Category: Oneness Pentecostal | Page 34

My Church Experience After Leaving Part 2

This is continued from Part 1.

Years later when I saw error in the main teachings of the United Pentecostal Church, so much time had passed in not attending a church that the thought of doing so brought about a bit of apprehension. I had no idea how other churches operated or what would be expected of me as a member or attender. All I’d known was the UPC. This is why church attendance was a problem for me during this time. This now brings us to the year 2000.

After I started the support group and was pondering a thought to move to Texas, I made a trip there in the fall of 2000 to feel things out. One of the members had shared about a church they found and enjoyed that wasn’t Pentecostal and wanted me to visit. I couldn’t guarantee that I’d be able to go and from our correspondence prior to my visit, they knew not to push. Not pushing helped, because if they had, I probably wouldn’t have gone.

When one has left an unhealthy church, it can be very triggering to attend services again. Some simply cannot do it. While churches closer to what one experienced may be the most triggering, a very different church could still cause triggers. I remember some people at a secular cult awareness gathering being triggered by the use of a podium in a session and we were not holding any type of religious service. Yet it reminded them of the prior churches they attended, with the pastor at the pulpit. Other people are able to jump right into another church and do not grapple with these same triggers. Each person will react in their own way, based upon their past experiences. One may be triggered by certain songs or their volume, another by the speaking style of ministers, some by the mention of certain Bible passages and others by the dress and appearance of those in attendance.

I had a mind battle about visiting the church. It wasn’t that there was no desire to go and I certainly wasn’t against church attendance. Then there was the issue of ‘proper’ attire. I no longer had all the dresses or shoes that I’d wear for services as I slowly changed my wardrobe through the years. I had to talk to myself a lot and I didn’t know for sure if I’d be going even the morning of the service. I fought lots of feelings, thoughts and emotions, even to the point of wondering if I’d pass out. It had been six years since I’d attended church and that was Oneness Pentecostal. This was a Friends church- Quaker. Huge difference even though theirs were not the ones where people sat in a circle.

Well, I made it. It was funny to me how the songs they sang were ones I knew. As the service progressed, I calmed down inside and was able to attend the following week without going through all of the prior angst.

When I moved to Texas in June 2001, I attended that same church periodically at first and then regularly until the end of February 2002. An incident happened where the main pastor proclaimed an author to be a prophet for our time and he was coming to speak for a few days at the church. This was being heavily promoted and the bulletin mentioned how the ministry at the church was impacted by this author. I had problems with some of his teachings and rejected the thought of him as a prophet. After prayer, counseling with a minister friend, and much thought, I made the decision to move on.

Though the people seemed nice, there was only one older gentleman, a visiting minister, who regularly spoke with me. Outside of the Sunday School class I was in, I didn’t have much interaction with anyone. (In the class, other than a group discussion, my talk was mainly with the teacher as I was usually the first to arrive.) It certainly was different from what I was used to where visitors and new people were made to feel at home and quickly developed friendships and spent time together. In retrospect, since I left, it’s best that no bonds were really made.

After that, I went through many months where I didn’t know if I’d be remaining or having to move due to my finances and later being let go from my job because they did away with the position. It wasn’t until the fall of 2002 that I knew I would be remaining. So though I would have liked to have had somewhere to go, I didn’t look too hard because of my situation.

I remained without a home church during the rest of my time in the state. It was a difficult issue for me, especially after feeling to leave both churches I had attended.

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My Church Experience After Leaving

This is a brief summary of the first seven years of my church experiences after leaving the United Pentecostal Church. Understand that for several years afterward, I still believed the main salvation teachings of the group.

When I left my former UPC church in late 1993, I’d already been introduced to a church in West Orange, NJ which had not long before voted to pull out of the organization. When I resigned from my church, I would attend as I was able (it was two hours away). There was only one other local UPC in my area. I knew my former pastor still had feelings against that UPC pastor and church. (Before I ever started attending, there had been a split in the church which eventually led to this other one starting in a nearby town.) Even though I would have been accepted at this local church, even in not upholding standards, I knew that to go would be upsetting to my former pastor. During the time I was a member, my pastor would periodically say negative things in sermons about that church, some of the people, and its pastor. This went on for years after the split had taken place. If it upset him to have to stand behind and pray for this man at his UPC ordination (he didn’t like that Wayne Trout, the District Superintendent, had him do this), it wouldn’t have helped the situation had I left our church and joined this one.

Several months after I left, the pastor was told by one of my friends that I’d written some findings on the hair teaching. He called pastors to warn them about me. This isn’t hearsay as I heard it directly from one of the pastors he called, which was the nearby church. I have no idea if he just called the churches in the southern part of the state or if it was more widespread. Because of his actions, other than this local church that had started after a split, there would be no way I could have attended any of the others. While I did meet with the pastor of the nearby church and even gave him a copy of my writings on hair, which he asked to keep, by that time I knew I couldn’t live what I considered a lie. I’d be welcomed there but could never be used other than in giving a testimony, helping clean or raise funds, or something similar. At the time, I knew I’d want to be active anywhere I attended and to do so would necessitate adhering to all the things that I no longer saw as biblical. I simply couldn’t do it.

All this time I was still attending the church two hours away when I could. As the weeks went on, there were others who became upset with things happening at my former church (that had to do with the pastor) and more left. We contacted the pastor from the West Orange church to see about starting a cell group locally as his church had several of these. I started attending more regularly there and some of us attended a class for this type of leadership. However, during this same time there were all kinds of things happening at my former church and they hit me very hard. I had many emotions and feelings I was dealing with, sometimes not very well.

I felt that while I was grappling with all that, I shouldn’t be in a leadership position. I was supposed to help with the cell group (they call them life groups) and another couple would lead them. To be in a leadership position in these home groups, you had to join the church as a member. I didn’t attend a membership explanation meeting and due to the the way the pastor approached me about missing it, it didn’t sit well and I was feeling pressured. He already knew how I was feeling and never shared prior to it that it was necessary for me to attend.

So they started the group and I didn’t join the church. The pastor didn’t attend our home meetings, but made the lessons for them. At the very first local cell gathering, there was something odd introduced there which I’d never heard before and questioned, though I didn’t do so at the meeting. All of the things combined led me to stop attending. Eventually, everyone from my former church who had gone there left for one reason or another.

As shared at the beginning, at the time I was still very much UPC in doctrine with the exception of standards. Because of this, every Trinitarian church was automatically put out of the picture, sight unseen. There were only a handful of UPC churches in the entire state, so for any smaller Oneness Pentecostal group, there were even fewer, if any at all. I called different places that others would share about and they just didn’t line up with the doctrine in one way or another. Eventually I just gave up looking.

Years later when I saw error in the main teachings, so much time had passed in not attending a church that the thought of doing so brought about a bit of apprehension. I had no idea how other churches operated or what would be expected of me as a member or attender. All I’d known was the UPC. This is why church attendance was a problem for me during this time.

When one exits an unhealthy church, it is important to take the time and effort to examine the teachings. Had I looked into the main salvation teachings then, I wouldn’t have been extremely limited in potential new places of worship.

Part 2.

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Early Interracial Oneness Pentecostalism Giveaway

We have given away books for years as part of the spiritualabuse.org ministry. This is your chance to receive a used copy of Early Interracial Oneness Pentecostalism by Talmadge L. French. It is mainly about G.T. Haywood and the Pentecostal Assemblies Of The World from 1901 to 1931. We have two copies of this to give away. This sells for more than $30 new and was taken from his thesis. Both copies have bent covers and damage to some outer page edges but the insides are good and have no markings. This is only open to those with a USA mailing address. (Unfortunately, it is cost prohibitive to mail books outside of the USA. Canadians with a USA mailing address are welcome to enter.)

This giveaway is a different from our large giveaways as it is a drawing and not a first come, first served event. To enter, just leave a comment on this post to show you wish to be included. The drawing will close on August 20 at 9pm (eastern time), after which I will draw two winners. You will then need to email me your mailing address if I do not already have it. There is absolutely no cost to enter.

Don’t be alarmed if your comment does not immediately show as comments require approval when you are commenting for the first time.

We always provide these at no charge to our readers. We want people to be helped and to heal. So far this year we have spent several hundred dollars on providing material free of charge to our readers.

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Lessons From The Sand…

It’s been eight years since I took a vacation and actually got on a plane and went somewhere for a whole week. I went to the beautiful state of Florida to visit my cousins who are living their dream, and encouraged me to start living mine.

Which made me think what is my dream? Do I have one? When I was a Pastors wife I dreamed of great revivals. When I was working I dreamed of promotions and raises. But now? I couldn’t think of a dream. Was I just surviving since I escaped from the cult? Or was I just existing since I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s and forced to retire? I used to have plans and dreams at one time. What happened to them? I’ve always loved the ocean and the beach and could find comfort for my mind and soul, therefore, I decided to use my week of vacation and ponder some things in my heart.

The ocean, the beach, the warm sand that I rubbed my feet through and finding shells seemed to have the power to bring calmness and peace, at least it used to. I could spend the day watching the waves or walk along the water’s edge feeling the touch of water and looking for shells could usually help center me back to myself and God. But the years struggling to spiritually survive had taken their toll and I needed to find that center again.

Where to start, I asked myself, while looking out over the blue ocean and spotting a pod of dolphins frolicking in the blue waters brought a smile to my face as I remembered part of a poem…

“My soul is full of longing for the secret of the sea and the heart of the great ocean sends a thrilling pulse through me.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The ocean is beautiful with its blue color and stretching to the horizon as far as I could see. There were birds flying over it and dipping down to catch a fish or two. The ocean changes constantly. It can have huge crashing waves one minute and slow swells the next depending on the weather, wind and temperature. It is impulsive and random in this way. The deep water hides both friend and foe and you never know what’s lurking below.

As a recovering Pentecostal I met people who I thought would be my friends forever, but they have disappeared into the deep of legalism and then I have met people who have become good friends, who have never faltered when the water was deep or shallow. The ocean is full of surprises, as is life, and the greatest lesson that the waves can teach me is no matter how bad my situation may seem, the waves will always keep crashing and life will always continue on.

We sing an old hymn in church and I was told it was penned during a sorrowful time in a man’s life, and it has always spoken to my soul:

“When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll
What ever my lot,
thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, It is well, with my soul.
It is well
With my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul
It is well (it is well)
With my soul (with my soul)
It is well, it is well with my soul.”

There’s nothing better to me than rubbing my bare feet in the sand and covering them up. But I do not like getting sand into my swimsuit or feeling the gritty particles as you rub on sunscreen. As a single grain of sand may not seem to amount to much, but when they are put together, they create something enjoyable. A whole beach.

It’s a place where you can gather with family and friends, burdened down with chairs and coolers and umbrellas until you find that right spot overlooking the ocean. A day spent at the beach brings laughter and artistic design building sand castles and fun as you dip into the surf and hunting for the perfect shell. Sand can teach us that we may be small, but together we can change our situation…..like spiritual abuse….and bring laughter and silliness back into our lives.

“Let my toes teach the shore
how to feel a tranquil life
through the wetness of sands

Let my heart latch the door
of blackness, as all my pain
now blue sky understands”
Munia Khan

There is a constant that comes along with the ocean, the beach, the sand and just as in life, with the storms, the winds and problems, it moves us, shapes us, supports us, and awakens us to new shores.

The words of Mark remind me that no matter how bad the storms get or how hard the winds blow….Jesus still cares and will speak to my raging storms: “Peace, be still!” And the wind will cease and there will be a great calm.” (Mark‬ ‭4:39‬ ‭NKJV‬‬)

Ultimately, Jesus teaches me to be like water myself….strong yet calm, steady yet yielding, subtle yet beautiful, and not to be fearful of the deep. (Source)

And that is my dream….to live again with my soul full of peace and my heart full of the love of God.

NOTE: Some of the thoughts and wording of this article are from 8 Lessons Beach Life Can Teach You by Julia Cohen.

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Getting Out the Old Books: Guardians of His Glory by Gary & Linda Reed

I always find it fascinating how the issue of control comes out in a supposed form of submission. This is evident in the uncut hair issue and I will demonstrate this with quotes from the booklet Guardians of His Glory by Linda and Gary Reed.

The booklet starts out talking about Lucifer and his fall to give a foundation for the rest of the booklet. After talking about Lucifer they write “In the same manner, a wandering star in the kingdom of God spirals out of control.” (pg 7) There is a lot of talk about wickedness, hell, deception. “Beauty queens will appear in this performance as nightmarish monsters….sinners and hypocrites will be tortured together…” (pg 10) This sets a foundation of fear.

Later, it talks about being a chosen generation and a royal priesthood. It talks about how we can “shine or irradiate others, as the glory and power of God’s electromagnetic radiation is refracted in our lives….let us leave illusion and self deception…then we will truly be refractors of His glory!” (pg 22).

As many of the books that we have looked at, a foundation of fear is set and then a way to escape the wrath of God…..if you follow the writer’s teaching.

Chapter three begins with talking about not being unequally yoked with unbelievers and the power of holiness. It talks about setting “boundaries on our flesh”. (pg 23) Here is where they begin to talk about a woman’s hair. “The woman’s authority from God is symbolized by her personal glory-her long uncut hair……the entire spectra of God’s glory on earth is clouded when women cut their hair….” (pg 25)

It would appear that they try to address some previous teachings (no name is mentioned but I think I know!) when they say “Some teach that we, human beings, have replaced these guardians of God’s glory of God in their homes. This is not substantiated by scripture….” (pg 26)

Here is where the issue of control begins to be addressed. “Women have always sought control. In centuries past they were subservient to men…through witchcraft they (pagan cultures) obtained control of kingdoms…they learned how to reverse God’s divine order….(pg 27)…they shaved their heads…abortion and infanticide were regularly practiced…women…have used sex to wield power over men…(pg 28)

Now pay attention here: “Women do not need the use of perversion to manipulate their surroundings. For God has given women a way to control their environment without sin. God put women in the middle for a reason…she has the unique ability to mediate and resolve problems. Yet many in-between women are not in control of their situations simply because they are ignorant of God’s endowment. When a woman submits to God’s precepts she will find a channel to glory…..He will make a way where there seems to be no way!” What??? So, if a woman desires to control and manipulate, she should not do it by sex or witchcraft but by not cutting her hair?? Amazing! Confounding!!

They go on about how women can have “power”! Power on her head because of the angels! The word power-exousia means “Force-Capacity-Competency-Freedom and Mastery” When a godly woman (read-woman who does not cut her hair!) is at her wits end, feels totally inadequate, needs protection and power and is threatened with bondage…when she faces Satan’s forces, she becomes a superwoman! “If women only knew what power they would possess by accepting God’s plan, they would readily accept it”! (pg 30) Astounding! If you feel out of control…here is a way you can have power and control! Don’t cut your hair! This issue is not about submission. It’s about power and control.

Then, the scary stories ensue about a girl who went insane when a father pushed a girl into the barber’s chair. “When he finished the girl literally went insane, as evil spirits took control of her youthful mind and body.” (pg 30)

“A woman’s uncut hair creates a channel of glory in which the angels are empowered to minister. Women especially need an escape valve. This channel is a spiritual hotline to glory. Wow!” (pg 30-31)

The booklet wraps up with more supposedly convincing arguments.

Do you see how this message could really be enticing to a woman who feels out of control in her life? All she has to do is stop cutting her hair and she will have power and control! This is really dangerous because instead of working towards a true and positive solution for real problems, a woman’s energy is diverted into “long hair” and the belief that it gives her some special power. So, how does a sign that is supposed to be about submission (according to United Pentecostal Church theology) turn into one of power and control? I think the whole thing is about power and control from beginning to end.

I have provided photos of four pages. Page 27, page 28, page 29, page 30.

(Written for the Facebook group Breaking Out.)

Getting Out the Old Books: The Literal Word by M.D. Treece
Getting Out the Old Books: Guardians of His Glory by Gary & Linda Reed
Getting Out the Old Books: David F. Gray
Getting Out the Old Books: Joy Haney
Getting Out The Old Books: Larry L. Booker
Getting Out the Old Books: Power Before the Throne
Getting Out the Newer Books: Wholly Holy: The Vital Role of Visible Devotion
Search For Truth On Holiness

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