Category: recovery | Page 17 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

A Morning With God…They Are New Every Day

I have trouble sleeping and I’m often awake at 4:30-5:00am. If I’m awaken because of pain caused by the Parkinson’s I need to try and get moving because my muscles are all stiff. So I crawl out of bed and limp around getting a cup of coffee, grabbing my Bible and out to the deck I go.
If it’s too dark to read I just sit and talk to God, listening to the sounds of night turning to day. I like to check my emails and look on Facebook and I told God that I was so tired of all the political mess and terrorist attacks and threats that constantly appear on Facebook. It was all so horrible and why couldn’t we live in peace.

That’s when I thought of part of a scripture which was just a phrase….. “They are new every morning”……what is new each morning God? I had to do a little searching to find it in Lamentations and I never read that book of the Bible because….it is so sad and depressing. So I found it and yes it is sad and depressing because of what they were going through (I ended up reading the whole book) and I saw what God wanted me to see.

Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I hope in Him!” The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, To the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should hope and wait quietly For the salvation of the LORD.
‭‭Lamentations‬ ‭3:22-26.

According to my Bible translation Lamentations is described as a funeral dirge of the fallen city Jerusalem when the Babylonians invaded the city and reduced it to rubble and barrenness. There is a shortage of food and people are dying of starvation and even the mothers are eating their offspring.

In the days of her affliction and roaming, Jerusalem remembers all her pleasant things that she had in the days of old. (V 1:7)

They had no hope for a future and they were caught up in the past. Not wanting to let go of how it was and definitely not wanting to look ahead to a future. So they mourned the loss of all those years….and cried over an uncertain future. Jeremiah goes on and on with his Lamentations until suddenly he remembers the Lord’s mercies and His compassions that fail not and they are new every morning and great is God’s faithfulness!

For the Lord will not cast off forever. Though he causes grief, yet He will show compassion According to the multitude of His mercies. (v 3:31-32)

I’ve often grieved over this great nation we live in and how terror reigns almost on every corner and it seems that Satan himself has invaded our cities with his lies and evil destruction and has completely destroyed our faith in God and mankind. We feel hopeless. Especially the ones who have been damaged by unhealthy churches and we wonder is it safe to trust in God again? Do we move on or stay in the past where we know our hurts and can take comfort in the days of old.

This morning spent with God, he showed me how life continues to go on…my moonflower was still bloomed out, the simple enjoyment of a branch from a spider plant, the ducks came quacking for food and a beautiful sunrise.

Nature is still set in motion…life still goes on and we still need to put our trust and hope in Him. His mercies and compassions are new every morning!

Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I hope in Him!” The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, To the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should hope and wait quietly For the salvation of the LORD. ‭‭Lamentations‬ ‭3:22-26.

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On The Other Side

On the other side
The sun will shine
On the other side
Everything is fine
On the other side
We’ll learn to be content
I know where the grass is green
We’ll step ashore and the air is clean
So weep no more
Leave your troubles far behind
On the other side (The Seekers)

While being on the ‘other side’ of an unhealthy church experience won’t mean everything will be OK with total contentment and no crying or trouble, one can truly get to a much better place than was experienced.

On the ‘other side’ of all the yucky parts of dealing with the negative aspects of our experiences, there is a good place. There can be a happy ending to your story. And you know what, you’ll appreciate it to a greater degree than others. Why? Because you’ve experienced the ‘wrong side’ of religion. And when you’ve experience the ‘wrong side’ of religion, you thoroughly love and appreciate the ‘other side.’

You’ve heard certain teachings over and over and over and not much of any meat. You’ve experienced the image of an uncaring God, just ready to bust you over the head should you dare step out of line. You’ve experienced a minister who does not have the heart of a servant. You’ve experienced a works related salvation. You’ve experienced a place where the love is most often dependent upon you keeping the rules. You experienced a time where your initial joy at coming to know the Lord was slowly squeezed from your being, to where you may have even become a judgmental person.

BUT…on the ‘other side’, you can experience the REAL thing. God loves you simply because he loves you. You can’t do a thing to make him love you any more or any less….but you may find your love for him growing as you break free from the faulty teachings and untrue image of God. You’ll find there is no whip or baseball bat in his hand, ready to pound you at the least infraction of a rule. He is a patient, long suffering God. You may find that the Bible will open to you anew—-and you will look forward to reading it because of all that God is revealing to you. You read it before but missed so many wonderful truths because it was twisted and used to manipulate you. You might develop and use your gifts and talents so you may help others; many had them squashed in their former churches. It’s kind of like being a kid all over again and getting to go to that place you just couldn’t wait to get to!

Will things like these happen right away? I wish I could say that they would. It takes time and patience while you work through all the issues involved in leaving an unhealthy church. It may be difficult at first to not view God as a harsh taskmaster or to be able to read the Bible without past sermons screaming in your mind. As you discover who you are in Christ and learn of God’s grace and start to experience it, things will change. It is a much better place than the one you left. It isn’t a place of striving to obtain favor with God, it is one of knowing you already are accepted by him. It isn’t a place of trying hard to measure up, but one of resting in the completed work of Jesus Christ. It isn’t a place of being shamed, humiliated or degraded, but a place of love, joy and peace.

Our prayer is that all who have been subjected to spiritual abuse and unhealthy churches will come to a place of healing and be able to break free from the tangled mess of deception and lies of their former churches.

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The Shattering II Giveaway

Sexual abuse is something which should never happen. To be assaulted or raped often devastates the person; they are violated in a most personal manner. When the perpetrator is a minister, it can have a profound effect spiritually. That also holds true when a church member assaults another member and the church tells the individual to keep quiet and allow leadership to handle it. The reputation of the church is more important than them. Many have watched as the priest/minister was allowed to retain their position as if nothing happened.

In all the years I have operated the spiritual abuse website, I have seen how difficult it is for people to open up and share. It is often the deepest, darkest secret they keep, buried under great pain, sorrow, hurt and tears. Some tried to share in the past and were disbelieved, even by parents and siblings. Others were threatened should they dare to speak. Some were falsely accused of doing something which caused their abuse.

While some try hard to bury what happened to them, it still lurks in the shadows. The past comes back to mind as things happen which trigger the memories and emotions. This happened with a dear friend of mine from my former United Pentecostal Church.

Julie liked it that way. After all, what would it benefit to go back to the past? Didn’t everyone just say forget about the past, get a life, or just plain get over it. Even Christians seemed to have the cliche of saying “That’s all under the blood.” It seemed that we were to just let it all go. But how do we do this? Julie wondered.

Julie tried hard and she had done a good job of it, too, of shoving it so far down within her, to a place where she thought it wouldn’t bother her anymore. If it would have just worked and stayed there it would have been fine. But it didn’t.

The past always resurfaced. And when it did, it would catch Julie so off-guard, that she could never be sure of how to handle it.

Julie began to ponder within her heart and search her Bible to try to understand more of how God would want her to deal with the past, a past that always seemed to rise up and haunt her- now even more so, with the recurring dreams that she continued to have.

…Julie continued to have the recurring dreams. Each dream that she had would only stir up all of the issues of her past and bring them soaring to the present. …The door part way open. …The villain in the house. She would awake full of terror, often unable to go back to sleep.

I’ve known Marty Barth for years, but never knew that her father had molested her as a child. That is until I heard about her first book, The Shattering, where she begins her story. I never knew the deep pain and hurt she held inside. She has chosen to openly share about her past in an effort to help others who have been harmed sexually. She now speaks at various functions across America and visits those in prison. Marty is a sweet, loving woman and though we have not seen each other since the year I made the decision to leave the United Pentecostal Church, I am glad to call her friend.

In the sequel to her first book, The Shattering II: Breaking the Silence shares some of the more recent events in Marty’s life, including finally opening up to her brothers and sharing what happened, her father becoming ill and her bold confrontation with him as he was dying. Her story shares how she fought to begin healing the deep wounds from her past. While her story has many sad and heartbreaking aspects, it is also one of hope and encouragement.

We have given away books for years as part of the spiritualabuse.org ministry. This is your chance to receive a new copy of The Shattering II: Breaking the Silence. You need not have read the first as this book stands by itself. We have two copies of this to give away. This is only open to those with a USA mailing address. (Unfortunately, it is cost prohibitive to mail books outside of the USA. Canadians with a USA mailing address are welcome to enter.)

This giveaway is a different from our large giveaways as it is a drawing and not a first come, first served event. To enter, just leave a comment on this post to show you wish to be included. The drawing will close on August 2 at 9pm (eastern time), after which I will draw two winners. You will then need to email me your mailing address if I do not already have it. There is absolutely no cost to enter.

Don’t be alarmed if your comment does not immediately show as comments require approval when you are commenting for the first time.

We always provide these at no charge to our readers. We want people to be helped and to heal. So far this year we have spent several hundred dollars on providing material free of charge to our readers.

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Fears after Leaving

After leaving, there may be a time period of trying to find some balance, a time when a person might go to opposite extremes with a sort of pendulum effect. Different people seek different kinds of balance. Some may go to extremes with their looks or actions. For me, I think the majority of my pendulum time has been spent learning to set boundaries and say no.

I learned a lot during this time from just being free to do these things. I was amazed when I discovered I wasn’t shunned for saying no, setting boundaries, or even leaving situations that made me uncomfortable, even if my friends stayed in those situations. I was even more amazed that these people remained friends. Yes, a few people ended their friendships with me, but many others were true friends and encouraged me and were there for me through this time. Just being able to set my own boundaries and make my own decisions was helpful and healing, but knowing that I was accepted as I did these, even when I was more extreme, was even more so.

I’ve known people who didn’t seem to understand why I might need to do this. Maybe they didn’t share my experience of feeling I had to stay in an unhealthy church, had to support them or do things for them, keep participating in their activities, or had to remain silent and accept what I saw as harmful or frightening. It’s taken nearly eight years to regain some of the balance of being able to say “no,” to set boundaries, and even to leave a situation when I want… and it still takes a whole lot of self-talk sometimes to do them, especially without feeling guilty or embarrassed. But I’m learning.

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How to love LGBT people: a letter to the church {for the Huffington Post}

Editorial Note: The following is reprinted with permission from Eleanor Skelton’s blog. It was originally published on July 20, 2017.

This post is not intended for debate about LGBT issues, but just to tell my story.

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So I’ve been a Huffington Post contributor for a little over a year now, but today I’d like to share something I’m posting there with my regular blog readers.

This is a journey that I’ve been on for several months now. Here’s my heart, friends. I love you all.

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“But how should we respond?”

Someone asked this in my church’s home group, the week after the Pulse shooting in Orlando.

“My friends in that community are grieving right now, so how do I show support for them even if I don’t agree with their choices?”

The room was full of young families. They had known me for almost a year as the nerdy, awkward girl who moved back here from Colorado.

They didn’t know that I was hanging on their every word because I have dated girls.

In fact, I was currently on several dating apps asking out… girls.

I chose this church and this town, moving back to my childhood home, even though I knew they weren’t affirming, because I loved this place and these people and they didn’t seem like the sort to make a big deal about these things.

But now I looked down at my Bible, barely breathing.

This was the test.

Yesterday I was on the Huffington Post talking about one of the bravest things I’ve ever done. Won’t you join me there?

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