Author: Susan | Page 2 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

Do Works, Work?

Do works, work? Like Johnny Cash singing that old song naming all the places he has gone “I’ve been everywhere man, I’ve been everywhere man…” When it comes to works – I’ve been there and done that man. The list goes on and on -bus ministry, visitation, door knocking, cooking meals to raise funds, newsletter, youth ministry and all that entails, and last but not least Sunday school teacher.

I put the most effort into being a Sunday school teacher. I loved the little children and I felt I could make a difference in their lives. There was one problem though – our Sunday school rooms were open concept and had huge walls with high ceilings. We were expected to decorate the walls with various depictions of study material, seasonal items, and such. As the new kid, I was always trying to “prove” myself to the “old guard.” I would work endlessly trying to fill (and I mean fill) these walls with eye catching, hand painted décor. I remember staying up all-night long, painting away at these larger than life creations to hang on the walls. I admit, I wanted recognition for my efforts but it wasn’t to be. Anytime Sunday school was mentioned, all the praise and glory went to the “Old Guard.”

Of course, these weren’t the “works” that were preached by my United Pentecostal Church that were necessary for purchasing our ever ready to flee salvation, that is a whole other list of all fleshly actions. The message was clear: if you were a spiritual Christian, you would be a human doing, not a human being.

What is wrong with all this working? Faith without works is dead, right? The problem with works based religion is that it doesn’t work. It only breeds competition, comparing ourselves to one another, conceit, envy, or in my case foolish pride that summed up my motivation for working to the point of burn out. Paul’s words to the Galatian church, who had left grace to be justified by the works of the law, told them they must be careful not to bite and devour each other or they might consume one another! On top of all this, it’s not why Jesus came! He came to set us free from the Law of Moses that was unable to save. (Romans 8:2-4) The idea of obtaining salvation based upon something that concerns a fleshly element – ability to dunk under water, your tongue, or someone else’s ability to say exact words over you takes all the power and glory away from God! He willingly sent His Son to die on the cross for our salvation and asks that we simply trust that it was enough to save us. (Romans 1:16) Anytime you add some kind of fleshly act (works) to this Gospel that has the power to save, you have turned it into another gospel. But wait, Paul says there is not another! (Galatians 1:6-8)

This is the big lie of the UPC or any other Bible/works based religion – think Jesus is swell, but not enough to save, add a list of do’s and don’ts, and throw a little Bible in there, yeah, just enough to prove your perverted gospel. To me, it is the greatest form of spiritual abuse. Keep them ignorant, exclusive, and judgmental. Make them believe, if they don’t keep our list, they’ll be lost.

Oh, and what about works? Where do works that genuinely prove our Faith in Christ alone come in? The apostle Paul in Ephesians 1:13 puts it like this “In Him you also trusted, after you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation; in whom also, having believed, you were sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise.” When we put our faith in Jesus Christ alone apart from works, we are sealed with the Holy Spirit. God gives us new life on the inside, the Holy Spirit. As the seed of God’s word is planted in our heart, fruit begins to grow. This fruit, the fruit of the Spirit, the chief one being love begins to flow out of our heart to do the work that God prepared beforehand for us to do. A life motivated by love and controlled by truth works!

“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:8-10 NKJV

When the miracle doesn’t come

How many souls are living tortured existences due to the fact that they have some physical or mental malady and they have been told – If you truly believe, or forgive, or have enough faith God will heal you? Many televangelists, radio preachers, and name it and claim it types teach that if you are a Christian – God will heal you.

My United Pentecostal Church taught that if you were ill, God would heal you or there is sin in your life. They took the scriptures “by His stripes we are healed” (Isaiah 53:5, I Peter 2:24) out of context and applied it as a blanket fixer for all physical maladies. Is there a Biblical basis for this? Isaiah 53:5 and I Peter 2:24 both texts, when read in context, make it clear that the true meaning is healing of our souls (salvation) not bodies.

I will be the first to say that I believe in an all-powerful God who can do anything but He does not heal everyone and all sickness is not a result of sin. (John 9:1-3) Yes, there is healing in the Bible. Jesus performed miraculous healing signs as He was establishing Himself as Messiah (John 7:31) as He was ushering in the New Covenant. He gave the Apostles gifts of healing to use as they were bringing the Gospel first to Israel and then to the Gentiles to validate their message but there was never wholesale healing of everyone who believes. Some examples from the New Testament of illness that was not healed miraculously are Paul (II Corinthians 12:7-9), Trophimus (II Timothy 4:20), and Timothy (I Timothy 5:23).

What about those who go home from these faith healing services without being healed? There was a time in my life when I desperately needed a miracle. I went through prayer line after prayer line. People stopped me in the grocery store and asked if they could pray. They would tell me if you take her here and let them pray, she will be healed. I did, she wasn’t. One day, I waited in line for hours to get into one of the colosseum style healing services by a well-known “faith healer.” Thoughts ran through my mind – if they see us surely we’ll get in – this would be the one of those miracles that would draw in the masses and their dollars. Unfortunately, as we slowly wound our way around the building, we were stopped. The auditorium was full and we would not get our miracle that day.

I remember one particular Wednesday evening after the service at my United Pentecostal church, several of the women took my baby up to the front of the church; I could only watch from a distance because I truly believe I was having a nervous breakdown. I did not feel loved by these women; little by little I was somewhat ostracized, no one was cooing with my baby or wanted to hold her. I felt that they were only trying to get a better look.

As a mother, I would do anything to protect this child. This fierce protection would drive my life for years to come. This protection would prove to be my undoing and salvation from a group of people who were more in love with their rules than a hurting mom trying to protect her child. As time went by with no miracle, the initial care and concern fading, I became more and more isolated, not only from them but also in my cocoon of pain but it would only be a matter of time before I would sprout wings and fly free.

God works through our pain and the greater miracle that I needed would come soon:

“So he gave us new life because of what Christ has done. He gave us life even when we were dead in sin. God’s grace has saved you.” Ephesians 2:5 NIRV

Dresses, Dresses, Dresses

Do dresses make you holy??? After I was declared to have the Holy Ghost, I did not receive any inspiration from the Holy Ghost to begin wearing dresses. In fact, being a teenager when I arrived at a United Pentecostal church, my wardrobe consisted mainly of jeans, shorts, and mini dresses. It was the spring time of the year when I began going to this church and the following summer, I went on vacation with my family wearing pants, makeup, and bikinis. Funny thing is I don’t remember having any feelings that this was wrong or that I was betraying the Lord in any way.

My main memory of beginning to wear only dresses came from my concern that I could possibly be seen by someone from my church with the wrong clothes on. I also remember my mom, who was not a fan of my new church experience, questioning me “so you’re not going to wear all those clothes anymore?” This new way of dressing had to become my passion because I needed a whole new wardrobe! And hey, dresses were going to make me holy, right?

At first, I was at the mercy of one of the seamstresses in the church who had a penchant for heavy double knits. I considered myself to be somewhat of a fashionista so before long I purchased a sewing machine so I could make my own dresses. This was the early ‘70’s when the only dresses you could buy were short and unacceptable for making me holy. Thankfully, a few years later hem lines dropped and I could buy some of my clothes. Until then, you found me spending hours and hours making new dresses. Dresses are serious business in my UPC church! You must wear your newest and finest for the big Sunday night competition.

All those hours I spent sewing dresses never ever made me holy as the UPC claimed. They did make me different which in UPC world is considered a good thing. They love nothing better than being noticed for their different way of dressing. Once the pastor called me to come forward before the congregation as an example of what he expected the women to dress like. Even then, I knew, as far as my standing with the Lord, dresses meant nothing.

For about seventeen years, I wore only dresses but when I realized I could tell a lie easier than I could put on a pair of pants, something was wrong. There was no holiness in my clothes or any inside of me. I was an empty shell practicing a religion of works similar to those who are compelled to wear a head scarf or holy underwear. None of these things are what God is looking at. He is looking inside of your heart and your motives for doing what you do. All of these outward things people do to make themselves acceptable to God have no value. Man-made commandments and doctrines are only self-imposed religion and will in no way make you holy. In reality, they only serve to make you proud of yourself, your effort, and your appearance. True holiness described in Ephesians 4:24-32 comes from a heart, mind, and will that is controlled by the Holy Spirit living within.

Therefore, if you died with Christ from the basic principles of the world, why, as though living in the world, do you subject yourselves to regulations—“Do not touch, do not taste, and do not handle,” which all concern things which perish with the using— according to the commandments and doctrines of men? These things indeed have an appearance of wisdom in self-imposed religion, false humility, and neglect of the body, but are of no value against the indulgence of the flesh. Colossians 2:20-23 NKJV

The Trial

It’s the Bible, right? It’s a church, how wrong can it be?

I think the most insidious thing about beginning my Christian life in a United Pentecostal Church is all the things I missed out on – the pure joy of knowing Jesus Christ as my Savior and the goal of the Christian life, which is to grow up in Christ, go on to maturity. I missed out on knowing all the treasures that I have in my new identity in Christ – I am deeply loved (John 3:16), completely forgiven (Ephesians 1:7), totally accepted (Ephesians 1:6), and complete in Him (II Peter 1:3, Colossians 2:10).

So when the trial came fourteen years later, I wasn’t equipped. I was still an infant. I remember saying to members of my family, “I thought trials were supposed to make you better.” I felt I was growing worse by the day. I was crying out for help but there wasn’t any. All those black dots on the map, I was one of them.

All I knew was, I must have done something wrong, I was bad. God was getting back at me; I had been weighed in the balance and found wanting (one of the pastor’s favorite sermons). This was the kind of God I learned. Why had God zeroed in on me like one of those dots to be pinpointed like a destination on a map? I had no truth to cough up, no words of wisdom to hang on to; it was just me, singled out for the trial of my life. And I failed. I didn’t draw closer to my faith.

Wait, Faith? Faith, they didn’t even call it faith; faith was just a word to describe what you needed more of to see miracles, it was one church service to the next, one emotional high to the next. It was faith in – faith, an outer garb, and in a man and his church. Faith was not the very word used to describe this marvelous salvation in which we stand. There was no substance, no solid ground to stand on. Instead of standing, persevering, I just wanted to run, to do whatever it took to get out of the trial.

It would be two more years before I would leave the UPC and twenty more before I would leave the last vestiges of the scars that its false doctrine would leave on my heart and mind.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:3-4

Cry Baby

I had no idea what I was getting into. When my Grandma came to stay at our house, my mom would make me go with her to take Grandma to church. I only went on Sunday morning, which unknown to me at the time, was just “dress rehearsal” for the big Sunday night show. I would come to know this more and more as the years went by. You always saved your “finest” for Sunday night. Anyhow, the preacher would preach about – well I can’t really remember – mostly stories of people losing out, waiting too long, and missing their chance before it was too late. Mostly, I remember getting emotional during these services because I was doing all the things he said were bad.

My early teenage years were spent hearing this but going back out and being “cool.” The Lord was definitely drawing me to himself but in my very finite understanding, I reasoned – after high school – not now. I didn’t want to be weird in high school. Just recently, I had a memory of a guy I met in high school that was unlike anyone I had met – he was a Christian. I went to church with him once but I told him “I know where I am going to church when I start going.” I chose an emotional religion over a relationship with Jesus Christ. God was giving me the chance of a lifetime if only I had taken it…

When I could put it off no longer, I called my Grandma one Sunday night and asked if she would go to church with me. She was elderly, didn’t drive, and only went on Sunday morning. Little did I know, this was the “we’re gonna pull out all the stops” service. They had been in revival services for many weeks prior, so they were really fired up! Imagine, it’s 1973, a young girl and her hippie boyfriend walk into a red hot revival at a United Pentecostal Church. Mostly, all I can remember is crying; crying buckets of tears. All the condemnation that was heaped on me was being washed out in tears. When they saw me crying, they lead me up to the altar where I cried some more and then asked me if I wanted to be baptized. I was taken up and the next thing I know I have been declared to have the Holy Ghost. I came home with a baptismal certificate and the next day I went to school to tell all my friends.

Oh yes, I had lots of zeal, but it was not according to knowledge (Romans 10:1-3). There was no conscious decision made to follow the Lord Jesus Christ. Upon leaving, seventeen years later, I was still a baby. I had no more knowledge of the purpose for going to church than when I began. I did learn that there are only parts of the Bible to preach from. Some Bible words like love, grace, and reconciliation; those are for those other churches. I learned that here, we are exclusive, we have “the truth” others need not apply; they are only going through the motions of having church. We are the real deal.

After leaving, I would learn about those words and the purpose of going to church:

He handed out gifts of apostle, prophet, evangelist, and pastor-teacher to train Christ’s followers in skilled servant work, working within Christ’s body, the church, until we’re all moving rhythmically and easily with each other, efficient and graceful in response to God’s Son, fully mature adults, fully developed within and without, fully alive like Christ.

No prolonged infancies among us, please. We’ll not tolerate babes in the woods, small children who are an easy mark for impostors. God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love—like Christ in everything. We take our lead from Christ, who is the source of everything we do. He keeps us in step with each other. His very breath and blood flow through us, nourishing us so that we will grow up healthy in God, robust in love. Ephesians 4:12-16 The Message