Author: Random Thoughts

I was a member of a UPCI church for 18 years. I left just before Thanksgiving 2012. I did not leave because of abuse directed at me specifically nor did I leave due to questioning standards. It was what was going on in the church, the gossip about some people. And I had sat on the pew for about 2 years wondering "Where is Jesus? What have they done with Him?" It was truly "Christianity Without the Cross" even before I had heard of that book. I joined Lois Gibson's SA support group that November I left and am glad that I am no longer associated with my former church. And I am thankful for Lois's efforts to educate people about spiritual abuse. :)

Why can’t we get along?

Something I thought of just now. It has been about 35 years ago I attended a very small (50 adults and handful of kids) United Church. They did something that I don’t think would happen with certain unhealthy churches. There was another Methodist church just starting up. I think it was in our town, another part of town. Our pastor sent a few people over there to help them get going. There is so much jealousy amongst the unhealthy churches that I don’t think they would do this until less it was some distance away in another town or another part of the state. They want all the attendance they can get in their town. They want to be the only church of that denomination/belief there is in their town.

Not long before I left my church, I discovered there had been another church of the same denomination, just a few blocks from my church. Best kept secret. I did go to help another person who was wanting to be in church but had left the one we were going to. My pastor asked me “Are you leaving too?” I told him no – little did I know…… But you see how paranoid they are. Now that little church had about 5 members including adults, the pastor, his wife and their two nephews. My friend took her kids and they doubled the size of that church. That pastor was really interested I tell you. But she decided to not continue going.

I don’t know why they could not have combined churches but no, they had to keep separate. The other pastor probably should have gone to another part of town……but here again, there can only be One True Church in a town. Our town/city is about 125,000 – 130,000 so is not huge but should be able to support several churches. In fact it does but while they hold the same oneness Apostolic beliefs and may even be different denominations (and that is probably one of the problems) only one of the churches says they are the only one with All the Truth and the others (especially one) are stealing the One Church’s sheep – but the sheep leave on their own and want somewhere to go. Some of the sheep left town, actually moved when they found another church, some just dropped out altogether and were considered to have left God (because apparently God only can live in one church here).

So why can we not all get along?

Lessons Learned: The Light Came On

Today I had an eye opener, epiphany, revelation, whatever you want to call it.

It all started out when I heard a loud KA-BOOM! I thought, sounds like a transformer. I could not see that the lights were out at first, until I went to the garage to let the dog in from the backyard and noticed the light in the garage was out. Then I noticed the electric clocks on the stove and microwave were out, too. Oh, goody.

So I texted the electric company to report and to make sure I did that right I called them. Two hours was the estimated time of repair – what they always said. I could not do much inside so decided to go to the grocery store for a couple of things and then go run another errand. As I checked out and was leaving, I noticed a man looking at me. I stared a moment and then realized it was someone I knew and he smiled, so did I, and then a younger man who was a worker there noticed me and said “Are you (my name)?”

I said “Yes. Are you ‘Little Tommy?'” (name changed for his privacy.) (He is not little now, probably close to 6 feet tall – his dad was known as Big Tommy and was very tall).

He said let me walk you to your car and I will also take your bag (small bag of groceries – 4 items lightweight). I said well, thanks, I am parked over there. So we got to may car and began to talk. He asked if I was in any other church. No I am not at the moment. Well he had gone back to my former church – his dad and stepmom had gone there at one time. So we talked a bit.

Of course he invited me back and I declined politely. He was always such a nice kid and was one of two boys (10-12 years old) who would wash my car. He ran the litany of who was still there, all my former friends (one he mentioned, I thought ‘not her’ but did not say anything). Some people who left the state seem to be moving back, too. (How nice, my private thought, a bit sarcastically to myself.) I told him that just because I left, I had not left God. He jumped on that and agreed, he had not left God either when he was out.

He also wondered why I left and I told him personal reasons (I was not going to get into exactly why – that the pastor’s wife and the pastor had done pretty much irreparable damage to my family. And that the last two years I sat on the pew I kept asking myself, “Where did they put Jesus?” and they preach “Christianity without the cross.”) We talked a little more and I had to get on, to do my other errand and get back home.

When I got home my lights were back on. I was sitting here knitting on a toddler sized afghan to give my hands something to do while I watched a show on Netflix and began to think about my conversation with Little Tommy. I began to have the conversation all over again but inserting some things I did not say: I did not leave God when I left the church four years ago. Jesus has always been my savior even before I ever heard of the church I spent 18 years in. They had stopped or maybe they never did preach Jesus. They preached a lot about how to dress, wear hair (cut vs. not cutting it). You must speak in tongues every day to be sure you still had the Holy Ghost (in other words, to be sure you are still saved). You must pray every day over at the church even if it means getting up after only four hours of sleep because church lasted until 11 pm the night before and it was midnight or after when you finally got to bed. All these things and more to make sure you keep your salvation. Rules, rules, rules.

I suddenly realized I was saved BEFORE that church ever became part of my life. I was saved when I did not speak in tongues. I don’t do formalized prayer (think prayer chart to give X minutes to each part of your prayer), I just talk to God like I did before I ever went to this church. No, I don’t go to church every week and have not been for nearly a year to any church.

It is hard to put down here exactly what I was feeling but I had to stop everything I was doing and come here to put this down. I knew all these things before and after I spent 18 years “in.” But being out four years has been helpful so that I can look back and see more clearly that by joining that church I was missing out on more of God than learning about him. Too bad I did not leave much sooner than I did. Lessons learned. The hard way.

It just seemed to come together tonight and was triggered by my meeting with Little Tommy.

One thing Little Tommy mentioned was that the pastor is not the same person as when he left years ago – the Pastor is the same man, but has changed. Little Tommy said he thought God was working on him. I don’t know how exactly but I thought that was probably good. But I still don’t believe I want to visit – everyone would want to drag me down to the altar and pray for me and I would not want that. They just don’t understand.

🙂

Amen, Like, Share if you love Jesus

I have a friend on Facebook who posts lots of “memes” as I think they are called. She used to post many that were actually uplifting and encouraging. Not sure why this has changed but she is 80 now. Maybe that is why, I don’t know. However, the ones she posts now that are supposed to be spiritual are really not. I think she thinks they are helpful.

The one that set me off today (I usually just ‘hide’ them and go on) made me think of some of the preaching in my ex-church. I hid it before I really got it memorized but what it said was “Hi, I’m Jesus. If you ignore me 3 times here, I will ignore you in Heaven.” The rest was the usual “Type Amen, like, share and are not ashamed of Me, if you don’t want to be ignored” and the unstated was “and go to Hell.” She is still part of a church that preaches the doctrine and fear. But when I see those memes I am brought back to those sermons that were meant to instill fear, guilt, shame into you to make sure you showed up in church, did everything the pastor said (even if you disagreed).

I am not ashamed of Jesus. He is the reason I am here. He has carried me for a long time through all the bad and all the good in my life. But I just can’t share those things that are meant to shame you into sharing and probably are something contrived just to see how many likes and shares that meme will get. It still triggers emotions in me that I thought were laid to rest.

Inducing Fear in the Congregation

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10 KJV

Yet they continue to try to induce fear in the members by saying things like:

Don’t you love God? when you disagree on a topic or are hesitant to accept a position.

You need a burden for this! when you really don’t have one and don’t want to do what they ask.

If you don’t give a Bible study you will go to Hell!! when you have not given a Bible study yet. Then when you finally do, there is such a feeling of relief.

If you leave this church you will be walking away from God and he will chastise you beyond belief.

And then all the other things that are rules for salvation (but they won’t admit to it) like:

You must be baptized by a certain formula or you are not saved, you must tithe to be blessed or God will get that money out of you one way or another and it won’t be fun either!, Ladies, if you even pull out a tangle from your hair it is considered cutting just as much as if you went and had it all cut off!, and so on through all the dress standards.

After awhile you are scared not to come to church. Scared not to tithe even if it brings financial hardship to you. Scared to wear a dress or skirt too short so you wear them to your ankles just to be safe. Scared to pull out a knot of hair and spend time picking it out lest the wrath of God come upon you. Scared to show your elbows so you wear sleeves down to the wrist even in hot, humid summers – and everyone is saying “Oh you will get used to it.” Scared to say no to a request to teach Sunday school or something else in case that means you are being disobedient to the pastor or his wife.

The list is endless. Yet so many who have been in these churches nearly all their lives are just as adamant about the rules as the leadership is. So why do you want to question what must be right, especially when they keep saying “We are the only church that has All The Truth.”

There is hope. Read Isaiah 41:10 – FEAR THOU NOT!

Sticks, stones, words and forgiveness

Matthew 6:12 (NLT) “..and forgive us our sins, just as we have forgiven those who sin against us..” – Jesus.

“As long as you hate (someone) you give that person control of your life. …It (forgiveness) doesn’t happen over night but when it does it opens up a whole world of possibilities.” (From a TV show, I don’t remember which one.)

I am still working on forgiveness of certain people from my old church. I don’t want to forgive them most of the time, but I know I should. Why should I forgive someone who did verbal injury to a family member when they deserved support instead of condemnation and gossip?

The verbal injury was so deep it has caused my family member to question God to the point of almost losing faith in Him. And those same people who did the injury are quick to say “There is no excuse for anyone to walk away (from the church which in their mind equals walking away from God).” There is also no excuse for treating people the way they do.

Good News: Forgiveness is healing. But it is so hard. It must be hard for the other person to acknowledge what they said or did so it must also be hard for them to forgive their “target.” It works both ways. Sometimes it seems that we can forgive without going to that other person and telling them – they probably would not understand why you need to forgive them and you would have to explain and it might start all over again. All the pain. Or maybe not, but it would be too frustrating to have to explain when you think they ought to know.

More Good News: With forgiveness comes healing – maybe not right away, but slowly and then one day you wake up and think “I forgive that person.” And then you might wonder why it took so long. The old adage should be rewritten “Sticks and stones will break bones which heal in a few weeks, but words hurt for a long, long time and are far more hurtful than a broken bone.”

Someday maybe all the hurt won’t hurt so much and when I think of those people and the harm they have done I won’t have all those bad thoughts going through my mind. It is getting a little better.