IFB Churches: Patriarchy in Church Polity and Home (Part Two)

Relaxing in the over-sized chairs of the pastor’s office, each woman exhausted from an informative but draining week at missionary training camp, the pastor’s wife opens her Bible to 1 Corinthians 11:3. Her calming but authoritative voice fills the room, “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” (1 Corinthians 11:3 KJV). She pauses for a moment to pray before beginning her evening lesson: “God is the head of Christ. Christ is the head of man. Man is the head of the woman. Just as it would be wrong for a man to go around Christ to get to God, it would be wrong for a woman to go around her husband to get to God.” Despite adamant disagreement from her daughter, citing “For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus” (1 Tim 2:5), the pastor’s wife delivers a piercing glare and continues with prior-approval from her husband. “A wife should never speak poorly of her husband, not even to God. To do so would be to go around her husband.”

Back in the main classroom the following morning, the pastor continues his wife’s bizarre lesson by sharing that a wife should confess all her negative thoughts about her husband directly to her husband, and not to the Lord. He encourages the wives, as his wife does, to make lists during the day of all their thoughts to confess to their husbands when they return home from work. This method supposedly establishes accountability and transparency between a husband and wife, the husband also agreeing to confess his thoughts and any inappropriate sightings during the day. I can still feel the tightening pit in my stomach as I read the words across the laptop screen from my husband, “I want you to confess your thoughts to me.” Both of us attempting to please the Lord with the knowledge we recently gained, I agreed to my husband’s request until we later realized the gravity and gross overstepping of boundaries that evening.

While the Bible explicitly states that wives are to be in subjection to their own husbands as unto the Lord (Eph 5:22), and men are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it (Eph 5:22), Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) churches tend to graze over the verse immediately before these commands, “submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God” (Eph 5:21). They completely ignore the concept of mutual submission, an idea that our IFB Bible college taught regularly despite the intense pastor-worship. Within the last year, my husband and I left an IFB church that overemphasized leadership and submission to the point that many of the women presented little to no personality of their own, while the men were exhorted to take their place in the ministry. Using methods directed towards man’s pride in providing for his family, and towards the woman’s emotional state in caring for her husband and children, husband-wife relationships quickly shifted out of balance.  Our pastor preached “The Leading Lady” multiple times, a message on four distinct methods women in the Bible used to lead their husbands.

“The Leading Lady”

“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands.” 1 Peter 3:1-5

After reading 1 Peter 3:1-5 (above), the pastor prefaces the message by providing the context of a believing wife with an unbelieving husband, the wife still in subjection to her husband (vs. 1). A saved wife will win her lost husband to Christ by her conversation- not limited to words, includes actions- and thus the lost wife should not preach at her husband because, “There’s something in a man that does not do well when he is told by a woman what to do.” While this may be the case, it assumes that only a man can righteously and justifiably resist the command of the opposite gender, while a woman resisting constitutes rebellion in her heart against authority and against God.

After continuing to encourage husbands and wives to establish the proper order of authority for the sake of their prayers not being hindered (vs. 7), he encourages men to help their wives “once in a blue moon.” He states, A woman gave herself to minister to you. Every once-in-a-while, get her drink. Instead of asking when she is going to put something away, go on ahead and place it where it belongs. The stark reality is that a large percentage of men in IFB churches expect their wives- and wives believe it to be their God-given purpose- to serve them hand-and-foot with houses cleaned, table set for dinner, children tidy and wives dolled-up before they arrive home from work, declaring such presentation “the least she can do.” Once a year, in a church we attended, the women would go through the fellowship line first for the sole purpose of serving their husbands first, before returning to the line to get food for themselves and for their children. This church also preaches from the pulpit that the husband should be served at the dinner table before the children. This does not represent a partnership or relationship ordained by God, but indeed an indentured servant-hood painted as a virtuous woman being a “help meet” [help-sufficient] for her husband. “A woman gave herself to minister to you”? The Biblical approach is the man and woman gave of themselves to minister to each other as one flesh.

Before getting to the main points, the gross misunderstanding of God’s design for marriage further protrudes with the idea that the woman does not need the man; the man needs the woman. “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him” (Gen 2:18). He concludes that when a wife passes away, her husband typically passes quickly thereafter, but when the roles are reversed and the husband passes away first, the wife “just keeps on going,” proving the woman only needs a man for his finances.  Such a declaration is not only preposterous but degrading to both men and women alike. Is a man’s value limited to his finances? Are women only able to attain in a relationship to the depth of financial need?  A woman, however, should be “thankful” that she is only scripturally required to submit “to her own husband,” not every man in the world. If a woman does not want to submit, however, she should not marry, and should consider the rebellion in her heart that is not of God. This mindset is not only unbalanced scripturally, but detrimental to God’s intentions and desires for marriage.

Alas, we finally arrive at the four ways women in the Bible indirectly lead their husbands without commanding them.

  1. The Persuasive Wife: Sarai (Genesis 16:1-6)
    In the Old Testament, Sarai is well-stricken with age and barren, impatiently waiting for the promise of a seed through her husband Abram. Instead of trusting God, she presses and persuades Abram to sleep with her handmaid, Hagar, that she may have seed through her. Because Abraham does not lead in refusing Sarai’s arguments, not only does Hagar conceive a son that would result in fighting and wars for centuries to come, but Sarai responds by blaming Abraham, “My wrong be upon thee” (vs. 5). Despite that it was Sarai’s plan, she tells Abraham “It is all your fault,” because the responsibility always comes back on the shoulders of the leadership.                                                                                                                              
  2. The Manipulative Wife: Rebekah (Genesis 27:1-13)
    Isaac, the son of Abraham, and his wife Rebekah have twin boys, Esau and Jacob, whom the Lord declared would be two nations (Gen 25:23). On the day set for Isaac to give Esau his blessing, as is custom for the firstborn son, Rebekah formulates a plan for Jacob to disguise himself as Esau, fooling her dim-eyed husband into giving Esau’s blessing to Jacob. With Jacob covered in goat’s skins and wearing his brother’s garments, Rebekah gives him savory meat to present to his father, and Isaac blesses Jacob before he dies. “Things were not working out how [Rebekah] wants them to. Isaac thinks he is leading, but Rebekah KNOWS she is leading.” Are the husbands the ones leading in their homes? “If you have to look over to your wife for approval, you are not the one leading.” Wives are admonished to never manipulate their husbands while husbands are exhorted to make sure they are not being manipulated in their own homes.                                                                                                                                                                                            
  3. The Emotional Wife: Samson’s Wife (Judges 14)
    After Samson finds a daughter of the Philistines to wife and presents the Philistines with an impossible riddle, the Philistines threaten Samson’s wife for the answer. Instead of telling Samson about the threats, the woman accuses Samson of hating her and not loving her, weeping before him for seven days until he finally gives her the answer to the riddle. The tears of a woman will knock a large percentage of men on their knees, and she used her tears to lead him. “Quit using your emotions to lead your home.”                                                                                                                                                                                              
  4. The Mothering Wife: Jezebel (1 Kings 21)
    Because Naboth refuses to give Ahab his vineyard, Ahab throws a temper tantrum in front of his wife, Jezebel, refusing to eat and turning himself away from her on his bed. Jezebel is the mom: Ahab is the child. Jezebel turns to him and say, “Does thou now govern the kingdom of Israel? I will give thee the vineyard of Naboth the Nezreelite (1 Kings 21:7). Mama will take care of it for you.” Jezebel proceeds to write letters in her husband’s name, has Naboth killed, and then says, “Go enjoy your vineyard.” Women often complain about a husband who will not grow up and be a man. “Then stop mothering your husband. Stop telling him what to do, how to do it, when to do it, creating an environment where he is dependent upon you. He is not going to become a man as long as you are doing that.” Women are encouraged to step out of the way so their husbands can lead.

Ironically, one of the statements we heard often in our IFB Bible college is, “The reason a counterfeit is dangerous is because it is so close to the truth.” The examples of women indirectly leading their husbands contain truth, but they are severely imbalanced, twisted to instill distrust between a husband and wife, placing the burden on the woman to never express more than a gentle opinion or disagreement, and to step back, allowing her husband to make every decision in the home. In my own marriage, as an emotional woman, I felt like I had to hide my tears and my emotions from my husband in order to not lead him, even in situations that caused great heartache. It set my husband on edge as he felt that he had to make sure he was not being led indirectly in every facet of life. Any balance we previously found in marriage became a battle of leading verses submission because he needed to make sure he was not being mothered, and I needed to suppress any emotions during conversations.

The pastor concludes by admonishing the congregation through fear to remember that there are other subtle ways to lead without commanding. “You’re hindering your husband by not fulfilling your God-called roll in your home…At the judgement seat of Christ, is there is going to be some reckoning for how we led our homes. Get out of the way and let him grow into what God wants him to be, or else you’re leading.” He warns that boys raised in a woman-led home become effeminate, lacking influence of males like they need. Because of this, they will deal with everything emotionally and will be become effeminate men like we have today. “It’s because a generation has been raised by women.” He encourages the men to be gentle, but leaders. For the women, he rebukes, “Ladies, step out of the way. Don’t use your emotions. Don’t command him. If you have a problem, take it right to God – the one place you can take it- and it will mend many things broken in your home.”

Since when is prayer the only place a woman should take her complaint, rather to than her husband? Since when should a woman not express her opinion, particularly in an area of importance? Do some women attempt to manipulate their husbands? Yes. Do some women mother their husbands? Yes. But the solution is not for a woman to cower in the silence and bondage of extreme submission, while her husband is magnified on a pedestal of honor, lest they accidentally lead their husbands and destroy their homes. God never intended for women to be the stepping stones to a man’s glory. He gave women their own intellects, minds to be able to formulate individual opinions and decisions, not simply to take care of the home, but for men and women to support each other through life. If I can help it, I will never be in another church that teaches such extreme views on submission again because of its destructive power in the home.

*Disclaimer* This series, “Why Am I a Baptist?” is NOT an exhaustive list of IFB doctrine and standards. Because of the autonomous nature of IFB churches, this evaluation is of the movement as a whole, rather than a hard-and-fast rule. It may be possible to find healthy IFB churches, but they are few and far between because of various associations known as “camps,” typically surrounding well-known preachers or preference of worship style.

Why Am I a Baptist?
IFB Doctrine: The Baptist Distinctives
IFB Churches: Patriarchy in Church Polity (Part One)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and the Leading Lady (Part Two)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy in Marriage (Part Three)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Keeping at Home (Part Four)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Sexual Obedience (Part Five)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Domestic Abuse (Part Six)
IFB Standards: Rigid Music and Dress Standards (Part One)

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IFB Churches: Patriarchy in Church Polity and Home (Part One)

‍Entering in through the rickety doors of the old church building, streams of colored light pour in from the stained-glass windows as if to distract onlookers from the curling burgundy paint, peeling off the side wall near the doors. A frail, silver-haired gentleman in a modest suit welcomes the first-time visitors and directs them into the sanctuary. Inside the sizeable room resounds the hustle and bustle of ministers and musicians readying for the service to come: women’s feet pad across the floor, corralling their little ones into rows as men greet one another with firm handshakes before returning to their pews. Racing toward the pulpit, “Great American Hymns of the Faith” in hand, the song leader opens-up the morning service with a long-winded prayer. After saying, “Amen,” the middle-aged man instructs the congregation to open their dusty hymnals to page one hundred, “The Lily of the Valley.” Strong, thunderous male voices resonate across the room, bellowing out praises to Almighty God, a rumble that could even be felt outside. But something is amiss. Where are the women’s voices? Maybe the men lead in the first verse, and the women join in at the chorus? Or maybe they switch on the second? But the chorus comes and goes. The roar of the men’s echoing voices carries on through the second verse, the women still standing at their pews, eyes intensely glued to the words, merely swaying side to side as their husbands sing from across the room.

As the piano strikes the last chord, an elderly man hobbles over to the pulpit, placing his black, leather Bible open in front of him. His hair long gone, the wrinkles under his eyes tell the story of his years, exhausted from the daily load of a preacher. One would never expect the fury and hell-fire to spew from his aged body, but the solemn man preaches exuberantly for a solid hour on “Where are the Men?” The altar fills with men, young and old alike, begging forgiveness for not taking the baton and leading their homes, for not being an example of leadership in the church. Women weep quietly in their pews, privately asking God to help them be a more submissive wife, a better help-meet to their husbands. When the service ends, the women exchange glances, communicating the understanding of trials and struggles as stay-at-home wives and mothers. They never utter a word, understanding it is “a shame for women to speak in church” (KJV 1 Cor 14:35).

Loading their children into the vehicles, they sit quietly, waiting patiently for their husbands to finish fellowshipping, waving enthusiastically at one another through the windows and windshields. Although an outlier, even in extreme fundamentalism, this peculiar church takes Paul’s words to Corinth literally when he says, “Let your women keep silence in the church: for it is not permitted unto them to speak” (1 Cor 14:34). According to Merrian-Webster, patriarchy is “a society or institution organized according to the principles or practices of patriarchy: a social organization marked by the supremacy of the father in the clan or family, the legal dependence of wives and children, and the reckoning of descent and inheritance in the male line.” Despite the variation between congregations, the majority of Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) churches create an environment of male superiority that encompasses not only the walls of the church but permeates into the sacred structure and confines of the home.

Suffering Not to Teach

“Let the woman learn in silence, in all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.” 1 Timothy 2:11-12

Throughout Scripture, God uses women in various capacities to complete His work. In the Old Testament, God used Esther to stand up before King Ahasuerus in order to save the children of Israel from Hamon’s decree. God further sent Deborah, a prophetess (Jdg. 4:4), to call Barak to take ten thousand men and go after the people of Jabin. Despite these accounts, however, IFB pastors commonly rail against women preachers, mocking them for being unsubmissive and “usurping authority over the man”, further disputing the age of which young boys graduate to requiring a male teacher. Some pastors even venture to the extent of saying that if two men are discussing Scripture or theology, a woman should refrain from expressing her opinion, citing any augmentation would reflect poorly on her husband. In the event of a woman’s Bible study at home, a man should not be present in the room because he could accidentally overhear part of the instruction and inadvertently be taught by a woman. Someone should have informed Deborah considering she was a judge in Israel for forty years (Jdg. 5:31).

But what was Barak’s response to Deborah’s call to go? To hide behind a woman’s skirt: “If thou wilt go with me, then I will go: but if that wilt not go with me, then I will not go” (Jdg. 4:8), to which Deborah responded, “I will surely go with thee: notwithstanding the journey that thou takest shall not be for thine honor; for the LORD shall sell Sisera into the hand of a woman” (Jdg. 4:9). How ironic that God used yet another woman in the account, Jael, to drive a tent nail into Sisera’s temple with a hammer, fastening it into the ground (Jdg. 4:22). The idea of a woman involved in either situation would be considered appalling because the woman did not “wait on the Lord” to send a man to analyze the situation appropriately and accomplish the task.

The idea of a woman’s silence can further be carried over into business meetings. In the majority of churches my husband and I grew up in, the pastor met with deacons beforehand to determine information to be presented before the church, and then opened the floor for questions from all members of voting age, male or female. In our last IFB church, deacons were purposely not established, contrary to Scripture, and decisions were carried out through “the men of the church.” Every year, a men’s meeting was held to discuss positions such as treasurer and head usher. In the afternoon, the men returned home and discussed the information with their wives, and any grievances or disagreements the wives had could be presented through their husbands in the evening. Any business requiring immediate attention was discussed during a men’s meeting following the morning service, with information again transferred to the wives through their husbands, peradventure the husbands even deemed it necessary for their wives to be informed. It was not until following a recent church split that there was a meeting for “women without male representation.”

Within ministries, women’s roles are shaped by Peter’s words, “giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel” (1 Peter 3:7). While either gender may participate in musical performance, women may not lead in the congregational worship. Even in times of desperation, women are not permitted to be greeters or ushers, but are expected to miss services for nursery work, part of their “sacrifice” even as potential wives and mothers. Before special meetings, task lists to be completed are divided between the men and the women, men accomplishing jobs involving painting, lifting or any form of hardware and construction. Women are limited to cleaning bathrooms, kitchens, sanctuaries and baseboards while being expected to care for children. Pastors preach that having designated differences between men and women supposedly positions women on a pedestal of honor. In actuality, it establishes a false security within an environment of male superiority.

Though an unspoken rule in IFB churches, women are expected to possess intelligence enough to teach children at home or in a Sunday school class, while any questioning or expression of judgement and critical scriptural analysis is severely frowned upon. A woman is expected to ask questions of her husband at home- as is stated in Scripture- but should a woman openly show disagreement, she is essentially viewed as critical and unsubmissive. Even in terms of affirmation, churches generally consider it unacceptable for a woman to say, “Amen!” in church because it is considered “teaching the men,” and thus “usurping authority.” Take it one step further to women who are naturally extroverted, they are considered boisterous and loud, rather than having the assumed “meek and quiet spirit” of the introverted. Women are expected to be seen and only heard under the expectations and allowances of the men.

*Disclaimer* This series, “Why Am I a Baptist?” is NOT an exhaustive list of IFB doctrine and standards. Because of the autonomous nature of IFB churches, this evaluation is of the movement as a whole, rather than a hard-and-fast rule. It may be possible to find healthy IFB churches, but they are few and far between because of various associations known as “camps,” typically surrounding well-known preachers or preference of worship style.

Why Am I a Baptist?
IFB Doctrine: The Baptist Distinctives
IFB Churches: Patriarchy in Church Polity (Part One)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and the Leading Lady (Part Two)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy in Marriage (Part Three)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Keeping at Home (Part Four)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Sexual Obedience (Part Five)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Domestic Abuse (Part Six)
IFB Standards: Rigid Music and Dress Standards (Part One)

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IFB Doctrine: The Baptist Distinctives

Every morning after breakfast, we begin our pre-school program around the dining room table with my high-energy preschooler and my reserved but somehow talkative toddler. We start off with a drum roll, pounding our hands on the table faster and faster exclaiming, “It’s time for… school!” Their little hands wave and twist in curious complexity as they sing “The B-I-B-L-E,” “Obedience,” “The Lord’s Army,” and “Deep and Wide.” We recite our little poems about bunnies scurrying into their burrows and black bears saying their prayers. Little do they know that one of the most important aspects of the day is when we individually work through their phonogram flashcards, learning the basic building blocks of the English language, setting them up for success in reading, writing, and vocabulary. “/a/, /A/, /ah/.” “/sh/.” “/p/.”

Every weekday, my preschooler stands on the chair, eyes focused intently on the cards, first repeating each sound, and then racing through the cards, hands turning at lightning speed, reciting each set from memory. “/ph/ two-letter /ph/”. “/oy/ that we may NOT use at the end of English words.” Letter sounds and phonemes are the basic foundation of any language, the structure upon which everything else is established. In the same regard with religion, man develops a base-line organization and ideals for which to pier additional tenants and moral standards. In Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) Churches, the Bible is the foundation, and from this foundation comes the framework known as the Baptist Distinctives. In Christian academies, Sunday schools and Bible colleges, these distinctives are taught with little variation using what is known as the “Baptist Acrostic”:

  • Bible as Sole Authority of Faith and Practice
  • Autonomy of the Local Church
  • Priesthood of Every Believer
  • Two Church Ordinances: Baptism and Lord’s Supper
  • Individual Soul Liberty
  • Saved Church Membership
  • Two Church Offices: Pastor and Deacons
  • Separation of Church and State

Bible as Sole Authority of Faith and Practice. 
The Bible, usually the King James, is the inspired, inerrant, preserved, infallible word God and is the source of all doctrine and instruction in righteousness. Baptists dispute among themselves about the definitions of the terms “inspired” and “inerrant,” many debating whether the modern versions of the Bible are God’s infallible Word. Some Baptists are considered King James Only, meaning they do not use any other version other than the King James Version, while others are King James “preferred,” taking a slightly more relaxed stance. Still yet, some churches take to the extremes of a man named Peter Ruckman who believed the Bible was re-inspired at the translation of the “King James Bible,” is currently being inspired, and that even the Greek and Hebrew are not only irrelevant, but have no authority under God.

All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness” (KJV 2 Tim 3:16).

Autonomy of the Local Church
Unlike the Catholic church and the majority of Protestant churches, each individual church is self-governing, not part of any hierarchical structure, with Christ as the head. No church or man has power or authority over another church.

“Now there were in the church that was at Antioch certain prophets and teachers…” (Acts 13:1).
“But if I tarry long, that thou mayest know how thou oughtest to behave thyself in the house of God, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and ground of the truth” (1 Tim 3:15).

Priesthood of Every Believer
Every saved individual has direct access to God through Christ and does not have to go through a priest, pastor, spouse or any other man to be able to come before the throne of God. Christ is our intercessor.

“But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out darkness into his marvelous light” (1 Peter 2:9).
“For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus” (1 Tim 2:5)
“And from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, and the first begotten of the dead, and the prince of the kings of the earth. Unto him that loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood, And hath made us kings and priests unto God and his Father, to him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen” (Rev 1:5-6).

Two Church Ordinances: Baptism and the Lord’s Supper
The word “ordinance” comes from two Latin words which, in their final meaning, signify “that which is ordered or commanded” and Baptists believe that these two ordinances were ordained by Christ in the New Testament to the church. Keeping these ordinances does not bring blessing or grace, nor should it be considered a means of impressing the world.

Baptism by immersion is a picture of the death, burial and resurrection of Christ, completed as an act of obedience AFTER salvation.

The Lord’s Supper, a celebration and reminder of His suffering and death, is obligatory, commanded by Christ and practiced by the early church.

“Then they that gladly received his word were baptized: and the same day there were added unto them about three thousand souls. And they continued stedfastly in the apostle’s doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers” (Acts 2:41-42).

Individual Soul Liberty 
Each person has the opportunity and responsibility to accept Christ as Savior for himself.

“For as it is written, As I live, saith the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God. So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God” (Romans 14:11-12).

Saved Church Membership
By the Greek definition of ekklesia, the church is a “called out assembly” of baptized believers. This is probably considered most precious of all of the Distinctives because of the men who died for their belief in believer’s baptism.

“And they continued stedfastly in the apostle’s doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayer” (Acts 2:42).

Two Church Offices: Pastor and Deacons
Baptists believe the Bible only mentions two church offices: Pastor (considered synonymous with bishop or elder in Scripture) and Deacons. The requirements for these offices can be found in 1 Tim 3:1-13, Titus 1:6-9, and 1 Peter 5:1-4.
“Paul and Timotheus, the servants of Jesus Christ, to all the saints in Christ Jesus which are at Philippi, with the bishops and deacons (Phil 1:1)
“This is a true saying, If a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work” (1 Tim 3:1).
“For this cause left I thee in Crete, that thou shouldest set in order the things that are wanting, and ordain elders in every city, as I had appointed thee” (Titus 1:5)
“The elderships which are among you I exhort, who am also an elder, and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, and also a partaker of the glory that shall be revealed” (1 Pet 5:1).

Separation of Church and State 
After declaring freedom from Great Britain, Thomas Jefferson used the term “a wall of separation” to a group of Baptists. Separation of church and state, in its context, was written for the purpose of defending the church, not the state, but dictated that neither the church nor the state shall attempt to control the other. Because of this, the church is free to determine its own form of faith and government but shall be carried on within the framework of the laws of the state. Should the government go against Scripture, the church “ought to obey God rather than man”.

“They say unto him, Caesar’s. Then saith he unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s, and unto God the things that are God’s” (Matt 22:21).

Additional Doctrines Not Covered in the Baptist Distinctives:

  • Salvation by Grace Through Faith– Salvation comes only by placing one’s faith in the finished work of Jesus Christ, who came to this earth in the form of a servant. though still remaining to be God, lived a sinless life, and took our sins upon Himself on the cross, buried and rose again the third day. Salvation is not by baptism, being a good person, speaking in tongues, etc. Some also believe “repentance” is considered a “works salvation” (Eph 2:8-9).
  • Once Saved, Always Saved– Once someone receives Christ as Savior, one cannot lose their salvation. Man is commanded not to “turn the grace of God into lasciviousness” (Jude 1:4), and a changed life results in a desire to serve God, but no manner of evil living results in one losing salvation (John 10:28-29).
  • Holy TrinityThe Godhead is three persons in one: God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit/Ghost (Matt 28:19, John 10:30).
  • The Deity of Christ– The Lord Jesus Christ is the “God-man.” He was 100% God and 100% man, lived a sinless life, became sin for us on the cross, and rose again the third day (John 1:14).
  • Holy Spirit/Ghost– Before salvation, the Holy Spirit draws the lost to salvation (John 6:44). After salvation, the Holy Spirit is the Comforter, guide, and interpreter of Scripture (John 14:16-26, John 6:44). Man is indwelt with the Holy Spirit at the point of salvation. The “filling of the Holy Spirit” referenced in Scripture after salvation deals with a life in submission to Christ and His leading, rather than the actual indwelling that takes place at salvation and never changes (Eph 5:18).
  • Tongues/Prophecy/Signs and Wonders– These gifts were done away with a the time of the completion of the Bible/canon of Scripture (1 Cor 13:8-13, James 1:22-25)
  • Separation– Often referred to as “Holy Living.” God has called man to be a particular people, set apart from the world for his glory (2 Cor 6:17)
  • End Times– Pre-tribulation rapture: occurs before the tribulation (Rom 8:16-23, 1 Cor 15:51-58, 1 Thess 4:13-18, 2 Cor 5:1-8); and Pre-millennial Reign: Christ comes back with the saints to set up the kingdom (Matt 25:31, 34). These stances are currently in shift because of the work of men such as Steven Anderson.

*Disclaimer* This series, “Why Am I A Baptist?“, is NOT an exhaustive list of IFB doctrine. Because of the autonomous nature of IFB churches, this evaluation is of the movement as a whole, rather than a hard-and-fast rule. It may be possible to find healthy IFB churches, but they are few and far between because of various associations known as “camps”, typically surrounding well-known preachers or preference of worship style.

“Distinctives of Baptists.” Paul Chappell, 2 May 2011, paulchappell.com/2011/05/02/distinctives-of-baptists/.
* Tomlinson, Tim. “Ecclesiology.” Bible Doctrine II. Mar. 2010, Crown College of the Bible.

Why Am I a Baptist?
IFB Doctrine: The Baptist Distinctives
IFB Churches: Patriarchy in Church Polity (Part One)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and the Leading Lady (Part Two)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy in Marriage (Part Three)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Keeping at Home (Part Four)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Sexual Obedience (Part Five)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Domestic Abuse (Part Six)
IFB Standards: Rigid Music and Dress Standards (Part One)

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Why Am I a Baptist?

Sitting cozily on my bookshelf at home is a recorded message entitled, “Why I Am a Baptist.” This common lesson is harrowed from pulpits across the country, stirring up the hearts of listeners in their pews. Shouts of “Amen!” and “Glory to God!” resound through the usually quiet buildings and halls of Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) churches. Through James Carroll’s The Trail of Blood and John T. Christian’s The History of the Baptists, young, independent, fundamental Baptists are taught the value of their  Christian heritage: a remnant of believers of “like-precious faith,” called by various names throughout the centuries- Donatists, Anabaptists, Puritans, Separatists, etc.- all heinously persecuted for their stance in believer’s baptism.

This “trail of blood” or common chord is delicately traced back to the time of Christ. That notion, however, is as equivalently ludicrous as concluding that any person who often consumed rice is of Asian descent and culture, or that anyone who, wrapped his head in a turban is part of radical Islam. (Side-note: men that wear turbans are Sikhs, not Moslem, but that is beside the point.) Nevertheless, in order to begin looking at the mind-sets of the majority of IFB churches, one must begin with noting the baseline doctrine of Baptist churches, commonly coined, “The Baptist Distinctives,” as outlined in the following acrostic:

  • Bible as Soul Authority of Faith and Practice
  • Autonomy of the Local Church
  • Priesthood of Every Believer
  • Two Church Ordinances
  • Individual Soul Liberty
  • Saved Church Membership
  • Two Church Offices: Pastor and Deacons
  • Separation of Church and State

Growing up in strict IFB churches and attending a well-known IFB Bible college in the southeastern United States, my husband and I are both well-acquainted with the Baptist Distinctives, and, unfortunately, with the legalism and obligations. As our family has just recently left a once-balanced but now spiritually-abusive IFB church, we have been forced to re-evaluate our understanding of biblical expectations and what is considered healthy in a church for the protection of our family. As we consider the requirements for a church home, we are finding that most of those requirements are standards, not doctrine. Therefore, today, I want to pose the question, “Why AM I a Baptist?” In order to answer such a loaded question, we need to look at the standards and status quos of the majority of IFB churches that will be addressed in more detail within the following weeks:

  • Patriarchy in Church Polity and Home
  • Rigid Music and Dress Standards
  • Idolization of the Preacher and Absolute Power
  • Discouragement of Individual Thought Outside of Established Ideals. 
  • Extreme Sensitivity to Natural Sexual Affection

Not exactly the typical Baptist acrostic, but this one seems to be more appropriate: P-R-I-D-E. Baptists take a dangerous level of pride in their Christian heritage, staunch standards, and convictions, claiming to be the only church that rightly divides the word of truth, condemning anyone who dares to disagree. Their arrogance creates a cult-like environment where questioning is only encouraged with the goal of conformity, instilling unity through fear within the congregants.

Why AM I a Baptist? I’m not so sure anymore, but this may be the start of my family leaving the IFB movement. I hope this series provides the information necessary for families seeking shelter from the abuse or just enough light to open the eyes of those still inside.

*Disclaimer* Because of the autonomous nature of IFB churches, this evaluation is of the movement as a whole, rather than a hard-and-fast rule. It may be possible to find healthy IFB churches, but they are few and far between because of various associations known as “camps,” typically surrounding well-known preachers or preference of worship style.

Why Am I a Baptist?
IFB Doctrine: The Baptist Distinctives
IFB Churches: Patriarchy in Church Polity (Part One)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and the Leading Lady (Part Two)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy in Marriage (Part Three)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Keeping at Home (Part Four)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Sexual Obedience (Part Five)
IFB Churches: Patriarchy and Domestic Abuse (Part Six)
IFB Standards: Rigid Music and Dress Standards (Part One)

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My Mask – IFB Related

The following article is written by a woman who wishes to remain anonymous. It is about Independent Fundamental Baptist churches, though others will also relate.

In my preteen years, I was taught to believe that expressing any negativity in any way was a way to show that I did not actually possess the Fruit of the Spirit (or evidence I was saved). Since the qualities included “joy” and “peace,” any sign of discouragement, depression, sadness, anxiety, was taken as a sign that I was under the devils influence. If I was under the influence of Satan, I was either “backslidden” or not truly saved.

Therefore, anytime I was in public, I was reminded by my mother, or people in my church, that in order to be a “good witness” for Christ (and not give God a bad name in the process), I had to put on my happy face.  And I did so.

Anyone who saw me in my teenage years would have imagined that I was living a life of pure bliss. I was smiling literally ALL of the time. I always acted cheerful, even though inside, I was deeply depressed (in fact, nowadays, when I see a girl who smiles too much, I worry for her). I radiated what appeared to be pure joy, “the joy of the Lord,” so to speak.

However, I  remember sitting in my room by myself, day by day, and being just so incredibly depressed. I would lie there, reading books or drawing pictures, and thinking to myself, “What is the purpose of living, if you’re just going to die anyway,” “Does anyone really care about me? Why do I actually exist at all,” and sometimes my thoughts would gravitate to how scary death would be. I would imagine my funeral and wonder how many people would show up if I died.  I truly believe the only reason I didn’t commit suicide was because of the intense fear I had of going through the torment of the fires of Hell.

I remember one time, passing a note to my friend at church, which said, “If I died tomorrow, would you go to my funeral?”  At the time, it seemed perfectly normal to ask such a question.

I sang a lot of “specials” (songs) at the church regarding joy. Here’s an example:

“Happiness is to know the Savior,
Living a life, within His favor,
Having a change in my behavior,
The Joy is mine,
Even when the teardrops start
I’ve found the secret
It’s Jesus in my heart!”

But what I couldn’t understand through the years was…why didn’t I feel this joy I sang of? I was living a lie,  but was not allowed to acknowledge this fact. It was forced to be a secret buried deep within myself, and I despised it.

My mother frequently read my diary, so I never felt quite like I was able to be honest in it. Yet, I felt a deep desire to write!  So sometimes I would begin a journal entry, and I would be honest about feeling bad…then I would consider whether the entry would be a “bad witness” for Christ. I worried that if I was to die that day and someone was to find it, they might think badly of God and therefore be denied the opportunity to be saved, so I would actually erase the entry and change it into something that looked “positive.”

For instance, I would think, “I feel so lonely. Why am I not happy? What is the purpose in life? There is no meaning in anything! The kids told me I was ugly today and it really hurt my feelings,” but I would write, “Today was such a BEAUTIFUL day!  The sun was shining and I got to go to church and see my friend. Someone got saved today, and I’m so happy for them! I can’t wait to see what happens tomorrow!”

If you read my journal back then, it might have seemed that things were good, but they were actually tragically bad. And this actually was a problem for years into my marriage also. I was unable to allow myself to believe anything was ever bad. This denial caused me to not be able to confront issues as they arrived and I went through much unnecessary hardship as a result.

The Bible NEVER condemns feeling sad, or anger, or any other God given emotions. Our emotions were given to us by God to help us to see and address problems in our lives. They are tools to help us, and they are not sin in and of themselves.  Ephesians 4:26 says “Be angry, and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath.”  It does not say not to be angry, but not to allow that anger to cause you to SIN.

David poured out many tears to God, and expressed deep sorrow multiple times, and yet he was considered “a man after God’s own heart.”  The Bible says that He knows our suffering intimately, and cares for us.  He has experienced the same types of pain we have, while existing in human form on earth, and He knows our suffering and carries our burdens on His own shoulders when we give them to Him.  Jesus – even though he was GOD HIMSELF and knew the final outcome of the situation- WEPT with Martha and Mary over Lazarus. He knows our emotions and does not hold them against us. He gave them for us, to help us heal. They are a GOOD thing.

If you have grown up with the idea that being true to who you are, and expressing emotions is a negative thing, or that God would be upset with you for expressing any sad, angry, or hurt feelings, please know that the God in scripture does not EVER express such an idea. Emotions are a gift from God. Being honest with who we are and what we feel is healthy. Being dishonest and wearing a mask is unhealthy and breeds resentment, and continues the cycles of depression. We must be honest with our emotions in order to find healing.

JOY does not necessarily mean that every moment you feel happy. True spiritual joy is in knowing that despite the trials we face here on earth, we have a Heavenly Father who loves us and that NOTHING can separate us from His love. We can pour out our hearts HONESTLY to Him, and do not have to hold back our anger, tears, pain, disillusionment, etc. He understands, is patient with us, and helps us to heal with the tools he has given us – our emotions.

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