Eating the Forbidden Fruit of Truth Part 1

A recently published article by the Washington Post brought to my remembrance the refusal of my former church to properly address the criminal actions of the founder. Indeed, the last thing any church wants to believe is that those in leadership were actually guilty of the act they were accused of doing.

In my former church, a concerted effort went forward to proclaim the founder’s innocence, and to discredit anyone who tried to refute the narrative. After the founder was convicted, the leadership continued pushing the narrative he was falsely accused and thus wrongly convicted. Those who spoke against this were disfellowshipped and expelled. To my shame, as a minister I supported the church in this effort for almost a decade. I didn’t want to believe the “man of God” was even capable of committing such awful things. I didn’t want to even consider he was guilty of molesting children.

The founder died in prison. Less than a year after his death, a couple who left the church launched a website exposing the ugly truth of the founder’s activities and other practices the ministry did to keep everyone in the dark and under the leadership’s control. The new general pastor was livid. He put out a directive to everyone in the congregations that reading the website could lead to expulsion. It was, in the pastor’s eyes, tantamount to consorting with the enemy.

When this was announced, I was stationed aboard a ship where no other members were assigned. I had almost unfettered access to the computers at work, and I began to sample the forbidden fruit of truth.

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No Longer A Victim!

A close friend of mine was a victim of an armed robbery in a store she managed and was brutally beaten and left for dead. She survived the physical injuries but was kept a victim in her mind and developed many fears, anxieties, and PTSD. It took her many years to recover mentally and emotionally but she recovered because she refused to keep thinking like she was a victim.

She even managed to open a bridal store and ran the business for 5 or 6 years until she had to sell it to take care of her mother who had cancer. She is a survivor and a strong one.

Not only did she survive something so tragic as the robbery, she is also a spiritual abuse survivor. She came out of the United Pentecostal Church and is now a pastor of a Methodist church, director of a Women’s Center and State Rep for Celebrate Recovery. She is one busy woman.

This is her story of recovery from victim to victor!

Acting like you’re always a victim and complaining about the hurts that were done to you fuels your sense of victimization. Believing you’re a victim, makes it seem like you have no power over the direction of your life, and it will keep you stuck in the same grip of fear until you take control of your situation.

I suffered terrible trauma in my life and found the courage to turn it all around. When I remembered I had access to far more power, authority, and influence over my life than I ever believed. I stopped hiding, complaining, and refusing to see myself as a hapless victim, I found that I was more powerful than I realized, but only when I chose to accept this reality and I moved on.

It wasn’t easy but I had to stop blaming God and start believing in Him again. I had to find my faith, trust and strength in Him. He was the lover of my soul, my redeemer, my peace and only He could restore my life. He gave me a new outlook and a purpose.

I left the legalistic church and found freedom and healing through Celebrate Recovery and getting involved in another group of believers where there was no judgement and I could seek the solace that I needed. It took me a few years but I’m totally changed from the “victim” I thought I was, to the victor I am today.

Yes I still have triggers but I work through them and I have boundaries set up but I know if God can do this for me, he can do it for anybody if you are willing to try.

That’s her testimony and I wanted to share it because she has greatly helped me too. My friend is a wonderful and positive person to hang out with. I pray this will help you as much as it did me.

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Can a Pastor Offer Destructive Advice?

In my years of being in abusive churches, I was led to trust the input and advice of the “Man of God.” Any major life decision – be it college, getting married, or professional – we were to go to the pastor for counsel.

I spent most of my military career in Norfolk, Virginia. Norfolk was and still is a major Navy town, brimming with active duty and veterans. On several occasions when I was up for transfer orders, I did what any faithful member would do. I went to the pastor for counsel and direction. At this particular time, I had 11 years in the Navy and a chief at my command suggested I apply for a commissioning program. The pastor had a different recommendation: NO.

Why? He felt at that time if I pursued a commission that I would be more involved with command duties and less time with “the ministry.” Eventually he eased up his position on members joining the officer ranks, but I wonder if it was because officers could stay in the military longer plus make more money. This came too late for me, though.

I took the pastor’s advice over that of the chief. End result: I retired from the Navy after 20 years, but my advancement in rank stalled at E-6. While I am proud of my service, I can’t help but wonder if my career would have gone further had I listened to the chief.

The lesson I learned from this was that pastors may mean well, but they aren’t the subject matter experts in every aspect of a person’s life. This left me wondering what might have been professionally.

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Unbelieving Believers

Only Jesus can satisfy your soul
And only He can change your heart
And make you whole;
He’ll give you peace you never knew
Sweet love and joy and Heaven too,
For only Jesus can satisfy your soul.”
(Lanny Wolfe)

I woke up to this song in my heart this morning….don’t ask me why…. I haven’t heard or sung it in years…..but I sat up in bed belting out the chorus like I was an accomplished singer. Which I am not!

But it’s been stuck in my head and I can’t keep from singing it. I’m sure (hopefully) this has happened to many of you too. So I stopped questioning the reason and started enjoying the message of the song.

Many of us have gone through awful and wicked abuse in our lives and going to church to find Jesus seemed the most natural thing to do. Problem is there are so many legalistic churches that we found ourselves trapped in a works-based religion that gave us very little joy and no satisfaction for our soul. So we left, bandaging our wounds and limping out of a building never to return.

Our hearts have been broken into so many pieces and our souls crushed and our emotions and feelings have been hardened and now we are numb. We feel anger against God and the church we left and let’s face it, we are just so angry.

Even with all the baggage we are carrying, our hearts and souls still long for Jesus. We still want that joy of the Lord and His freedom and His grace and mercy. Because we never found it in the legalistic churches, we are having trouble believing that it is even true.

Then God wakes you up with a song in your heart…..

“Only Jesus can satisfy your soul
And only He can change your heart
And make you whole;
He’ll give you peace you never knew
Sweet love and joy and Heaven too,
For only Jesus can satisfy your soul.”

I know when I left the United Pentecostal Church I was leaving a lifetime of teaching and spiritual works but I had become an Unbelieving Believer. I was lost in the wilderness with a hardened heart and an unbelieving spirit. And just like the Israelites, I wandered about in rebellion with a hardened soul so I couldn’t be hurt again. I guarded myself against God, His Word, church and people. I literally let the enemy of my soul encase my heart in ice so I couldn’t feel the pain….but I also couldn’t feel anything else but anger.

In a devotion I read a few days ago, Joyce Meyers mentioned, “The problem with being an Unbelieving Believer is you shut the door on God and what He has planned for your future” and dwell on things that has happened to you….the shame, hateful words, false accusations, and of course the shunning.

I’m seven years into my recovery now and the first thing God was able to get through to me was that to receive anything from Him, I needed to believe. As God melted the ice around my heart and let me know it was okay to believe in Him again. I chose to start believing little by little and not mix in doubt and unbelief.

Realizing that Jesus wanted to restore my heart, soul, and emotions I was going to have to let Him into those areas of my life again. I was going to have to change my ways and become like David and pursue God and ask him to change me and to give me the same kind of heart that He has.

I have come to realize that Jesus truly satisfies that longing in my heart and it comes from knowing God more intimately today than I did yesterday. I have become a Believing Believer again.

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How to spot Pastor/Leader Worship

Intriguingly, not a single person in the Bible was named Pastor, yet it was named in the 5-fold ministry and appears to be a spiritual gift, something that was enacted for the perfecting of God’s people. A position of leadership, to point towards the Christ and to inspire others toward Christ.

Yet, history and experience have also taught that pastors can become idolized, creating movements that follow the man and not the Christ. When the man fails, the movement fails. And when a human reveres another human, they are ripe to be taken advantage of by that human.

My inspiration for this writing is two-fold. First is that I left (after 15 years) what is a bonafide cult – a split off church from the Oneness Pentecostal church (United Pentecostal Church) that went independent and fanatical. In this cult, the pastor was everything, overriding any leading of the Spirit an individual may have. Secondly, I recently finished watching the Netflix documentary Wild Wild Country.

First Things First

This is not to bash and bang on pastors. Only God knows the burden and labor someone who takes that office is placed under. If you believe in spiritual warfare, I would argue 75% of that warfare is aimed at spiritual leaders. They must take seriously their position of leading people to Christ, and simultaneously remember they are simply followers themselves. I think the latter part is the hardest.

In the documentary about Baghwan Rajneesh, a Hindu guru that amassed a great following and eventually created a 70,000 acre compound in Antelope, OR, (191 miles from where I live) it becomes evident immediately that this man is being worshiped. Every person hangs on his every word and to simply be in his presence evoked great emotions.

I can recall three times in the 15 years of my time in my cult that I was able to sit next to the pastor, and I would have given my right arm for each experience. I felt special to be that close to the man. His admiration and approval meant everything to me in the years that I was really bought into the lies. At a group function (one time) I sat next to my pastor and I probably gushed with arrogant pride that it was me and not someone else.

Worshiping Leadership

The first way to spot Pastor Worship is seeing someone completely enamored and devoted to the person. They hang on their every word. If the pastor stands up, they stand up. If the pastor wears blue, they wear blue.

One way I spotted it in my cult was noticing people dressed and reflected the pastor. The way the young men in the church talked sounded like the pastor. Their facial expressions mimicked the pastor. The phrases and speech style of the pastor was mimicked in the young men. This was the same for the young women who would mimic the pastor’s wife.

There certainly is nothing wrong with admiring a person for their labor in the church, but when you begin cloning the person, you have idolized them and they have absolute control over you.

These people will often repeat phrases the pastor has shrouded in his messages like, ‘This man has given his life for me!’ or ‘He has given everything to this church, the least we can do is give him our everything…’ (Please note that one man giving his wealth, to having 100, 200, 1000 or more people return their wealth is a pretty good ROI!)

This also ends with followers becoming militant in their defense of the pastor or leader. In the Rajneesh cult, they literally took up weapons. In my cult, I heard men say, while pumping their fist in the air or punching one palm with the other fist, ‘Don’t you come against my man of God or you’ll get the five folded ministry.’

The Pastor Overrides God

One of the most striking examples of this came when I felt the Lord lead me into some type of ministry. At the time I felt God called me to take the Gospel to a third-world country. We always think of that as an evangelist or preacher.

After three or four days of turmoil, I went to the pastor and told him about it. His response was a little shocking to me now – but then I accepted it as right. The pastor said,

“If that was God leading you, he would have confirmed it in me, and he hasn’t.”

Another example of this is a man I know who felt it was right to take his family to another town and another church. Instead of the pastor asking, “Is this what you think the Lord wants you to do, and if so, then listen to Him.” the pastor said, “I don’t think this is the right move and if you move without my blessings, you’ll do it without God’s blessings too.”

That family is basically exiled from the church because they moved without the pastors blessing.

The Bible tells Christians to be led by the Spirit, not by a man. Jesus said, “If you love me, keep my commandments.” Not the pastor’s commandments. That isn’t to say we shouldn’t seek counsel from our pastor, and listen, but if he (pastor) thinks he is wiser and overrides the Spirit, he is out of his place.

No Demand Seems Too High, No Crime is Too Much

Outsiders, often family, will say things like, “Why do you let them control you like that?” and the most common response is, “They don’t control me! I want to do this.”

People who idolize their pastor never feel like the demands are too high. No amount of time, money, energy or sacrifice is enough to pay back all that the pastor has put in to the church. And they normally remind you of this, roundabouts time to preach about tithing.

Furthermore, people who idolize their pastor look right over the top of controversy and criminal behavior and call it ‘persecution of the devil.’ A classic example is my old pastor, who was found guilty of violating child labor laws and was subsequently sued for defaming a former member and settled for nearly $1,000,000 to shut up the former member with a gag order. To the people still in the church, it was ‘made up charges’ and ‘worldly persecution.’

Conclusion

This is the reality of pastor worship. If you are a pastor and reading this, please know that I am not coming against you – just those who abuse the position.

1 Peter 2:9 tells us that we are a peculiar people belonging to God. Jesus said that the gates of hell would not prevail against HIS church. Jesus prayed to the father and called us HIS sheep.

We do not belong to a pastor – we follow a pastor if he is walking and leading us to Christ. Paul said, “Imitate me as I imitate Christ.” 1 Corinthians 11:1. This leaves the door open that if Paul stops imitating Christ, they (disciples) were to stop imitating Paul.

If you see someone idolizing their pastor, share this article with them. We need a revolution of people willing to follow Christ and not the man with the shiniest suit, the finest car, the best programs, the trophy wife…Jesus commanded Peter, ‘Feed my sheep,’ not ‘Fleece my sheep.’

Please view my original content at https://www.dividetheword.blog

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