Category: Pentecostal | Page 2 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

When the church betrays us, pt 3

I spent seven years in the first Pentecostal church I was in. The first was great. And then I went home for the summer. I didn’t like the Pentecostal churches in my parents’ area, but they were better than my parents’ church. Besides, I was committed and they believed closer to what I did, which was exactly the reason my Mom gave for us staying in a church I disliked and was alone at growing up. She didn’t argue, though she and Dad did argue about plenty.

After 18 years of church that taught nothing but the basic stories, my parents joined wholeheartedly in arguments about why I shouldn’t attend a Pentecostal church. They tried to force me to wear pants or shorts, which were against the rules for women at my new church. I had dreams that Mom would sneak in and cut my hair or insist that it be cut. She’d done that when I was younger. Their pressure made me more determined to stay Pentecostal. It gave me not one reason to leave.

I went to camp that summer excited that I would be seeing everyone from my church again, and found them totally disinterested in me. They were there to relax, shop, play, and to see their friends from other churches. And so for the first time since beginning to attend, I felt once more left out. I doubt I would have thought quite so much of it except that the pastor spent a lot of time with one young woman who was a newlywed. It was her first week apart from him, and he was very concerned about her well-being, having been separated from her new husband for a few days. I stood there watching, wondering “seriously? I’m away from my new church family for two months and no one cares, but she’s away from her husband for three days and you’re very concerned?” It was the first indication that something wasn’t right. It wouldn’t be the last.

I went back to college that fall and back to church. The first service I realized just how much had happened since I left. I felt like I was starting all over again. I wasn’t a part of them, and I wasn’t a new convert either. So this time no one cared. I looked forward to the day I’d graduate and be in one place. Three years later when I did, I moved to an apartment in town. And realized nothing had changed. I was still considered a youth. I wasn’t included in the women’s outings because I was younger than them and unmarried, but I didn’t relate to the high school youth group. After three more years of that and of struggling to make ends meet on a low paying job, I finally left, moving to a larger city, a different (hopefully better) job, and a church the pastor repeatedly invited me to join.

Things changed, but they didn’t.

When the church betrays us, pt 7
When the church betrays us, pt 6
When the church betrays us, pt 5
When the church betrays us, pt 4
When the church betrays us, pt 3
When the church betrays us, pt 2
When the church betrays us, pt 1

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When church betrays, pt 2

As I grew up, I became more and more hopeful that I could go somewhere else to church. Friends would invite me to their youth meetings occasionally. I begged Mom to let me go more often, or to change churches completely, but I wasn’t allowed. I started riding my bike in the evenings, straight to various churches within riding distance. I’d ride around and around their parking lots if there were cars, hoping someone would invite me in. If I was invited, I reasoned, I could call home and Mom would surely say it was OK to stay. I would have been invited, after all. But no one ever invited me.

When I started driving I said with relief “Now I’ll be able to drive to a different church!” Mom responded with clenched teeth that we were committed to going where we were, and we would keep going, as a family. And so I did all I could: I started watching Christian TV and listening to Christian music and imagining that I would fit better with the people who liked those things, imagining a place of belonging for myself. The shows and the music tended to be more Charismatic, and since I’d never been taught how to study the Bible, I swallowed all of it in starving gulps.

And so I looked forward to college, when I’d finally be able to go to a church with people my age, where people actually wanted to go to church, where maybe I’d learn something beyond the Bible stories. Since my parents insisted on a limited selection of colleges for me to seriously consider I ended up in a small town with only a Catholic, Methodist, Disciples, Baptist, and Pentecostal church. I wasn’t interested in Catholic or Methodist, the Disciples church was much like my parents’, and I didn’t know much about Baptist. I ran straight to the Pentecostal church and within a month had embraced it all wholeheartedly.

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Church attendance, music, and worship

Tonight I read an article about the way churches manipulate music and atmosphere so that people achieve feelings of well-being and peace. It’s not the first time I’ve read something like this, though most of the articles I’ve read focus on Charismatic or Pentecostal experiences. This one didn’t. And being written by a musician, it went into more detail about the way the music manipulates emotion… and not just music in certain churches but music in general.

I think this sort of thing is why I still have trouble with prayer, Christian music, and church, in part. I see this sort of thing — manipulation of atmosphere, music, volume, tone — I want to join in slipping into that ‘state’… and pull back. What I always thought of as ‘feeling God’ has become a dangerous thing to me. When I’m in that state, I’m highly suggestible. It’s easy to believe anything I’m told. I want to believe, and because I feel a certain way I think I should believe whatever is being told. The feeling makes me feel special, and I want to think that everything is right about where I am.

And yet… and yet it isn’t. Not for me, not any more. For me that state, that feeling that church is safe and that God is near (in a Pentecostal church way, not in a “God is omnipresent” way) and that I’m special isn’t right and isn’t safe. Part of me wants to slip back into that place in what must be the same way that an addict wants to go back to their drug of choice. Another part of me wants to resist. It’s hard to resist, though, because to do that I shut down and block things out.

It’s hard for me to go to church. I’ve tried churches more or less like the one I left, fundamental churches, evangelical churches, and more liturgical churches. I’m frustrated. In many I feel the same feelings and see similar emotional or mental manipulation by way of music and atmosphere that I did in my former church. In others, I feel completely foreign because they are so very different than anything I’ve ever known.

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Odd thoughts on communion

It’s New Year’s Eve, the time of the traditional watch night service, or foot washing and communion in many Pentecostal circles. It was one of the biggest nights of the year for me for the nineteen years I was “in,” and it’s a night that still brings many memories even after eight years “out.”

My views on communion have changed a lot since leaving. Tonight, considering some of the scriptures, I realized some things:

1) Regarding 1 Cor 11, which was always held as somewhat of a threat against us, “unworthily” has nothing to do with “sin in your life.” It has to do with eating selfishly, without consideration of others around you. The whole passage is about some people eating and drinking excessively while others remained hungry during the Lord’s Supper. Paul wasn’t warning them about being unclean or harboring secret sins. He wasn’t telling them to go on a soul-searching three-day fast, repenting of everything imaginable or “cleaning house” (literally and figuratively) before the once a year event, but of remaining considerate of others, shaming the church and disgracing the poor (v 22). This actually coincides with the very first Passover, in which the people were commanded to share the lamb with neighbors if the lamb was too big for one household. (Ex 12:4)

2) There was always debate and some shaming about who could take communion. Communion at Pentecostal churches was “closed” — so much so that they didn’t even serve communion in a regular service, but in a special one after hours. Visitors and children shouldn’t take communion, it was thought, because they hadn’t been baptized. My parent’s church (not Pentecostal) had taught this, too. Yet even strangers and foreigners could celebrate Passover, and communion is the New Testament “version” of Passover. (There were laws regarding how they should prepare, but they could participate.) (Num 6:14).

3) At the first Passover, they were slaves. I’m not sure how they all found lambs a year old, but I do wonder if this meal must have been an absolute feast to them.

4) It still amazes me that breaking bread in the Bible was an invitation to fellowship. Jesus broke bread and shared it, and invited us all to remember him through that broken bread. He invites us all into fellowship, both with him and other believers.

And so, I no longer participate in watch night services. And I’ve learned some things since last attending one.

Happy new year to all of you. May you find peace and freedom in the coming year.

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Are you taught to keep the Law of Moses (Legalism)

I have been absent for some time in my writing trying to sort out the real motivations and purposes behind this blog. There is an internal conversation that asks, should I continue focusing on legalism, cult-style control within religious organizations? Or should I turn the focus towards grace, and love, and freedom in Christ?

Then events take place that remind me, grace, love, and freedom in Christ, comes from the awakening the understanding that the yoke of legalism is ugly, destructive, and anti-Christ, and my resolve is rekindled.

Thus, I want to ask you the dual questions; Are you taught (or are you teaching) to keep the law of Moses?

Legalism. It is the way of a theocracy or dictatorship. Undoubtedly, if we believe Scripture, we believe His method in the latter Old Testament was just this, a theocracy, a system of strict rule that consisted of a Law Giver (Moses), a Judge (priesthood) and Executioner (zealots). In modern day religious structures that use the Law to demand obedience to ordinances, these three, the Law Giver, The Judge and the Executioner is known as Pastor.

And yet the author of all of this, God, blotted out the written ordinances of the Law, it’s demands, requirements and judgements, with the fulfilling of Scripture, in Christ on the Cross.

Blotting out the handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us, and took it out of the way, nailing it to his cross; – Colossians 2:14, KJV

I thank God that some time ago, through study, prayer, seeking and sometimes, just silence, I was able to come to the realization that modern day men who yoke congregants with the demands of the Law of Moses are NOT fulfilling the Law of Christ, and thus, I wanted no part with them.

Consider this illustration and the following Scriptural backing;

Act 15:5 But there rose up certain of the sect of the Pharisees which believed, saying, That it was needful to circumcise them, and to command them to keep the law of Moses.

Act 15:10 Now therefore why tempt ye God, to put a yoke upon the neck of the disciples, which neither our fathers nor we were able to bear? Act 15:11 But we believe that through the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ we shall be saved, even as they.

Act 15:24 Forasmuch as we have heard, that certain which went out from us have troubled you with words, subverting your souls, saying, Ye must be circumcised, and keep the law: to whom we gave no such commandment:

Act 15:28 For it seemed good to the Holy Ghost, and to us, to lay upon you no greater burden than these necessary things; Act 15:29 That ye abstain from meats offered to idols, and from blood, and from things strangled, and from fornication: from which if ye keep yourselves, ye shall do well. Fare ye well.

The law was a very heavy burden, it was a yoke, and as described in Acts 15, it was something that not even the current Church elders (who were Jewish) and their fathers (all of Judaism under the law) could really and truly bear. Furthermore, it was fulfilled in the Law of Christ, His sacrifice was the final atonement of the Law.

Then the question was asked, ‘Why do you tempt (displease) God, to place requirements upon His believers?’

Jesus, much earlier, in Matthew 23, made a bold proclamation to his Apostles about how they would go forth in creating disciples, or more importantly, how not to, and it bears much weight in this conversation.

Mat 23:2 Saying, The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat:

Mat 23:4 For they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers.

Mat 23:6 And love the uppermost rooms at feasts, and the chief seats in the synagogues, Mat 23:7 And greetings in the markets, and to be called of men, Rabbi, Rabbi. Mat 23:8 But be not ye called Rabbi: for one is your Master, even Christ; and all ye are brethren. Mat 23:9 And call no man your father upon the earth: for one is your Father, which is in heaven. Mat 23:10 Neither be ye called masters: for one is your Master, even Christ.

It seems strange to me, then, that modern day pastors would crave the Seat of Moses (Law Giver, Judge of the Law and Executioner), which is Authority, absolute authority. It is no surprise, that when you crave such authority, the Law is your backdrop and story.

Granted, the experiences of which I speak are related to Oneness Pentecostal churches, or the United Pentecostal Church International. But as I share my story, and hear from many others, it is not privy just to that denomination. This takes place on a grand scale.

For instance, some of the laws of which I speak are quite contrary to Christ’s teaching, and yet they exist in many religious circles, such as;

The pastor dictates what clothes men and women can wear
The pastor dictates if men can have facial hair, or either sex can wear jewelry
The pastor controls who/if you can date or marry
The pastor controls if/when you can come to church

This is a very, very brief list, and it encompasses so many aspects of congregants lives, such as what music you are allowed to hear, whether or not you can attend plays, dances, watch television, or movies, etc.

None of these tend to be supported in Scripture, unless you purchase the idea that the Pastor is God’s delegated authority (Moses) on the earth, and in him/her [pastor] is vested the authority to bind their own commandments as doctrines of the Church.

The only problem is, Jesus condemned this openly;

Mar 7:7 Howbeit in vain do they worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men.

Often times, those religious dictators that would exercise authority and control over others, start with the backdrop of utilizing the Law of Moses as the vehicle of their control, but so often inject their own ideals, commandments and laws into the mix.

So what is the Law of Moses?

This is far too long a topic to address properly, but there is a very simple Scripture (it always does the best job!) that gives you the in a nutshell version;

Col 2:20 Wherefore if ye be dead with Christ from the rudiments of the world, why, as though living in the world, are ye subject to ordinances,
Col 2:21 (Touch not; taste not; handle not;
Col 2:22 Which all are to perish with the using;) after the commandments and doctrines of men?

Suffice it to say, that if you are being taught, or God forbid, you are teaching, that one must keep the rudiments, precepts, and ordinances of Old Testament Law, in order to obtain Grace, and to be Saved, it is anti-Christ.

Dress codes and standards, were Old Testament law. (Dresses only for women to be saved)

Tithing is old testament law. (Must give man 10%+ of all income to be saved)

Absolute authority in one human is old testament law. (Blind obedience to be saved)

Obedience to Christ is New Testament Law!

Gal 6:2 Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.

Mar 12:29 Jesus answered, “The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God is one Lord,
Mar 12:30 and you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’
Mar 12:31 The second is this: ‘You must love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.”

Thus, if ANYONE comes preaching any other Gospel (Law), let him be accursed! The only Gospel is Christ, and Him Crucified! The only Gospel is the Law (Love) of Christ and the redemption we have in Him, through the Cross.

Anyone that teaches ordinances and obedience (always obedience to the teacher of the law) in order to obtain Christ’s grace and mercy is a false teacher, and is harmful to your faith, your future, and yes, your family! I pray you go forth in the Law of Christ, and let no one steer you aside from His Commandments of Love.

1Jn 2:25 The message that the Son himself declared to us is eternal life.
1Jn 2:26 I have written to you about those who are trying to deceive you.
1Jn 2:27 The anointing you received from God abides in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you this. Instead, because God’s anointing teaches you about everything and is true and not a lie, abide in him, as he taught you to do.

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