Author: Lois | Page 54 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

Book Giveaway!

We have given away books for years as part of the spiritualabuse.org ministry and this will be our sixth one via this new blog area. This is your chance to receive one or more free books on various issues.

The first people with a USA mailing address who respond will receive their choice of books at no charge to them. (Unfortunately, it is cost prohibitive to mail these books outside of the USA. Canadians with a USA mailing address are welcome to request books.) To respond, just leave a comment for this post. If you are unsure what any book is about, the links will take you to Amazon where you may read their description and reviews.

Up for grabs are several used books:

~~One hardback copy of Choices~~ by Melody Beattie. TAKEN
~~One paperback copy of Facing Codependence~~ by Pia Mellody. There is some underlining in the very beginning of the book. TAKEN
Three paperback copies of Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. One copy has numerous pencil markings and another has some highlighting, but both are still very readable.
~~One paperback copy of Recovery From Codependency~~ by Dale & Juanita Ryan. TAKEN
One hardback copy of How People Grow by Henry Cloud & John Townsend. It has a little highlighting.
One paperback copy of Safe People by Henry Cloud & John Townsend.
Three hardback copies of Boundaries by Henry Cloud & John Townsend. One has a little highlighting. ONE TAKEN
~~One hardback copy of Boundaries plus the paperback workbook~~ by Henry Cloud & John Townsend. TAKEN
Three hardback copies of When God Doesn’t Make Sense by James Dobson. ONE TAKEN
~~One hardback and one paperback copy of The Jesus I Never Knew~~ by Philip Yancey. TAKEN
~~One hardback and one paperback~~ copy of What’s So Amazing About Grace by Philip Yancey. TAKEN
~~One hardback copy of Releasing The Bonds~~ by Steven Hassan. TAKEN
~~One hardback copy of Recovering From Churches That Abuse~~ by Ronald Enroth. TAKEN
One hardback copy of Boundaries With Teens by John Townsend.
One hardback copy of Boundaries With Kids by Henry Cloud & John Townsend.

The first people with a USA mailing address who respond will receive their choice of book(s) at no charge to them. To respond, just leave a comment for this post. Please understand that comments require approval unless you have previously commented. So while it may look like you are first or second, there may be someone ahead of you whose comment is pending. Be sure to use your actual email address when setting up to comment as I will be contacting you through it. Check your spam folder as email sometimes goes there. (For your privacy, do not put the email or address in your actual comment.)

Be sure to mention in your comment which book(s) you would like and you may refer to them by number. There is no limit on how many you may request, though you may only have one copy of any title.

Leaving an Unhealthy Church #8: The Way Of The Transgressor Is Hard!

You left an unhealthy church and now something bad happened. Perhaps you had an accident, lost your job, have a financial problem or an affliction in your body. Certain fearful words that you heard dozens of times echo in your mind, “The way of the transgressor is hard…”

Your former pastor would warn of what awaits the person who leaves, sometimes adding stories of frightful things that allegedly happened to others. They are considered backslid as they walked away from ‘truth.’ Oh, the tales of the auto accidents, even deaths, may ring in your ears. Perhaps they were right and you are backslid, maybe even without hope.

It is interesting how, at times like these, we forget all the bad things that happened while we were in our former churches. In a post awhile back, I shared: “I recall all kinds of bad things happening to people who were in my former church. A home burned down, there were all kinds of vehicle and job problems, car accidents, financial difficulties, marriage trouble and divorces, and people getting diseases with some dying. The church itself was struck by lightning and burned to the ground. It would be an extensive list of woes if everything could be mentioned. Being a member of the church and being involved did not keep us from the things of life that can happen to anyone.”

When bad things happened while you were in church, you probably heard the pastor proclaim, “Many are the afflictions of the righteous” or maybe, “The trying of your faith worketh patience.” The bad would happen because you were following God. Perhaps the devil himself was out to get you. The devil always seemed to be after the church and the people there. He received a great deal of credit he didn’t deserve. But that’s another story.

If you had remained at your former unhealthy church and the same bad thing happened as is happening now, you wouldn’t be thinking you were a transgressor. So why are you now, simply because you stopped attending your former church? Have you walked away from God or have you simply walked away from a particular church? Have you walked away from God’s principles or have you walked away from man-made doctrines?

Think about it. You had plenty of bad things happen while you attended, so why should it be any different because you left a church building? The rain falls on everyone alike. This is life and in life there will be things happen that are bad just because you are alive.

Leaving an Unhealthy Church #7: It Happens To Ministers, Too

Another aspect of unhealthy churches is that the talk, lies and abuse happens to ministers, too. Sometimes we do not think about or discuss this.

When I was involved in the United Pentecostal Church in New Jersey, there was a neighboring pastor from the same organization that my pastor would talk about negatively. He would accuse him of being lax on standards, proclaim that rebels went there (our church had years before split and some who left attended there), and he even put him down for attending a tent revival run by someone outside our group. These weren’t private one on one comments, which would be bad enough, but were remarks openly made to the entire congregation. While sharing about the other pastor receiving his ordination at a district conference, my pastor complained in a sermon that the District Superintendent, Wayne Trout, called him up front to pray for the man.

I knew a minister who was pastor at another church in the organization, about two hours north of us. When that church went through the established process of leaving the organization, various things were said of him. One was that he ‘stole’ the church from James Lumpkin, the previous pastor. He personally shared with me that when he resigned his license, Nathaniel Urshan, the UPCI General Superintendent at the time, wrote cautioning him against leaving & I believe basically saying that those who exit do not end up well. That church is still in existence in 2023 and Terry Smith is still the pastor.

Then there is a former UPCI minister in Michigan, Joel Chipman, who since leaving has been bad-mouthed by his former pastor, Robert Henson, in Flint. I have no doubt that similar has happened to other former UPCI ministers, as well as ones from other church groups.

Anyone involved in an unhealthy church can be hurt, even those in the ministry. When you leave, your name sometimes becomes mud, even though you may have previously given your life to the group.

Join Our Blogging Team

In July 2016 this website started a special section for multiple bloggers using WordPress. We currently have ten bloggers, 160 blog posts and 109 comments. Some blog regularly and others periodically.

In order to make this what I envisioned, we’d like to see a number of additional people blogging, all from varied unhealthy Christian groups/churches. The more people involved, the more people we will be able to help. You do not need to be a skilled writer. If you have been to an unhealthy church, you have a story. There are experiences to share and helpful thoughts of what worked and didn’t work for you as you have recovered. There are a multitude of issues you could write about that could potentially help many, many people.

Please consider joining the blog and adding your voice. You are under no obligation to make a certain number of posts or to post x amount of times in a month. Though I will know who is blogging, you may remain anonymous to our readers. Have you wanted or needed to share about something that happened to you but have not because of privacy issues? Now is your opportunity to do so. Have you been helped by those who have shared their journeys and insights? Now is your opportunity to do the same for others.

On the right side of this post you will see a section entitled ‘meta’ (on cell phones just scroll down past the post) and there you will find a link to register as a blogger. Select a screen name which cannot be linked to you if you wish to remain anonymous. No spaces please. I will contact you with further information through the email address you provide.

Edited to add: This is a Christian based website. That doesn’t mean non-Christians cannot blog here. Just do not promote other religions, atheism or agnosticism.

It Is The Pastors Who Must Give Account…Of Themselves!

I can imagine Jesus saying something today like He did in Matthew 23, “Woe unto you ministers who cause all kinds of harm to those trying to follow Me! Woe unto you who abuse my people, making merchandise of them for your own gain! Woe unto you ministers who rob people of their hard earned money and live the high life!….”

So often in unhealthy churches we heard to ‘obey them that have the rule over you‘ because they will be giving an account of you to God. My desire is not to delve into that at the moment, except to say it isn’t true. Ministers have super big egos if they think they get to be a go-between with you and God. The point I wish to make is the price these ministers may have to pay in the end if they do not change their ways.

It is one thing to teach erroneous doctrines in sincerity and with love, believing them to be true. I am fairly certain that we all believe some things that we will find are not true. However, it is a different story when a minister refuses to objectively look at what they are teaching when valid points are made in love. It isn’t the same when things are taught with shaming, threats and manipulative tactics or when God is painted in such a manner as to be viewed as a harsh taskmaster, almost anxiously waiting for you to mess up on the smallest details so He can pummel and/or leave you.

Through the years, I have witnessed a multitude of individuals with varying degrees of harm, left by those who were supposed to help them grow in their walk with God. Some of these people leave and live a destructive lifestyle because they believe they are lost and without hope. Others cannot bring themselves to become involved with a group of believers as they are too fearful and/or non-trusting. Some struggle for years with the after effects of their experience. There are so many issues people face when they have been involved in unhealthy and abusive churches.

Their experience may cause them to no longer believe in God or they continue to believe in the warped sense of God that was presented in their former church. Some, though they see the errors of the teachings, cannot see that the false image of God doesn’t accurately portray Him. They don’t want to follow a God that is so harsh and ready to pulverize them at any small indiscretion. Who wants to follow a God like that?

These ministers won’t be reporting to God about you, but they will be answering to God for what THEY have done. Though written in regard to the spiritual leaders of Israel, I believe the same applies toward certain ministers today.

“Woe to the shepherds who are destroying and scattering the sheep of My pasture!” declares the LORD. Therefore thus says the LORD God of Israel concerning the shepherds who are tending My people: “You have scattered My flock and driven them away, and have not attended to them; behold, I am about to attend to you for the evil of your deeds,” declares the LORD. Jeremiah 23:1-2 (NASB)

Then the word of the LORD came to me saying, “Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel. Prophesy and say to those shepherds, ‘Thus says the Lord GOD, “Woe, shepherds of Israel who have been feeding themselves! Should not the shepherds feed the flock? You eat the fat and clothe yourselves with the wool, you slaughter the fat sheep without feeding the flock. Those who are sickly you have not strengthened, the diseased you have not healed, the broken you have not bound up, the scattered you have not brought back, nor have you sought for the lost; but with force and with severity you have dominated them.” …Thus says the Lord GOD, “Behold, I am against the shepherds, and I will demand My sheep from them and make them cease from feeding sheep. So the shepherds will not feed themselves anymore, but I will deliver My flock from their mouth, so that they will not be food for them.”‘ Ezekiel 34:1-10 (NASB)