Author: John | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

How Dare You Apostolic Christianity…

It’s about midnight. I’m at Barnes Hospital in St. Louis, laying in the hospital bed besides Mom, trying to relax enough to get some sleep.

Mom is hurting. She’s having a seriously rough go. She recognizes us, and can communicate some, but she’s also really confused, kind of delirious. It’s a weird combination…one second everything is positive, and then next, she says something really out there. Tonight, she’s been crying “mother.” My grandma passed before I was ever born.

Anyway, around thirty minutes ago, Mom goes in her tired voice, “I’d sure like to listen to some Gaithers.”

Of course, I put some of their music on for her to listen to. For a few moments, she looked enough at peace to get a little sleep. (That’s something she hasn’t done like she’s supposed to!) Earlier in the night, I even heard her say a little prayer.

My point is that while seeing this, an old nasty apostolic thought came to mind. While I was part of that organization, (In fact, I was once a licensed minister of the United Pentecostal Church), there was the ongoing thought that my family was not saved. Mom…Dad…my brothers and sisters…everyone… By UPCI theology, they didn’t have Jesus. The Holy Spirit wasn’t in their life. Regardless of how often my mom attended her church, prayed, sang to her Lord, testified, etc… My mom was still lost, and it was my job to try, in a “ministerial” way, to bring her to the “full Truth.”

I was stupid.

I get a little hard on myself knowing that I embraced the ridiculous within the doctrine, but I will also sometimes cut myself some slack. I was young, I was trying to do the right thing, and I felt locked in a box that didn’t really give me the chance to see, or be around, others praying (and living) their faith. How can you “try the spirits” to see if they are “of God,” when you’re confined to only one “spirit?”

Some folks definitely deserve some slack. Not everyone I’ve known in that organization played God. There are good people there…and all of them have grace…but still… I can’t help but think of those ministers, people, who think folks like my mom don’t have Jesus IN her life. She has Jesus.

What she doesn’t have is their religion.

There have been a lot of people who have been written off by Apostolic Christians. Here is a truth, a lot of people who left Apostolic Christianity…NEVER left Christ. Here is another Truth. He has never deserted anyone who has run from detrimental dogma of Apostolic Christianity.

I’m thankful that His Love…

…Grace…

…and presence gives comfort to my mother. Especially during these late hours.

Some people create doctrines in order to enable themselves to be blind to the faith of others. To blind ourselves of faith is often a choice we place upon ourselves. Please don’t build a wall up that keeps you from seeing, and from being an encouraging part of, the faith of others. Ultimately, it’s a waste of your time because you will never know the heart and mind as well as you think you might.

Life…it’s all about Jesus.

Having Him in your life, and Him having us.

Note: When I started writing this, I was a little bit angry…and that might be easy to tell by my title of this piece.

But, by the time I finished…I wasn’t mad anymore. Right now, I’m just really glad and thankful that I don’t continue to live in the shell of my former thoughts. You end up thinking and talking like you have something special that everyone else doesn’t, but really…if you want Jesus in your life, He will be there.

‘nuff said.

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Not Everyone Who Is Friendly Is Your Friend

I woke up this morning with some sadness weighing on my heart, and heavy thoughts in my mind.

Mind if I talk about it?

Yesterday, someone I hadn’t talked to for quite a while came to mind. I asked my wife if she had heard from him lately, and she said no; with that, I made a note to check in with him later that night. I wanted to send him a late “Merry Christmas” and a “Happy New Year” on Facebook. I also wanted to see how he was doing, his church, family, etc… Late last night, I got on Facebook to check in, and after I searched his name, was taken aback by what I discovered.

He unfriended me.

I was shocked. I asked my wife to look him up in her Facebook account, and she’d also been unfriended. We’d also been removed from the private group that he ran.

Actions like this (refusing to contact an individual and work it out) can be a trigger for me. In the past, I talked to him about all of those “friends” who turned their backs on me when I left the United Pentecostal Church (UPCI). I’m surprised that he would do the exact same thing he criticized them for doing.

I was a minister in the UPCI, and leaving that organization was a horrible experience. One of the biggest obstacles was how so many friends and family I knew and loved just easily and quickly turned their backs on me. Unless you experience something like this, it’s difficult to understand.

Here is a question: how do people just all of sudden decide they don’t want to talk to you anymore, or want to be in your presence, and don’t want you in their lives? (Especially ministers that you’ve opened up to.)

When those UPCI people left, he was there. He talked to me, and helped me out. He gave me some good advice that actually HELPED me understand and get through that dark period of life. I’ll never forget these statements he gave me, and as a matter of fact, I have repeated them often while trying to help others.

“Not everyone who fights in the trenches with you is your friend.”

“There is a difference between being friendly, and being friends.”

The sad reality is that while I strive to be a friend, a lot of people only strive to be friendly. I learned the hard way how those are two very different things.

I know firsthand how difficult it is being a minister. Few will admit it, but ministers live wearing more masks than many of the people hearing their preaching. One mask is trying to please God, another is trying to please our friends, then family, the church, critics, the lost, etc… A minister is trying to balance all of that on a tight rope that really doesn’t exist. In fact, there are days were it would seem like walking on water would be a lot easier than trying to have a balanced relationship with everyone!

While many believers live trying to balance it all, often they fail. It happens to us all. At times, it all just becomes so very convoluted. When that happens, we often just start pushing people away.

You don’t have to push away the people who love, respect, cherish, listen, challenge, debate, and disagree with you. Everything doesn’t have to be perfect. I tell myself this every day.

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Where Are The Biblical Scholars In the UPCI?

While I was a licensed minister in the United Pentecostal Church, I passionately pursued obtaining a proper, fully-accredited Bible degree. In no way do I want to sound like I was tooting my own horn, but I wanted to be a legitimate scholar who knew, understood, and was able to defend the faith on a proper level.

While chasing this this dream, I received a lot of opposition from people who I thought were on the same “team.” There were some apostolic ministers, a vocal bunch, who criticized me for choosing this path. To sum up the basic argument, in their minds, education was the enemy of faith.

In no way is this true!

The Biblical education I received (through different denominations) helped my faith grow immensely! In fact, it opened my eyes to the real reason why certain folks were against me and my path. It was not because education is a true enemy of faith – that is so wrong and warped – but because education showed me the errors of the doctrine I followed. It also revealed the fact that there were those who refused to open their eyes to be honest about the fallacies of the doctrine.

Some, for differing reasons, cannot (or will not) accept the truth when it is right in front of them. There is a reason why there are so few (if any) real scholars in the Apostolic movement. Truth and lies cannot co-exist in the heart of a Christian. There comes a point when one has to choose his or her path… Is it really built upon truth? Or, is it one that has embraced lies?

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How Long Is Your Skirt? (Er, How Holy Are You?) Pt. 2

In response to my last blog, the SpiritualAbuse.org Facebook Page received a large number of comments. Thanks to everyone who viewed the blog and left a comment. Some were nice, some disagreed with my view, but were still respectful, and some were a bit nasty.

I don’t see the value of rude behavior in an attempt to prove tradition as biblical truth, but some go for it, anyway. Regardless of one’s position on the issue, one can disqualify his point by being a nasty person. Please remember that when commenting on Facebook.

Moving forward…

On the Facebook Page, one lady posted this picture as a response to my last blog post:

It is supposed to illustrate the transforming effect of a woman who reads the Bible. Do you notice how the picture only examines the outside dress of the woman? It doesn’t make one mention of the heart! I state this because outside appearance is how too many people define modesty and holiness. This picture, used in Apostolic circles, reinforces that false notion. (BTW: There is no scripture posted with the picture that states a woman should always wear skirts. )

Reading and applying the Bible can transform an individual’s life. But, if you end up in a church telling you how to dress, then you’ve walked into something that is taking advantage of the transforming power of Grace. This is something cults do. It’s common for cultic teaching to take an ounce of truth, and then spin it into a pound of errors.

This picture does exactly that; it deals in extremes. If the Holy Spirit actually leads a woman to wear a dress, that is fine, but that still does not make it a biblical truth for all other women. In that instance, it is a personal conviction – nothing more. The Spirit leading a person in this direction does not automatically make it a universal rule for all women to follow.

When a personal conviction is taught in such a way that everyone must submit to it, this becomes an instance in which a truth has been twisted into a lie.

If you are in a culture which teaches that modesty for women IS wearing skirts, it’s more probable that peer pressure is directing you to do likewise, not the Holy Spirit.

Like I mentioned on my last blog post, this teaching is from man. It’s a man-made tradition. There is no scripture that states a woman has to wear skirts to be modest.

In one response, a lady questioned if all United Pentecostal churches taught this doctrine. I replied that I was a licensed preacher in the UPCI for several years. I traveled, I evangelized, and I got to know a lot of pastors in that organization. I will agree with you when you say that “not all apostolic churches make their members wear skirts,” but, I still stand by the fact that the majority teaches and believes it as being “truth.”

Here’s why – when an individual wants to become a licensed preacher in the UPCI, he or she has to sign a document which basically says one has to teach and believe in that doctrine. If one does not sign the document, a license will not be received.

Personally, I have known some ministers who signed the document, yet didn’t push the ‘standards’ issue. I also know about the kind of pressure and abuse they have received from the majority within the organization. Then, there is also the fact that they signed, and agreed, that they WOULD teach that doctrine. If you don’t agree to teach it, you won’t receive the license.

This is one reason why I gave up my license. I couldn’t lie. I could not tell them that I would teach their doctrines, and then turn around and teach something else.

The organizational teaching is that women have to wear skirts. They say it’s the “truth,” and in reality, it isn’t.

The Bible does teach to dress modestly. I believe that goes for both men and women. I also believe that some have taken advantage of that teaching, and have defined it as something it’s not.

Because of this post, I’ve asked people to give me one scripture that says a woman has to wear a dress. Instead of getting a scripture, I received in response, a lot of hate, mockery, and side-stepping of the question. Why did I get that? Because the teaching is not biblical—and a lot of people are enslaved to the lie.

How Long Is Your Skirt? (Er, How Holy Are You?)

I can assume this picture was made to be comical…but with what many in the “holiness/apostolic” movement teach, it really isn’t.

It’s even declared as a heaven and hell issue.

That’s scary. That is VERY scary.

Not because it’s true…it isn’t. It’s scary because men, in His Name, declare it as truth.

Teachings like that are abusive towards women. It’s emotionally abusive. It’s also spiritually abusive. It tells women that they can only be fully accepted by both the church, and by God, if they dress a certain way.

I’ll even go a step further and say that such teaching is abusive to men, also. It teaches them an improper way to look at a woman. It teaches them an erroneous way to look at God. A man under this teaching will influentially see a woman as holy – if she wears the proper outfit.

Again, I’m thankful to be free from the influence and massive pressure that declares “Apostolic Identity” over striving to be a simple and modest Christian. (A follower of Christ.) With that, I am going to lay my question out as plain as I can.

Is Holiness determined by skirt length?

Is Holiness for a woman determined by wearing a skirt?

If so, where did Jesus teach this? Where is it in the Gospels? Or our Bible?

It’s not in there. Teachings like this are not biblical, it is denominational tradition. It’s man’s tradition because it’s a teaching that originated from man. Nothing more. If it’s taught as truth, or even a heaven and hell issue, then realize it is a lie.

I’m sure many under the holiness/apostolic traditions will attempt to avoid the simple phrasing I used, but realize that no matter how they word it, that is the basics of what they teach.

Doctrines like this, and the passion put into declaring it as a universal truth for women – it’s crazy. It’s legalistic. It’s definitely NOT biblical.

Not to mention, it’s wrong.

How Long Is Your Skirt? (Er, How Holy Are You?) Pt. 2