Author: Nancy | Page 2 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

Get out of my head!

Individuals who suffer abuse sometimes escape, heal, and move on to live productive lives, but there is a part of them that can never forget and sometimes that causes problems. Growing up in a legalistic, spiritually abusive denomination also creates memories hard to forget and makes it difficult to trust ANY church group or leadership. Just as an abused child never really trusts ANY parent again without extensive therapy and perhaps just never, an abused Christian doesn’t trust ANY church and unfortunately therapy for this is not as widely understood, sought, or offered.

Some may not even trust God, believing he is either like the abusive doctrine taught or that He should have saved them from going through that. Many abused children do not trust God for the same reasons.

Good parents who try to help an abused child do the best they can, realizing they may not be successful and have little hope that the relationship will ever be totally without problems but also hope the child will grow to be a happy, productive adult. Many times these good parents pay the price for the bad parents they replace. The child targets the anger toward the parent that is available, proving if possible that they will also reject them or at the least become angry and not understand.

As the ultimate good parent, God must weep over these abused children and spiritually abused Christians, desiring for them to just trust Him to show them a path to peace and hope.

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

Bragging Rights

How true this passage rings out when thinking of how new converts are boasted of in the United Pentecostal Church.

Message Bible, Galatians 6:11-13

The people who are attempting to force the way of circumcision (ie: legalistic rules) on you have only one motive, they want an easy way to look good before others, lacking the courage to live by a faith that shares Christ’s suffering and death. All their talk about the law is gas. They themselves don’t keep the law! And they are highly selective in the laws they do observe. They only want you to be circumcised (ie: keep the legalistic rules) so they can boast of their success in recruiting you to their side. That is contemptible! (Words in parenthesis are mine.)

How true this passage rings out when thinking of how new converts are boasted of in the United Pentecostal Church. Whether at home or abroad, we hear this NUMBER saved or this NUMBER baptized. We have the great somebodies of Pentecost. I agree with Paul, this is contemptible.

[The picture is from the UPC website in 2007, of what turned out to be a false report of a Jewish revival given by the then Nebraska District Superintendent.]

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

It is no secret

There is a wonderful old song:

It is no secret what God can do, what he’s done for others, he’ll do for you! With arms wide open, he’ll pardon you, it is no secret what God can do.

God’s plan is no secret. You don’t need some special revelation, validated by some self important board of narcissistic men. His plan is so simple, a wayfaring man, though a fool need not err therein. For God so loved the world, He gave His only begotten Son . . . . . .THAT is His plan- believe! Have faith because without faith it is impossible to please Him. . . he who cometh to God must believe that He IS and the He is a rewarder of them who diligently seek Him. Jesus said He came that we might have peace, fear not!

My parents used to sing a song titled WHO. . .

Who lights the stars at night, who guides the moon in flight, who makes the sun so bright? Nobody but my Lord! Who gave me saving grace, who died to take my place, who did my sins erase? Nobody but my Lord!

Yes, he made the earth, he made the sea and land, fastened them together by His mighty hand, under His control, they move at His command, Nobody but my Lord . . .could do it!

Nobody, nothing, not things present, nor things past, not any creature can separate us from the love of God or from His plan. God is good and His mercy endureth forever.

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

Go to Hell, do not pass go and do not collect 200

From my earliest memories, I was always confused about how we (as the only true believers going to heaven) could be so nonchalant about sending so many people to hell. According to the doctrine, most of our friends, neighbors, and even many of our relatives were going to spend eternity in a lake burning with fire and brimstone, but we just laughed and socialized and only showed any concern during heated revivals. The rest of the time, we acted as if we really didn’t care. How could this be?

There were also times when I observed some seeming to almost rejoice that some ‘jerk’ was headed for the lake of fire! And then it was also understood that “they were making their own bed and would have to lay in it – even if it was on fire!”

We would rejoice when someone would come to church and make a start but if they slipped up and didn’t stay, we quickly tch, tched, them back on the road to damnation.

As an adult this always still bothered me, even though I was very hesitant to bring many friends to my out of the mainstream church and carried a heavy load of guilt for my complicity in their not finding salvation.

Finally as a senior citizen, I have escaped the cult and clearly see the ridiculousness of the doctrine that would take God’s plan and create a burden so heavy that none can bear it. Who among us is able to bear the burden of believing that all but those in this one doctrine are headed for eternal damnation, regardless of whether they are loving, believing, kind, caring Christians? The doctrine of the cult condemns them for clothing choices, ordinary daily activities, and hairstyles.

Christ condemned the Pharisees that would put these heavy burdens on those He had set free. God isn’t measuring your sleeve length or checking out your bling, He is looking on your heart AND He tells us by their fruit shall you know them. Is this fruit clothing, hairstyles, or other outward appearance? NO, this fruit is LOVE . . . . .by this shall you know that they are my disciples, that they have LOVE one to another. I remember, from my earliest memories that many of those being condemned to Hell by the United Pentecostal Church were full of love, kindness, gentleness, meekness, . . . . .

Oh, but, (they would say) what about Cornelius? He still had to be baptized and be filled with the Spirit! Yes, but did he then have to be circumcised (ie: follow the Pharisees law)? No, he did not! Who are you to judge another man’s servant? Is it for us to judge who is baptized and correctly filled with God’s Spirit or were we told by God that “by the fruit of God’s love shining forth in their life we would know them”!?

I would venture one step further . . . .how many doing the condemning show any measure of love, especially to those without. . . . .it is easy to love those who love us, do not even the infidels do this but God commands us to love even the jerk that we would prefer to send to Hell . . . . . . . .and that love should be so obvious and overwhelming as to be clearly seen as a signal that we belong to Him. Sadly, I found very little evidence of this kind of love within the UPC.

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

Trust Issues

After my initial fear of her, I came to adore my first grade teacher. She seemed to reciprocate that feeling throughout my first grade year. That summer, I missed her and at the beginning of the next school year, I couldn’t wait to see her. First chance was at recess and I happily ran up to give her a hug; she stopped me cold- “you aren’t in first grade anymore so you are not mine!” And pointing to my 2nd grade teacher, she said “now you belong to Mrs. Jones.” I remember walking off sorrowfully. I never trusted Mrs. Jones and never fell in love with her. I don’t even remember what she looked like.

My best friend cousin was just 3 weeks older than me. We were inseparable. When we were 8, she was killed in a freak train accident. I never had another friend as ‘best’ as Vicky.

When I was 10 we moved away. I missed my little neighborhood friend. We had done all kinds of mischief together. A few weeks later we visited the people renting our old house. Their daughter and my neighborhood friend played together as if I wasn’t even there.

The die was cast, for the rest of my life, trust would be hard for me. It didn’t help that I was in a legalistic church group that tied friendship to performance and forbid or discouraged it at will of the leadership.

To counteract what I feel is an unhealthy distrust of others, I am stalwart in my loyalty. I stand by a friend even if I never see them for years at a time and even if they are not as faithful to the friendship, as long as they are not mean, cruel, or ‘two-faced’ with me.

This past week I again encountered this phenomenon. My former director and I were very close but with both of us receiving promotions, she has moved on. As I walked cheerfully up to renew our friendship, it was obvious the relationship has changed. I later was told to limit our friendship because of business politics. Well, she made that easy- she probably got the message first and chose the easy way out. I would have limited the business side but fought for the friendship.

Anyway, as I tried to reason my way through what happened, these thoughts came to mind. I am stronger for what I have lived through. I don’t expect too much of others. I love and sincerely appreciate small kindnesses more than people realize.

I am happy and blessed and thankful for the ability to understand myself and why I am who I am.

It helps to put it in writing.

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.