The leader claims to hear from God on behalf of the group.

5. Adherents are told to be “under the covering” or “submissive” to the leaders.

6. People who are seen to be “rebellious” or “independent” are disciplined, shunned or expelled.

7. There is a “group think” mentality and individual opinions are seen as causing disunity.

8. Any one opposing them is opposing God himself and are doing damage to the church.

9. People are categorised according to the level of commitment and money giving.

10. No such thing as confidentiality. Personal information is shared and interwoven into sermons.

11. People dobb other people to the leadership.

12. Leadership controls the relationships and tell people who that can and cannot associate with.

13. Sermons (or more like brainwashing sessions) and ministry sessions are designed to make people codependent on their leaders.

14. People are constantly told through the preaching that they are flawed. No one is ever good enough (except the leaders of course).

15. There’s little understanding of Gods grace and Christian values of love and compassion etc.

16. They have their own language and use terms and phrases exclusive to their group.

17. They do not utilise services outside their own flock (counsellors, psychologists etc.)

18. The leaders say horrible things about people who have left (eg: they are going to hell, or they have mental health issues etc.)

19. They take single Bible verses and use them out of context and create rules around them.

20. Leaving is traumatic because the people had become like an extended family. Suddenly they become aloof and a smear campaign is launched to tarnish that persons reputation.

21. Discipline and rebuke are widely practiced often during sessions where the leader acts in an intimidating manner.

22. There are codes of conduct and unwritten rules that you need to adhere to in order to become in the “in group.”

And that’s just the beginning.

There’s brainwashing, love-bombing, the judging, manipulation, control, and so many meetings and expectations to be heavily involved in programs, outreach and serving.

But just like other forms of abuse, we need to address it! Gone are the days when we brush this abuse under the carpet. We must talk about it!

Best advice I ever got was “head for the hills and don’t look back.”

There are other options. There are safe Christian groups and people to interact with who hold the Christian faith dear to their hearts without all the soul destroying practices of these cults. And there is also the option of having a break from the whole church scene altogether. Getting to know God for oneself without a mediator is very freeing. Remember it’s your life. Make choices that bring peace, joy and happiness.

I encourage the essence of the true Christian faith, and the values which Jesus Christ demonstrated when he came to earth. He mixed with the lowly, had compassion on the poor, had meals with some interesting people- but most of all He loved.

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If The Truth Fits

Proverbs 10:32
“The lips of the righteous know what finds favor, but the mouth of the wicked only what is perverse.”

The phenomenon of spiritual abuse is very complex. It often includes more than just the leader or leaders who are the spearhead of the attack. Many times, there are abusers who are simply on staff or in the congregation of a broken church group. This makes the impact of the abuse even more damaging because so many people are involved, usually people who are supposed to be trustworthy to the targeted individual.

Spiritual abusers and their enablers will do whatever they can to justify their wicked actions. Just as domestic and child abusers will always have their supporters, so do abusive church leaders. Very often the abusive leader or his minions will seek to destroy the credibility of their target by spreading gossip, lies, and other false information.

The enablers, or yes-men, of an abusive leader will do whatever they can to destroy an abused person or family. Sometimes they will put out just enough dubious information to lead others to make false conclusions. That fictitious info then gets passed on as fact by those folks, and more gossip and slander drivels on to those even less in the know. This can be particularly devastating in a small town where everyone is either related to, married to, or grew up with everyone else.

When a group is especially well-practiced at the spiritual abuse game it takes place in a very slick, almost second nature way. Before long the abusive situation takes on a life of its own and the targeted person or family ends up being relentlessly abused by simply residing in the town they are in. The target or family can end up facing a cascade of fallout from the abuse in the forms of financial, social, emotional, and verbal abuse in addition to the spiritual abuse that comes from twisted and misapplied Scripture.

The most important point to grasp on to as a spiritual abuse survivor is voiced here in Proverbs 10:32. The gossip and slander that the abusive leaders and their supporters employ is recognized by God for what it is: wicked. Just because someone says something evil about you does not make it true. Leaving those possessing an abusive, broken spirit to God to deal with is never an easy task. But it is the only thing that will set the abused soul free from the control of those who are verbally and emotionally abusive to God’s sheep.

Find peace today in the promise that God knows what wicked men and women do to His flock, and He will hold them accountable for their evil when His time is right. Remember too, just because someone says something slanderous about you does not make it true. In fact, the evil they spew about you says volumes more about them than it does to you, especially to those with true Biblical discernment. Don’t buy into what evil men and women say just because they are good at being evil. God knows the truth, as do those who know and love you. Let that be enough.

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Amish Revisited/Did He really say that?

Recently, I watched a three hour episode about the folks who broke Amish were now returning to their roots in Punxsutawney, PA.

Mary, the mother had her fling in New York, even shed her Amish garb and bonnet for a day, but alas the “English” life is not for her. She’s going back to try to repair the damage she did by leaving. If you are Amish and you make the decision to leave, you will be shunned when you try to come back. During this episode, they are focusing on a particularly harsh reality of the Amish (as well as other cult type religions) – if you give up the rules – you will not associate with them under any circumstance. Her dad died and she is not allowed to attend the funeral. Now mind you, she has re-assumed all of the outer garb, looks the part, and is trying to get back into their good graces but no, she is not allowed in.

She is going to visit the leader and give him a piece of her mind about not letting her in to her father’s funeral. Their confrontation goes like this: The leader says, “What are you doing here with cameras and all that worldly stuff? You are shunned; you are not allowed to be around other Amish.” Mary replies, “My Amish mother wanted me to sit beside her and then you come in acting all big and not letting me sit beside my own mother.” Then he says, “The HOLY SPIRIT was telling me to make you leave.” She argues about wanting to pay her last respects to which he replies, “A woman should never come here and talk to a man like you are doing. A woman is supposed to be with her husband.” Mary says her piece, “I want you to know that what you did was a lot worse than anything I ever did!” Determined to get the last word in (brace yourself) he tells her, “You better watch out or a lot of bad stuff will start happening to you if you don’t start behaving, GET OFF MY PROPERTY!”

Sound familiar? Try to leave the group, or speak out, and the threats start to fly. But the thing that really stuck out to me is the unbiblical use of the Holy Spirit that these Bible based cults use. They assign all types of activities to the Holy Spirit that I’m certain He would have no part in and are not in keeping with His nature. Would the Holy Spirit tell him not to allow her into her father’s funeral? Jesus called the Holy Spirit the “Comforter,” one who comes along side us, our helper. The chief fruit of the Holy Spirit is love, with the out flow of love being peace, joy, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, kindness, and self-control. Love is not rude or arrogant; it keeps no record of wrongs.

Another sad and noteworthy statement of this revisiting is made by Mary’s daughter in law, Rebecca. She states, “Amish, I’ll always be Amish on the inside.” No matter how many of the outward trappings of Amish life she leaves behind, she always reverts back to Amish standards when challenged by someone else’s willingness to go beyond her level of freedom. This is indeed the sad fact of many whose minds are trapped by legalistic standards as a way of proving their worth. These standards become the essence of their salvation, never mind a crucified Christ. They never really make it to that place of freedom they are so desperately seeking but live tortured lives of being half in the old life and half out.

Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you. Galatians 5:1 MSG

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