Author: Lois | Page 55 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

The Few, The Proud, The…

One sign of an unhealthy church is when they teach that almost everyone else is wrong and lost except them. It isn’t speaking of those outside Christianity, but those within. This may also be said of some of the churches within their own organization, if they belong to one.

I remember when my former United Pentecostal Church pastor would say we were the only church in the area with ‘the truth.’ Yet in the nearby town, just minutes away, was another church in our same organization. He felt that pastor was lax on standards as all those attending didn’t fall in line (as if all those attending our church did). He also sometimes spoke against our long-time District Superintendent, Wayne Trout, claiming he ‘stole’ people from our church. I was personally warned about this by him. Through the years I have heard far worse stories than the things my former pastor would do.

Besides believing that outside their doors there are few that are saved, some particularly unhealthy churches also tell their members to not go to any functions at certain churches within the same organization. The reason behind their detest for these churches may be they feel the pastor is lax on the standards, or perhaps not in line with the ‘higher’ standards he holds. It might be that they allow the use of some form of media that is taught against, like filming services. Perhaps he doesn’t like the other pastor for some personal reason. The jealousy between some ministers is a shame.

Some of these elite may even go on to a ‘preferred‘ way, a ‘better’ way, that puts distance between them and those they feel are abandoning ‘truth.’ They will uphold ‘the old paths,’ even though those alleged ‘old paths’ are not found in scripture. You can almost hear them sing, “Tradition, tradition! Tradition!”

An unhealthy church has no problem disregarding Galatians 5:13-15 as they bite and devour one another. What was it that the early Christians were known by?

¹³For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love. ¹⁴For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” ¹⁵But if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another. (NLT)

Footloose & The United Pentecostal Church

Many are aware of the Footloose movies. They are loosely based upon what happened in Elmore City, Oklahoma. What you may not know is that a United Pentecostal Church minister stood against the high school having a dance. The UPC has taken a stand against dancing for many years. (See the last page of their 1952 Articles of Faith.)

Quoting from the source linked to here: “As the Rev. F.R. Johnson of the United Pentecostal Church in nearby Hennepin was quoted in People magazine as saying at the time: ‘If you have a dance, somebody will crash it, and they’ll be looking for only two things – women and booze. When boys and girls hold each other, they get sexually aroused.'”

This is from the above referenced May 19, 1980, People magazine article about the school and its first dance.

Among the modern vices that never took hold in Elmore City was public dancing. In fact, it has been forbidden by law since the town was founded. …Last January the juniors and seniors at Elmore City High School asked that the rules be changed, or at least bent.

…Sides were chosen immediately. “No good has ever come from a dance,” thundered the Rev. F.R. Johnson of the United Pentecostal Church in nearby Hennepin—the father of two teenage daughters. “If you have a dance somebody will crash it and they’ll be looking for only two things—women and booze. When boys and girls hold each other, they get sexually aroused. You can believe what you want, but one thing leads to another.” The Rev. Johnson insisted he spoke for many of the churchmen in the area and many of their parishioners. At a town meeting to consider the question in February, a local citizen predicted that after the dance there would be a surge in pregnancies at the school “because when boys and girls breathe in each other’s ears, that’s the next step.”

The United Pentecostal Church in Hennepin was and still is (even in 2023) an affiliated church, which means there is a legal affiliation between the church and the organization. Affiliated churches may only have a pastor who is UPCI licensed. I am unsure of when Johnson became pastor as I don’t have a complete set of old directories.

In July 1973, Freddie R. Johnson became pastor of Life Tabernacle Church (renamed First United Pentecostal Church) in Alamogordo, New Mexico and was a presbyter in the Texico District. Prior to then he served in El Paso and Colorado City, Texas, Thomasville, Georgia and Grants, New Mexico. By 1985, he was pastor in Allison, Texas. It appears he is still with the organization as of 2016, and is in Oklahoma, but is no longer a pastor.

The Oklahoma District of the UPCI is no stranger to controversy, both before and after the school dance in Elmore City. After a General Conference in Tulsa, when Murray Burr wasn’t elected as General Superintendent, numerous disgruntled ministers split and formed the AMF (Apostolic Ministers’ Fellowship) in 1968. Some of these ministers had a lingering hostility toward their former group many years after the dust settled and they had walked away.

Ernest Bass and the First United Pentecostal Church of Tulsa made the news in the 1990s due to a slander lawsuit. It was also in Tulsa where some unhappy UPCI ministers met to form a new, more conservative “preferred” Apostolic organization in 2008 called the Worldwide Pentecostal Fellowship. This happened after the organization passed a resolution in September 2007, allowing advertising on television.

There Are No Standard Standards

There are no standard standards. Though often touted as God’s rules or commands, people become perplexed when they go to another church within the same organization and find differences in these teachings. Though my experience with this involves the United Pentecostal Church, it happens in other organizations.

You may have simply visited another church and observed the differences or perhaps you switched churches and are a member at a new church. Maybe you have become involved in an online discussion group and notice vast differences. Same group, different churches….. and different standards? How can standards change from church to church within the same organization, when they are taught as originating with God and the Bible?

Something is taught as wrong in one, yet wrong and a sin at another, but OK in yet another. One teaches only skirts and dresses on women, another specifies how much below the knee they must be, and another allows pants underneath in cold weather. Pants? That abomination is allowed? I thought once an abomination, always an abomination? How can it be an abomination in one church and yet not considered such in the other?

One forbids members to own a television and yet says nothing about members watching YouTube videos on smart phones. Another states all non-religious movies are off limits but some pastors have DVD collections of the latest Hollywood films. One shouts that all jewelry is wrong, even wedding rings, and another allows rings, pins and brooches.

One says a woman shouldn’t cut her hair for any reason but it isn’t a sin and another says you lose protection for your family and are lost if you do. Some teach you can dye your hair and others claim it is a sin. One allows facial hair on men and another forbids it. One says no make-up at all, that you are a Jezebel, and another allows basic foundation and cover-up. One demands sleeve length to reach the wrist, another to the elbow and yet another is fine with it between the elbow and shoulder. And the list goes on….

Aargh! It is enough to make the head spin! How can so many with ‘the truth’ be teaching so many versions of these standards, especially when they state this is what God says. Is God confused? Does He change his mind all the time? Is something a sin in one area, but ten miles away it isn’t?

These are some of the questions people face when they encounter all the differences. It is no wonder that questioning the teachings often starts with standards. They are anything but standard in their churches. If they cannot agree among themselves and get these right, what else could they be teaching that is faulty?

It’s OK To Miss The Good

Memories. Previously I touched on the subject of good things happening at unhealthy/abusive churches and that being able to see and admit such is an evidence of the healing process. There is another aspect, that it is OK to miss the good that happened.

When one has been involved for awhile in any activity, when they leave they sometimes have periodic times of missing it, even longing for aspects of it again. It is natural. If you spent years coaching a football team or playing cards with a group of people, you would have periods where you missed the good times, the fellowship together, the camaraderie. I think to never feel these would be abnormal.

Why should you feel it would be different after leaving a church where you spent many months or years bonding with the people and involved in the activities? Yes, even when you later found the church was unhealthy, abusive and/or taught false doctrine. Those things do not change the good times you had or any closeness with people. It is OK to miss the good things from your former unhealthy church.

I want to share some well spoken thoughts on this, that a member of our support group once wrote. I feel it wraps up the subject very well and gives an important word of caution at the end. It is quoted with permission.

I think this is something important for anyone to realize after leaving an unhealthy church. After having been a part of something for a long time, it can be hard to reconcile mixed feelings when there were good times too. I’ve missed a great deal of things since leaving, and even felt a little nostalgic at times. Never enough to warrant going back to it, but I’ve certainly dealt with periods of sadness. I’ve cried over friendships I left behind and wished I could re-live some of the positive experiences without returning to all the negative. I think it’s good for everyone to realize some of those feelings are “normal”… so long as it’s kept in perspective and doesn’t drag us back into another unhealthy situation.

Leaving an Unhealthy Church #6: How You Are Treated

When one leaves an unhealthy church, how they are treated sometimes depends upon how those who remain perceive it.

If you are only seen as struggling in an area or being influenced by someone else, then your exit may be looked at in a more positive light. People may keep in touch, invite you to church services and functions, and the pastor may even encourage this.

If you are viewed as rebellious or no longer believing some of their teachings, you will be seen in a poor light, probably talked about more, and avoided or shunned. Some controlling pastors will tell church members to not have anything to do with you.

I remember leaving my former church for a few months before I left for good. I had been going through a rough time, had returned from being in charge of a church to a huge difference at my home church and had broken things off with my fiancé, which was very hard emotionally. During this time I was contacted by numerous members through mail and phone. this was prior to all the social media we have now.

When I left for good a couple years later, there was very little contact from anyone. Some months after I left, the pastor told everyone to turn off any recording devices during a service and he said some things about me. To this day I do not know what was said. He called other pastors from the same organization to ‘warn’ them about me. Various negative rumors circulated. I was definitely seen as bad and on my way to the hot place.

Yet when I left, I caused no problems and didn’t run around trying to pull anyone out with me. My leaving was done quietly and in a way to not bring unnecessary attention to it. But what triggered them to later turn on me, because the first several months after my exit there were no rumors or warnings?

I had been putting together a paper, mainly for my own studies, refuting their teaching of women not being permitted to cut their hair. A current member, who was a close friend, told the pastor about it after a harsh sermon he gave on hair. Only a very few had seen it and that was by their request after I had left.

How those at your former church perceive your exit may well influence how you are treated. Don’t expect many friendships to remain if you are seen as questioning or going against any teaching. The campaign against you by unhealthy leadership will intensify in an effort to keep current members in ‘the truth’ and away from you.