Author: Mary | Page 16 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

In Everything (Give Thanks)

1 Thessalonians 5:18 In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you…

For a long time, I resented this verse. It seemed good, until I went through something. Then it kind of stuck on my tongue… one of those things. Kind of like a big spoonful of peanut butter without anything to drink and no jelly. Good, but sticky enough to choke you if you got too much at once. In everything? When I lost something special? When I was betrayed or hurt or lonely? When someone died? Everything? Sick! Crazy, ludicrous, impossible! But then…

It took awhile, but I started looking at the verse differently than what it was generally quoted at me as meaning. God doesn’t expect us to be thankful for the bad things that happen to us, but rather hopes we can be thankful in spite of them- that we can look past the hurts and the confusion and fear, to a God that is bigger than all of those things.

God doesn’t plan for all the bad things that happen in the world. He gave us free will when He put the tree in the garden, and from the time Adam bit its fruit, He has allowed people to decide some things and act on those decisions. Those decisions and their consequences are man’s, not God’s. He didn’t plan for Abel to be killed, or Lot to pitch toward Sodom. He didn’t plan for Babel to be built, Eli’s sons to be corrupt, or Jezebel to murder His prophets. He may have known that they would do those things or could do those things, but He didn’t choose for some people to do bad things to others. Sure, He hardened Pharaoh’s heart- but only to build the Israelites’ trust in Him after a long captivity. There were times that He intervened. But not for ultimate harm. Always for good.

And so I’ve come to view that verse differently. God doesn’t expect me to be thankful for bad things that happen, but to be thankful that He’s with me through the bad times. It’s not a matter of false cheeriness, hiding sorrow behind a smile. It isn’t about denying negative feelings or pretending everything is OK when it isn’t. It’s a matter of trusting Him, of finding in Him some goodness, knowing that when bad things happen, it isn’t because He doesn’t love me or planned for the bad things. He gave us a choice, and someone made the wrong one. I don’t have to be thankful for that; many times that would mean I had to rejoice in someone’s sin. What I do need to at least attempt to do is look past the problems to the One who can solve them, and know He’ll bring me through.

There is only one plan I know God has had since the beginning of time. That plan wasn’t for any of the bad things that have happened in the thousands of years since… no, it was for the best thing that happened in all time. A plan that involved a lamb… and a cross.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you

New Thoughts/Old Thoughts

Well, I feel like I’m catching up and “normalizing” some!

Over the last month, and especially in the last week or two, I’ve learned a lot. I’ve found that there are a lot of people that don’t have all the answers, don’t pretend to, and don’t feel they have to.
I’ve met people whose peace doesn’t come from knowing they are perfect, but knowing they don’t need to be.
My goal has become not praying a certain amount of time or doing certain activities or keeping to a certain schedule, but just enjoying everything that is set before me to do.
My friends can now be chosen not based on an itemized list of do’s and don’ts, but on their character.
Fear and worry no longer capitalize my time. Stress no longer wears me down. I’m finally able to breathe! More than that, I’m finally able to live!

Everyone is different. I had questions for years, and mentally began leaving long before I physically walked out. But this is a beautiful place to be. I haven’t left God- I’ve finally found Him. I haven’t backslid– I’m moving forward. Apparently the pastor has made comments about me, marked, labeled, condemned me now. And it doesn’t matter, because he’s wrong, and there is no sin in saying that.

Wow. I guess this is kind of like how a climber feels after a difficult climb- finally reaching the summit. When we were kids, someone would try to get away, and the group would grab them and be pulling them back. When I’d break free, I’d race forward- it was almost like flying. That’s how it feels. Or that minute right after take off- feeling the ground rough beneath the plane and suddenly realizing you’re airborne.

I’ve talked to enough people now that I realize that no one has all the answers. It isn’t that there isn’t “The Truth,” but that the truth is much simpler than all the exegetical, theological debates would like to make it. The people who seem happiest and most satisfied in their faith seem to be those that don’t wrestle with it, who don’t think perfection is the answer. We’re human. None of us is perfect. It’s God’s grace, His sacrifice, His love that are important, not our efforts.

Should we do our best for him? Sure. But nothing we can do will ever equal what He already did for us. Should we seek to know Him more? Of course, but not through great theological debates and discourses. He has all knowledge, so what are our puny thoughts? There is no way we can explain Him, no way we can contain Him with our words, no matter how great and swelling we think they may be. We’re really so little in comparison to the God that made the universe. And yet He gives us an opportunity to know Him. Not know Him scientifically or theologically. He invites us to know Him on a much different level. Personally.

Rich Mullins’ influence, I guess. He had a much different perspective… and there were lots of people that didn’t appreciate it. I can appreciate it, and it’s kind of anchored me a little better, remembering all I used to believe and how rich my faith really was even before I set foot in a Pentecostal church.

The Prodigal Response

Luke 15:11-24 And he said, A certain man had two sons: And the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of goods that falleth to me. And he divided unto them his living. And not many days after the younger son gathered all together, and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living… And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father’s have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants. And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son. But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet: And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry: For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry.

I’ve heard the story of the prodigal preached about the prodigal and the elder brother… but some things stood out to me this morning in a different way.

The prodigal wasn’t afraid to go to his dad and ask for his living. He didn’t seem to struggle with leaving home. Not once does Jesus mention him being rebuked or berated for either action. On the contrary, it appears that his dad did what he asked without comment. Further, no one was angry that when he returned he was accepted, just that he got a party and the older brother didn’t.

The prodigal wasn’t put on probation. No one said, “Well, let him come on up to the house and we’ll see.” No, his dad ran to him, and received him even with the stench of hogs and travel dust on his clothes. Then, as the prodigal began to rehearse his speech, his dad stopped him! He didn’t let him wallow in repentance; it was obvious that he was repentant. His dad forgave him before he could finish and stopped him before he could ask to be as a hired servant. No, he was immediately his son again.

The servants didn’t say anything. They did as the Father bid. And there is no mention of them murmuring or revolting. Just the older brother’s jealousy.

How many people would be in church if people considered God’s response to the prodigal… and remembered that they are not God, but only His servants?

I’ve heard righteous zeal and holy anger of God’s servants praised in churches. Godly sorrow might be a better response to many supposed failures though. It is far past time to stop proclaiming prodigal everyone who leaves a building and Christian everyone on the pews, and start loving others. After all, God did.

Galatians 6:1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.

Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins.

1 Peter 4:8 And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.

I am convinced

For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

I am the only one who can separate me from God. No one else can. Nothing else can. Death will only bring me closer to Him. Life will only teach me to be more like Him. The devil can’t keep me from God- the devil is only a fallen angel. No one has enough power or authority to keep me from God. Not anyone in government. Not anyone in leadership or business. If my parents try to stop me, they cannot. No spouse, no child can keep God from loving me. No pastor, no saint. No one can keep me and God apart. If I am on the mountain, He’s still above me. If I sink to the depths He’s been there before me, and He’s there with me, too. He will be with us always, even to the end of the world. He will never leave us nor forsake us. Others fail; God doesn’t. Troubles come; God will see us through. Jesus is the friend that sticketh closer than a brother. He sits by our bedside when we’re sick. He reaches out a healing hand when we’re wounded. He speaks and calms the storms in our lives.

Jesus loves you. He loves me. If you think God is punishing you, remember that He loves you. Trust Him. If you’re facing a difficult situation, look up for your redemption draweth nigh. It isn’t that Jesus has turned His back on you. Next time you think He has, take a good hard look at that back. See those scars? Jesus’ back isn’t the back of a judge, but a Savior.

Making the Right Decision

For years I’ve wondered how to know the will of God. We were told to seek God’s will, to pray and fast and study the Word, and hope we got it right. So “the Will” always seemed just out of reach.

Today I ran into a different version of the will of God, and liked it a lot. I stopped in to see a minister friend (non-Pentecostal) today. He knows some of my situation and asked how I was doing. We chatted for awhile. Then he asked, “So how do you feel about things now?” I asked what he meant and he said about leaving church. My answer? Happy. His response surprised me but it sure made sense. He said that was good, because if we are happy with a decision even after it is acted on, that generally means it was the right decision to have made.

Peace. Happiness. Joy. Some of the most elusive feelings in all of humanity, and yet in doing something totally “wrong” (leaving my church), I’ve felt them all. Not for leaving, no. I loved being in a Pentecostal church, and miss it. I don’t miss being Pentecostal, because I can be Pentecostal whether fellowshipping with a particular body or not, and I don’t miss my church, with its myriad problems, because it wasn’t really mine. No- I miss the ideal of church that was preached and portrayed as possible over the years.

So did I do the right thing in leaving? I wake up in the morning looking forward to the day. I enjoy going to church and am curious what the preacher will have to say. I’m coming to a place where I want to pray and read the Bible again, after several years of feeling prayer and Bible reading were only tasks to complete- and often troubling ones, at that. Now maybe those times can become a personal commitment and special interaction with my Father. They can mean what they should again. Did I do the right thing? I smile more, laugh often, feel more rested and relaxed, and enjoy life more fully. I notice people more readily, and find them smiling back at me. I haven’t denied my faith, but rather sense that it is deepening.

Yes, I did the right thing.